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Sad Plight of a Brahmin Divorced Woman

Sucharita_SS

New member
There are no bounds on the cruelty thrown on some .A Brahmin woman was married off without checking the credentials of the boys family.The marriage was an eye wash to the society as the boy was in an illicit relationship. As there was no support from her parents side ,she was thrown out easily with visitation rights with her children.

Not so educated still she worked and lived till her fifties . Finally accepted at her mother's place as a refugee . But neither the siblings nor the mother wish to interact with her . A woman who is spouse -less and child -less has no place to live on this earth . Even though she lives keeping her self respect intact . Her own family does not hesitate to dis respect her .When will such a treatment end ?
 
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prasad1

Well-known member
There are no bounds on the cruelty thrown on some .A Brahmin woman was married off without checking the credentials of the boys family.The marriage was an eye wash to the society as the boy was in an illicit relationship. As there was no support from her parents side ,she was thrown out easily with visitation rights with her children.

Not so educated still she worked and lived till her fifties . Finally accepted at her mother's place as a refugee . But neither the siblings nor the mother wish to interact with her . A woman who is spouse -less and child -less has no place to live on this earth . Even though she lives keeping her self respect intact . Her own family does not hesitate to dis respect her .When will such a treatment end ?
It is sad.
But not isolated. It happens in other communities and other countries too.
When you know of a situation you can do something on a personal level. There are NGO's but somebody has to take the initiative to bring the situation to them.
You can start a "gofund" for them.
The forum can not take responsibility for such help.
Wish her the best.
 
OP
OP
S

Sucharita_SS

New member
It is sad.
But not isolated. It happens in other communities and other countries too.
When you know of a situation you can do something on a personal level. There are NGO's but somebody has to take the initiative to bring the situation to them.
You can start a "gofund" for them.
The forum can not take responsibility for such help.
Wish her the best.
I understand, just shared .
 

prasad1

Well-known member
I understand, just shared .
I see you have empathy and a desire to do something about it, Do not just give up.
Convert it into a mission.







https://sripoornamahameru.org/

All the best. If you find a worthwhile organization please come back to the forum and raise the funds needed.
 

renuka

Well-known member
There are no bounds on the cruelty thrown on some .A Brahmin woman was married off without checking the credentials of the boys family.The marriage was an eye wash to the society as the boy was in an illicit relationship. As there was no support from her parents side ,she was thrown out easily with visitation rights with her children.

Not so educated still she worked and lived till her fifties . Finally accepted at her mother's place as a refugee . But neither the siblings nor the mother wish to interact with her . A woman who is spouse -less and child -less has no place to live on this earth . Even though she lives keeping her self respect intact . Her own family does not hesitate to dis respect her .When will such a treatment end ?
Sad to hear this.
But its the stark reality of human behavior that actually doesnt care for anyone.

Its admirable that the lady is still living with her self respect intact.
But seems to me she still is hoping for some acceptance from all those who have treated her badly.

My honest answer is a piece of advice from Imaam Jaafar who was imprisoned many times in his life and suffered a lot..He said "Turn any hardship into worship"

Use the hardship to focus on God.
It isnt as easy as usually we humans do seek some support from others.
But when others are cruel to us, try to reflect on what is the message behind this.

May be its time for the lady to turn inward.
Its time for her to lead a life where its about her journey with God.

Move out of her mother's house.
Why stay there when no one cares.
Try to stay elsewhere and look for people who into spirituality of an active kind..like doing seva etc.

Tell her to get active, improve her life step by step.
It wont happen overnight but small steps help.

Tell her when people around dont love her..may be God wants her to love Him instead.
 

prasad1

Well-known member
Sad to hear this.
But its the stark reality of human behavior that actually doesnt care for anyone.

Its admirable that the lady is still living with her self respect intact.
But seems to me she still is hoping for some acceptance from all those who have treated her badly.

My honest answer is a piece of advice from Imaam Jaafar who was imprisoned many times in his life and suffered a lot..He said "Turn any hardship into worship"

Use the hardship to focus on God.
It isnt as easy as usually we humans do seek some support from others.
But when others are cruel to us, try to reflect on what is the message behind this.

May be its time for the lady to turn inward.
Its time for her to lead a life where its about her journey with God.

Move out of her mother's house.
Why stay there when no one cares.
Try to stay elsewhere and look for people who into spirituality of an active kind..like doing seva etc.

Tell her to get active, improve her life step by step.
It wont happen overnight but small steps help.

Tell her when people around dont love her..may be God wants her to love Him instead.
In India destitute particularly widows are generally treated as subhuman. She will not find work or shelter on her own. You need a champion or a sponsorer for them. Then she can get the respect she needs.
 

renuka

Well-known member
In India destitute particularly widows are generally treated as subhuman. She will not find work or shelter on her own. You need a champion or a sponsorer for them. Then she can get the respect she needs.
Agreed...but from the undertones of the original post, it was much more an emotional cry for some love and care.

