• Welcome to Tamil Brahmins forums.

    You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our Free Brahmin Community you will have access to post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!

    If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact contact us.

The embedded patriarchy in arranged marriages

prasad1

Well-known member
One critic calls it “this year’s scariest horror show about arranged marriages”. And on social media, there is a raging storm over sexism, casteism, colourism and other isms.

As Netflix’s eight-episode reality show, Indian Matchmaking (IM) kicks off, the conversation about the business of arranged marriages has gathered pace.

IM doesn’t claim a reformist cloak. Executive producer Smriti Mundhra calls it an “unscripted, fun, crazy, light look on the surface of the Indian marriage industrial complex.” It’s an industry that places a premium on women who are fair, tall, “slim-trim”, and, above all, “flexible”. Families must be “respectable”. After all, alliances are not between individuals, but families. One eager mum tells her son she’s looking for “someone to take care of you”. The son, no surprise, is looking for someone like mummy.

And yet, IM underplays the seedier underbelly of the marriage market. Dowry, for instance, is excised from the show. And non-conforming clients include a single mom as well as a Catholic man who says he’s open to meeting women from other religions. In one case, the match-maker introduces a woman who is seven years older than her prospective groom.


Reality is far grimmer. Arranged or otherwise, marriage in modern India continues to be bound by rigid social-economic-caste structures. The National Family Health Survey, 2015-16 found less than 13% of respondents had inter-caste marriages (just 2.6% for inter-religious). When young people exercise agency and rebel against family, caste and religion, the result can be a so-called honour killing — 251 in 2015. As caste-based societies modernise, there is greater wealth dispersion and this leads to dowries going up, finds another 2003 study. Ergo, the pull-no-stops big fat Indian wedding.

But while marriage remains an inevitable goal in most societies and certainly in our own, a new generation of Indian women is changing the rules.

 

prasad1

Well-known member
An online survey of 10,005 respondents across 184 cities and towns by YouGuv-Mint-CPR found that a majority of women (68%) want to marry, but nearly two of three want love marriages. Some 61% said the ideal marriage age is between 26 and 30 and only nine per cent wanted three or more children. The study ties in with India’s largest survey of teenage girls. In 2018, 74,000 teenage girls across 600 districts were asked about their aspirations: 70% wished to pursue higher studies and 73% wanted to marry after 21, after they got jobs, found Naandi Foundation which conducted the survey.


Perhaps it’s not a coincidence then that IM’s strongest characters are women: The 34-year-old lawyer from Houston unafraid of voicing her strong opinions, the self-made Delhi-based entrepreneur, and the sunny Guyanese wedding planner. IM is regressive, but not more than the patriarchy that governs the rules of marriage. “Spending time with myself is what I enjoy the most,” realises the Delhi entrepreneur. There is a happily ever after, even if it’s not the way society, or match-makers, might imagine.

 

mskmoorthy

Well-known member
There was a movie A Suitable Girl in Amazon Prime by the same director which won an award at the Tribeca Film Festival. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/A_Suitable_Girl_(movie) Trailer

Winner of the Tribeca Film Festival's Best New Documentary Director Award, A Suitable Girl follows three young women in India struggling to maintain their identities and follow their dreams amid intense pressure to get married. Documenting the arranged marriage and matchmaking process in verite over four years, the film examines the women's complex relationship with marriage, family, and culture.
Director Sarita Khurana , Smriti Mundhra Subtitles English [CC]Audio languages English
 

krish44

Well-known member
This tirade against indian match making may lead to economic independent women destroying tradional families besides more boys becoming hen pecked slaves of their female partners.These boys are also looking for flings outside marriage as an escape mechanism.Marriages love or traditional may slowly disintegrate most looking for temporary
short term relations and moving on to better pastures.
 

krish44

Well-known member
This tirade against indian match making may lead to economic independent women destroying tradional families besides more boys becoming hen pecked slaves of their female partners.These boys are also looking for flings outside marriage as an escape mechanism.Marriages love or traditional may slowly disintegrate most looking for temporary
short term relations and moving on to better pastures.
 

krish44

Well-known member
It might be an over reaction from educated economic independant women against patriarchal order in view of past injustices and pent up anger against males .This is abetted and aided by women of last generaion who were at receiving end from males. Tradional arranged marriages are slowly becoming a thing of the past.Most new age women prefer one to one relationship with male .based on somevtransactions online and most would like live in .Brahmin women are no exception.Mosr would not like in laws under the same roof.It is one to one between male and female.
Women do not mind separation and going their separate ways if things do not work out
Which is often the case.
There is no more stigma to failed relationships
In urban context in india women are setting the terms.Men are unable to cope with these new age women.
There appears to be more of take than give by either gender in relationship.
It is easy to destroy an existing order callling it patriarchal.I hope something better emerges to replace it.
 

tbs

Well-known member
hi

in my home or any close relatives......arranged marriages are absolete in terms....so new generation with

new set of marriages in the future....
 
Top