Wedding age gap

[ash245]

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Is it okay for an iyer brahmin girl to marry an iyer boy if he is 1 year younger ? Or is this inappropriate in our tradition ? This happened in my life experience. I happened to not accepted by my bf's family for being elder than him. Kindly reply with your valuable thoughts. Thank you

 

[renuka]

Is it okay for an iyer brahmin girl to marry an iyer boy if he is 1 year younger ? Or is this inappropriate in our tradition ? This happened in my life experience. I happened to not accepted by my bf's family for being elder than him. Kindly reply with your valuable thoughts. Thank you

Dear Ash,
What did your bf say to his family when his family didnt agree?

In this current age, most parents elsewhere in the world are thankful if their children marry the opposite gender.

In your case, both are of the same Varna and its just 1 year difference.
What about your parents?
What is their opinion?

 

[a-TB]

It is said Sita was older than Rama. Wedding is between equals. Age difference either side does not matter. People are irrational with unfounded beliefs. It is ok to marry your bf


All the best

 

[prasad1]

It seems that the boy is not a BF or husband material. He wanted to dump the girl for whatever reason and made his parents a scapegoat.
The god of cricket, Sachin Tendulkar is 6 years younger than his wife Anjali.

Historically.

As per Śrīmad-Bhāgavatam (Bhāgavata Purāṇa): Skandha 9: Chapter 3, Revatī was much (twenty-seven catur-yugas!) elder than Baladeva (Balarama). Brahma advised Revatī's father to offer his daughter to Balarama.

Radha was fourteen years elder than Krishna and Brahma had performed the marriage of Radha with Krsna (Brahmavaivarta Purana: Prakrti-Khandam: Chapter 49).

As per SB 10.55, Kamadeva took rebirth as Pradyumna. Māyāvatī's (Rati) used to live as a cook in the household of Śambara when Pradyumna arrived there as a just born baby. So Mayavati was much older than Pradyumna.

quoted from Google search.

 

[sravna]

I believe the reason for a lady to be younger than her husband is, it is easy to be respectful to one elder to you. I do not mean that it is in a subservient way but in a genuine way. The man is the one at least in the bygone eras, has to deal with the external reality and hence needs to prop up his confidence. But in this age everything is ulta and nothing makes any sense to me.

 

[sravna]

Please do not cite divine entities as examples. If you want to live up to their level.

 

[renuka]

I believe the reason for a lady to be younger than her husband is, it is easy to be respectful to one elder to you. I do not mean that it is in a subservient way but in a genuine way. The man is the one at least in the bygone eras, has to deal with the external reality and hence needs to prop up his confidence. But in this age everything is ulta and nothing makes any sense to me.

I dont think anyone thinks of age to respect a spouse.
Respect is mutual.
Anyone can disrespect anyone regardless of age.

 

[prasad1]

I believe the reason for a lady to be younger than her husband is, it is easy to be respectful to one elder to you. I do not mean that it is in a subservient way but in a genuine way. The man is the one at least in the bygone eras, has to deal with the external reality and hence needs to prop up his confidence. But in this age everything is ulta and nothing makes any sense to me.

"But in this age everything is ulta and nothing makes any sense to me." Finally!!!!!!

This is an open forum. We are sharing our life experiences. We are suggesting to others with the belief that it will help others. But it is up to them to act on the advice.

 

[prasad1]

Please do not cite divine entities as examples. If you want to live up to their level.

If the OP wanted historic evidence unfortunately our history is in our mythology. I am not convinced they were divine. They were mythological characters.

 

[JyothiPrakash]

One of the sayings is that the total Ayu of the older one of them becomes more i.e. the benefit goes to the older one.
Regards.

 

[ash245]

Dear Ash,
What did your bf say to his family when his family didnt agree?

In this current age, most parents elsewhere in the world are thankful if their children marry the opposite gender.

In your case, both are of the same Varna and its just 1 year difference.
What about your parents?
What is their opinion?

Hi Renuka,
My bf has stood by his parents opinions. Which is appalling for me as well. In this case however my intuition strongly says I will marry him. But keeping my hopes alive that some day things will change. Thanks for your explanation.