At times emotional pain is greater than lack of physical comforts.

I feel the original post is relating the hurt a person gets when a person is not treated with respect and compassion.
 

sravna

Well-known member
Dear Madam,

What you have related I believe should be one among countless such pain and suffering. Unfortunately that is the way the world is headed. One of the two things should ideally happen.

As Renuka suggests she should turn inward and fortify her defence. But still it would an uphill task for her as she is a woman.

The other thing that would seem far fetched is a revolution in thinking happening in the society. That requires some real jolts but there is no other way. I am very seriously and I am sure there are like minded persons who would want to work in that direction.

The brains have been washed and corrupted pervasively. But I believe the silver lining is the corruption is shallow and can be uprooted.

Let's be hopeful.
 

sravna

Well-known member
Corruption of the mind is pervasive. Ironically the poor who are at the receiving end have also been brainwashed. Those who want to hold control seem to know how to do it. As I mentioned in my last post corruption fortunately is shallow. They are mostly comedy villains who think and act silly even though the intention is evil. The trick is they made it pervasive.

These people rely on money, power and technology for accomplishing their tasks. Anything that counters them have to take on their above three means. A tailor made job for spirituality and spiritual people.
 
OP
OP
S

Sucharita_SS

New member
Sad to hear this.
But its the stark reality of human behavior that actually doesnt care for anyone.

Its admirable that the lady is still living with her self respect intact.
But seems to me she still is hoping for some acceptance from all those who have treated her badly.

My honest answer is a piece of advice from Imaam Jaafar who was imprisoned many times in his life and suffered a lot..He said "Turn any hardship into worship"

Use the hardship to focus on God.
It isnt as easy as usually we humans do seek some support from others.
But when others are cruel to us, try to reflect on what is the message behind this.

May be its time for the lady to turn inward.
Its time for her to lead a life where its about her journey with God.

Move out of her mother's house.
Why stay there when no one cares.
Try to stay elsewhere and look for people who into spirituality of an active kind..like doing seva etc.

Tell her to get active, improve her life step by step.
It wont happen overnight but small steps help.

Tell her when people around dont love her..may be God wants her to love Him instead.

Sad to hear this.
But its the stark reality of human behavior that actually doesnt care for anyone.

Its admirable that the lady is still living with her self respect intact.
But seems to me she still is hoping for some acceptance from all those who have treated her badly.

My honest answer is a piece of advice from Imaam Jaafar who was imprisoned many times in his life and suffered a lot..He said "Turn any hardship into worship"

Use the hardship to focus on God.
It isnt as easy as usually we humans do seek some support from others.
But when others are cruel to us, try to reflect on what is the message behind this.

May be its time for the lady to turn inward.
Its time for her to lead a life where its about her journey with God.

Move out of her mother's house.
Why stay there when no one cares.
Try to stay elsewhere and look for people who into spirituality of an active kind..like doing seva etc.

Tell her to get active, improve her life step by step.
It wont happen overnight but small steps help.

Tell her when people around dont love her..may be God wants her to love Him instead.
Well said . She is also accepting and into her inward journey . Trusts on divine help . Jiska koi nahi ,uska khudha hai. So far she survived. Sure, she will be able to wade through . Thanks so much for your kind response.
 
OP
OP
S

Sucharita_SS

New member
Dear Madam,

What you have related I believe should be one among countless such pain and suffering. Unfortunately that is the way the world is headed. One of the two things should ideally happen.

As Renuka suggests she should turn inward and fortify her defence. But still it would an uphill task for her as she is a woman.

The other thing that would seem far fetched is a revolution in thinking happening in the society. That requires some real jolts but there is no other way. I am very seriously and I am sure there are like minded persons who would want to work in that direction.

The brains have been washed and corrupted pervasively. But I believe the silver lining is the corruption is shallow and can be uprooted.

Let's be hopeful.
Thanks for the kind response to my post . She is into meditation etc . She is quite calm as well . May god take care of her .

