Interfaith Marriage: Christian And Hindu Love Story Told In 'Saffron Cross'

[prasad1]

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In the atmosphere prevailing in this site of intolerance and Hindutva, i wanted to show that there is a real world out there, where people live with compromises. It may not be for everyone. It is not for bigots, but practical rational people may find it interesting.

Growing up Baptist, J. Dana Trent heard plenty of warnings about interfaith romance. Marrying the wrong person — known as being “unequally yoked” — could ruin your faith and your marriage. But three years after marrying a former Hindu monk, Trent says she’s a better Christian than ever. “I had become complacent in my Christianity,” said Trent, an ordained Baptist minister. “Now my religion and spirituality have become much more integrated in my life.” Trent tells the story of her interfaith marriage in a new book “Saffron Cross: The Unlikely Story of How a Christian Minister Married a Hindu Monk.” Out this month from Nashville, Tenn.-based Fresh Air Books, “Saffron Cross” is part of a recent mini-boom of guides to interfaith marriage and family. There’s also “Mixed-Up Love” from Jon M. Sweeney and Michal Woll, “’Til Faith Do Us Part” from Naomi Schaefer Riley, and “Being Both,” by Susan Katz Miller.



Their joint worship includes offering food at the altar three times a day. That’s a duty that Trent takes care of. At first, she was uncomfortable with that. Now she says the altar helps her focus on spending time with Jesus in prayer. “God doesn’t need our food,” she said. “But God needs our time.” Eaker has adopted some of Trent’s spiritual habits as well. He was used to chanting God’s name during prayer. Now he joins her in saying grace at meals and in less formal prayer in the evenings. The next big challenge will likely come with children. For now, they are planning to raise children in both faiths, even though that may become complicated. “Children can never have enough love,” said Trent. “And children can never have enough God.”
Interfaith Marriage: Christian And Hindu Love Story Told In 'Saffron Cross'

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Prasad Sir,

The practical problems will arise only when the children grow up and search for their partners!

In my friend's circle, a very handsome smart guy in thirties, whose father is a Christian and mother a tambrahm,
has difficulty in finding a correct match for him, for the past few years! :fish2:

 

[renuka]

Mostly I have noticed that children eventually follow the mother's faith in an inter faith marriage.

If the mother is a christian and the father is a Hindu..its almost 99.9999% of the time the children will be Christianity friendly.

I have noted that Hindu men only make the biggest deal and hue and cry if their wife is also Hindu..they will try to control even which Devata the wife worships etc but if a Hindu male marries a Non Hindu female..he becomes "brain dead" and follows everything his wife says!

Praise the Lord!

 

[kunjuppu]

These people are white. In the USA I have found there is much more accommodation to each other's needs here in my experience. Things may be quite different in India. Though living nuclear family in the cities anonymously could make life easier.

 

[auh]

In the atmosphere prevailing in this site of intolerance and Hindutva, i wanted to show that there is a real world out there, where people live with compromises. It may not be for everyone. It is not for bigots, but practical rational people may find it interes

Without commenting on the topic, I feel that in one sweeping generalization, about members of this site, you are actually doing more harm than good. An air of condescension is not a good way to prove a point.

 

[prasad1]

Mostly I have noticed that children eventually follow the mother's faith in an inter faith marriage.

If the mother is a christian and the father is a Hindu..its almost 99.9999% of the time the children will be Christianity friendly.

I have noted that Hindu men only make the biggest deal and hue and cry if their wife is also Hindu..they will try to control even which Devata the wife worships etc but if a Hindu male marries a Non Hindu female..he becomes "brain dead" and follows everything his wife says!

Praise the Lord!

Indian (hindu) men generally are henpecked except when they are posting anonymously. They are tigers when their wife allows them to be. If the women is strong men are putty in their hand. If a women is weak and meek then these men run roughshod over them.

 

[renuka]

Indian (hindu) men generally are henpecked except when they are posting anonymously. They are tigers when their wife allows them to be. If the women is strong men are putty in their hand. If a women is weak and meek then these men run roughshod over them.

Ok in that case they are totally 100% henpecked when they have Non Hindu wives!LOL

May be with a Hindu wife they are 50-70% henpecked.

 

[prasad1]

Without commenting on the topic, I feel that in one sweeping generalization, about members of this site, you are actually doing more harm than good. An air of condescension is not a good way to prove a point.

What is the generalization that is offending you? If the shoe does not fit, it is not for you. If it fits you wear it. I did not post with you in my mind. Then it does not right for you to lecture others. Don't go looking for a fight, when it was not there.

 

[krish44]

Dear Prasad Sir,

The practical problems will arise only when the children grow up and search for their partners!

