• This forum contains old posts that have been closed. New threads and replies may not be made here. Please navigate to the relevant forum to create a new thread or post a reply.
  • Welcome to Tamil Brahmins forums.

    You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our Free Brahmin Community you will have access to post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!

    If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact contact us.

Scope of TB swayamvarams

Not open for further replies.


Active member
Quote Nara

'Dear Kunjuppu, you seem conflicted, even tortured, by emotions from two opposite sides.

Your blood bond, my friend, is to humanity; your extended family includes all. Nostalgia must not be allowed to trump this. TMS and L.R. Iswari give voice to
Kannadasan's take on this.

Tribalism is no more useful for survival and procreation now, than arani kattai is for making fire. We are into gas lighters even for homams and such.

Those days, when most lived in villages, heavy price was extracted for crossing tribal taboos. But now, in cities, the price is next to nothing. The declining cost of crossing taboos will surely be overtaken by the urge to survive and reproduce. The tribal impulses parents feel are more from vapor than actual fuel. Who will bell the cat is probably the situation. Leadership is what is lacking. If the sluice gates are opened carefully, the building pressure can be managed. Otherwise, the cracks will soon give way to a deluge much like the dam Edward Fox bombs in
Force 10 from Navarone.

Do you want to carefully open the sluice gates or wait for the cracks to completely devour everything, that is the question. Opposing even small steps is not wise.


i am aware that i am a deeply flawed person, trying to accommodate myself in what i believe, is a less flawed group, than what i am. ie the TBs, to a large extent.

there are folks in this group with whom i violently disagree to the point of mutual destruction. have done so in the past. but, at the end of the day, i think of my parents and family, and accept my lineage, as it is something that i will not deny.

reformation starts within one self. then i think, moves on to the family. let us just consider marriage. i am disappointed, even to this day, that i caved in, re the expenses borne by my wife (her earnings as her parents did not have the money) for our wedding.

i have told my children that they are free to choose whom they want. but that does not mean that i have not given them parameters, for what i think, would be a headstart towards a good married life. i would like to reinstate, that 'marry only TBs' is not one of those guidelines.

moving on to the community, wherever and whenever, i would like to look at 'reforming' the community ie try to extricate ourselves from what i think are factors that keep binding us to perverse views and traditions.

i also have to accept the fact, that these very views are the pillars on which many of our community lean on, to give them a sense of value and dignity, in the context of a social onslaught & ostracism in tamil nadu, which you and i, have mercifully avoided, escaped and ensured that our children will not undergo. this, i think, is the right thing for us to have done, and we need not feel guilty about it.

but within the confines of tamil brahmindom, particularly in tamil nadu or bangalore, there exists a section of the community, who, i think have a need here to mate. what good does it do, for me to vehemently preach about abolition of casteism to these folks? or look upon the swayamvaram as an extension of racism?

i do not believe so. i think, this is a simple act of finding mates within the confines of one's compound. don't the jews have dating services? do we abhor or abjure them? how many ads in the nyt refers to swm would prefer only swf? (single white male, female).

i have suggested alternatives, when i sense there is a dead end in the process of looking within the TB community. this dead end is due to many reasons, one of them being, that our community is exponentially reducing in numbers, and is not adjusting to the reality of searching for mates, within a much smaller sample crowd.

i think, within the scope of what could be concretly achieved, swami and friends, are doing something positive and have measurable results. even if only one wedding is arranged, i would consider it a success.

to extend the scope of the swayamvarams, to beyond TBs, i think, in the old fashioned IT terminology, we would call it 'scope creep'. which is a disaster for any well managed project. i think this swayamvaram is a well managed project - each a unique session, with a starting/ending, time boxed and measurable objectives and results.

to open up this function to beyond TBs, again would be like trying to capture the entire sunlight through the pinhole of a needle. we know the sun, the ideal light, but we have to consider, that the light still only falls through the pinhole. to expect it to light up a whole room, is deluding ourselves of our supposed influence.

idealism, i think, in most cases, is a noble exercise, best espoused from the comfort of an armchair. to get some practical results, however flawed it may seem, is, i think, takes a bit more effort and willingness to shed some sweat. i think, it is this sweat that is shed for the swayamvaram, that i bow before, in respect and admiration.

hope this explains.

thank you.

