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Parents against marriage

swan

Member
I am interested in a girl(who is also a brahmin) , but my parents are against it since her brother married a widow and my parents say her family are outcastes now. My parents are orthodox . Is what my parents saying correct according to Hindu Dharma Shastra? Since her brother married a widow does it make them outcastes?
 
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renuka

Gold Member
Gold Member
I am interested in a girl(who is also a brahmin) , but my parents are against it since her brother married a widow and my parents say her family are outcastes now. My parents are orthodox . Is what my parents saying correct according to Hindu Dharma Shastra? Since her brother married a widow does it make them outcastes?

Well...if a person has a daughter and she becomes a divorcee or widow and a man marries her..the man would be viewed by the girls family as a man of great values who gave a divorcee or widow a life of marriage.

BUT if its another persons daughter who is a widow or divorcee then some expect the woman to remain unmarried forever as to be within the realm of the orthodox.

I have no idea about any Dharmashastras which could be outdated for all I know..but you should be happy to be marrying into a family where the parents of the girl you like accepted a widow as their daughter in law and saw a woman as a human who deserves a 2nd chance in life to find happiness.

We as humans are animate creatures with pulsating awareness consciousness in us..we should weigh pros and cons based on our intellect and not force ourselves to just follow Shastras 24/7.
 

krish44

Gold Member
Gold Member
I am interested in a girl(who is also a brahmin) , but my parents are against it since her brother married a widow and my parents say her family are outcastes now. My parents are orthodox . Is what my parents saying correct according to Hindu Dharma Shastra? Since her brother married a widow does it make them outcastes?
If it were a widower with a child marries a woman of same caste no one would say a word.
If a widow marries a man it is viewed differentl
It is part of a patriarchal mindset.
Times have changed.
There is nothing in religion which prohibits you marrying the girl whose brother has married a widow.
Just put the issue aside and marry the girl.
 

tbs

Well-known member
If it were a widower with a child marries a woman of same caste no one would say a word.
If a widow marries a man it is viewed differentl
It is part of a patriarchal mindset.
Times have changed.
There is nothing in religion which prohibits you marrying the girl whose brother has married a widow.
Just put the issue aside and marry the girl.
hi

Just put the issue aside and marry the girl.

well said....go head....if u wish to marry...
 
Suggest you go ahead, I am sure your parents would eventually understand your bil and his wife. My cousin has married a widow with a child and they are happy. With all good wishes.
 
OP
S

swan

Member
I am interested in a girl(who is also a brahmin) , but my parents are against it since her brother married a widow and my parents say her family are outcastes now. My parents are orthodox . Is what my parents saying correct according to Hindu Dharma Shastra? Since her brother married a widow does it make them outcastes?
Thanks for the replies. I would like to know what does Dharma Shastra say in this matter, so that I can talk with my parents accordingly.
 

ekaputra

Active member
Thanks for the replies. I would like to know what does Dharma Shastra say in this matter, so that I can talk with my parents accordingly.
The Dharma Shastras are the creation of humans and not handed down by some omniscient Brahma. We do not (completely) know what social life was like centuries earlier when these Shastras were compiled but we know for sure that it was very different from what it is today.

Just as it is not correct to judge ancient Shastras (laws)/ beliefs by present day values, it is also not correct/ realistic to look to centuries old laws for guidance in these matters.

Rely on your own capacity to take sensible decisions and follow your conscience.
 

KANNANS

Member
I do not know what Dharma Shastras say about this. But, our shastras are meant to guide people to live happily, healthy and with ethics. If this is uderstood, the question of shastra for widow marriage does not araise. However, you should convince your parents either by yourself or through other elders in the family and marry the girl whom you are in love with. All the best to you and your future wife. God bless you.
 
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