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Woes of Brahmin Widower

krish44

Well-known member
#1
Brahmin widowers are having a tough time finding matches -widows or divorced.If they happen to have a child then they are doomed.

No brahmin girl would like to bring up the child .

Nor they would like to support mother/father of the widower.

As it is brahmin girls are choosy about their mates.What is the way out for these widowers?

I find other communities little more reasonable.

Recently after looking for a match for a brahmin widower around 38years, found a well educated employed girl 30plus -divorced within a month of marriage-

innocent divorcee who offered to marry him and accept his child and mother.

Do brahmin girls accept the new realities of changed society and stop setting wild terms for a life time relationship?

Brahmin boys are increasingly looking to other communities for matches.

They are far more liberal and open minded.

I have started feeling that being a boy with brahmin tag is an albatros around his neck .

Similarly another brahmin boy -son of a friend ended up with a broken engagement with a brahmin girl

.A NB girl an old classmate of the boy very well off simply married him.

All these come as a relief for brahmin boys/men who are seeing the patriarchal order getting crumbled around them and these mummy's boys are stuck without

matches.

We have to thank a social reformer who changed the order in tamilnadu and new age feminists who find brahmin girls as dedicated followers.

Brahmin males have to think of foreign countries where caste tags do not matter much.There is no future for them in tamilnadu
 
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Raji Ram

Well-known member
#2
Dear Krish Sir,

One more thread in the topic that fascinates you for ever!! ;)

Many Brahmin guys are married to NB girls and live

happily in Tamil Nadu. So, don't worry; be happy!! :dance:
 

krish44

Well-known member
#3
Dear RajiRam ji

I had been looking for a suitable brahmin match for this widower with child who lost his wife to blood cancer a few years back and is a relative.

Now I am happy that a NB girl -a well educated {PhD} girl has accepted to marry him.Both are delhi based.

In metros the caste divide is not that critical . I feel That Education and ability to adjust to each others likes and dislikes matter far more than caste.

It took me more than couple of years to find a match for this widower.
 

Raji Ram

Well-known member
#4
Dear Krish Sir,

As far as I have seen, weddings happen ONLY when the right time comes; be it first or second innings! :)

மாறன் கணை தொடுக்கும் வேளை, கிடைக்கும் கல்யாண மாலை !! :hug:
 

CHANDRU1849

Well-known member
#5
Dear RajiRam ji

I had been looking for a suitable brahmin match for this widower with child who lost his wife to blood cancer a few years back and is a relative.

Now I am happy that a NB girl -a well educated {PhD} girl has accepted to marry him.Both are delhi based.

In metros the caste divide is not that critical . I feel That Education and ability to adjust to each others likes and dislikes matter far more than caste.

It took me more than couple of years to find a match for this widower.
Since caste is still in existence, what will be the caste of the couple in cases where the boy is Brahmin and the girl is NB?
 
#6
Vanakkam,

I do think incompatibilities issues towards the spouse, "allergy" to the in-laws, avoiding widower with kids, these traits can be seen in some women, regardless caste and ethnicity. In fact these so-called traits are avoided by some men too, if they happen to be widower and look for spouses.

Seeing the failures of marriages these days, I think, couples should know what they are going into and the commitments required before they even marry. In those days, divorces are are indeed a rarity, even if there were issues, somehow life went on with little tweaks here and there. People give up easily these days!
 

tbs

Well-known member
#7
hi

now a days..divorces are becoming normal...widow/widower can be a nice live in partners....only problem with children...

second marriages always have some emotional problem with kids...
 

krish44

Well-known member
#8
Educated girls with good jobs do not come alone .They have a way of thrusting her parents on the spouse.So better see if you are compatible with mother in law first if you

love the girl .

Brahmin girls are frank.They say clearly that they will not put up with children of widower if he has any and mother of the boy if she is a widow depending on son.

Other communities accept the widower with child and widowed mother and after marriage indicate that they will not be responsible for either child of widower or his mother.

So take your pick.

All youngsters think they have only one life to live.They would not like to be burdened with issues facing the widower.

One tends to think that it is no longer worth getting married and most hate the word commitment.

Society should accept singles as they are and not treat them like lepers.

Singles do less damage to society than incompatible married types.
 

CHANDRU1849

Well-known member
#9
Educated girls with good jobs do not come alone .They have a way of thrusting her parents on the spouse.So better see if you are compatible with mother in law first if you

love the girl .

Brahmin girls are frank.They say clearly that they will not put up with children of widower if he has any and mother of the boy if she is a widow depending on son.

Other communities accept the widower with child and widowed mother and after marriage indicate that they will not be responsible for either child of widower or his mother.

So take your pick.

All youngsters think they have only one life to live.They would not like to be burdened with issues facing the widower.

One tends to think that it is no longer worth getting married and most hate the word commitment.

Society should accept singles as they are and not treat them like lepers.

Singles do less damage to society than incompatible married types.
Brahmin girls are very emotional and sensitive and expect lot of affection from parents.

If your statement that Brahmin girls are frank and have reservations, then, Brahmin boys should look out for girls from other communities and start creating a new Brahmin community.
 

Raji Ram

Well-known member
#10
The new community will be technically Brahmins with OTHER caste characteristics!!

