Help needed

[Vaagmi]

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Dear Ganesh,

Taking aRuvaL (also known as arivAL) is not going to solve the problem! Most of the brahmin girls do not want

conservative / orthodox / traditional life style of brahmins and that is the basic problem now a days.
Also, our 'Ambi's have to educate themselves well and secure high paid jobs to match brahmin girls! opcorn:

And this too is a problem.

The terms conservative/orthodox/traditional etc., can mean different things to different people. I would be keen to know what do they mean here in this post under reference.

and there are enough so called ambis who have a good job, handsome salary and a handsome look. It is not as if all the ambis are all poorly educated, slogging at some low paid jobs and looking like jokers. And the there are so many asattu avayambas among our community who are poorly educated, with a sales girl job and looking plain. What do we do with them? They are also to be married. Let them also get educated well, get good jobs, learn how to look modern and beautiful and attractive.

 

[krish44]

Vaagmiji
Poorly educated plain looking girls can make excellent wives. Looks do not really mean much.

Some have sufficient inherent intelligence and have pretty good relationships with husbands.They adjust to their men better also

Many men adore dumb women whom they can protect and look after. Male superiority is freely conceded by these women leading to happy married life for both.

They make good wives ,mothers and are happy in their small world of limited interests.

Why run after mirages of super intelligent ,multi tasking modern breathe taking beauties who can reduce their men into pulp in minutes.?

One should take what fits them and not what others think is good

 

[Raji Ram]

And this too is a problem.

The terms conservative/orthodox/traditional etc., can mean different things to different people. I would be keen to know what do they mean here in this post under reference.

and there are enough so called ambis who have a good job, handsome salary and a handsome look. It is not as if all the ambis are all poorly educated, slogging at some low paid jobs and looking like jokers. And the there are so many asattu avayambas among our community who are poorly educated, with a sales girl job and looking plain. What do we do with them? They are also to be married. Let them also get educated well, get good jobs, learn how to look modern and beautiful and attractive.

I thought you should be knowing what I meant in my post, Vaagmi Sir!

Daily poojA, regular visit to temples are not liked by many modern tambram girls. They wish to address the hubby in 'singular'!

Equality is demanded and they think they are cooks if they cook, washer woman if they wash and so on.

I never wrote that all brahmin boys are not earning handsome salary or don't look handsome. We have many outstanding boys

in our circle of relatives and friends and many of them have brahmin spouses.

FYI, even the plain looking avayambas (!!) get excellent ambis as spouses. Girls have the upper hand ! :thumb:

 

[Raji Ram]

........ Recently I came across a Doctorate , aged 45yrs hanging around without a job for more tan a year after spending years abroad.His wife in an ordinary job is running the family supporting husband and kid

:yo: to that lady!

 

[krish44]

:yo: to that lady!

There are many women like this in india who are forced to support their husbands who lose jobs in late thirties or forties specially in IT sector who get laid off and are unable

to get jobs again . I have an old colleague who faced a similar thing and his wife, a post graduate did teachers training and served for a full ten plus years to educate

their son and retired recently after son got a job. Her husband could get only inconsequential jobs paying a pittance. He also tried freelancing selling assempled PCs,offering

computer consultancy etc. He had an MS from a good US univ with good work profile before being fired from last good job. No one wants professionals more than 45

yrs old.We in this forum had a post sometime back from a member who was similarly without job with exposure to IT sector with age not on his side.

 

[krish44]

Basically Our women are extra loyal to their husbands and do not normally desert their men.Most are single man women.

That is a nuisance sometimes for men as these women act over possessive.

Some men end up as bonded labour also being looked after by their ever sacrificing working wives.lol

 

[yesmohan]

Basically Our women are extra loyal to their husbands and do not normally desert their men.Most are single man women.

That is a nuisance sometimes for men as these women act over possessive.

Some men end up as bonded labour also being looked after by their ever sacrificing working wives.lol

"Bond" is made of mutual love and affection... they are really blessed people.

 

[renuka]

Some men end up as bonded labour also being looked after by their ever sacrificing working wives.lol

I have personally noted that wives from India are more demanding and expect their husbands to work like an ox for the family.

