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Dealing with Brahmin girl attracted towards white boy

sun244

Member
Friends,

We have a situation where a Brahmin girl in upper teens (soon to be 18) is attracted to a white boy in USA. As per state laws, age of 18 is considered major. Parents confided me and looking for help. They are not totally orthodox but against the very thought of this dating. Can some of you please share the experience of dealing with this situation and suggestions?

Thanks
Sun
 

renuka

Gold Member
Gold Member
Friends,

We have a situation where a Brahmin girl in upper teens (soon to be 18) is attracted to a white boy in USA. As per state laws, age of 18 is considered major. Parents confided me and looking for help. They are not totally orthodox but against the very thought of this dating. Can some of you please share the experience of dealing with this situation and suggestions?

Thanks
Sun

Dear Sun,
Be ready for some totally different and holistic replies.
So brace yourself.
 

Iyest

Active member
Friends,

We have a situation where a Brahmin girl in upper teens (soon to be 18) is attracted to a white boy in USA. As per state laws, age of 18 is considered major. Parents confided me and looking for help. They are not totally orthodox but against the very thought of this dating. Can some of you please share the experience of dealing with this situation and suggestions?

Thanks
Sun

People who migrated abroad permanently want all the "comforts" of their adopted land but somehow expect their descendants to live like their ancestors did in rural India. The simple truth is that sooner or later within 1 or 2 generations inter religious/racial marriages are bound to take place. Did they not understand this simple truth for all these years? Did they expect the girl to simply agree to an arranged marriage with a boy they select from an agraharam?

It is not about right and wrong. I know about half a dozen families who returned to India when their children reached a certain age, usually around 10. For them, retaining their culture was more important than anything else. In this case, since the girl is 18 it is very unlikely she would return to India even if her parents decided to do so now.

At a different level it shows that some Brahmins are not even understanding the basics of karma. There are consequences for every action. The decision to settle in the West is one such example. Let us hope the girl lives a happy life.
 

prasad1

Gold Member
Gold Member
Friends,

We have a situation where a Brahmin girl in upper teens (soon to be 18) is attracted to a white boy in USA. As per state laws, age of 18 is considered major. Parents confided me and looking for help. They are not totally orthodox but against the very thought of this dating. Can some of you please share the experience of dealing with this situation and suggestions?

Thanks
Sun
Either you do not live outside of Tamil Nadu or fail to understand the modern age.

I had a friend, both husband and wife have passed away.
Their older daughter was raised by the grandparents in India as they did want their daughter to be polluted. This daughter hates her parents even to this date, as she believes that they did not love her.
She is married and has raised a successful family.

The younger one was raised here, and they arranged marriage with a Brahmin boy from India, the marriage lasted the whole of 18months. They divorced. Now she is married to a North Indian boy she met. They have been married for the last 12 years.

This is just one example.
Post#3 to an extent is true.

Once you leave your ancestral village you enter a world of possibilities and progress. You either accept it or live your life being miserable. In the process make everyone around you miserable.

Or be happy and make everybody around you happy.

Even within India, this dilemma is happening every day.
 
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tbs

Well-known member
Friends,

We have a situation where a Brahmin girl in upper teens (soon to be 18) is attracted to a white boy in USA. As per state laws, age of 18 is considered major. Parents confided me and looking for help. They are not totally orthodox but against the very thought of this dating. Can some of you please share the experience of dealing with this situation and suggestions?

Thanks
Sun
hi

i have my own experiences.....now a days....many indian gals like white boys....it is quite natural in USA

now a days....its some part inevitable too....some of my friends says that white boys are better

than indian desi boys.....but many does not white gals by indian boys....just say...some frnds said that

BMW 'S are very difficult to digest...i am not racist...but i agree...BMW means black/muslim/white..

this is the same dilema in many indian desi homes in USA...i attended 3 weddings in this covid

period recently....all are indian gals with white boys....many are happy too..
 

Raji Ram

Gold Member
Gold Member
When I visited the USA, I was shocked to find that right from the age of 4 or 5, children learn to go for night stay in a friend's house. This is known as "Sleep over!" When I asked why we Brahmins should follow this, the answer was "Be a Roman in Rome"!

"Play dates" are fixed and kids play together in a friend's house. Since the dating culture is thrust on them right from the tender age, they search for boyfriends in their teens! The hormones take the blame. Ha, ha!!

Parents have to just keep quiet!
 

Iyest

Active member
When I visited the USA, I was shocked to find that right from the age of 4 or 5, children learn to go for night stay in a friend's house. This is known as "Sleep over!" When I asked why we Brahmins should follow this, the answer was "Be a Roman in Rome"!

"Play dates" are fixed and kids play together in a friend's house. Since the dating culture is thrust on them right from the tender age, they search for boyfriends in their teens! The hormones take the blame. Ha, ha!!

Parents have to just keep quiet!