There is one C n P material in another thread, to support this statement! :thumb:
 

krish44

Well-known member
#11
With economic emancipation of women,being in a monogamous relationship with any man single or widowed is not worthwhile for most women

Many variants of relationships -with friendships with other sex in office or social space,multiple affairs to fight boredom being in matrimonial bond with one male to

satisfy parents and society[neighbours] is becoming routine.With faster pace of life and spending more time in workplace to make a few rupees more, the inner needs

assumes higher priority. It is finally every individual [male or female] looks to satisfy their physical and emotional needs from wherever it is available.Monogamy as a

lifestyle is heading for extinction fast at least in metros.Caste, religion etc assume lower priority only to be advertised to satisfy society at large.The internet has made

possible long distance relationships with many and short time relationships with some in geographical proximity.The openness in male female relationships comes as a

breath of fresh air beating the monotony of marriages [ love or arranged].Males in marriages are finding it difficult to face the new rules of engagement with liberated

women . So many are in depression requiring counselling.Monogamous marriages are on the rocks . Divorce cases are increasing in number.One has to come to terms with

the emerging new order sweeping the metros
 

mkrishna100

Well-known member
#12
I have seen within my own family & friend Circles Second Marriages ( i.e done after divorce ) are getting more common and also getting more easier than first marriages as both the parties ( Boys and Girls ) understand the bitter reality from their first marriage experience in Toning down their hyper expectations ( based on caste , financial status , social status etc etc ) and being more realistic in their approach . Also with connection through Social Media ( FaceBook , WhatsApp group etc ) they are better able to establish contact with their old Collage Friends and able to find suitable matches . I wont say their marriages are free of trouble but since they are much more mature and practical in their approach to life and marriage the frictions are far less than the first marriage which are usually based on un-realistic expectations .
 

Raji Ram

Well-known member
#13
Very true, Krishna!

One girl with a lucrative job was forced to cook for the entire family and hence

her marriage ended up in a divorce! Her parents could 'arrange' her wedding with a

Brahmin bachelor, who is just one year older to her, working in Mumbai!!

They are blessed with a Baby boy! :cool:

It seems, only divorced guys and widowers are in a pitiable state! :(
 

krish44

Well-known member
#14
When someone gets into a second marriage after a bad first marriage experience, he/she must be a great optimist to believe in marriage as an institution.Many times family -

read parents,friends try to push some self belief into them besides emotionally making them believe that they cannot survive without another marriage.In many cases ,

educated career types are individualistic and their wisdom tells them not try once more as risks of separation are far more than a lasting second marriage.Then they are

hustled by family and friends into another relationship against their better judgement.They are made to believe that they cannot survive alone which is not really

true.Perhaps better for them to get into temporary relationships with more than one or try for a live in.They can go for a few relationships based on their interests,hobbies

before jumping into matrimony again.They would be better off staying in a different state,in other metros or getting away to a foreign country for a fresh beginning.In other

countries, one gets away from caste,religious constraint free to do their thing.The right of an individual to privacy is more respected.All these broadens their view of the

world and helps them to make better choices based on their specific needs.It would be foolish to trust parents who can get these poor souls stuck with bad choice again
 

Raji Ram

Well-known member
#15
Dear Krish Sir,

Parent's choice is NOT bad all the times! The girl mentioned in my previous post trusted her

parents, even though their first choice did not work for her!! The Guru to whom both the

families were devotees actually 'chose' the right guy for that girl. :cool:
 

Raji Ram

Well-known member
#16
Aping the West for live-in relationships will ONLY spoil the Indian culture and society !! :tsk:

But, I know that Krish Sir will not agree with me!!! ;)
 

mkrishna100

Well-known member
#17
Whether it is Parent's choice or Individual Choice one must remember that every Choice comes with some plus and minus and one must be prepared to face both and not blame anyone . Only those Choices that are practical and realistic from the beginning have a better chance of smooth ride rather than unrealistic and over idealistic choices . I know of few Girls in my family and friend Circles who were keeping very high standards for how their would be husbands and would be in laws have to be, only to see no right choice emerging and they have crossed 40+ and still unmarried and now have to only deal with divorced , widowers and old men and after seeing their Other class mates with husband and kids they are now abusing their parents for not forcibly marring them at the age of 25 . They are fully finding fault with their parents now for their present unmarried condition and unwilling to take responsibility for their own unrealistic choices .
 
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krish44

Well-known member
#18
What do youngsters do when marriage ends in divorce?. They get into depression. Blame parents, inlaws and other friends who they think contributed to break up.

Then they get into drinking bouts and in some cases drugs.When parents talk of fresh attempts at matrimony, they prefer to get into dating apps like Tinder and would like

to freak out with strangers. They flit from affair to affair in quest for a good relationship with some one they can bond with.Boys by nature would like immediate

gratification and one night stands, girls search for someone they can bond with .A few lucky ones match well.Many girls are dismissed off as Gold diggers when boy spends

and picks up all the bills for going out.Many boys are rejected when girls find that they have no interest beyond using them to satisfy their physical desires.Some who are

lucky with their search move on to share their mobile numbers and facebook accounts . After a few months of relationship they end up tying the knot at some marriage

registrars office in presence of friends. These marriages are mostly not accepted by at least one set of parents.I have witnessed many of these type of couples in bangalore

and attended their post marriage parties.
 

krish44

Well-known member
#20
RRji

You might think that these type of incidents are straight from movies.

In bangalore , one of the IT fellows a colleague of my son got married at registrars office.He was staying at the block of flats I was staying with my son.

My son urgently excused himself and went to registrars office and later attend the boys post marriage get together.Boys father accepted the girl but girls father refused to

accept the marriage and did not bless the couple.In new india this type of incidents are becoming common place.Parents need to come to terms with it . They should not

interfere in childrens choice of mates.
 
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