But Ethnic Indian wives from other countries are not so demanding and are willing to shoulder and share finance too but most Indian wives from India expect husband to be an ATM machine.

I wonder why?

 

[tbs]

I have personally noted that wives from India are more demanding and expect their husbands to work like an ox for the family.

But Ethnic Indian wives from other countries are not so demanding and are willing to shoulder and share finance too but most Indian wives from India expect husband to be an ATM machine.

I wonder why?

hi

there is title for indian married.....KUDUMBA THALAIVAN....SUMAI THAANGI...ETC

 

[Raji Ram]

I have personally noted that wives from India are more demanding and expect their husbands to work like an ox for the family.

But Ethnic Indian wives from other countries are not so demanding and are willing to shoulder and share finance too but most Indian wives from India expect husband to be an ATM machine.

I wonder why?

Dear Renu,

The dowry practice must have given this idea to women. After getting dowry in cash and kind, women were expected to do ALL

the household chores and rear the children while men did only their jobs. This is the first step for men to become ATM machines!

Now a days, the practice continues and women expect their 'thalaivan' to give financial support to the family and working women

save all the money earned and spend as per their wish - on themselves or their parents!

But there are a few :angel:s who support the family both financially and physically, as Krish Sir has mentioned in a couple of posts.

 

[yesmohan]

Now the matrimonial conditions that prevail among Tamil Brahmin community is
that if there are 100 boys... there id only 70 girls.....

Of them ...... 20 girls (29%) opt to marry other castes ( NBs)
....... 8 girls (11% ) are over qualified...remain yet to marry(group > 35 to 40 )
...... 5 girls ( 7% ) .... NRIs marries other NRI B/ NB / OTHERS
...... 37 Girls (53% )..... are arranged marriages*

*Out these arranged marriages 37..... around 12 are marriages are conducted with full / partial financial assistance from bridegroom side.
i.e.. 32% of arranged marriages are ......with full / partial financial assistance from bridegroom side.
i.e. getting dowry from from Bridegrooms.

No single case Bride side giving dowry has been noted in the past 3 years.

This is for the information of those who raises their voice against dowry system.
Source: A random sample survey done by me with the information obtained from either of the parents.

 

[Raji Ram]

No one pays dowry in cash! It is the money spent on the wedding. The stage decoration for the reception varies between 1 lakh to 5 lakhs!

The parents of the groom share the expenses, if the bride's side will not be able to perform a grand galA wedding. No one is willing to

conduct a simple wedding and give only one lunch / dinner for the relatives and friends. It is a prestige issue!

In tambram weddings, the minimum time taken is one and half days: First morning - vratham; evening - grand reception;

next morning - wedding. If nalungu and kattu sAdham are added, it continues till the next noon. We are bhOjana priyAs! :becky:

 

[yesmohan]

No one pays dowry in cash! It is the money spent on the wedding. The stage decoration for the reception varies between 1 lakh to 5 lakhs!

The parents of the groom share the expenses, if the bride's side will not be able to perform a grand galA wedding. No one is willing to

conduct a simple wedding and give only one lunch / dinner for the relatives and friends. It is a prestige issue!

In tambram weddings, the minimum time taken is one and half days: First morning - vratham; evening - grand reception;

next morning - wedding. If nalungu and kattu sAdham are added, it continues till the next noon. We are bhOjana priyAs! :becky:

Extravagance in marriage expenses is not only a prestige issue but also an opportunity for display of wealth.

 

[Raji Ram]

My cousin brother said that his daughter wants to spend 4000 bucks to stitch

one of her wedding blouses, because her cousin got hers stitched for 3000!! :dizzy:

 

[biswa]

Now the matrimonial conditions that prevail among Tamil Brahmin community is
that if there are 100 boys... there id only 70 girls.....

This cannot be true unless female infanticide is happening. Do you have a source for this 100:70 sex ratio? TN has a sex ratio of 100:99.5 which is actually second highest after Kerala.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indian_states_and_territories_ranking_by_sex_ratio

 

[biswa]

Love marriages should not be feared.