‘Be a Roman in Rome’ is itself a saying used by some people to justify whatever they do. Anybody who has visited Auroville, Goa, Dharmasala, Tiruvannamalai, etc will find hundreds of foreigners who have virtually taken over certain areas with their crass culture. There is hardly any effort to ‘Be an Indian in India’. So such sayings are best ignored when they are not applied uniformly to everyone. It is often only meant for traditional Indians to drop their culture.
 

Iyest

Active member
When I visited the USA, I was shocked to find that right from the age of 4 or 5, children learn to go for night stay in a friend's house. This is known as "Sleep over!" When I asked why we Brahmins should follow this, the answer was "Be a Roman in Rome"!

"Play dates" are fixed and kids play together in a friend's house. Since the dating culture is thrust on them right from the tender age, they search for boyfriends in their teens! The hormones take the blame. Ha, ha!!

Parents have to just keep quiet!
 

krish44

Gold Member
Gold Member
Why so much ruckus is being raised about an indian girl dating a white boy?
It is only one human being getting into a relationship with another.
When one is in a multi racial multi religeous nation one must be prepared to accept inter mingling and marriage.
Nothing prevented the parents to return to indis and settle in agraharam to protect them from evil whites.lol.
I find it ridiculous this kind of issue being raised and feeling agitated.
 

krish44

Gold Member
Gold Member
My friend _ a tamil iyer in foreign service celebrated marriage of his daughter with a fench white canadian.
They married as per indian tradition with girl in madisar and thaali.in delhi.
Times have changed.Seniors also need to be broad minded and come to terms .
 

prasad1

Gold Member
Gold Member
I saw the movie 2 states. See the miseries parents cause to their children for their selfish interest.

I want to address the parents in the OP.
What is your reason to deny children their opportunities?
1. They have known the USA life, and now you want to uproot them from a known society and thrust them into a foreign (Tamil, India) society.
2. They will have to accept and adjust to that new setting.
3. There college education will be impacted, they will have to find a less than the best collage, as Brahmins do not get the top billing.
4. The opportunities you chased in your younger days, you are denying the same to your children.

All this for your EGO satisfaction, please do not glorify it as cultural protection.
There are millions of Tamil Brahmins families living outside Tamil Nadu who may not be married to TB's but are happy.
If the happiness of children is your concern DO NOT take a unilateral decision, for selfish reasons.
 

prasad1

Gold Member
Gold Member
When I visited the USA, I was shocked to find that right from the age of 4 or 5, children learn to go for night stay in a friend's house. This is known as "Sleep over!" When I asked why we Brahmins should follow this, the answer was "Be a Roman in Rome"!

"Play dates" are fixed and kids play together in a friend's house. Since the dating culture is thrust on them right from the tender age, they search for boyfriends in their teens! The hormones take the blame. Ha, ha!!

Parents have to just keep quiet!


Rajiji,

My daughter born and brought up in the USA had sleepovers.
They were generally 2 to 4 girls having some time with one of the parents supervising.
It was not dating.
Somebody drinking water under a palm tree is not necessarily consuming alcohol.

My daughter did not date, but that was her choice.
Similarly, she is a vegetarian but that her choice.
She visits Temple at least once a month again it is her choice.
 
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prasad1

Gold Member
Gold Member
My Very accomplished niece in India had an arranged marriage.
After 3 years of miserable life, they divorced.
My good friend's daughter married someone in her own caste arranged by their parents, her marriage lasted less than a year. They divorced.
She remarried someone from a different state and caste and have a happy family.

No one knows what is in the future.
So please stop torturing your children, for some stupid reason that even you don't understand.

When it comes to the children's future, parents should put aside their personal egos and work and accept what is best for their children. Understand that what you experienced back 20 years ago is past, even India time does not standstill. The society in India is changing as well.

The drugs, gangs, violence against women are not what it used to be 20 years ago.
So going back to your ancient values (of 20 years ago) is like chasing a mirage.

So the choice is clear Your ego satisfaction VS your daughter's future. Take your poison.
 
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renuka

Gold Member
Gold Member
When I visited the USA, I was shocked to find that right from the age of 4 or 5, children learn to go for night stay in a friend's house. This is known as "Sleep over!" When I asked why we Brahmins should follow this, the answer was "Be a Roman in Rome"!

"Play dates" are fixed and kids play together in a friend's house. Since the dating culture is thrust on them right from the tender age, they search for boyfriends in their teens! The hormones take the blame. Ha, ha!!

Parents have to just keep quiet!

wow ! surprising.
This never happens here.
Its's not a culture here at all.

But honestly I have seen Indians from India who go to USA, the married women have dance performances on stage for Diwali etc and its not classical numbers but filmi bollywood numbers.

In Msia only unmarried girls perform dance on stage and married women dont dance non classical bollywood style on stage for Diwali.
If a married woman dances it would be usually a bharatnatyam performance.

