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Why are there so many restrictions on being a Brahmin?

LuLelouch

New member
Hello,

(Note: this might feel like a rant but I have some genuine questions at the end of my narrative)

I was brought up as a brahmin and moved to the US for undergrad. My parents were orthodox (not too extreme) but go to the Temple every day, and do pooja every day in the morning, I was thought Vedas during middle school. They still cooked onion at home for me but not garlic and ate outside in restaurants as well.

One thing I never understood was why Brahmins had so many self-imposed restrictions like cannot eat meat, cannot marry/date people from another religion, etc.

I have friends from the US who follow all sorts of religions and none of them were excluded from their community or became less Jewish, Buddhist, etc, just because they didn't follow certain conventions. Their parent didn't mind what their kids ate or whom they dated, they themselves weren't excluded from the community, etc.

My friends usually ask me why I am not dating anyone and don't eat meat. My usual answer is this is how I was bought up and my parent would feel unhappy. I am extremely religious, since I was bought up a certain way some of my parent's principles like telling slokas/ verses from Vedas in the morning, etc. stuck by me and I still continue to do it even in the US.

During my undergrad in the US, I had a conversation with my parents where I asked them if it was ok if I date someone who was Japanese. I haven't even told her I like her yet, my parents told me that I cannot and if I do, they won't be able to show their face in the community or take part in activities in the temple. At this point, I lost it. I wasn't angered but just disappointed. They told me I have to marry a Brahmin girl, I can date a Brahmin girl if I find one or it is going to arranged marriage with a Brahmin girl.

It has been 5 years since then, I haven't found any Brahmin girl whom I was attracted to nor did I end up dating anyone else who I was attracted to because they weren't Brahmins. At this point, all my friends have a girlfriend, who mostly aren't even of the same religion. I told my parents I am not interested in an arranged marriage because I cannot marry someone that I don't genuinely love and I cannot love someone without spending at least a year dating them and getting to know them. I asked them again if it was OK to date someone I like but my parents again gave the same answer from before.

At this point, I started losing faith in the community as a whole. I know my parents are good people and they love me. I also know that I am a good son, I never asked for any expensive stuff when I was young, I had decent grades, got a very good scholarship in the US for my undergrad, and have a high-paying job. I send money to them every month and cleared off all their loans.

But now I have a genuine question, does your kids' happiness mean so much less to you than to your pride in the community? Why is the Brahmin community as a whole quick to outcast someone because they didn't marry into the community (I genuinely believe this because I have witnessed this when I was a kid)? I am not questioning every individual who are Brahmin but trying to understand what goes on in some people's mind when they outcast someone in the 21st century for marrying because their kid married someone they loved? I don't really care if I am an outcast but my parents do.

At what point should I say enough is enough and decide that I will marry whom I love and not someone whom my parents believe is a good match. Because although I might be their kid, there is a lot in my life they don't know about. I am close to losing faith, throwing in the towel, and even consuming non-veg which I thought I never would because I genuinely don't understand all these restrictions in this modern age when people from other communities (not all) have so much freedom.

I am probably going to end up not marrying anyone in my life if my parents are opposed to me dating from outside the caste or religion. I was to open in my love life and marry who I want, if that's not possible I might as well end up a bachelor all my life. Let's see what option my parents choose.
 

prasad1

Gold Member
Gold Member
Hello,

(Note: this might feel like a rant but I have some genuine questions at the end of my narrative)

I was brought up as a brahmin and moved to the US for undergrad. My parents were orthodox (not too extreme) but go to the Temple every day, and do pooja every day in the morning, I was thought Vedas during middle school. They still cooked onion at home for me but not garlic and ate outside in restaurants as well.

One thing I never understood was why Brahmins had so many self-imposed restrictions like cannot eat meat, cannot marry/date people from another religion, etc.

I have friends from the US who follow all sorts of religions and none of them were excluded from their community or became less Jewish, Buddhist, etc, just because they didn't follow certain conventions. Their parent didn't mind what their kids ate or whom they dated, they themselves weren't excluded from the community, etc.
Sir, you assumed certain false notions. It shows ignorance. You must know something about your own customs and research the reason, once you know it, you can explain it better.

Orthodox Jews will eat only Kosher meat. Orthodox Jews will not work on Sunday.

