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ONE BEDROOM FLAT..A Bitter Reality

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P.J.

Well-known member
ONE BEDROOM FLAT..A Bitter Reality

Please Read this article; it is a reality with many old parents left in India.

WRITTEN BY AN INDIAN ENGINEER...

A Bitter Reality



As the dream of most parents I had acquired a degree in Engineering and joined a company based in USA, the land of braves and opportunity. When I arrived in the USA, it was as if a dream had come true.



Here at last I was in the place where I want to be. I decided I would be staying in this country for about Five years in which time I would have earned enough money to settle down in India.



My father was a government employee and after his retirement, the only asset he could acquire was a decent one bedroom flat.



I wanted to do some thing more than him. I started feeling homesick and lonely as the time passed. I used to call home and speak to my parents every week using cheap international phone cards. Two years passed, two years of Burgers at McDonald's and pizzas and discos and 2 years watching the foreign exchange rate getting happy whenever the Rupee value went down.



Finally I decided to get married. Told my parents that I have only 10 days of holidays and everything must be done within these 10 days. I got my ticket booked in the cheapest flight. Was jubilant and was actually enjoying hopping for gifts for all my friends back home. If I miss anyone then there will be talks. After reaching home I spent home one week going through all the photographs of girls and as the time was getting shorter I was forced to select one candidate.



In-laws told me, to my surprise, that I would have to get married in 2-3 days, as I will not get anymore holidays. After the marriage, it was time to return to USA, after giving some money to my parents and telling the neighbors to look after them, we returned to USA.



My wife enjoyed this country for about two months and then she started feeling lonely. The frequency of calling India increased to twice in a week sometimes 3 times a week. Our savings started diminishing.



After two more years we started to have kids. Two lovely kids, a boy and a girl, were gifted to us by the almighty. Every time I spoke to my parents, they asked me to come to India so that they can see their grand-children.



Every year I decide to go to India… But part work part monetary conditions prevented it. Years went by and visiting India was a distant dream. Then suddenly one day I got a message that my parents were seriously sick. I tried but I couldn't get any holidays and thus could not go to India ... The next message I got was my parents had passed away and as there was no one to do the last rights the society members had done whatever they could. I was depressed. My parents had passed away without seeing their grand children.



After couple more years passed away, much to my children's dislike and my wife's joy we returned to India to settle down. I started to look for a suitable property, but to my dismay my savings were short and the property prices had gone up during all these years. I had to return to the USA...



My wife refused to come back with me and my children refused to stay in India... My 2 children and I returned to USA after promising my wife I would be back for good after two years.



Time passed by, my daughter decided to get married to an American and my son was happy living in USA... I decided that had enough and wound-up every thing and returned to India... I had just enough money to buy a decent 02 bedroom flat in a well-developed locality.



Now I am 60 years old and the only time I go out of the flat is for the routine visit to the nearby temple. My faithful wife has also left me and gone to the holy abode.



Sometimes I wondered was it worth all this?



My father, even after staying in India,



Had a house to his name and I too have the same nothing more.



I lost my parents and children for just ONE EXTRA BEDROOM.



Looking out from the window I see a lot of children dancing. This damned cable TV has spoiled our new generation and these children are losing their values and culture because of it. I get occasional cards from my children asking I am alright. Well at least they remember me.



Now perhaps after I die it will be the neighbors again who will be performing my last rights, God Bless them.



But the question still remains 'was all this worth it?'



I am still searching for an answer.................!!!



START THINKING



IS IT JUST FOR ONE EXTRA BEDROOM???



LIFE IS BEYOND THIS …..DON'T JUST LEAVE YOUR LIFE ……..



START LIVING IT …….



LIVE IT AS YOU WANT IT TO BE ……

ONE BEDROOM FLAT - VERY TOUCHING ARTICLE
 

Vaagmi

Well-known member
The moral of the story:

This advice is meant only for brahmins:

1. Study well and try to excel in whatever field you have chosen for study. You are lucky to have the necessary base for that in your genes. A little bit of hard work would see you through difficult phases.

