Judging others: When do you do it?

[JR]

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We often hear the term, "Do not judge others", but coming to practicality we all do it all the time. The human psyche is wired to ward off unnecessary danger and humiliation from it, and thus if we perceive personalities capable of harming us in any way, we 'judge'' that person as unsuitable for safe company and stay away from them. Judging is a comparative measure, we compare ourselves, our mentors, friends, good influences in various positions in life with those newcomers and outsiders and come to a 'judgement' of the new person's mental-makeup and deem him/her as falling into a particular 'stereotype' and start interacting with the person according to our understanding of the stereotype.

Someone I know told me once, "Judgmentality is a survival reality! Without that we risk being fooled, deceived, way-laid and so the survival instinct holds true even on the spiritual, new-age path!".

To me, judgementality is an outcome of the dualistic mind. As long as the mind holds on to notions of duality, "Good, bad", "Dumb, Smart", "High status, Low status" and so forth, we will really do judging of others and categorize them, although we might say we do not do that.

Any comments, ideas?

 

[Vaagmi]

We often hear the term, "Do not judge others", but coming to practicality we all do it all the time. The human psyche is wired to ward off unnecessary danger and humiliation from it, and thus if we perceive personalities capable of harming us in any way, we 'judge'' that person as unsuitable for safe company and stay away from them. Judging is a comparative measure, we compare ourselves, our mentors, friends, good influences in various positions in life with those newcomers and outsiders and come to a 'judgement' of the new person's mental-makeup and deem him/her as falling into a particular 'stereotype' and start interacting with the person according to our understanding of the stereotype.

Someone I know told me once, "Judgmentality is a survival reality! Without that we risk being fooled, deceived, way-laid and so the survival instinct holds true even on the spiritual, new-age path!".

To me, judgementality is an outcome of the dualistic mind. As long as the mind holds on to notions of duality, "Good, bad", "Dumb, Smart", "High status, Low status" and so forth, we will really do judging of others and categorize them, although we might say we do not do that.

Any comments, ideas?

JRji,

My thoughts on this:

I speak about myself. I know me well enough to write about.

My mental pathways do not follow the pattern explained above by JRji.

I perceive the existence of a universal good and bad. I do turn judgmental about new acquaintances but I do not compare them with myself, my mentors, friends, good influences in various positions in life etc.,

I compare them instead with the universal good and bad. Then I judge them as acceptable or not. So I have no stereotypes already cast and kept ready in a mould to compare to. It is basically the values which are universal which are the touchstones. Comparison is done on this touchstone and acquaintances are graded and accepted. None is rejected.

I can elaborate on this but I would do that some other time.

 

[JR]

JRji,

My thoughts on this:

I speak about myself. I know me well enough to write about.

My mental pathways do not follow the pattern explained above by JRji.

I perceive the existence of a universal good and bad. I do turn judgmental about new acquaintances but I do not compare them with myself, my mentors, friends, good influences in various positions in life etc.,

I compare them instead with the universal good and bad. Then I judge them as acceptable or not. So I have no stereotypes already cast and kept ready in a mould to compare to. It is basically the values which are universal which are the touchstones. Comparison is done on this touchstone and acquaintances are graded and accepted. None is rejected.

I can elaborate on this but I would do that some other time.

I should accept you have a good model to compare to, Vaagmi ji! Definitely better than mine... LOL.

Yes, I do agree comparing others with universally accepted standards of what is good and what is bad and coming to a final evaluation or understanding is correct procedure, the way to go!

But even then we do really judge people, do we not? So isn't it unfair to cry out foul everytime someone exclaims, "Hey you are judging on a person, that is wrong?!".

Is it really possible to accept every person as they are, and treat them all equally all the time, without any judgement?

Regards.

 

[renuka]

Dear JR,

Let me share my opinion.

I will have to speak a little from my childhood.

When I was young just say we are going out somewhere and we happen to see a female scantily dressed..my mum would tell me "Do not dress like that when you are an adult"

I used to ask her "why not?"

She would say "that is indecent!"

I used to wonder why my mum got worked up.

She wanted to 'educate' me I guess.

Then I started attending bhajans and I realized that women formed groups of a Holier than Thou kind.

They were always passing comments about others. I used to wonder if females come to pray or gossip!

When I was in college..I felt my lectures where judgmental just becos they felt anyone from another country besides India would be "low" in morals!LOL

Again a Holier Than Thou attitude of the worst kind becos these were educated people..they should not have pre conceived notions without proper evidence.

Then when I became an older married adult and since I do not don the traditional signs and symptoms of marriage on my forehead..some women constantly asked me why and also reprimanded me many times even in public. Tamilians have a Pottu fatal attraction.If no Pottu then all hell breaks loose!LOL

I used to wonder "what is their problem?Cant they mind their bussiness?"

So all these shaped my mind that I should not do unto another what I dislike others doing to me.

I never like to judge anyone right away but that does not mean I fall prey to anyone.

I observe human behavior and body language well and then decide if I would actually get along with a person or not and then I decide the next mode of action.

I usually modify my behavior depending on whom I am with becos life is all about a persona that we wear and a persona is never the same for each situation.

So technically there is no need to judge anyone to live happily in the world.We can choose to hang around those who we are comfortable being with.

 

[krish44]

Renukaji
I have a feeling some relish the idea being a judge.

they develop a holier than thou attitude towards others and decide on dos and donts for others.

they never think what gave them this moral right

it is often the educated, higher caste,or rich materially who adopt these stances.

these do not like others to live happily as they feel they have no right based on their judgement.

most of these types would have had over bearing parents or strict upbringing or economically poor which has governed their lives.

they would like all to pass through what they have suffered in life.lol

 

[renuka]

Renukaji
I have a feeling some relish the idea being a judge.

they develop a holier than thou attitude towards others and decide on dos and donts for others.

they never think what gave them this moral right

it is often the educated, higher caste,or rich materially who adopt these stances.

these do not like others to live happily as they feel they have no right based on their judgement.

most of these types would have had over bearing parents or strict upbringing or economically poor which has governed their lives.

they would like all to pass through what they have suffered in life.lol

Dear Krish ji,

A Holier than Thou types is not really a Judge.

A Holier than Thou types is biased.

They expect people to fall into their definition of good and bad and some go one step further by calling a personal good or bad as universal good and bad!LOL

The Universe does NOT have a Universal Good or Bad..for the Universe everything is an event that unfolds..only the human mind calls it good or bad based on personal preferences.

Actually a judge in the real sense is a witness.

He witnesses the crime committed and the circumstances..then he passes his verdict.

He does not like or dislike the criminal.He is neutral. His verdict is only for the crime.

Even when he sentences someone to death...he has not killed the criminal but he only killed the crime.

But Holier Than Thou types pursue,chase,torture and kill the living day lights out of others who are not like them..its slow poison!LOL

Note: I am not judging here..this is my analysis. An analysis is neutral.