Orthodox Judaism, is the religion of those Jews who adhere most strictly to traditional beliefs and practices. Jewish Orthodoxy resolutely refuses to accept the position of Reform Judaism that the Bible and other sacred Jewish writings contain not only eternally valid moral principles but also historically and culturally conditioned adaptations and interpretations of the Law that may be legitimately discarded in modern times. In Orthodox Judaism, therefore, both the Written Law (Torah, the first five books of the Old Testament) and the Oral Law (codified in the Mishna and interpreted in the Talmud) are immutably fixed and remain the sole norm of religious observance.

Orthodox Judaism has resisted modern pressures to modify its observance and has held fast to such practices as daily worship, dietary laws (kashruth), traditional prayers and ceremonies, regular and intensive study of the Torah, and separation of men and women in the synagogue. It also enjoins strict observance of the sabbath and religious festivals and does not permit instrumental music during communal services.


Orthodox Christians:

Fasting is one of many tools that we use to bring our bodies “under subjection” as St. Paul said (I Cor. 9:27), so that we might be pure and holy. Jesus said that when He had gone, His followers would fast. Like the early Christians, we fast so that we may learn to control our appetite for all things that are not good and holy. It is not about earning salvation, it is a tool to help us work out our salvation with fear and trembling (Phil. 2:12), enabling us to train and strengthen our wills so that they can prepare ourselves to encounter Christ.

Specifically, we fast each Wednesday to commemorate the day when Jesus was betrayed and each Friday to commemorate His death on the cross. In addition, we fast during the entire Lenten period and the entire Advent period, as well as during other times during the year.

Orthodox fasting practice, when followed strictly, means that the believer does not partake of any animal products from vertebrates (i.e., no meat, dairy, eggs, etc.), nor of olive oil nor wine. These choices reflect the desire to do no harm on these days, as well as giving up certain staples of life.

Orthodox Muslim Beleifs:

The second pillar of Islam is the religious duty to perform five prescribed daily prayers or salat. All adult Muslims are supposed to perform five prayers, preceded by ritual cleansing or purification of the body at different intervals of the day. The Qur'anic references also mention the acts of standing, bowing, and prostrating during prayers and facing a set direction, known as qibla. The Muslims were first required to face Jerusalem during prayer, but already during Muhammad's lifetime they were commanded to face the Kaaba, an ancient shrine in the city of Mecca. The Qur'an also refers to the recitation of parts of the Qur'an as a form of prayer. However, even with its numerous references, the Qur'an alone does not give exact instructions for this central ritual of prayer.

The fourth pillar of Islam is sawm, or fasting. Clear Qur'anic references to fasting account for the early introduction of this ritual practice. The Qur'an prescribes fasting during the month of Ramadan, the 9th month of the 12-month Islamic lunar year (see Calendar). The month of Ramadan is sacred because the first revelation of the Qur'an is said to have occurred during this month. By tradition, the month starts with the sighting of the new moon by at least two Muslims. For the entire month, Muslims must fast from daybreak to sunset by refraining from eating, drinking, and having sexual intercourse. Menstruating women, travelers, and sick people are exempted from fasting but have to make up the days they miss at a later date.


So every culture has some predefined practice. Some are based on science, society, and ego. Others are based on superstition. Some are old and need to be discarded but there is no authority to do so. But at the same time, there is nobody to enforce it.

In Hinduism Or Sanathan Dharma, there is no ultimate authority so you learn what you want and live with those principles.
If you believe there is a God, then it exists, but if you don't believe God exists then that is OK too.


My friends usually ask me why I am not dating anyone and don't eat meat. My usual answer is this is how I was bought up and my parent would feel unhappy. I am extremely religious, since I was bought up a certain way some of my parent's principles like telling slokas/ verses from Vedas in the morning, etc. stuck by me and I still continue to do it even in the US.
If you live in the modern world with strict ancient values you will have a tuff time living. What was good for your parents may not be good for you.
Customs change over time and space, if you do not adapt, you will suffer. There are no absolute right or wrong practices as long as it is within the prevailing laws of the land.
During my undergrad in the US, I had a conversation with my parents where I asked them if it was ok if I date someone who was Japanese. I haven't even told her I like her yet, my parents told me that I cannot and if I do, they won't be able to show their face in the community or take part in activities in the temple. At this point, I lost it. I wasn't angered but just disappointed. They told me I have to marry a Brahmin girl, I can date a Brahmin girl if I find one or it is going to arranged marriage with a Brahmin girl.