2. Never ignore health. Maintain an athletic and supple body free from diseases. Regular exercise, healthy food and good habits will help you achieve this.

3. Go to US, Gulf or Europe for work. Your merit/talent will be instantly recognized there and you will certainly be rewarded as you do not have to struggle with a threshold potential to escape into freedom. Make as much money as you can when you are there and invest in India in long term assets. Make it a point to visit India every year with children. When in India, make it a point to expose your children to the Indian cultural practices and our heritage. Bring them up with values which are unique to Indian culture-spend a lot of time talking with them. When the children cross the 12th year send them to your parents in India for studies and start visiting India every six months. The educational standard here is not all that poor. Remember, it is this system that produced the scientist/technologist in you. Include the travelling and other expenses for this in your yearly financial budget. Your children will thank you for this wise step you took several years later. Keep in touch with India as much as possible. Do not lose yourself completely to the licentiousness of the western culture. It is alright for them. It is not for an Indian brahmin. You are constructed differently.

4. When you are in the thick of it--your career--plan for the retirement. After retirement come home and settle down in this beautiful land. If you come back earlier and have the fire still in tact in you, there are opportunities here to make some money. Enjoy it.

5. When the time comes try to leave without creating a scene. Don't go to your grave kicking and crying all the way. Go with a smile. Do not worry about your children or spouse. They will fight their battles with whatever spring board you have provided them with.

6. And most important--have unbroken stream of love for God through out your life. It is worth it. It helps you fight your battles without anxiety about the results, helps you enjoy your successes without going overboard, give you friends who are great, gives meaning to your life ultimately.

I did all this (E &OE) and am happy. LOL.
 
Last edited:

tbs

Well-known member
ONE BEDROOM FLAT..A Bitter Reality

Please Read this article; it is a reality with many old parents left in India.

WRITTEN BY AN INDIAN ENGINEER...

A Bitter Reality



As the dream of most parents I had acquired a degree in Engineering and joined a company based in USA, the land of braves and opportunity. When I arrived in the USA, it was as if a dream had come true.



Here at last I was in the place where I want to be. I decided I would be staying in this country for about Five years in which time I would have earned enough money to settle down in India.



My father was a government employee and after his retirement, the only asset he could acquire was a decent one bedroom flat.



I wanted to do some thing more than him. I started feeling homesick and lonely as the time passed. I used to call home and speak to my parents every week using cheap international phone cards. Two years passed, two years of Burgers at McDonald's and pizzas and discos and 2 years watching the foreign exchange rate getting happy whenever the Rupee value went down.



Finally I decided to get married. Told my parents that I have only 10 days of holidays and everything must be done within these 10 days. I got my ticket booked in the cheapest flight. Was jubilant and was actually enjoying hopping for gifts for all my friends back home. If I miss anyone then there will be talks. After reaching home I spent home one week going through all the photographs of girls and as the time was getting shorter I was forced to select one candidate.



In-laws told me, to my surprise, that I would have to get married in 2-3 days, as I will not get anymore holidays. After the marriage, it was time to return to USA, after giving some money to my parents and telling the neighbors to look after them, we returned to USA.



My wife enjoyed this country for about two months and then she started feeling lonely. The frequency of calling India increased to twice in a week sometimes 3 times a week. Our savings started diminishing.



After two more years we started to have kids. Two lovely kids, a boy and a girl, were gifted to us by the almighty. Every time I spoke to my parents, they asked me to come to India so that they can see their grand-children.



Every year I decide to go to India… But part work part monetary conditions prevented it. Years went by and visiting India was a distant dream. Then suddenly one day I got a message that my parents were seriously sick. I tried but I couldn't get any holidays and thus could not go to India ... The next message I got was my parents had passed away and as there was no one to do the last rights the society members had done whatever they could. I was depressed. My parents had passed away without seeing their grand children.



After couple more years passed away, much to my children's dislike and my wife's joy we returned to India to settle down. I started to look for a suitable property, but to my dismay my savings were short and the property prices had gone up during all these years. I had to return to the USA...



My wife refused to come back with me and my children refused to stay in India... My 2 children and I returned to USA after promising my wife I would be back for good after two years.



