Questions on Grihapravesam for Tamil Iyers

[Sujatha Subramanian]

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Hi,I need some urgent help.I have my Grihapravesam scheduled for June 13th, 2013.From the girls side, what all should be part of the "seer"? My parents want to put Brass Kodam but my mother in law says Velli Kodam.Can you advise what is more auspicious,what is the right thing to do with an explanation so I can explain the same thing to them.This is really urgent, appreciate all the help.Regrds,Sujatha Subramanian.





for June 13, 2013o

n

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Sujatha,

The silver kudam was asked as one of the seer items during my wedding, long back of course, and my mother

had to convince my M I L saying that she has not given it during my elder sisters' weddings! I would say that a

brass kudam shines like gold and appears better than a silver one but the status conscious M I L wants the one

made in silver, which will need a bigger locker in the bank and more rent to be paid! I am sorry to see that ladies

don't change their attitude even in this new era!

You may try to get the help of your sastrigaL to convince your M I L to accept the brass kudam! Best of luck!

 

[Sujatha Subramanian]

Thanks so much for your reply...I guessed as much that it was "status" over "practicality"..Am one among 4 sisters
so it isn't easy...I'll have to exercise my negotiation skills at this point..need all the luck!

Dear Sujatha,

The silver kudam was asked as one of the seer items during my wedding, long back of course, and my mother

had to convince my M I L saying that she has not given it during my elder sisters' weddings! I would say that a

brass kudam shines like gold and appears better than a silver one but the status conscious M I L wants the one

made in silver, which will need a bigger locker in the bank and more rent to be paid! I am sorry to see that ladies

don't change their attitude even in this new era!

You may try to get the help of your sastrigaL to convince your M I L to accept the brass kudam! Best of luck!

 

[prasad1]

Dear Sujatha,

The silver kudam was asked as one of the seer items during my wedding, long back of course, and my mother

had to convince my M I L saying that she has not given it during my elder sisters' weddings! I would say that a

brass kudam shines like gold and appears better than a silver one but the status conscious M I L wants the one

made in silver, which will need a bigger locker in the bank and more rent to be paid! I am sorry to see that ladies

don't change their attitude even in this new era!

You may try to get the help of your sastrigaL to convince your M I L to accept the brass kudam! Best of luck!

What is purpose of the Kudam in modern days. May be a picture of Gold kudam and a gift certificate would be be a better gift.

I am sorry to see that families don't change their attitude even in this new era!

I second that view.

 

[sangom]

Smt. Sujata Subramanian,

For grihapravesam water in a pot is considered as one of the many auspicious objects (like flowers, fresh mango leaves, rice and daal, etc.). Even water in a mudpot should satisfy this religious requirement. Brass koDam is the normal thing but silver koDam demand comes either because your side had given such an understanding or because your MIL is too greedy. I will say you go and tell her straight that she should keep her mouth shut or else you will lodge a police complaint of domestic dowry harassment and that will ne the end of their peace of mind. These laws have been enacted just to help people like you only.

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Sangom Sir,

It is not easy to have a peaceful life if a police complaint is lodged! That is why I suggested to her

to take the help of her SasthrigaL to convince her M I L.

 

[sangom]

Dear Sangom Sir,

It is not easy to have a peaceful life if a police complaint is lodged! That is why I suggested to her

to take the help of her SasthrigaL to convince her M I L.

A threat of going to the Police station and lodging a complaint under section 498 (a) will pulverize even a thADakai-type mAmiyAr because from then onwards the mAmiyAr will have to eat the prison "koozh" only. Even bail is not easy and the husband and all his relatives staying with him have to be arrested. But the "threat" works very beautifully (I have seen) unless the hubby is an ammakkondu and tries to break off the relation with the wife. Even then the wife can keep him under her reins by refusing to give a divorce. He will be cooked for his entire lifetime like that.

 

[kunjuppu]

Hi,I need some urgent help.I have my Grihapravesam scheduled for June 13th, 2013.From the girls side, what all should be part of the "seer"? My parents want to put Brass Kodam but my mother in law says Velli Kodam.Can you advise what is more auspicious,what is the right thing to do with an explanation so I can explain the same thing to them.This is really urgent, appreciate all the help.Regrds,Sujatha Subramanian.





for June 13, 2013o

n

dear sujatha,

this is serious. listen to sangom's advice. what your mil wants is a criminal act. dowry and seer are all prohibited by law. here is quote from wikipedia for your benefit..