It has been 5 years since then, I haven't found any Brahmin girl whom I was attracted to nor did I end up dating anyone else who I was attracted to because they weren't Brahmins. At this point, all my friends have a girlfriend, who mostly aren't even of the same religion. I told my parents I am not interested in an arranged marriage because I cannot marry someone that I don't genuinely love and I cannot love someone without spending at least a year dating them and getting to know them. I asked them again if it was OK to date someone I like but my parents again gave the same answer from before.

At this point, I started losing faith in the community as a whole. I know my parents are good people and they love me. I also know that I am a good son, I never asked for any expensive stuff when I was young, I had decent grades, got a very good scholarship in the US for my undergrad, and have a high-paying job. I send money to them every month and cleared off all their loans.

But now I have a genuine question, does your kids' happiness mean so much less to you than to your pride in the community? Why is the Brahmin community as a whole quick to outcast someone because they didn't marry into the community (I genuinely believe this because I have witnessed this when I was a kid)? I am not questioning every individual who are Brahmin but trying to understand what goes on in some people's mind when they outcast someone in the 21st century for marrying because their kid married someone they loved? I don't really care if I am an outcast but my parents do.

At what point should I say enough is enough and decide that I will marry whom I love and not someone whom my parents believe is a good match. Because although I might be their kid, there is a lot in my life they don't know about. I am close to losing faith, throwing in the towel, and even consuming non-veg which I thought I never would because I genuinely don't understand all these restrictions in this modern age when people from other communities (not all) have so much freedom.

I am probably going to end up not marrying anyone in my life if my parents are opposed to me dating from outside the caste or religion. I was to open in my love life and marry who I want, if that's not possible I might as well end up a bachelor all my life. Let's see what option my parents choose.
Your parents think the best for you with their limited knowledge. If you explain why you want to do different hopefully they will understand. Ultimately they would not like to lose you. You must have the backbone, if you are a mama's boy you are not an ideal catch for any girl.
Indian girls (nay all girls) would like someone who has principles, is independent, ambitious but at the same time able to compromise.
If you are going to be 200 years old in attitude, and outlook in the modern age you have to find a 200-year-old girl, who has not changed.

Everyone has to find their own balance. If you are going to live by others' standards you are the loser. I am sorry for you.
 

prasad1

Gold Member
Gold Member
The first step is realizing that modern life is going to sneak up on you occasionally, and that’s totally okay. You don’t live in the 19th century (no matter how much you want to) and life is different now than it was back when everything was done by hand. Things are more fast-paced and sometimes you just have to do what works. Don’t beat yourself up for throwing a frozen pizza in the oven from time to time instead of making a hand-cooked meal every night.

Last, but not least, don’t be afraid to mix the new with the old. The Internet can be a time-waster, true, but it’s also an incredible tool. Use it! The same goes for other conveniences like washing machines and hand mixers.

Create your own ethics and practices, beg, borrow or steal others' principles and customs but make them your own. Do your research and convince yourself of what you want to do. Bend a little to accommodate others' points of view and principles but NEVER break.

If you want to find a mate of your choice (you have to live with), do so but understand that the consequences are Yours too. If your parents do not like it to begin, bring them around to your POV.
It is your life.

If you want to eat meat, do so again it is your life.
You want the approval of the society, I am sorry for you, but then again you may not be worth saving.
TUFF LOVE
 
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thebigthinkg

Active member
Hello,

(Note: this might feel like a rant but I have some genuine questions at the end of my narrative)

I was brought up as a brahmin and moved to the US for undergrad. My parents were orthodox (not too extreme) but go to the Temple every day, and do pooja every day in the morning, I was thought Vedas during middle school. They still cooked onion at home for me but not garlic and ate outside in restaurants as well.

One thing I never understood was why Brahmins had so many self-imposed restrictions like cannot eat meat, cannot marry/date people from another religion, etc.

I have friends from the US who follow all sorts of religions and none of them were excluded from their community or became less Jewish, Buddhist, etc, just because they didn't follow certain conventions. Their parent didn't mind what their kids ate or whom they dated, they themselves weren't excluded from the community, etc.

My friends usually ask me why I am not dating anyone and don't eat meat. My usual answer is this is how I was bought up and my parent would feel unhappy. I am extremely religious, since I was bought up a certain way some of my parent's principles like telling slokas/ verses from Vedas in the morning, etc. stuck by me and I still continue to do it even in the US.

During my undergrad in the US, I had a conversation with my parents where I asked them if it was ok if I date someone who was Japanese. I haven't even told her I like her yet, my parents told me that I cannot and if I do, they won't be able to show their face in the community or take part in activities in the temple. At this point, I lost it. I wasn't angered but just disappointed. They told me I have to marry a Brahmin girl, I can date a Brahmin girl if I find one or it is going to arranged marriage with a Brahmin girl.

