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[srisan]

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Hi All,

Recently my periappa died due to heart attack 3 mts ago.
My parents couldnt meet the family in the 1st 10 days due to some circumstances.
Pls let me know if they should not meet my periappas family for 1 year?
If yes, are there any pariharams to be done before they meet my periappas family now.
Pls guide.

Thanks,
Sri

 

[B.Krishnamurthy]

Shri.Sri,
I am not an authority.I have heard that one can visit even during the first year after one rain from the date of event.Normally everyone is advised to eat something and go for offering condolence.That is why on the 10th day,when you visit someone to offer condolence,you are asked to take tiffin (arranged in that house) before offering Condolence.
I will tell you my experience.My first child expired after a few hours of delivery,because it was premature born.When my wife was pregnant for the second time,my best friend's mother expired.I was in a dilemma.I convinced my wife everything will be fine and attended the funeral till the completion of all rites in the Burial ground,returned with my friend left him in his house and then left for my home.By the grace of God,my daughter is now 47 and both her daughters are Engineers.
PS:-I do not know when our customs would change.If a married woman die when husband is alive,she is considered as a 'Permanent Sumangali' even after her husband is no more.Every year her name will be called whenever 'Sumangali Prarthana" is done in the house.
If a lady becomes a widow even after 60 years of married life,she is considered only as a widow with all prejudices.Why not we have
a custom of calling a married woman as 'Sumangali'(even after her husband's death)once she has lived with her husband say for period of 10 years
and "Deerga sumangali"after 20 years of married life even after the death of her husband.In my opinion the word "Widow' needs to be removed from usage.

 

[renuka]

Dear Krishnamurty sir,

I remember when I was working before in a busy goverment hospital and I was pregnant that time and had to conduct post mortems too and many Hindu nurses used to caution me that you are pregnant and you shouldnt do this.

I told them its my duty as on call doctor to preform post mortems so I can just runaway from it.
Many were scared to go to that Morgue becos across the fence was a chinese graveyard so enough medical staff avoided the place.

Once I had to conduct a post mortem on an accident victim and the police officer didnt want to come in to see what i was doing.
He told me "doc i have a new born baby at home..I hope you understand?"
I was thinking to myself..he is in police uniform and he still thought like this and I was 6 months pregnant and I just thought of it as my duty.
I was wondering if any police officer thought "I have a new born baby at home" before taking a bribe.
I feel nothing can affect us if we just do our duties.

Coming to the widow theory.Ramakrishna Paramahansa told His wife Sharada Devi never consider herself a Widow after His death becos He is not Dead as only the body dies.

 

[renuka]

Hi All,

Recently my periappa died due to heart attack 3 mts ago.
My parents couldnt meet the family in the 1st 10 days due to some circumstances.
Pls let me know if they should not meet my periappas family for 1 year?
If yes, are there any pariharams to be done before they meet my periappas family now.
Pls guide.



Thanks,
Sri

Dear Srisan,

I am in no authority to comment on customs but wont your Periappas family feel much better if they get a visit from their Kith and Kin?
Isnt that being considerate for fellow kinsmen?
Do you really think any harm can befall us when we have our own individual Karma?

Remember the Yaksha's Questions to Yudhishtira where Yudhisthira will say that the amazing thing of this world is that even though we witness death but we still feel death will never approach us.

Srisan..if you ask me as a friendly advise I dont see any harm going.When we have love and compassion in our heart nothing can go wrong.

 

[Iyer]

Dear Mr. Srisan,

My Christian friends quote from the Bible, "Thou shalt Love thy neighbour as thyself. There is no law against it".

I trust Hindus are stronger when it comes to spiritual love and love transcends all religous barriers.

You visit the bereaved out of love and I trust nothing should matter and hinder you from visiting.

You are after all comforting them.

Your visit shall be like a balm, an ointment for their bruised hearts.

Regards,
Iyer

 

[valli]

The above posts remind me of the time when I was pregnant with my second child and my best friend's (neighbour) father expired. I was advised by many (nearly every one!) not to go her house! But I did go and was there throughout, consoling her.

My child has turned out to be a healthy one! And my friend appreciates me till this date about how I was there for her! Luckily, I have a nice husband who thinks along my lines!!

Kind regards

 

[Brahmanyan]

Dear Srisan,

Birth and death are in the hands of God Almighty. To visit and console the bereaved family is an act of compassion. No harm will befall on an act of compassion. All Sastras and beliefs are man made, nothing will happen when it is transgressed for doing good. In these things be guided by your conscience.

Regards,
Brahmanyan,
Bangalore.

 

[C RAVI]

In the year 1995, my periappa's wife died out of prolonged illness, in Bangalore. My dad and myself were there in hospital couple of days before her death. When the body was taken for cremation, I was advised by all to not to visit burial ground/electric crematorium, as unmarried boys who have their father alive should not visit, else the boy will end up doing karma for his father in couple of years. My father never believe in all this and allowed me to follow him to the crematorium, as I was wishing for.

My dad was much healthy for many years. He died only recently at his age of 73, peacefully at home, due natural aging/illness, as per his karma.

There are many such blind believes, followed by many in almost all the communities, that are truly too harsh with the feelings and emotions of humans and human relationships.

 

[kunjuppu]

The above posts remind me of the time when I was pregnant with my second child and my best friend's (neighbour) father expired. I was advised by many (nearly every one!) not to go her house! But I did go and was there throughout, consoling her.

My child has turned out to be a healthy one! And my friend appreciates me till this date about how I was there for her! Luckily, I have a nice husband who thinks along my lines!!

Kind regards

valli,

i think you touched the key there with reference to your husband.

srisan's concern, may not only from his viewpoint, but also how his periappa's family would view it, and how he could respond to them.

in my own case, my dearest uncle died one and half years ago. i went only after 15 days to india, to spend time with my aunt for a week, and also avoid the crowd and the rituals.

it so happened, that this january, was the first anniversary and i was in chennai. my aunt invited me for the function, and i excused myself -because i am so removed from religious rituals, practices and also due to my lifestyle (no poonal etc.).

my aunt, would have none of this - she said that my uncle loved me above everything, and so did she. none of my (non)beliefs or lifestyle mattered to her.

what mattered was that i should attend. with that much affection, i could not say no.

though i am no fan of thevasa saappaadu, i went and partook the feast. so did my spouse.

let sri verify with his periappa family, and if everyone is ok with it, go visit them.

death, does bring out strange behaviours and fears in our community.

 

[sadasivam.sridharan]

These blind beliefs are born out of superstitions and irrational fear.

 

[Haridasa Siva]

While I hope the thread starter would have got the answer, I must say that this thread has been one of the best in terms of my enlightenment. I thank everyone who has shared his/her experience here. Thank you.