The payment of a dowry gift, often financial, has a long history in many parts of the world. In India, the payment of a dowry was prohibited in 1961 under Indian civil law and subsequently by Sections 304B and 498A of the Indian Penal Code. These laws were enacted to make it easier for the wife to seek redress from potential harassment by the husband's family. Dowry laws have come under criticism as they have been misused by women and their families.

get that pisaasu out of your system. best wishes

 

[kunjuppu]

A threat of going to the Police station and lodging a complaint under section 498 (a) will pulverize even a thADakai-type mAmiyAr because from then onwards the mAmiyAr will have to eat the prison "koozh" only. Even bail is not easy and the husband and all his relatives staying with him have to be arrested. But the "threat" works very beautifully (I have seen) unless the hubby is an ammakkondu and tries to break off the relation with the wife. Even then the wife can keep him under her reins by refusing to give a divorce. He will be cooked for his entire lifetime like that.

sangom,

the mere mention of police should sent shivers down the spine of the greedy in laws. in fact, i have heard, many of today's girls using this tool to bring the maamiyaar in line.

also, heard of a few cases of abuse by girl's families - a threat to go to police, and demand for money. oh well!!

 

[kunjuppu]

Dear Sangom Sir,

It is not easy to have a peaceful life if a police complaint is lodged! That is why I suggested to her

to take the help of her SasthrigaL to convince her M I L.

raji,

for the unrelenting greedy woman, there is no end. the vadhiar may pacify her for the current. again he may not. the snake will raise its greedy head again, unless, the head is chopped off, once and for all.

i am very surprised such a thing is happening in this day and age. the mamiyar in the sujatha incident, i would report to police, if sujatha sends me by private message the needed information.

 

[tbs]

hi,
just my opinion...to satisfy both....just try brass kudam with silver coat.....

 

[Raji Ram]

......... just my opinion...to satisfy both....just try brass kudam with silver coat.....

That is cheating T B S Sir!

I have seen two gold coated brass viLakku (about 3 feet height) in my friend's house.

Oh! That pair of viLakkus were stunningly beautiful! :thumb: May be Sujatha can ask for this option.

P.S: Somehow I do not advise anyone to threaten by the police. Why not win by logic and love?

 

[tbs]

That is cheating T B S Sir!

I have seen two gold coated brass viLakku (about 3 feet height) in my friend's house.

Oh! That pair of viLakkus were stunningly beautiful! :thumb: May be Sujatha can ask for this option.

P.S: Somehow I do not advise anyone to threaten by the police. Why not win by logic and love?

hi RR madam....

ஆயிரம் பொய் சொல்லி ஒரு கல்யாணம் நடத்தலாம் .....அது போல ஒரு பொய் சொல்லி

க்ரிஹப்ரவேஷம் நடத்தலாம் .....இது எப்படி இருக்கு?....

 

[sangom]

sangom,

the mere mention of police should sent shivers down the spine of the greedy in laws. in fact, i have heard, many of today's girls using this tool to bring the maamiyaar in line.

also, heard of a few cases of abuse by girl's families - a threat to go to police, and demand for money. oh well!!

I would not recommend the legal redress if it was a case of abuse. I had some doubts whether Mrs. Sujatha may not be a middle-aged woman with one or two kids who proposes to perform grihapravesam for the new house built by her and her husband; but the use of the words "girl's side" made me conclude that this is a case of a newly married girl. Having completed the marriage, the MIL is now trying to extract as much as possible and the law is there just to check such cases only, imo.

FYI and for Smt. RR's information, my niece had a very troublesome in-laws and an equally irresponsible husband who gave her two kids within two years of marriage and then started troubling her in very many ways. This girl nicely came to her mother's home and then sent info that if the husband and in-laws continued to behave in the same fashion, she would lodge a complaint u/s 498 (a) in her nearest Police station. This sent shock waves virtually, the in-laws became quiet and the husband now gives regular money to my niece who says she will live with him only if the in-laws stay away from him (the husband, i.e.). Though it is a special case, we have seen how the threat from the dil works.

 

[sangom]

raji,

for the unrelenting greedy woman, there is no end. the vadhiar may pacify her for the current. again he may not. the snake will raise its greedy head again, unless, the head is chopped off, once and for all.

i am very surprised such a thing is happening in this day and age. the mamiyar in the sujatha incident, i would report to police, if sujatha sends me by private message the needed information.

K,

The complaint has to be lodged by the affected wife or her close relatives, not by anyone else.

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Sangom Sir,

Do you think middle aged women fear their M I L?

 

[Raji Ram]

Where is Mrs. Sujatha? eep:

Hope she is not one more 'Harini Iyer', taking us for a ride!

 

[Raji Ram]

I saw Mrs. Sujatha's reply to me in my mail box. I am glad that her query is genuine!

She is also one of the four sisters like me!