Life – A true story (Names changed).

[prasad1]

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This is a true story about an American Christian family.
My friend James is 75 years old, and a successful lawyer. We know him and his family for last 15 years.
He was married to Sheila for 48 years and they have 2 sons, who are married and settled and have their own family.
Last year Sheila passed away. She battled breast cancer for 10 years and did not want to continue any more invasive treatment. She was a well-known painter. She started a voluntary organization to teach English to immigrants free of charge. That organization is thriving even after her.
James was very supportive of her till her last days.

We invited James for a dinner last weekend, which we have done multiple times for last 15 years. He said he would bring a friend, which was welcomed by us. To our surprise this new friend Catherine is a lady doctor with a successful practice in town.
Her kids are grown and live in a different city.

We had a good time, and we were very happy for our friend James.

What if they were TB, how would the story go?

 

[renuka]

Dear Prasad ji,

I have known an elderly male who remarried after his wife's death and that was it! Everyone started talking bad about him saying that he is lusty and still wants to be married.

We Indians seldom understand that at an older age..marriage is for companionship.

 

[krish44]

In india among TBs ,not many understand the compulsions of a brahmin widower.

I had a relative who got remarried

at 60 yrs a distant relative after his children were settled. He got disowned by his children and relatives.

He lived 20 yrs with second wife. Now no one to care for his widow

 

[vgane]

None in my extended family...But quite common in the 50's & 60's & rendam tharam stories abound!

 

[CHANDRU1849]

This is a true story about an American Christian family.
My friend James is 75 years old, and a successful lawyer. We know him and his family for last 15 years.
He was married to Sheila for 48 years and they have 2 sons, who are married and settled and have their own family.
Last year Sheila passed away. She battled breast cancer for 10 years and did not want to continue any more invasive treatment. She was a well-known painter. She started a voluntary organization to teach English to immigrants free of charge. That organization is thriving even after her.
James was very supportive of her till her last days.

We invited James for a dinner last weekend, which we have done multiple times for last 15 years. He said he would bring a friend, which was welcomed by us. To our surprise this new friend Catherine is a lady doctor with a successful practice in town.
Her kids are grown and live in a different city.

We had a good time, and we were very happy for our friend James.

What if they were TB, how would the story go?

You have mentioned only as 'friend'. Are TBs not bringing friends with them to parties?

 

[GANESH65]

I think this issue has been discussed in this forum in one way or the other. Some how I have a feeling, in our TB community marriage is considerd only as medium for "VAMSA VRIDHI' and nothing else. It should be treated in a broader aspect. All living beings ( not human being alone) needs company. Lonenlyness in life is the biggest curse one can ever have. Every one of us wants to be taken care off on each and every stage of our lives. That's why joint family norm is quite popular in this side of equator. Since joint families are a rare commodity in the western part, what James did is quite common there. You need some one to share your feelings, emotions and you feel it most when you are not physically well. In India, and particularly among TBs joint family is still in vague although it is diminishing very fast. But that arrangement has also its limitations and elderly persons may feel lonely at times or may find them neglected a number of times. The issue highleted by the story in question, is there fore not at all a bad idea, if like minded persons starts living together

 

[prasad1]

You have mentioned only as 'friend'. Are TBs not bringing friends with them to parties?

I did not understand your comment.
You do not bring any random friend to an invited event. If you are going to bring a friend you must inform the host or the organizer before you bring someone not invited.

 

[prasad1]

I think this issue has been discussed in this forum in one way or the other. Some how I have a feeling, in our TB community marriage is considerd only as medium for "VAMSA VRIDHI' and nothing else. It should be treated in a broader aspect. All living beings ( not human being alone) needs company. Lonenlyness in life is the biggest curse one can ever have. Every one of us wants to be taken care off on each and every stage of our lives. That's why joint family norm is quite popular in this side of equator. Since joint families are a rare commodity in the western part, what James did is quite common there. You need some one to share your feelings, emotions and you feel it most when you are not physically well. In India, and particularly among TBs joint family is still in vague although it is diminishing very fast. But that arrangement has also its limitations and elderly persons may feel lonely at times or may find them neglected a number of times. The issue highleted by the story in question, is there fore not at all a bad idea, if like minded persons starts living together

I have an elderly Panjabi couple who too got married after their respective spouse passed away. The children are fully supportive of this arrangement.
Life is NOT over when you loose a spouse or you reach 60. In TB families I know it seems to end when a person reaches 60.