Nothing much can be done ,when her own family considers her as a burden. I feel it is safe for her also to be in her home at this stage of life. She has every right to stay in her home . She is healthy and not financially dependent on her siblings atleast for her basic needs.
 

krish44

Well-known member
I take such sob stories with s pinch of salt.
Times have changed.
Now single women can always take up some employment.
If uneducated as maid or baby sitter .If she can cook she can make auite a packet per month.Many working couples offer accomodation for house helps.
Many govt schemes provide money for basic needs.
If she has some mental strength she can lead a decent life.
There are thousands of women who are destitutes in places like mathura.They belong to older generation
New India is different.
Only she requires to take some initiative to live a better life
 

sravna

Well-known member
Sir,

It is not a story but a reality. Pain and suffering exist and they are realities. People perceive it in accordance with their nature. I and many others I believe have no issues with it. But the problem occurs when people try to thrust their perception as reality. I am not accusing you Sir but stating a generality.
 

prasad1

Well-known member
I take such sob stories with s pinch of salt.
Times have changed.
Now single women can always take up some employment.
If uneducated as maid or baby sitter .If she can cook she can make auite a packet per month.Many working couples offer accomodation for house helps.
Many govt schemes provide money for basic needs.
If she has some mental strength she can lead a decent life.
There are thousands of women who are destitutes in places like mathura.They belong to older generation
New India is different.
Only she requires to take some initiative to live a better life
I agree with you in principle. But reality is all together different for a widowed Brahmin lady in Tamil Nadu. There are some perceived status, and she might get further alienated from people she knows. People still can not break the shackles that bind them.
Also people do not know the resources that are available, only to those who know how to operate the system. She may have to have a "champion" to help her negotiate the difficult path.
That is why I am encouraging Sucharita_SS to be a champion.
 

krish44

Well-known member
Most widowed or divorced women require support to cope on day to day basis. They hang on to some female or male friend or relative.for support.
If these do not exploit them they have achance of a better life.
These ladies need to have some native wisdom else they may end up being exploited.
In other castes women are more self reliant and
Know to cope in adverse circumstances.
I wish brahmin women learn from them
 

renuka

Well-known member
Most widowed or divorced women require support to cope on day to day basis. They hang on to some female or male friend or relative.for support.
If these do not exploit them they have achance of a better life.
These ladies need to have some native wisdom else they may end up being exploited.
In other castes women are more self reliant and
Know to cope in adverse circumstances.
I wish brahmin women learn from them
Honestly I feel women are generally more self reliant than men.
She is wired by nature to do so as she is the receptacle for bringing in new life.

In the original post, its clear the lady is self reliant but she is questioning the heartlessness of society which treats a woman badly.

Its a very strange too..India comes with the philosophy of " I am the Atma"..but yet all we see is " You are only the body"...a disconnect exists.
 

prasad1

Well-known member
Honestly I feel women are generally more self reliant than men.
She is wired by nature to do so as she is the receptacle for bringing in new life.
That is true in the wild (Except for Lions). Or any of the female-dominated animal societies (Elephants, wolfs, wild dogs).
But among Human society, we are generally governed by what society allows us to do.
In the original post, its clear the lady is self reliant but she is questioning the heartlessness of society which treats a woman badly.
Does she have a choice?
Its a very strange too..India comes with the philosophy of " I am the Atma"..but yet all we see is " You are only the body"...a disconnect exists.
99.9999999% of people identify with the body. All this talk of "I am Atma" is good for swamiji's to preach (and make money).
If there is any person who really lives that life they are not among us, they have decided to live outside of society.

If you have to live in society then you have to care for your body
 

renuka

Well-known member
That is true in the wild (Except for Lions). Or any of the female-dominated animal societies (Elephants, wolfs, wild dogs).
But among Human society, we are generally governed by what society allows us to do.

Does she have a choice?

99.9999999% of people identify with the body. All this talk of "I am Atma" is good for swamiji's to preach (and make money).
If there is any person who really lives that life they are not among us, they have decided to live outside of society.

If you have to live in society then you have to care for your body
When I wrote " I am the Atma and not the body"...i meant that though the philosophy is about seeing beyond the body yet its not practiced..in the sense people cant see a woman as an Atma too..they see a widow as just a body that too an inauspicious one and ill treat her.

This is the disconnect I am talking about
 

sravna

Well-known member
Renuka,

Let it be I am atma, mind and body. That way it is easy for many to vibe. I know you are a big fan of balance so there has to be a balanced perspective of self especially in Kali Yuga.
 

tbs

Well-known member
HI

now a days....whattsaap/facebook gp for divorcees/widows.....they can search....make connect with

likeminded people....
 

RadhaT

New member
There are no bounds on the cruelty thrown on some .A Brahmin woman was married off without checking the credentials of the boys family.The marriage was an eye wash to the society as the boy was in an illicit relationship. As there was no support from her parents side ,she was thrown out easily with visitation rights with her children.