In my friend's circle, a very handsome smart guy in thirties, whose father is a Christian and mother a tambrahm,
has difficulty in finding a correct match for him, for the past few years! :fish2:

how old is he ?

there are many like these
.
when mother is a tambrahm she will try for a tambrahm for son
.
sooner or later a match will be found
.
In my experience,I feel the inter religion parents and child might be not really clear what type of girl

they want.

children of intercaste parents also normally face a similar situation

these families have an identity issue to resolve, both parents would like the child to have a

match from their own caste or religion. so a lot of beneath the surface tussle takes place on

basic specs of the match and their caste or religeous orientation. time is lost in resolving this basic issue
which makes the problem worse



actually it is pretty easy to get a match only if the family presents an united front and is clear

about what they want in a match

 

[krish44]

tambrahms in mixed matches like their children to choose only tambrahms . they perhaps realise

that intercaste or religeous divide are difficult to bridge. they prefer their children to return to their

caste and faith and undo their act of marrying outside their caste or religion.

I have observed the dilemma of these types of parents in depth

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Krish Sir,

The I C parents have left the choice to their son himself. We wonder what that guy expects from a girl!
:gossip: Some of my friends here have seen him in a video I had posted earlier in forum. :ranger:

 

[krish44]

dear RRji
there is a difference between what appears on the surface and under currents

no one comes out openly about what they really want . that is the real issue. both parents might say

we leave it to child but expect child to say you find it for me. When an intercaste child in my

extended family took his parents seriously and tried exercising his choice, both parents were

equally upset. He was forced to say either caste is ok for me and toss the issue back to parents.lol

 

[CHANDRU1849]

Dear Prasad Sir,

The practical problems will arise only when the children grow up and search for their partners!

In my friend's circle, a very handsome smart guy in thirties, whose father is a Christian and mother a tambrahm,
has difficulty in finding a correct match for him, for the past few years! :fish2:

What do you mean by correct match? Is it in terms of qualification or wealth? If the boy follows his father in terms of faith, he may not find any difficulty in finding a match. If it is otherwise,
he may find it difficult. To find a progressive Tambram family accepting a boy from IR marriage is far more difficult.

 

[CHANDRU1849]

It is a poor example of successful IR marriage.

In this case, both belong to same race - White. Hence, the major problem is solved. They may not find any difficulty in their day to day life, though the bride is a Christian by birth and the groom is a converted Hindu (it seems).

It would have been interesting how such marriage progresses if the groom is from any one of the Indian Hindu castes.

 

[auh]

What is the generalization that is offending you? If the shoe does not fit, it is not for you. If it fits you wear it. I did not post with you in my mind. Then it does not right for you to lecture others. Don't go looking for a fight, when it was not there.

Perhaps you think of everything as just black or white... and hence you thought that by making that post I was raring to go at you.

No.

I also did not think that you were targetting me (this is to clear any presumptions that you may have sniffed up on reading my post).

I was merely making an observation as a neutral observer. Take it or leave it. Your above retaliation only serves to display your polarized mindset, if I may say so. :=))

 

[prasad1]

It is a poor example of successful IR marriage.

In this case, both belong to same race - White. Hence, the major problem is solved. They may not find any difficulty in their day to day life, though the bride is a Christian by birth and the groom is a converted Hindu (it seems).

It would have been interesting how such marriage progresses if the groom is from any one of the Indian Hindu castes.

What if the race was same, but each practice their own religion.
Let us say an Indian Muslim marries an Indian Hindu, or an Indian Hindu marries a Indian Christian. I have seen successful IR marriages of that kind where no conversion is involved. I have a couple with Wife being Sikh and Husband is Hindu.
On most Sunday they go separately to temple and Gurudwara.

Sikhs are not Hindus even though culturally we are similar.

 

[Raji Ram]

What do you mean by correct match? Is it in terms of qualification or wealth? .........

Correct match is compatible match!

Sometimes the list for compatibility is too long!

 

[kkumar29]

It always amuses me to read the comments here by the members regarding this topic. Majority of them quote experiences of their friends, relatives. The posts are made as though they are the ultimate authority on the subject though nobody seems to be in an inter caste/ interfaith marriage. I have been married for more than 35 years to a Syrian Christian woman and I have not faced even one of the problems mentioned by these posts in my life.

I guess it is the fear of the unknown.

When I was little the elders in the family used an expression "பூச்சாண்டி பிடிச்சிண்டு போயிடும்". I am reminded of that reading all these "ஹேஷ்யம்"s.

LOL

K. Kumar

 

[krish44]

It always amuses me to read the comments here by the members regarding this topic. Majority of them quote experiences of their friends, relatives. The posts are made as though they are the ultimate authority on the subject though nobody seems to be in an inter caste/ interfaith marriage. I have been married for more than 35 years to a Syrian Christian woman and I have not faced even one of the problems mentioned by these posts in my life.

I guess it is the fear of the unknown.