It has been 5 years since then, I haven't found any Brahmin girl whom I was attracted to nor did I end up dating anyone else who I was attracted to because they weren't Brahmins. At this point, all my friends have a girlfriend, who mostly aren't even of the same religion. I told my parents I am not interested in an arranged marriage because I cannot marry someone that I don't genuinely love and I cannot love someone without spending at least a year dating them and getting to know them. I asked them again if it was OK to date someone I like but my parents again gave the same answer from before.

At this point, I started losing faith in the community as a whole. I know my parents are good people and they love me. I also know that I am a good son, I never asked for any expensive stuff when I was young, I had decent grades, got a very good scholarship in the US for my undergrad, and have a high-paying job. I send money to them every month and cleared off all their loans.

But now I have a genuine question, does your kids' happiness mean so much less to you than to your pride in the community? Why is the Brahmin community as a whole quick to outcast someone because they didn't marry into the community (I genuinely believe this because I have witnessed this when I was a kid)? I am not questioning every individual who are Brahmin but trying to understand what goes on in some people's mind when they outcast someone in the 21st century for marrying because their kid married someone they loved? I don't really care if I am an outcast but my parents do.

At what point should I say enough is enough and decide that I will marry whom I love and not someone whom my parents believe is a good match. Because although I might be their kid, there is a lot in my life they don't know about. I am close to losing faith, throwing in the towel, and even consuming non-veg which I thought I never would because I genuinely don't understand all these restrictions in this modern age when people from other communities (not all) have so much freedom.

I am probably going to end up not marrying anyone in my life if my parents are opposed to me dating from outside the caste or religion. I was to open in my love life and marry who I want, if that's not possible I might as well end up a bachelor all my life. Let's see what option my parents choose.
varNa (professional type) and jAti (hereditary caste) are different. Unfortunately today they are mixed up.

In any case, when people try to protect their jAtis (hereditary caste), it arises from their ingrained instincts to somehow protect and propagate not just their progeny, but also their cultures, knowledge systems, raw practices/anushtanas -whatever one calls it. While all these are decaying for sure, the idea is when jAti is maintained, the decay is slower.

But let's face it. This is just a myth bubble that people are living in. jAti is one reason why our knowledge systems did not propagate and spread, but instead has decayed and perished. When aggregation became segregation as in the jAti system, knowledge will decay, as anything that stagnates in nature will decay for sure. So more of segregation will only decay more. We can see it all around.

Instead may be the brahmin community should marry across, make more people to come into their cultures and systems and learn these.. But that needs a reform in the minds of people and change in the strategy of some of our gurus.
 

a-TB

Well-known member
Hello,

(Note: this might feel like a rant but I have some genuine questions at the end of my narrative)

I was brought up as a brahmin and moved to the US for undergrad. My parents were orthodox (not too extreme) but go to the Temple every day, and do pooja every day in the morning, I was thought Vedas during middle school. They still cooked onion at home for me but not garlic and ate outside in restaurants as well.

One thing I never understood was why Brahmins had so many self-imposed restrictions like cannot eat meat, cannot marry/date people from another religion, etc.

I have friends from the US who follow all sorts of religions and none of them were excluded from their community or became less Jewish, Buddhist, etc, just because they didn't follow certain conventions. Their parent didn't mind what their kids ate or whom they dated, they themselves weren't excluded from the community, etc.

My friends usually ask me why I am not dating anyone and don't eat meat. My usual answer is this is how I was bought up and my parent would feel unhappy. I am extremely religious, since I was bought up a certain way some of my parent's principles like telling slokas/ verses from Vedas in the morning, etc. stuck by me and I still continue to do it even in the US.

During my undergrad in the US, I had a conversation with my parents where I asked them if it was ok if I date someone who was Japanese. I haven't even told her I like her yet, my parents told me that I cannot and if I do, they won't be able to show their face in the community or take part in activities in the temple. At this point, I lost it. I wasn't angered but just disappointed. They told me I have to marry a Brahmin girl, I can date a Brahmin girl if I find one or it is going to arranged marriage with a Brahmin girl.