Time passed by, my daughter decided to get married to an American and my son was happy living in USA... I decided that had enough and wound-up every thing and returned to India... I had just enough money to buy a decent 02 bedroom flat in a well-developed locality.



Now I am 60 years old and the only time I go out of the flat is for the routine visit to the nearby temple. My faithful wife has also left me and gone to the holy abode.



Sometimes I wondered was it worth all this?



My father, even after staying in India,



Had a house to his name and I too have the same nothing more.



I lost my parents and children for just ONE EXTRA BEDROOM.



Looking out from the window I see a lot of children dancing. This damned cable TV has spoiled our new generation and these children are losing their values and culture because of it. I get occasional cards from my children asking I am alright. Well at least they remember me.



Now perhaps after I die it will be the neighbors again who will be performing my last rights, God Bless them.



But the question still remains 'was all this worth it?'



I am still searching for an answer.................!!!



START THINKING



IS IT JUST FOR ONE EXTRA BEDROOM???



LIFE IS BEYOND THIS …..DON'T JUST LEAVE YOUR LIFE ……..



START LIVING IT …….



LIVE IT AS YOU WANT IT TO BE ……

ONE BEDROOM FLAT - VERY TOUCHING ARTICLE
hi pj sir,

these thing happens many of us in USA.....wealth and happiness never happens together.....we have to choose our life....

its hard for decision....a normal govt employ can ONLY build a house in his career...its dream for everyone....nobody gives

VISA FOR USA FOR FREE....we stand in line to achieve....so sometimes other things happen...i personally feel that

IT IS KARMA AND DESTINY OF EVERY INDIVIDUAL....EVERTYBODY HAS THEIR OWN STORIES.....ITS TOUGH TO GENERALISE...
 

vgane

Well-known member
A well qualified Engineer/MBA in States has about USD 1-2 Million assets by the time he retires..Either this guy is a dud or he has squandered away his earnings on vices

But there is no comparison to staying in Bharat as the cultural fit is stronger..Our body & soul are attached to the place of birth..And with IT revolution earnings potential are also skyrocketing! You can have the cake & eat it too dude!
 

Jaykay767

Well-known member
Unfortunately this is the truth & some of us in the forum have been saying this for quite sometime now.. but don't be surprised if the NRI brigade immediately jumps & distorts the truth as always....

Most never make the "big money for western standards" due to expenses to raise kids, massive mortgage (most make the mistake of buying big houses in the west where the real estate value hardly raises), etc..

Except for a small minority of brilliant Indians, most are unable to "retain their jobs for long" to make a comfortable living... so they hop from job to job “eking out a living”. And even if the 1[SUP]st[/SUP] gen manages well, the 2[SUP]nd [/SUP]gen & 3[SUP]rd[/SUP] gen almost always falter in the “rat race” & fail miserably..

Well, this is Karma @ its best… those who bad mouth their country, their countrymen, deserve this anyways…

LOL !!
 

Jaykay767

Well-known member
Ultimately, there is "eternal truth" in our ancient wisdom... One should be "always humble in life" & "listen to elders, experts, other experienced people all the time"... Almost "all decisions" can be judged only in "retrospect" after years, & decades whether they are right or not. Hence our ancient wisdom evolved over 1000s of years, have seen such decisions going wrong over generations, & codified for us to follow.
 
OP
OP
P.J.

P.J.

Well-known member
Most elderly Brahmin parents are left to mend for themselves in old age; they have to opt for Single Bed Roomed Flat as in course of time, ONLY ONE WILL BE LEFT to care of himself/ or herself.

The left one can not go to their son's place as the cost of Medicare is too high in those places.

Ultimately , the Left one will also depart and son or sons will not have the chance of seeing the Left one alive!!
 
