how should an IDEAL relationship should be after the couple have Divorced?

[SANDHYAV]

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Recently read an article in the matrimonial section of an indian newspaper about not continue those abusive and denigrating silly fights after a divorce. But apart from that any precautions to be taken to avoid future problems from the opposite sides....( let as assume mutual and no commitments )

 

[krish44]

It is difficult to put past behind us to start a new life if the parting is with bitterness and bad blood .or even with amicable understanding.


The past has a stupid way of catching up with us again and again at most inconvenient moments

It is hardly possible to have a clean break . Children, money and emotional issues chase us and haunt us.

Added to it common friends of both male and female have a way of spoiling the future relationships

If both can make a good future relationship independant of each other , both can still get along and carry on as friends .

if one of the parties is dissatisfied after the break up , that party will be in revengeful mood to spoil the others life.

so ultimately it is ones karma , I suppose.{I do not believe in this sentence. I wrote to sweeten the blow}

 

[SANDHYAV]

Mr. Krish44, i like the combination of words u use in this sensitive scenario. I am sure others like them as well.

SOUNDS A BIT LIKE THE FEMINA PERSONAL HEALTH COLUMN, LOL

Recently a friend of mine met his ex-wife after 10 years on the very same community where he has moved about a year ago. this completely put him off. For she has had no contacts what-so-ever with her. the divorce occurred 10 years ago.

Initially he thought his psyche was bad and he was in delusion from depression, but later her father and mother also visited his neighbor, which he says is BEYOND COINCIDENCE. He says he has had some weird emails and phone calls ( probably from some investigative agencies he thinks ).

He is not keen on any friendship or business with his ex-wife..and SIMILARLY the other party don't seem to be making any effort to talk or interact.

Can you explain this culture?
the ex-wife wants money? ( HE DOES NOT HAVE MUCH)
the ex-wife wants friendship? (HE LIVES FAR AWAY)
Or the ex-wife is having some exposure therapy under the guidance of a psychiatrist? (DIFFICULT TO SAY)

Is he obliged to FIND OUT ( i mean spend money on INVESTIGATIONS ) ? Can you elaborate on the DARMA if you might call it PLEASE!

He is worried, because few months prior to the divorce he had an assault by his ex-wife's side before her father(a RICH BUSINESS TYCOON) came and took her to a distant city for good. the boy as such is very mature and has ignored to short courtship of 2 or 3 months that occurred 10 years ago as a bad dream. He is planning to inform the police if the suspicious behavior continues.

Mr. Krish44 can be as succinct as possible.. ESPECIALLY FROM ANY EXPERIENCE OR NEWS HE MIGHT HAVE KNOWN.

Legally he is not obliged to do anything.

But school kids are taught LOVE YOUR ENEMY AS YOU LOVE YOUR FRIEND. .... but in the current climate is it still valid and prevalent?

 

[biswa]

What's the point of using big red letters?

 

[krish44]

Sandyavji

The most sensible thing your friend could do is run as fast as possible far away to other end of the city or the country if possible.

another option get out of the country fast.

since the the girl belongs to a rich family ,he may not be able to take them on legally or otherwise.

so sensibly , one should weigh the odds and look for a safe haven.

peace of mind is most important .

if it is lost , people have a way of trying something drastic which might cause hurt to themselves and others around them'

I remember a case like this some thirty years back

A colleague dated a girl and proposed marriage.

He discovered accidentally that she was daughter of a lady in red light district in my town

He tried backing out.

He was hounded by relatives of the girl and characters of ill repute - who used to make threatening calls to his office .

The receptionist in the office -an old traditional lady protected him by screening and blocking all calls .

Finally he got out of the country.

 

[Raji Ram]

What's the point of using big red letters?

May be Sandhya is angry!

I have written in another thread started by P J Sir that red ink is ONLY to be used by the moderator!

 

[Raji Ram]

Dear Sandhya,

'Let us part as friends' is what is said in most of the movies when a couple divorce!