It has been 5 years since then, I haven't found any Brahmin girl whom I was attracted to nor did I end up dating anyone else who I was attracted to because they weren't Brahmins. At this point, all my friends have a girlfriend, who mostly aren't even of the same religion. I told my parents I am not interested in an arranged marriage because I cannot marry someone that I don't genuinely love and I cannot love someone without spending at least a year dating them and getting to know them. I asked them again if it was OK to date someone I like but my parents again gave the same answer from before.

At this point, I started losing faith in the community as a whole. I know my parents are good people and they love me. I also know that I am a good son, I never asked for any expensive stuff when I was young, I had decent grades, got a very good scholarship in the US for my undergrad, and have a high-paying job. I send money to them every month and cleared off all their loans.

But now I have a genuine question, does your kids' happiness mean so much less to you than to your pride in the community? Why is the Brahmin community as a whole quick to outcast someone because they didn't marry into the community (I genuinely believe this because I have witnessed this when I was a kid)? I am not questioning every individual who are Brahmin but trying to understand what goes on in some people's mind when they outcast someone in the 21st century for marrying because their kid married someone they loved? I don't really care if I am an outcast but my parents do.

At what point should I say enough is enough and decide that I will marry whom I love and not someone whom my parents believe is a good match. Because although I might be their kid, there is a lot in my life they don't know about. I am close to losing faith, throwing in the towel, and even consuming non-veg which I thought I never would because I genuinely don't understand all these restrictions in this modern age when people from other communities (not all) have so much freedom.

I am probably going to end up not marrying anyone in my life if my parents are opposed to me dating from outside the caste or religion. I was to open in my love life and marry who I want, if that's not possible I might as well end up a bachelor all my life. Let's see what option my parents choose.
I am going to say some harsh words and please forgive me if they are upsetting,

First of all your parents are hypocrites if your story is true. Why should they encourage you to go to another country to study if what they want is their imagined Brahminical life style.

Mr TBT mentioned about Varna. and Jaathi.

Varna of Brahmana is defined in Gita chapter 18. You can google for this easily. Ask your parents if they are living the life as prescribed by Sri Krishna. Varna is not based on birth,

Your parents like many are clueless and worry more about what others think than your welfare. They are raised and I can tell you that most of the Jaathi Brahmin community people are hypocrites. You come across them in this forum also.

Just learning to chant some sloka without knowing any meaning, hearing carnatic music or relishing Adai and Avial does not make one a Brahmin. Those cultural traits are fine but it does not make for a mature human being.

You may be interested in a Japanese girl but from the view point of any girl in USA even if she is of Indian origin, you are not a fit candidate to date.

Sorry but you have grown to be a winy Mama's boy and no girl wants that ..

So you practice good character building activities , have courage and tell your parents that their duties to raise you are over per our shastras. You must be 21 or so. They can help you but cannot control you anymore

Then learn to be a confidant man and try dating and see how hard it is. Even if your parents initially reject you, you be loving to them. If they find a girl for you to marry then be open to meet her. With that said you take charge of your life. All the best,
 

sravna

Well-known member
We are born with some bondages like belonging to a certain community, certain nation etc. Each group as a whole has an objective, philosophy and heritage. We inherit them. But there is individual nature and the compulsions of time.

Example is assume one is an brahmin. He loves an American girl and want to live with her.

The problem is can i marry her? Superficially your nature is bit uncomfortable. So is the custom and tradition. The current times is ok with it. So there is a tension. The best balancing is done by digging deeper into our nature and true brahminical philosophy. By finding out what is most transcendental. Thats what a true sattvic nature and true brahminical philosophy bereft of conditioning would say. Your true nature and culture would say go for the trancendental. The most transcendental is love of course. Assuming your love is true and deep making a decision becomes easy with the current times favoring it. Theres a catch though. You have to convince your parents whom you love too deeply. But if your love for the girl is true it will spontaneously take care of it.
 
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Hello,

(Note: this might feel like a rant but I have some genuine questions at the end of my narrative)

I was brought up as a brahmin and moved to the US for undergrad. My parents were orthodox (not too extreme) but go to the Temple every day, and do pooja every day in the morning, I was thought Vedas during middle school. They still cooked onion at home for me but not garlic and ate outside in restaurants as well.

One thing I never understood was why Brahmins had so many self-imposed restrictions like cannot eat meat, cannot marry/date people from another religion, etc.

I have friends from the US who follow all sorts of religions and none of them were excluded from their community or became less Jewish, Buddhist, etc, just because they didn't follow certain conventions. Their parent didn't mind what their kids ate or whom they dated, they themselves weren't excluded from the community, etc.

