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Elderly parent staying alone in Chennai. Any organization to take care of final days until family comes from abroad?

Tkudi

Gold Member
Gold Member
My 87 year mother is living alone in a flat in Chennai. With God's grace, she is able to take care of her daily work with some help from a service organization. Both sons are living in the US. We have some local relatives to call, in case of medical emergency. But, in any unfortunate turn of events, if she passes away, is there any reliable organization who can keep her until one of the sons can reach Chennai? We are talking about around 2 days of time. We don't want to bother our local relatives with this responsibility.

It is a difficult situation to think about but I can't find any information for such a case by simply searching in web. Eventually, this will happen one day and so I have to think about this. Any input others can share, thank you so much!
Dear MrSampath
your request is little odd and probably reflects the mind set of an American. Your problem seems to be how to dispose of the body when mother dies. Such a thought makes me trembling. My mother lived upto 93 years, healthy till the end. Nearly for 40 years , till she breathed her last ,she gave us the joy of living with me and my wife. We were very much near her bedside when she died peacefully without any struggle.
Since your mother is 87 years old, you and your brother must be in late fifties or early sixties. Both of you must have achieved all your professional success and material security. Even your children may have grown up and are on their own. Why don’t you both stay for six months in a year by turns with your mother in Chennai. That way , she will have the company of one son always and her health ,both physical and mental will improve greatly. When the inevitable happens one day, at least one of the sons will be with her to bid her goodbye in the proper way. Please consider this suggestion seriously. Any thing else, will be a great insult and sin to a mother who has given her entire life for the welfare of her children who leave her to die like an orphan. I wish I had not read your question which has left me in great despair.
 

prasad1

Gold Member
Gold Member
Dear MrSampath
your request is little odd and probably reflects the mind set of an American. Your problem seems to be how to dispose of the body when mother dies. Such a thought makes me trembling. My mother lived upto 93 years, healthy till the end. Nearly for 40 years , till she breathed her last ,she gave us the joy of living with me and my wife. We were very much near her bedside when she died peacefully without any struggle.
Since your mother is 87 years old, you and your brother must be in late fifties or early sixties. Both of you must have achieved all your professional success and material security. Even your children may have grown up and are on their own. Why don’t you both stay for six months in a year by turns with your mother in Chennai. That way , she will have the company of one son always and her health ,both physical and mental will improve greatly. When the inevitable happens one day, at least one of the sons will be with her to bid her goodbye in the proper way. Please consider this suggestion seriously. Any thing else, will be a great insult and sin to a mother who has given her entire life for the welfare of her children who leave her to die like an orphan. I wish I had not read your question which has left me in great despair.
I understands your posy and i am angry that you are piling guilt on the young man. We do not know his situation, without knowing his circumstances, we can not judge his actions. He wanted help. if you can give him that please do so, if not please ignore the post.
 

renuka

Gold Member
Gold Member
Dear Prasadji,
Its not about piling guilt, its about giving some guidance.
At times we all try to be too politically correct in our words and force ourselves to be non judgmental but in reality most of us are not being honest just to keep up with the non judgmental trend.

There is no harm having opinions of various shades.
Recently I accompanied a relative to a doctor and the relative was trying to be difficult with the doctor and refusing all advice.

The doctor as usual tried to be diplomatic..I felt sad for the doctor because he was trying his best to help out..then after a few consultations the doctor was no more diplomatic..he became blunt and put the message accross and my relative just shut up and followed his advise.

i thanked the doctor later saying that that blunt truth is what we humans need as a wake up call.

These days we see people commiting mistakes but under the name of being non judgmental we let it be.

You have a point that we should not pile on guilt but what is so wrong in the post suggesting to take care of a mother?


I understands your posy and i am angry that you are piling guilt on the young man. We do not know his situation, without knowing his circumstances, we can not judge his actions. He wanted help. if you can give him that please do so, if not please ignore the post.
 

sravna

Well-known member
Thank you Renuka and Shri TKudi for your posts. It is time to make people understand what they are missing in this din of present day reality. People really need to wake up and start experiencing the finer side of their self.
 

prasad1

Gold Member
Gold Member
Dear Prasadji,
Its not about piling guilt, its about giving some guidance.
At times we all try to be too politically correct in our words and force ourselves to be non judgmental but in reality most of us are not being honest just to keep up with the non judgmental trend.



You have a point that we should not pile on guilt but what is so wrong in the post suggesting to take care of a mother?
What if the poster is the sole breadwinner with toddlers who are challenged, in school in the USA?
Do you advise him to abandon his family in the USA? Do you advise him to quit his job and be destitute in India to take care of his mother? Will his mother want him to do that? The days of Srvanakumar are gone. Some of us are from that era and do not understand the present reality.

As I wrote before, we are giving a solution without understanding all the facts. The op did not give us a complete analysis of his situation. We can ask for it before sermonizing. If we do not have all the facts, just stick to the facts we know, and answer them as best as we can. Nothing more.
 

renuka

Gold Member
Gold Member
What if the poster is the sole breadwinner with toddlers who are challenged, in school in the USA?
Do you advise him to abandon his family in the USA? Do you advise him to quit his job and be destitute in India to take care of his mother? Will his mother want him to do that? The days of Srvanakumar are gone. Some of us are from that era and do not understand the present reality.

As I wrote before, we are giving a solution without understanding all the facts. The op did not give us a complete analysis of his situation. We can ask for it before sermonizing. If we do not have all the facts, just stick to the facts we know, and answer them as best as we can. Nothing more.
Dear Prasad ji...its just this.
No one is judging him..but only giving suggestions.

I myself did say in my post that get live in help.
When it comes to death we might never know who goes first.
So its best that both the young and old are well taken cared of.

Btw the days of Sharvankumar isnt over.
Take a look, this man is fulfilling his parents desire to attend the annual Kavadiya Kanwar yatra.

 

Tkudi

Gold Member
Gold Member
What if the poster is the sole breadwinner with toddlers who are challenged, in school in the USA?
Do you advise him to abandon his family in the USA? Do you advise him to quit his job and be destitute in India to take care of his mother? Will his mother want him to do that? The days of Srvanakumar are gone. Some of us are from that era and do not understand the present reality.

As I wrote before, we are giving a solution without understanding all the facts. The op did not give us a complete analysis of his situation. We can ask for it before sermonizing. If we do not have all the facts, just stick to the facts we know, and answer them as best as we can. Nothing more.
what are you talking ? Judging from his mother’s age (87 years) , he should be around 55-60 years old ! Your arguments are not valid. If a post comes on a public platform , you cannot expect all answers that will remove that person’s guilt and make him feel okay. One should be able to take all views and a take a decision that your conscience says right. Guilt should not be passed onto others. I am also little curious of your reactions to this post.
 
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