Not so educated still she worked and lived till her fifties . Finally accepted at her mother's place as a refugee . But neither the siblings nor the mother wish to interact with her . A woman who is spouse -less and child -less has no place to live on this earth . Even though she lives keeping her self respect intact . Her own family does not hesitate to dis respect her .When will such a treatment end ?
Dear Madam, It is indeed very unfortunate to hear about this woman's plight. Is she ready to take up employment as an full time assistant and help to a brahmin family with octogenarians who are in need. If so please email me. Thank you Radha
 

prasad1

Well-known member
Dear Madam, It is indeed very unfortunate to hear about this woman's plight. Is she ready to take up employment as an full time assistant and help to a brahmin family with octogenarians who are in need. If so please email me. Thank you Radha
Good intentions.
But I would warn Sucharitaji. If something sounds too good to be true, it might be false. Somebody has ti do due diligence to protect the widow.
Generally people take advantage of a widows.
"A full time assistant" could be a fancy name for indentured labor.
Of course I might be wrong.
This might be an exception, let us hope so.
My apologies to Radhaji, it is not personal.
 
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thebigthinkg

Active member
Thanks for the kind response to my post . She is into meditation etc . She is quite calm as well . May god take care of her .

Nothing much can be done ,when her own family considers her as a burden. I feel it is safe for her also to be in her home at this stage of life. She has every right to stay in her home . She is healthy and not financially dependent on her siblings atleast for her basic needs.
The truth is, everyone (every identity) in this world has come in alone and will go alone. The said woman had the opportunity to realise it early on. Probably some others around her will come to realize this over a period and she will have the opportunity to help them through that.

Your body cannot be taken care of by others. It can only be taken care of by you. In between the time your identity rises and falls, the luckiest thing one could have is a healthy body on which this identity resides. Seems this woman is lucky in that way.

One of my grandma's (elder sister to my grandma, vembu ammal) became a widow even before her marriage was consummated at some 15 or 16 years of age. She remained all alone in our village, protecting our lands, shaving off her head and wearing brown saree, while we would keep visiting her every month. She used to send Rs.5 to TTD every year of my examination from 6th standard, with a wish that I become an engineer. I did not know what it meant, but simply did engineering because she wanted me to do it.

She was always independent, extremely skilled in doll-making, reciting samskrt and tamil slokas, stories etc. If she visited us, she would not stay for more than 2 or 3 days. Even if it rains heavily, she will leave claiming she can walk between the raindrops and will go back to the village. When we became bit older, we tried to force her to stay with us and not go to village. But she will always escape.

I have seen her only as loving grandmother. So I have no idea of what pains and sufferings she might have gone through. But I am sure she must have felt lonely . But as my granma, granpa aged, my parents aged, I could see that they went through the same loneliness process that vembu paati experienced. Vembu paati was used to this loneliness for long. But my grandparents and parents were not used to. It was tough adapting for them.

Shankara wrote that in moha mudgaram (bhaja-govindam), centuries back

yāvad-vittopārjana saktaḥ
tāvan-nijaparivāro raktaḥ |
paśchājjīvati jarjara dehe
vārtāṃ koapi na pṛcChati gehe

யாது வரையோ செல்வம்சேர்சக்தியும்
போகுமவ்வரை சுற்றங்கள்பந்தமும்
தவிப்பார் வாழ்வில் மூப்பெய்ய தேகம்
வார்த்தைகளும் கூட கேட்டிலர் வீட்டினில்

As I offer tarpanam to vembu paati in this period, could not help recollecting the memories of that strong and brave woman who taught us many things. Just that, if the past society has been more just to her, more enabling her, more open with their ideas, she might have lived a more beautiful life. Maybe I would not have had that loving, adamant patti who pushed me into engineering. But that's fine. She might have lived a life more on her terms.

But yes the positive side is, such people are independent and adapted to loneliness early on. If they have good health, then nothing like it. Every one of us have to face and adapt to this loneliness, but will find it mentally torturing at later years.
 

RadhaT

New member
Good intentions.
But I would warn Sucharitaji. If something sounds too good to be true, it might be false. Somebody has ti do due diligence to protect the widow.
Generally people take advantage of a widows.
"A full time assistant" could be a fancy name for indentured labor.
Of course I might be wrong.
This might be an exception, let us hope so.
My apologies to Radhaji, it is not personal.
Can understand your apprehensions and distrust , Prasadji. In today's world it is very difficult to find people with good intentions. More so with everything becoming virtual ..
Sucharitaji , glad to hear that the young lady is financially sound and not dependent on anyone.

I am looking for a person ( preferably a lady) who can live with my parents and help them out. I shall be reaching out far and wide ..till i get someone. Prasadji, Should you know of any such individual who is willing ..please let me know. Thank you .
 

prasad1

Well-known member
Can understand your apprehensions and distrust , Prasadji. In today's world it is very difficult to find people with good intentions. More so with everything becoming virtual ..
Sucharitaji , glad to hear that the young lady is financially sound and not dependent on anyone.

I am looking for a person ( preferably a lady) who can live with my parents and help them out. I shall be reaching out far and wide ..till i get someone. Prasadji, Should you know of any such individual who is willing ..please let me know. Thank you .
Please see my post #4 above. When I visited some of the sites, there were some able-bodied people who claimed that they were ready to work.
 
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