Last edited:

rishikesan

New member
Dear Mr. P.J> I am A.Srinivasan ( Rishikesan ) for this Forum. One of the members of this site wrote that you are currently in Madras & busy visiting relatives/ Friends & that you would be available at Ashok nagar in this Period. If it is correct, I wrote then to you to inform me on Ph ( 044) 24806871 Kodambakkam so that I can meet you in your Place. Since I did not get a Call I am reminding.
After reading the above Article of ONE BED-ROOM Flat & old Coples Left alone & sigle, it is quite touching. This has further kindled my anxiety to meet you soon.
I am a Rted Central Govt Officer & after serving in North India ( Jabalpur ) , now settled in Madras for 20 years.
Pl. reply/ ph
Sincerely,
A.Srinivasan
 

cmano1981

New member
Many of them throw the blame of staying in foreign country for their children's comfortable and easy education life style against one bed room flat. Every bold decision involves difficulty and only person who have experienced himself knows about the difficulty. As given in the 2nd post, "Kurai ondrum illai" mind and attitude will keep one healthy and happy!
 

JR

Hare Krishna
In the OP, it is stated the author was able to purchase "just one 2 bedroom flat" in India, after all that living and earning in the US. I do not think this is the reality. Definitely you become much more financially capable, "well-off" by earning in the US/abroad, but this is a relative term dependent on whether both husband and wife make money, the duration of stay, whether children are college educated abroad or not, etc. With a dual income for say, 15 yrs, and with the prospect of returning to India for good later than that, one can definitely have much better financial outlook!.

BUT the caveat is all, what you miss in India perhaps never fulfills for any amount of money you earn. You miss your parents, you miss your brothers/sisters/their children, all the fun with living in India, attending functions, etc. You can never get the 'aathma tripthi' with living in India, with the life in the West. (And most certainly the children become Westernized and they may marry outside the TB community). So in that aspect, living in the US and abroad can never equal living in India.

What Vaagmi ji has written makes absolute sense.
 
Last edited:

prasad1

Gold Member
Gold Member
A well qualified Engineer/MBA in States has about USD 1-2 Million assets by the time he retires..Either this guy is a dud or he has squandered away his earnings on vices

I share this opinion. A looser will loose in any country. What is the guarantee that this misguided person would have succeeded in India. With $2M in savings he could have retired anywhere. When my parents were sick, my American company was more than happy to grant me leave. So this guy did not know how to live his life and is repenting in his later years. A rather sad story of a failure.
 

kunjuppu

Well-known member
The moral of the story:

This advice is meant only for brahmins:

1. Study well and try to excel in whatever field you have chosen for study. You are lucky to have the necessary base for that in your genes. A little bit of hard work would see you through difficult phases.

2. Never ignore health. Maintain an athletic and supple body free from diseases. Regular exercise, healthy food and good habits will help you achieve this.

3. Go to US, Gulf or Europe for work. Your merit/talent will be instantly recognized there and you will certainly be rewarded as you do not have to struggle with a threshold potential to escape into freedom. Make as much money as you can when you are there and invest in India in long term assets. Make it a point to visit India every year with children. When in India, make it a point to expose your children to the Indian cultural practices and our heritage. Bring them up with values which are unique to Indian culture-spend a lot of time talking with them. When the children cross the 12th year send them to your parents in India for studies and start visiting India every six months. The educational standard here is not all that poor. Remember, it is this system that produced the scientist/technologist in you. Include the travelling and other expenses for this in your yearly financial budget. Your children will thank you for this wise step you took several years later. Keep in touch with India as much as possible. Do not lose yourself completely to the licentiousness of the western culture. It is alright for them. It is not for an Indian brahmin. You are constructed differently.

4. When you are in the thick of it--your career--plan for the retirement. After retirement come home and settle down in this beautiful land. If you come back earlier and have the fire still in tact in you, there are opportunities here to make some money. Enjoy it.

5. When the time comes try to leave without creating a scene. Don't go to your grave kicking and crying all the way. Go with a smile. Do not worry about your children or spouse. They will fight their battles with whatever spring board you have provided them with.

6. And most important--have unbroken stream of love for God through out your life. It is worth it. It helps you fight your battles without anxiety about the results, helps you enjoy your successes without going overboard, give you friends who are great, gives meaning to your life ultimately.