When I was little the elders in the family used an expression "பூச்சாண்டி பிடிச்சிண்டு போயிடும்". I am reminded of that reading all these "ஹேஷ்யம்"s.

LOL

K. Kumar

kumarji
you are lucky to have faced no problems as such.

perhaps being in a country in a different continent which is liberal might have lightened your

difficulties.

I have a very close relative similarly placed , married to a syrian christian 26 years back

He got disowned by parents and did not get accepted by siblings for 20 years. His only kid saw it fit

to go to US for higher studies and unlikely to return to india. In spite of all attempts to get accepted in

extended brahmin family household by the couple, there is only at best tolerance and no full

acceptance.

inter religion marriages are dicey affairs . it is not worth the attempt

 

[kkumar29]

Dear Krish44,

Luck or geographic location has nothing to with it.

If you look at the comments in this forum in the year 2015, you can imagine how conservative the comments / opinions would have been in the mid 1970s. Though the TBs of Delhi were progressive in the 70s when it came to marriage they were quite conservative. Syrian Christians were equally conservative.

My wife and I worked at it to overcome every problem that is being discussed here. To our way of thinking it was no different than any other marriage. You have to make compromises to make it work.

I look at a lot of arranged marriages in my family and amongst friends, and they are no different. The successful ones have made compromises (though in most cases it is the woman who makes all the adjustments )

It all depends on how you approach the problem and the steps you take to solve the problems. In our case we were both secure in our religious beliefs to be bold enough to respect the other one's beliefs. We faced the society as a united team and both the families accepted us for what we are. The rest was easy.

K. Kumar

 

[prasad1]

It always amuses me to read the comments here by the members regarding this topic. Majority of them quote experiences of their friends, relatives. The posts are made as though they are the ultimate authority on the subject though nobody seems to be in an inter caste/ interfaith marriage. I have been married for more than 35 years to a Syrian Christian woman and I have not faced even one of the problems mentioned by these posts in my life.

I guess it is the fear of the unknown.

When I was little the elders in the family used an expression "பூச்சாண்டி பிடிச்சிண்டு போயிடும்". I am reminded of that reading all these "ஹேஷ்யம்"s.

LOL

K. Kumar

Congratulation and welcome to the forum.
My friend A hindu Doctor was married to this wonderful Christian for 42 years. She passed away last year. He has 2 adult children, and lot of grandkids. He spends his time with both of them.

It is ignorance, and also holier than thou attitude. Secondly most of them stayed in their familiar surroundings and also have friends and family in the similar environment.
There are problems even when both husband and wife come from same sub-caste, and economic background. There is compromise in every marriage even after 35 years. That is life.

 

[[email protected]]

As told by a friend it will be a problem when the children grow and want to marry. In india the caste system is still prevailing nd we brahmins should be very strict in opposing intercaste marriage to safeguard our religion, vedas and our brahmin community. A hindu is born only not converted from any other community. I am sure those who are having marriageble children born of intercaste marriage will realise this
[email protected]

 

[tks]

Few religions in the world have exclusivity built into them. For them acceptance of others is conditional to converting them.
Jews, Hindus, Syrian Christians etc do not have conversion concept and exclusivity (e.g., all who do not follow our faith are destined to hell etc) built into their theology. Such religions are gentle and can easily coexist with others.

I have seen many IR marriages work when conversion is not even indirectly implied . Children of such marriages follow traditions of both or none or choose something of their own liking

 

[CHANDRU1849]

Mostly I have noticed that children eventually follow the mother's faith in an inter faith marriage.

If the mother is a christian and the father is a Hindu..its almost 99.9999% of the time the children will be Christianity friendly.

I have noted that Hindu men only make the biggest deal and hue and cry if their wife is also Hindu..they will try to control even which Devata the wife worships etc but if a Hindu male marries a Non Hindu female..he becomes "brain dead" and follows everything his wife says!

Praise the Lord!

It is no so. If one of the partners is from an Abrahamic Religion , irrespective of gender, the children invariably follow that Religion. The ultimate winner is the Abrahamic Religion.

 

[CHANDRU1849]

What if the race was same, but each practice their own religion.
Let us say an Indian Muslim marries an Indian Hindu, or an Indian Hindu marries a Indian Christian. I have seen successful IR marriages of that kind where no conversion is involved. I have a couple with Wife being Sikh and Husband is Hindu.
On most Sunday they go separately to temple and Gurudwara.

Sikhs are not Hindus even though culturally we are similar.

In all such cases the ultimate question is about dominant religion. If IR marriage is between a Indian Hindu / non-Indian Hindu and Christian or Muslim, in most of the cases the dominant religion is either Christianity or Islam. Success of IR marriage also involves the level of religious tolerance.

In the case of Hindu and Sikh marriage, the struggle will be less, since Sikhism has its roots in Hinduism.