My friends usually ask me why I am not dating anyone and don't eat meat. My usual answer is this is how I was bought up and my parent would feel unhappy. I am extremely religious, since I was bought up a certain way some of my parent's principles like telling slokas/ verses from Vedas in the morning, etc. stuck by me and I still continue to do it even in the US.

During my undergrad in the US, I had a conversation with my parents where I asked them if it was ok if I date someone who was Japanese. I haven't even told her I like her yet, my parents told me that I cannot and if I do, they won't be able to show their face in the community or take part in activities in the temple. At this point, I lost it. I wasn't angered but just disappointed. They told me I have to marry a Brahmin girl, I can date a Brahmin girl if I find one or it is going to arranged marriage with a Brahmin girl.

It has been 5 years since then, I haven't found any Brahmin girl whom I was attracted to nor did I end up dating anyone else who I was attracted to because they weren't Brahmins. At this point, all my friends have a girlfriend, who mostly aren't even of the same religion. I told my parents I am not interested in an arranged marriage because I cannot marry someone that I don't genuinely love and I cannot love someone without spending at least a year dating them and getting to know them. I asked them again if it was OK to date someone I like but my parents again gave the same answer from before.

At this point, I started losing faith in the community as a whole. I know my parents are good people and they love me. I also know that I am a good son, I never asked for any expensive stuff when I was young, I had decent grades, got a very good scholarship in the US for my undergrad, and have a high-paying job. I send money to them every month and cleared off all their loans.

But now I have a genuine question, does your kids' happiness mean so much less to you than to your pride in the community? Why is the Brahmin community as a whole quick to outcast someone because they didn't marry into the community (I genuinely believe this because I have witnessed this when I was a kid)? I am not questioning every individual who are Brahmin but trying to understand what goes on in some people's mind when they outcast someone in the 21st century for marrying because their kid married someone they loved? I don't really care if I am an outcast but my parents do.

At what point should I say enough is enough and decide that I will marry whom I love and not someone whom my parents believe is a good match. Because although I might be their kid, there is a lot in my life they don't know about. I am close to losing faith, throwing in the towel, and even consuming non-veg which I thought I never would because I genuinely don't understand all these restrictions in this modern age when people from other communities (not all) have so much freedom.

I am probably going to end up not marrying anyone in my life if my parents are opposed to me dating from outside the caste or religion. I was to open in my love life and marry who I want, if that's not possible I might as well end up a bachelor all my life. Let's see what option my parents choose.
Hi Buddy -

Appreciations for being open and seeking views in this forum.

My two cents:
Human Janma is rare. Purpose of life is to move towards Moksha, freedom. Freedom from mental constructs & identities which limit us.

With this firm objective, we need to setup ENABLING life situations. That's all to the prescription. Rest all are flexible, as per your nature.

Caste, Gender, Religion etc are part of that restricting mental structures. So discarding them is actually a step towards that freedom.

Most of the morden Brahmins stop at this, discarding old norms. But conveniently forget the purpose of life.

ENABLERS FOR MUKTI:

1. Mumukshuthvam: (Somewhere I feel you have this, subconsciously) - Interest in larger questions on reality, Disposition to be introvert, Exploration of various spiritual tools to realize that freedom

2. Shamaadi shadka sampaththi- You may Google and see what these 6 qualities are.

Here is where the choice of wife comes. Can she be an enabler/partner to your progress?

If she is an extrovert, party hopper, does himsa(eg - by eating non veg), drags you to please her with materialistic demands - then she is not a good match. The probability of her being an enabler is higher (but no assurance) if she comes from similar cultural background. But if you feel the Japanese with her Buddhist culture & respect for nature would be a better enabler, you must go for her.

Point is, one needs to be clear about the above life objective and evaluate through those lenses rather than societal norms and demands. Them suddenly you will find you take pride on the restrictions imposed on you rather than seeing as 'parents' rule'. An arranged marriage need not be a disaster if this is the specification for the bride.

Keeping Moksha as an objective all sorts of restrictions were imposed on a Brahmin. Rightly so, as controlling the demands of the senses is a great enabler to transcend the mental constructs & desires. Brahmins with such tough austerities are the reason why sanata dharma, with its inclusive vision for humanity, has survived. Let us be proud of that.

All the best buddy. Do Shravanam, Mananam, Nidhidhyasanam through Swami Paramarthmananda, the disciple of Swami Dayananda saraswathi- who with his modern articulation of ancient wisdom - transformed my life, who was in your position once.
 
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