I did all this (E &OE) and am happy. LOL.

dear vagmi,

i simply love your #4 #5 #6. :) good ones for all of us to follow.

i dont know about the rest of them, though. i think, if as aged person, to come back to india and retire, it is ok. the kids can live in any part of the world, now with skype and other tools, you can communicate instantly constantly always.

personally, i see it is easier to rent and that makes economic sense. and the freedom to pack up and leave at will.

it is good to see people enjoying their retirement, and for people with fears, all i have to say is, that all is not so bad. fear builds phantoms, which are more frightful than the original cause of the fear itself. i say this, because often my own imaginative fears carry me away, and it taks all sorts of persuasion, to bring me back to reality. still this happens. :(
 

kunjuppu

Well-known member
You can never get the 'aathma tripthi' with living in India, with the life in the West. (And most certainly the children become Westernized and they may marry outside the TB community). So in that aspect, living in the US and abroad can never equal living in India.

dear sir,

i think all generalizations including this one, is flawed. we imagine a certain cause & effect situations, within our familiar world, and since it has been successful to us, prescribe it for everyone.

but life is not so simple to live by formulas, is it? how many of us live in the same city and manage to meet each other often? is it easy to meet for functions if one lives in mumbai the other in delhi and the third sibling in bangalore?

when the hubby and wife are working, is it feasible and fair for relatives to dump on one of them for the whole summer vacation?

and then there is the issue of money. it never appears enough, does it. unless one is very mature to define one's circle of contentment and hope his spouse goes along with it. so many unknowns. and so many variables.

and ..having read today's assault on tambrams in mylapore, would one feel safe to live there and bring up one's children?

to sum up, all i wish to say, is life is not so simple. and it is not anyone's fault if they cannot or unable to live per someone's prescriptions. what is good for the goose, is not always good for the gander. i think so.
 

kunjuppu

Well-known member
Most elderly Brahmin parents are left to mend for themselves in old age; they have to opt for Single Bed Roomed Flat as in course of time, ONLY ONE WILL BE LEFT to care of himself/ or herself.

The left one can not go to their son's place as the cost of Medicare is too high in those places.

Ultimately , the Left one will also depart and son or sons will not have the chance of seeing the Left one alive!!

dear PJ,

cheer up sir. things are not so bad as we fear. our fears create phantoms which terrify us. we are always blessed and often it is not apparent to us what our blessings are and how fortunate we are.

take care.
 
OP
OP
P.J.

P.J.

Well-known member
dear vagmi,

i simply love your #4 #5 #6. :) good ones for all of us to follow.

i dont know about the rest of them, though. i think, if as aged person, to come back to india and retire, it is ok. the kids can live in any part of the world, now with skype and other tools, you can communicate instantly constantly always.

personally, i see it is easier to rent and that makes economic sense. and the freedom to pack up and leave at will.

it is good to see people enjoying their retirement, and for people with fears, all i have to say is, that all is not so bad. fear builds phantoms, which are more frightful than the original cause of the fear itself. i say this, because often my own imaginative fears carry me away, and it taks all sorts of persuasion, to bring me back to reality. still this happens. :(

These advises look so simple when both parents are alive, but once one of them leave , the other one will have a very tough time managing all alone!!

A worst punishment wife can give to her husband is to depart before him ( although elders says she departed as Sumangali ).

Men can hardly manage themselves , there may be a few cases of men managing it all alone,
but in general, they are not.

vagmi Sir's advice may not workout for everyone, as the family to family, things are different, members of the family have different outlook; ultimately only aged parents would suffer when one of them is left alone!!
 
Last edited:

Vaagmi

Well-known member
These advises look so simple when both parents are alive, but once one of them leave , the other one will have a very tough time managing all alone!!
A worst punishment wife can give to her husband is to depart before him ( although elders says she departed as Sumangali ).
Men can hardly manage themselves , there may be a few cases of men managing it all alone,
but in general, they are not.
vagmi Sir's advice may not workout for everyone, as the family to family, things are different, members of the family have different outlook; ultimately only aged parents would suffer when one of them is left alone!!