 

[GANESH65]

Willing people may be there in our community as well, Prasad Sir. Again as already said many a times in this forum, people are afraid of the social boycott by their kith and kin. We may need another 20 years to change this mentality. People around will easily pass comment " காலம் போன காலத்தில போறது பாரு புத்தி அந்த மனுஷனுக்கு"! But no one will be around to have a few words with you when you are alone. Renuka ji has rightly said with reference to another post 'some one need to bell the cat'!

 

[prasad1]

Another impediment to a parent getting married, is the sense of entitlement of the children to parents wealth. The children do not accept that the single parent has their own life.

 

[Raji Ram]

Suppose the remarried partner also leaves this world, will there be a re-remarriage?

BTW, even in the low budget senior citizen homes, I have seen single oldies having a nice routine and enjoy their life in peace!

There is no need for a remarriage, if good friends are around. After all, oldies need only companions to share their thoughts!

And..... once in death bed, hospeace might be a solution!! :sad:

 

[renuka]

Suppose the remarried partner also leaves this world, will there be a re-remarriage?

BTW, even in the low budget senior citizen homes, I have seen single oldies having a nice routine and enjoy their life in peace!

There is no need for a remarriage, if good friends are around. After all, oldies need only companions to share their thoughts!

And..... once in death bed, hospeace might be a solution!! :sad:

Dear RR ji,

Sharing thoughts alone is not enough..one needs to hold someone too.

It need not be for sex but just for comfort and love that only a partner or spouse can give.

We Indians tend to underestimate the need for the elderly to have a companion.

Grandkids are not enough.

I guess the Indian mindset only sees the need of a spouse for sex and nothing else.

Depression in the elderly is a very silent killer.

There is doc I knew since I was a pre-teen...he had a tragic accident where only he survived and everyone else in his family died.

He was very depressed for many many years...recently when I met him at a conference he told me that he remarried a couple of years back.

I told him I am very happy for him and he told me very few people actually say that...everyone just gets surprised to know he married at an old age.

I sang for him a line from Kal Ho Na Ho..."Har Pal Yahaan Ji Bhar Jiyo..Joh Hai Sama..Kal Ho Na Ho"

 

[prasad1]

Dear RR ji,

Sharing thoughts alone is not enough..one needs to hold someone too.

It need not be for sex but just for comfort and love that only a partner or spouse can give.

We Indians tend to underestimate the need for the elderly to have a companion.

Grandkids are not enough.

I guess the Indian mindset only sees the need of a spouse for sex and nothing else.

Depression in the elderly is a very silent killer.

There is doc I knew since I was a pre-teen...he had a tragic accident where only he survived and everyone else in his family died.

He was very depressed for many many years...recently when I met him at a conference he told me that he remarried a couple of years back.

I told him I am very happy for him and he told me very few people actually say that...everyone just gets surprised to know he married at an old age.

I sang for him a line from Kal Ho Na Ho..."Har Pal Yahaan Ji Bhar Jiyo..Joh Hai Sama..Kal Ho Na Ho"

I fully agree with your sentiment. I also agree with your observation of Indian mindset.

 

[renuka]

I fully agree with your sentiment. I also agree with your observation of Indian mindset.

Dear Prasad Ji,

The Indian mindset does not understand the psyche of the elderly.

Most feel that the elderly should NOT even think of intimacy in any form.

I always encourage my elderly patients to still sleep in the same room..have some amount of healthy intimacy.

Its good for the mental health of the couple...wives would nag less!LOL

There is nothing wrong in remarriage or even intimacy at an old age.....life is all about "Guns& Roses"..we just need to play it well.

 

[tbs]

Dear Prasad Ji,

The Indian mindset does not understand the psyche of the elderly.

Most feel that the elderly should NOT even think of intimacy in any form.

I always encourage my elderly patients to still sleep in the same room..have some amount of healthy intimacy.

Its good for the mental health of the couple...wives would nag less!LOL

There is nothing wrong in remarriage or even intimacy at an old age.....life is all about "Guns& Roses"..we just need to play it well.

hi

i agreed....lah..

 

[zebra16]

Suppose the remarried partner also leaves this world, will there be a re-remarriage?