Cheers! '
Yes Kunjuppu, I generally agree with your thrust. Let me just make a few minor points.

This was only a suggestion which has been shot down forthwith. So it has now become an arm-chair exercise only -- I am good at that :).

If it was adopted, it would have been only for those who may be interested. There was to be no compulsion, no preaching, no deriding that swayamvaram is an extension of racism.

This could have been just a small step we all keep talking about. Those who have reached the "dead-end" could have benefited from this small, yet significant, scope creep was permitted.

Finally, open crowing of caste identity is very unbecoming.

Without getting in the discussion part of things, let me just step in and inform...
that we are working on an alternate arrangement where Nara's suggestion can(might) be entertained. It is too early to give out details, but once it is up and running, it should take care of it.

Through tamilbrahmins.com, it is not possible as most of whom who come to the event or give us feedback are very much against intra-community marriage itself. (i.e. iyer vs iyengar)

நல்லார் ஒருவர் உளரேல் அவர் பொருட்டு எல்லோர்க்கும்
பெய்யும் மழை.

If we aim for the development of the wider community, develpopment of the country, then our tribe will also be benefitted.

By all means, we should help the poor people. But why should we say that we are focused on the development of our tribe only?

I have a question to the honorable members of this forum - If a person, a vulnerable person who do not belong to caste brahmin community, seeks help in this forum, would you turn him/her away? If you would turn him/her away, why would you do that? If you would try to help him/her, why would you do that?

If a vulnerable person who follows a faith other than Hinduism seeks help, would you help or not? What are the reasons in that situation, please. Thank you.

Sri Raghy,

We are not at all discriminating the poor of all religions and communities. Individually most of us are involved with some activity or other and may not disclose it as none of us want any publicity. We will help as many people as possible in every possible way within our limitations l irrespective of caste, religion, language, gender, race or any other division.

At the same time, each caste/religion/language/group here have got their own welfare scheme for their own fraternity and I earnestly feel it is not at all wrong.

The challenges facing the poor and downtrodden in India is very large and any form of approach to help them has to be appreciated and encouraged.

Just because we are uniting here under the banner tamilbrahmins, doesn't mean we are against any other group or division in the society.

Let us work for the prosperity of the entire mankind.

All the best
Sri.RVR, Sir,

You have spoken wisely in post #6 in this thread. "Let us work for the prosperity of the entire mankind". You put the ideals in a few words. Thank you. I will help whenever possible.

Sri.RVR Sir said :-

"Just because we are uniting here under the banner tamilbrahmins, doesn't mean we are against any other group or division in the society."

Sri.RVR Sir, I ignored this part in your message #6. But it has become necessary to address it. Sir, I never said in any of my messages, in any thread anything implying the above quoted meaning. So, I do not see the need for saying that to me.

Sri.RVR Sir said :-

"Just because we are uniting here under the banner tamilbrahmins, doesn't mean we are against any other group or division in the society."

Sri.RVR Sir, I ignored this part in your message #6. But it has become necessary to address it. Sir, I never said in any of my messages, in any thread anything implying the above quoted meaning. So, I do not see the need for saying that to me.


Sri Raghy,

My statement is also a general statement only and is not addressed to you specifically. I just conveyed it here so that let all people know that we are not against anybody.

Please ignore anything you feel directed to you.

All the best
www.tamilbrahmins.com is not headed by Government of India OR Government of Tamil Nadu to consider the whole downtrodden population for the welfare schemes.

As Sri RVR ji has stated, almost every community has its own welfare association to benefit its community people. Likewise there is nothing wrong or to feel sorry for having an organized setup exclusively for we Tamil Brahmins to better our community along with others and in harmony with others.