Dear PJji,

Those women who predecease their husbands are lucky not because they die a sumangali. It might have been so in the last century. Women have fought their way and have gained a lot of their rights. They have created a space of their own. In most of the families it is the woman who has to be thanked for all the good that has happened. so they deserve to die leaving the husband behind to grieve for them and live in memories. she carried this lazy bone throughout her life for nithing and so now she deserves to go when there is someone to remember her and feel the absence of her.

I am on the women's side generally for the following reasons:

1. When she is born she is just half welcome because the parents expected a male child for vamsa vriddi. These days with scanning benefit, she is terminated even while still a fetus and allowed to grow and land on earth only if the parents already have a male child.

2. When she grew up as a child she was constantly aware of her 'weaker sex' position. She was not supposed to have a wrestling fist fight with her brothers. The brothers were always giving in and were very protective. Who wanted their protection. Stupid fellows.

3. She was sent to a dull and staid convent school or a girls' school.

4. Then came the phase when a marriage was the summum bonum of her existence. She did not want a marriage and yet she was pushed into one.

5. Then altruism and spirit of sacrifice took over. Her world became just a husband and children. On some days when the lazy bone when it came home on all fours because of the effect of the chemical that has matabolized into the blood stream, she had a hell in hand to manage and she did manage it efficiently.

6. Even for a modern woman of today the morning work largely consists of cooking, loading the washing machine, managing the servant maid, preparing the non cooperative kids for school and getting her lazy bone to get up from the bed.

7. The morning cacophony in a middle class home largely consists of the news from Arnab Goswamy blarring from Times Now channel in the TV, the kids shouting and taking it out on each other in a friendly wrestling, the Dhaya satakam sloka being chanted by the housewife as she wants to add that flavour too to the pudalankaai koottu she is cooking etc., Think of a day without a woman managing all this in the house, it will be a perfect example of what you will see in a lunatic asylum.

So the woman eminently deserves to die, with her husband by the bed side grieving for her.
 
Last edited:

Janaki Jambunathan

Well-known member
Dear PJji,

Those women who predecease their husbands are lucky not because they die a sumangali. It might have been so in the last century. Women have fought their way and have gained a lot of their rights. They have created a space of their own. In most of the families it is the woman who has to be thanked for all the good that has happened. so they deserve to die leaving the husband behind to grieve for them and live in memories. she carried this lazy bone throughout her life for nithing and so now she deserves to go when there is someone to remember her and feel the absence of her.

I am on the women's side generally for the following reasons:

1. When she is born she is just half welcome because the parents expected a male child for vamsa vriddi. These days with scanning benefit, she is terminated even while still a fetus and allowed to grow and land on earth only if the parents already have a male child.

2. When she grew up as a child she was constantly aware of her 'weaker sex' position. She was not supposed to have a wrestling fist fight with her brothers. The brothers were always giving in and were very protective. Who wanted their protection. Stupid fellows.

3. She was sent to a dull and staid convent school or a girls' school.

4. Then came the phase when a marriage was the summum bonum of her existence. She did not want a marriage and yet she was pushed into one.

5. Then altruism and spirit of sacrifice took over. Her world became just a husband and children. On some days when the lazy bone when it came home on all fours because of the effect of the chemical that has matabolized into the blood stream, she had a hell in hand to manage and she did manage it efficiently.

6. Even for a modern woman of today the morning work largely consists of cooking, loading the washing machine, managing the servant maid, preparing the non cooperative kids for school and getting her lazy bone to get up from the bed.

7. The morning cacophony in a middle class home largely consists of the news from Arnab Goswamy blarring from Times Now channel in the TV, the kids shouting and taking it out on each other in a friendly wrestling, the Dhaya satakam sloka being chanted by the housewife as she wants to add that flavour too to the pudalankaai koottu she is cooking etc., Think of a day without a woman managing all this in the house, it will be a perfect example of what you will see in a lunatic asylum.

So the woman eminently deserves to die with her husband by the bed side grieving for her.


Trying to rationalize Sathi by irrational men! Women will not allow this! Why not men die with his wife by the bed side grieving for him?



 
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