[Information Wanted] Do's and dont's till varushabdhigam

[வைஷ்ணவி]

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Namaskaram .Recently my husband's paternal grandmother passed away at 91.aathula i usually do ambal nithya abishega,poojai.Till karyam i am aware we are to stop doing any kind of pooja.But after that im doubtful when to start,also for Aadi i keep kalsam.can i still keep?or i have to wait for 1 year.Some are telling this is kalyaana s***u so 6 months enough .im so confused.I give my humble pranams if anyone could guide me in this elaborately

 

[sunita]

In your case, since your husband's paternal grandmother passed away, your family falls under the paternal descendant line - meaning, yes, the connection is there, but you are not the immediate next of kin like her son (i.e., your father-in-law) or grandson (your husband).


Now let’s break this down clearly:


1. During Karyam (up to 13th or 16th day):
As you rightly mentioned, no pooja, no abhishegam, no lighting of deepam in your puja room. Even regular sandhyavandanam and nithya karma is done without Deepam or any loud mantras. You’ve followed that correctly. That period is called Ashoucham or Theetu.

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2. After the Karyam:
Here’s where confusion usually starts. The Shastram makes a clear distinction based on varisai (succession in the lineage).


From your message, your husband is the grandson of the deceased (not the son). So your family is 3rd generation from the deceased. As per tradition:

• For paternal grandmother, the mourning period is not 1 year for grandchildren.
• Usually, it is 13/16 days for general theetu (depending on family practice), and for some families, monthly Shrardham may be observed by the sons.
• For you, as the granddaughter-in-law, it is even more diluted.

So, you can start your poojas again after the 13th or 16th day karyam is completed. This is the widely accepted and shastric-based view for your generation level.


No need to wait 6 months or 1 year, especially for your own daily Ambal pujai or Kalsam. Those who say 6 months may be applying some potta-shastram or applying rules meant for immediate sons/daughters. It is not required in your case.

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3. About keeping Kalsam during Aadi:
You can safely keep Kalsam and do Aadi vellikizhamai or other Devi pooja. Ambal is a Mother, and she does not see such theetu as impurity for those not in direct varisai. Your bhakti and intention matter more.

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A small note:
If your in-laws are very strict or still in grief, just check with them not for permission, but to maintain peace. Some families have emotional connections with customs even if not scriptural.


But from a Shastric point of view:
You can resume Nitya pooja after karyam
You can keep Aadi Kalsam
No need to wait 6 months or 1 year in your role