Scope of Swayamwaram if remains within the TB circle than that would be the best for the TB community to get benefited as long as participating people are not ignored.

During the September swayamwaram at Chennai (the very first one in the name of -"NAVEENA SWAYAMWARAM"), my parents visited the venue, registered my brothers horoscope, paying the required fee and attended the event from 8:30am to 9pm.

Subsequently when Boys chart was uploaded on this forum, surprisingly I could not find my brother's name listed. I checked with Mr.Praveen. Unfortunately Mr.Praveen could only help me out with the information that he has nothing to do with preparation. His duty is just to upload the chart as prepared and provided by Sri Shrma ji. I checked with Sri Sharma ji with few reminders. But could not get any reply so far.

It was surprising to me for becoming a fool.

Anyways, I am not complaining. If I would have decided to complain I would have done so during that time itself and not now.

Since now the subject under the thread "Scope Of TB Swamyamwarams" has been initiated, I felt like taking a chance in expressing my views.

So, I request the most responsible and honorable members of this Forum to ensure that the limited scope of Swayamwarams serves its purpose without ignoring even a single participant who all are registering against fee, irrespective of astrological reasons. Because every one are encouraged to register and participate without checking the astrological prediction that whether the registering party got the right time for marriage or not.

Even if the registered person didn't have the right time for marriage and the right time would be in another couple of months, including him/her in goys/girls chart and uploading them on this forum would help each other keeping the data in their records and contact the perspective alliance at the right time.

Hope my views are valid and I need not to have any official rights to voice my views in this Forum on the above subject (after all I fooled my parents to go all the way and register my brother’s horoscope, when plenty of others available surrounding our residence).

Sri C Ravi,

I am really sorry that your brother's horoscope was left out when the chart was prepared.

I would like to admit here that we were totally under-prepared for the first event at Chennai. The number of participants were beyond our expectation. However I sincerely regret for the treatment you experienced.

If we bring the entire registration online, this mistake would not have happened. In chennai more than 90% of the registrations were on spot. In Bangalore, nearly 2/3 of the registrations were spot. We shall ensure in the future event that even if there is a spot registration, it will only an online registration with multiple terminals. This will avoid mistakes to a great extent.

I request all our fellow members here to go for online registration to enable us to serve you better.

I request Sri Ravi to point out any further scope for improvement which we will definitely take it seriously.

All the best
Last edited:
Sri RVR ji,

Thanks you for your reply. Please don't ask sorry for something for which you were not responsible.

Mistakes are obvious to happen. But keeping quite without a response is utter disgusting.

I pointed out the mistake to Mr.Praven and Sharma ji. But could not find any thing constructively. Not even a single line response from Sharma ji for my queries. After all I was not asking for any sort of obligations. It was my right to ask because I have paid for the service. I know that it's not a huge fee to feel for it. But it gives me a sense that I am been ignored to bother.

I know that I am not a VIP to consider. But my request was not ridiculous.

We are few members in counting. But still it is not possible to respond to a valid and genuine complaint.

I believe there are plenty of smart, knowledgeable and worthy members here in this Forum to give valuable suggestions for improvements and who all would be considered to be responded.

If I feel like giving any suggestions, I would certainly send you a private message. I like you a lot and respect you like my own father. I shall be ready to assist you as well whenever you require.
Sri C Ravi,

I am sorry for the mistake. I am responsible for the error too and i do not know what to say. :(. I dont know how i missed it :(

As it was the first event that we had done, there were quite a few things that we didnt get it right and we missed out on a few others.

I am sorry!
Not open for further replies.

Latest ads

Thank you for visiting TamilBrahmins.com

You seem to have an Ad Blocker on.

We depend on advertising to keep our content free for you. Please consider whitelisting us in your ad blocker so that we can continue to provide the content you have come here to enjoy.

Alternatively, consider upgrading your account to enjoy an ad-free experience along with numerous other benefits. To upgrade your account, please visit the account upgrades page

You can also donate financially if you can. Please Click Here on how you can do that.

I've Disabled AdBlock    No Thanks