Lord Shiva and Parvati...love marriage.

Madurai Meenakshi and Lord Sundaresan..Love marriage...happy couple.

Lord Krishna had love marriages and all lasted.

Andal and Lord Vishnu had love marriage and Andal become deified...lasting marriage.

But only Lord Rama had an arranged marriage and it did not last...they got separated.

Moral of the story: Lovvu is NO sin..follow the path of God!

Ah but were they intra-caste or inter-caste marriages? I think the forum members are only objecting to the latter!

 

[krish44]

Ah but were they intra-caste or inter-caste marriages? I think the forum members are only objecting to the latter!

There need to be some basic beliefs .

There ought to be no discrimination based on caste/subcaste/religion in humans dealing with each other .Our nation guarantees freedom of religion and equality to all castes/religion

similarly any union between human beings of either sex need to respect gender equality and ignore economic disparities between them.

these may appear to be idealistic notions but it is a kind of dream which we could live with for betterment of our youngsters

Any objections based on disageements regarding the above within families should just be swept aside by all youngsters belonging to 21st century as irrelevant.

Every generation tries to change the existing order by looking at issues from a larger perspective. Our young internet generation with global exposure would prefer

a more open and liberal society .If space is not made for their genuine aspirations in marriage, I would hardly blame them for taking upon themselves to change the

existing order to make possible a better life with persons qualifying to be their mates in the changed global order.

 

[rishikesan]

Dear ms preeti, I have read all the postings written till date. I am of considered opinion that if you are in Chennai, why not meet a family oriented experienced practical Astrologer who would provide clear advice on studying your Horoscope I will prvide Ph. No/ E-mail ,if you are interested the reality of your Marriage & everything

Rishikesan

 

[Vaagmi]

There ought to be no discrimination based on caste/subcaste/religion in humans dealing with each other .Our nation guarantees freedom of religion and equality to all castes/religion

"No discrimination" is different from "fusing together". That is the problem with our arm-chair intellectuals. They think non discriminating between a Nadar and a brahmin is the same as marrying a nadar girl to a brahmin boy. Castes do exist. In marriages it is dangerous to mix up castes.

Any objections based on disageements regarding the above within families should just be swept aside by all youngsters belonging to 21st century as irrelevant.

This kind of goading youngsters is a disservice to the community. It would be advisable for all these oldies to read Robert Boyd's "Not by genes alone".

Every generation tries to change the existing order by looking at issues from a larger perspective. Our young internet generation with global exposure would prefer a more open and liberal society .If space is not made for their genuine aspirations in marriage, I would hardly blame them for taking upon themselves to change the existing order to make possible a better life with persons qualifying to be their mates in the changed global order.

A sure prescription for anarchy.

 

[krish44]

There is no case made out for existence of castes except saying it will continue to exist and it is dangerous to get mixed up castewise . This is bhuchaandi appeal.

What community are we talking about ? A community which discriminates between castes and believing in purity of some and discriminating and running down others.

Only those who internally believe in caste heirarchy and think the castes of others are lower than theirs will preach status quo and uphold their caste identity.

No disservice is caused to anyone by a few choosing mates of their choice. It is the choice of the individual which cannot be taken away thru spurious arguments.

No anarchy is likely to result due to evolution of a just society .Only caste prejudices will be done away with. Gender equality and economic autonomy will be preserved

in the changed order . Old thoughts will yield space to a younger ones thinking more openly and freely to find mates who will treat them more equal to them and give

space to them to pursue their joint and individual objectives at home and official work space.

 

[Raj Rajamani]

Dear Preethichandra,
You have outpoured what the emotional side of your brain is saying. You also need to listen to the rational side- such as social status of both parties, his family background, whether it is infatuation or real love etc- to evaluate objectively future course of action. Once you listed all relevant factors, evaluate them against an old Sanskrit saying "விவாகமும், விவாதமும் சரிசம்மாணருடணே நடத்தப்படவேண்டும்“. Wish you all the best in whatever course of action you decide to take.