 

[renuka]

Dear Ash,
Since your bf stood by his parents, the best for you is not really hope to marry him.
You deserve someone better.
Please dont waste your life hoping for change...cos there are many other situations in life where you would need a partner to stand up for you and him.
GIve yourself some time and move on.

Hi Renuka,
My bf has stood by his parents opinions. Which is appalling for me as well. In this case however my intuition strongly says I will marry him. But keeping my hopes alive that some day things will change. Thanks for your explanation.

 

[thebigthinkg]

Hi Renuka,
My bf has stood by his parents opinions. Which is appalling for me as well. In this case however my intuition strongly says I will marry him. But keeping my hopes alive that some day things will change. Thanks for your explanation.

In tambrahm marriage ceremonies, the girl prostrates to her husband many times, as the default expectation is boy is older. When older one prostrates to younger one, there are beliefs that the older one's life is shortened.

Of the 4 tambrahm marriage, kanyadaan is name-sake. Kanya are pre-puberty girls and its illegal to marry them off now. It was about pre-puberty girls being adopted into a totally new family. There is no need of age of bride being less than groom here technically. Panigrahana is actually between equals wherein bride asks groom to accept her and based on her request groom says he will accept her. Mangalya dhaaran is identity or symbol of that acceptance by groom. Saptapadi is again between equals who make vows for each other. Bride prostrating to groom in between these are based on kala desa varthamana and not so important.

Hence I would say there is no age limitation in our marriage.

What is important is that bride and groom have to be aligned and should put efforts to align with each other as they age and evolve. We are not going to be same as we age and unless people do hard work to align with each other, they can't maintain their relationships.

So the question is, are the bride and groom aligned and are willing to keep working for that alignment..?

Watch this video on ancient tamil and vedic marriage

 

[prasad1]

Dear Ash,
Since your bf stood by his parents, the best for you is not really hope to marry him.
You deserve someone better.
Please dont waste your life hoping for change...cos there are many other situations in life where you would need a partner to stand up for you and him.
GIve yourself some time and move on.

Bravo for calling a spade a SPADE. I did post my opinion in an earlier post.

 

[a-TB]

Hi Renuka,
My bf has stood by his parents opinions. Which is appalling for me as well. In this case however my intuition strongly says I will marry him. But keeping my hopes alive that some day things will change. Thanks for your explanation.

You made a great decision to ask for suggestions here. Most are in good intent and you may want to take them seriously for they are made without the passion in a relationship.

If this fellow is not going to marry you why is he acting like your bf. You may not want to call him a bf anymore.

Please look for someone else. Your intuition is clouded up by your liking this fellow. In the end it will end with you getting very hurt and older. So walk away now even though you have no one else at present. Even if you think for now you may never find someone like him still find the courage to walk away.

If this fellow truly cares he will come for you but assume he will not come. If he did come without bringing age issue then get married quickly to him. If he does not come so be it.

You may not listen to the suggestions but I hope you do. In any case all the best to you

 

[ranga.thirunagari]

Hi Renuka,
My bf has stood by his parents opinions. Which is appalling for me as well. In this case however my intuition strongly says I will marry him. But keeping my hopes alive that some day things will change. Thanks for your explanation.

I think you must not be emotional here. Just step back and think for a moment. If your BF has taken parents side it means he has a different set of believes and by that he cannot understand your status. This may reflect in other instances as you go ahead , if married,. So better wait and with open mind look at other options. It's another year or so vs next 30 yrs.

 

[XLR8R]

I faced the same issue:

This time from girl's side. She was taller and older than me and ultimately refused due to family objections. She is now married to an older and taller guy.

This is not a boy thing: it's a girl thing too.

The families need to come out of their stupor. I mostly only see women looking for older men and men looking for younger women in marriage.

 

[kamu]

If the OP wanted historic evidence unfortunately our history is in our mythology. I am not convinced they were divine. They were mythological characters.

I disagree with you about calling our Itihaasaas as " mythology " - unless you truly believe they are "just stories, and no historical substance " - whether divine or not, archaeological proofs are available about the two epics and their timeline - that's beside the point in this thread , though.