May be that is the best way! :thumb:

 

[krish44]

Dear Sandhya,

'Let us part as friends' is what is said in most of the movies when a couple divorce!

May be that is the best way! :thumb:

This is easier said than done in actual life though it could be the best way.

people are not ready to forgive and forget .

even after years ,old wounds get reopened and old thoughts return to haunt

 

[renuka]

I have seen mainly its Indian couples who are all full of hatred after divorce.

I have seen couples of different races who even invite each other for their new marriage!


In a divorce sometimes its a Karmic debt of some previous life..so better not harbour ill feelings and move on.

If we harbour ill feelings the whole cycle might repeat itself in a next life.

So treat life after divorce like a Banana....having eaten the fruit... discard the skin.

Over with it and move on to the next fruit!

 

[krish44]

renukaji

you have to be saintly to be this way.

indians treat marriage to be a sacred bond not to be broken

divorce is treated as a stigma.

one finds it difficult to dismiss it of as karmic debt and move on.

I know many who have gone through this cycle.

something goes out of their life.

The divorced types never become normal human beings again.

 

[renuka]

renukaji

you have to be saintly to be this way.

indians treat marriage to be a sacred bond not to be broken

divorce is treated as a stigma.

one finds it difficult to dismiss it of as karmic debt and move on.

I know many who have gone through this cycle.

something goes out of their life.

The divorced types never become normal human beings again.

As I said..I see this only in Indians.

Even if they marry again they ruin their 2nd marriage too.

They tend to carry the past scars to the new marriage.

We Indians should learn to forgive and forget and move on.

The other races who adapt well are not saintly..they too are normal humans who believe that they can re build their lives.

That thinking is lacking in Indians.

I know a person who is a divorcee and she ruins all perspective proposals by acting "smart".

She felt that in her 1st marriage she was a door mat so now she is acting smart and still not getting married.

I told her..do not form an opinion of another person right away.

No 2 cars are alike..after test drive only them we know which car we will like and give the car a chance to be driven before being rejected.

 

[krish44]

aathukars [husband] are not cars to be driven by ladies.lol

aathukarars need to be handled like delicate china .

no tests to be conducted on them for ruggedness and absorbing shocks.

ladies could be more considerate in choice of mate.

liberation and economic independanceof ladies is leading to distortions in lifestyles.

the sanctity is getting finished in favour of a loose contract based on economics , division of work , responsibilities and terms of separation

 

[SANDHYAV]

OH madam i am still alive! (ah RR m'm- is still alive is what i wanted to say!!).....btw, i like this word thurium..thuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurium

 

[Raji Ram]

OH madam i am still alive! (ah RR m'm- is still alive is what i wanted to say!!).....btw, i like this word thurium..thuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurium

Dear Sandhya!

Any regrets? :lol:

 

[Raji Ram]

I like to participate and chat with friends in our forum!

But ALWAYS.......... Duty first!

Hence I disappear at times. abracadabraaaaaaaaaaaa..... :lol:

 

[krish44]

If anyone corners RRji

Duty saves her.lol

 

[SANDHYAV]

Dear Sandhya!

Any regrets? :lol:

if you ask me, what is your regret of the day? I would have answered.....regret as such is a wasted emotion even kids know.....btw how about this thread...exploring anger?

 

[Raji Ram]

I thought Sandhya was worried why I am still kicking in this forum!
And Krish Sir is there to make fun of me when I say 'Duty first!'. :laugh:

I don't get angry easily. So no participation in the other thread. :nono:

P.S: No one cornered me, Krish Sir! I consider real life more important than forum life! :thumb:

 

[krish44]

I thought Sandhya was worried why I am still kicking in this forum!
And Krish Sir is there to make fun of me when I say 'Duty first!'. :laugh:

I don't get angry easily. So no participation in the other thread. :nono:

P.S: No one cornered me, Krish Sir! I consider real life more important than forum life! :thumb:

RRji
Only leg pulling .could not resist it yesterday.

sorry.

I know how committed you are to your duties towards your music students, your family members .

you have got your priorities absolutely right

with best wishes