BTW, even in the low budget senior citizen homes, I have seen single oldies having a nice routine and enjoy their life in peace!

There is no need for a remarriage, if good friends are around. After all, oldies need only companions to share their thoughts!

And..... once in death bed, hospeace might be a solution!! :sad:

The usual suspects are back to their original hobby. First, get hold of some story, (real or imagined) and speculate how a TB would handle the situation and label it as "typical TB mentality" and then extrapolate it to "Indian mentality" and pretend to be psycho analysts and give free advice to all and sundries. All these with a sample size of about 100 of their friends and family and having carefully removed those "specimens" of their own flock who do not agree to their viewpoint.

 

[GANESH65]

The usual suspects are back to their original hobby. First, get hold of some story, (real or imagined) and speculate how a TB would handle the situation and label it as "typical TB mentality" and then extrapolate it to "Indian mentality" and pretend to be psycho analysts and give free advice to all and sundries. All these with a sample size of about 100 of their friends and family and having carefully removed those "specimens" of their own flock who do not agree to their viewpoint.

This has been part of our community Curriculum since time immemorial, just remember our Agrharam culture in case you can recollect. Our people used to do the same thing in corner meetings in Agraharams . Only the platform is changed not our mentality!!:laugh:

 

[Vaagmi]

The usual suspects are back to their original hobby. First, get hold of some story, (real or imagined) and speculate how a TB would handle the situation and label it as "typical TB mentality" and then extrapolate it to "Indian mentality" and pretend to be psycho analysts and give free advice to all and sundries. All these with a sample size of about 100 of their friends and family and having carefully removed those "specimens" of their own flock who do not agree to their viewpoint.

Zebraji,

You saved me from a few curses.

When I was about to upload a post which was rather acidic-as is my usual style- you said it and saved me the trouble.

People have already typecasted brahmins here. A brahmin has to be a fellow who is far removed from the present times, whose value system is quite funny (that is the minimum), a fellow who has a tuft hanging from the back of his head, with religious marks -pattai or naamam-adorned all over the body, a big thoppai with poonool, always holding his nose (three times a day is too much you see) and mouthing some mumbo jumbo etc.,

With this kind of a mental picture they can never realise that the brahmins, like other castes, can be just normal. Stupid people.

If I had posted my original post there would have been a few calls for hanging me. LOL.

 

[renuka]

hi

i agreed....lah..

Sweet Child O' Mine!


In case you are wondering why I am calling you Sweet Child O' Mine...well it was the group Guns N' Roses that sang the song Sweet Child O' Mine!

Enjoy...I like this song...I had attended a Rock Concert In India once when the Group Shiva came to my college...they sang Sweet Child O' Mine very well!


[video=youtube_share;1w7OgIMMRc4]https://youtu.be/1w7OgIMMRc4[/video]

 

[mskmoorthy]

"Both" (them and them) parties may enjoy watching this video:
Last Week Tonight with John Oliver: Scientific Studies (HBO)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Rnq1NpHdmw

If Scientific Studies are misleading, we can imagine about "Sociological" Studies and interpretations!

 

[yesmohan]

None in my extended family...But quite common in the 50's & 60's & rendam tharam stories abound!

After reading this TB boys will murmur that " Ippa muthal tharathirke vazhiyille".

 

[navy-eswaran]

hi
after reading through the thread i find that most are beating about the bush. afraid of openly saying the 3 letter word.
my take on this- the lady or the lada should feel free to do as per his choice. ultimately *** drive is an individual trait and differs from person to person.
regards

 

[renuka]

hi
after reading through the thread i find that most are beating about the bush. afraid of openly saying the 3 letter word.
my take on this- the lady or the lada should feel free to do as per his choice. ultimately *** drive is an individual trait and differs from person to person.
regards

I feel why say the common 3 lettered word "I Love You"..that is when all trouble starts..Its better to say "I Lust You" cos Lust is commitment free and one can focus on living to our fullest.

So at whatever age..Lust is what that drives us to seek a partner..love is a word used to deny lust.

There is nothing wrong with Lust..its just that we humans always want to deny the role of lust in existence.

Lust is what that causes continuation of species...not LOVE.

Everyone is conceived becos of the act of Lust...only those who are conceived tru IVF are not entirely due to lust.