I also have noted that some Indian citizens who stay in Msia have also started the culture of married women dancing on stage for get togethers.
Its a bit strange that their husbands dont mind their wives dancing when the performance is also seen by other men.
 

prasad1

Gold Member
Gold Member
Anybody who has visited Auroville, Goa, Dharmasala, Tiruvannamalai, etc will find hundreds of foreigners who have virtually taken over certain areas with their crass culture. There is hardly any effort to ‘Be an Indian in India’.
Wow, so much for "Atithi Devo Bhava".
It reminds me of the story I heard.

One day a sadhu went to the river to bathe. There he noticed a scorpion struggling in the water. Scorpions cannot swim and the sadhu knew that if he did not save the scorpion, it would drown...
Therefore, carefully picking up the scorpion, the monk rescued it from drowning and was just about to set it down gently on land when the scorpion stung his finger. In pain, the sadhu instinctively flung his hand and the scorpion went flying, back into the river. As soon as the sadhu regained his composure from the sting, he again lifted the scorpion out of the water. Again, before he could set the scorpion safely on land, the creature stung him. This drama went on for several minutes as the sadhu continued to try to save the life of the drowning scorpion and the scorpion continued to sting his saviour’s hand before reaching the freedom of the riverbank.
A hunter watched as the saint carefully and gingerly lifted the creature out of the water, only to fling it back in as he convulsed in pain from each fresh sting. Finally, the hunter said to the sadhu, “Forgive me for my frankness, but it is clear that the scorpion is simply going to continue to sting you each and every time you try to carry it to safety. Why don’t you give up and just let it drown?”
The sadhu replied: “My dear child, the scorpion is not stinging me out of malice or evil intent. Just as it is the water’s nature to make me wet, so it is the scorpion’s nature to sting. He doesn’t realise that I am carrying him to safety. That is a level of conscious comprehension greater than what his brain can achieve. But, just as it is the scorpion’s nature to sting, so it is my nature to save. Just as he is not leaving his nature, why should I leave my nature? My dharma is to help any creature of any kind – human or animal. Why should I let a small scorpion rob me of the divine nature which I have cultivated through years of sadhana?”
In our lives we encounter people who harm us, insult us, plot against us, whose actions seem calculated to thwart the successful achievement of our goals. Sometimes these are obvious acts, such as a co-worker who continually steals our ideas or speaks badly of us to our boss. Sometimes these acts are subtle – a friend, relative or colleague who unexpectedly betrays us or who we find has been surreptitiously speaking negatively about us behind our back.
Slowly we find that our own actions, words and thoughts become driven by anger and pain. We find ourselves engaged in cunning thoughts of revenge. Before we realise it, we are injuring ourselves by allowing negative emotions dominate us. They insulted us or plotted against us or sabotaged a well-deserved achievement at work. But we injure ourselves more deeply and more gravely by allowing our hearts and minds to darken.
Our dharma is to be kind, pure, honest, giving, sharing and caring. Others, due to ignorance, lack of understanding or due to the way in which their own karmic drama is unfolding, may act with malice, deceit, selfishness and indifference. But we must not let their actions or their ignorance deprive us of fulfilling our dharma. We must not allow ourselves to be lowered by their ignorance, their habits or their greed. The darkness in their heart should not be allowed to penetrate into the lightness of our hearts.
Parmarth Niketan, Rishikesh
 

prasad1

Gold Member
Gold Member
wow ! surprising.
This never happens here.
Its's not a culture here at all.

But honestly I have seen Indians from India who go to USA, the married women have dance performances on stage for Diwali etc and its not classical numbers but filmi bollywood numbers.

In Msia only unmarried girls perform dance on stage and married women dont dance non classical bollywood style on stage for Diwali.
If a married woman dances it would be usually a bharatnatyam performance.

I also have noted that some Indian citizens who stay in Msia have also started the culture of married women dancing on stage for get togethers.
Its a bit strange that their husbands dont mind their wives dancing when the performance is also seen by other men.
I am afraid you only knew about south India. In the economically upper-class dancing and drinking was quite prevalent even 60 years ago.

India in the 21st century is a lot more liberal. Unlike Muslim-dominated society, women have a lot more freedom, and rightly so. Marriage is among the equals, and women need not be subservient to the man.
Men may not like it, but the constitution and society allow rights to women that they did not have before, or ware taken away by society.

If you go to the metro cities you hardly see younger people in Indian clothes. Girls and ladies crowd bars, dance halls, and clubs.
It is not like it used to be 50 years ago. Is it good or bad? we will never know but society moves on. You can not stop the march of time. Once you let the genie out of the bottle you can not put the genie back in the bottle.
 
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renuka

Gold Member
Gold Member
I am afraid you only knew about south India. In the economically upper-class dancing and drinking was quite prevalent even 60 years ago.

India in the 21st century is a lot more liberal. Unlike Muslim-dominated society, women have a lot more freedom, and rightly so. Marriage is among the equals, and women need not be subservient to the man.
Men may not like it, but the constitution and society allow rights to women that they did not have before, or ware taken away by society.

If you go to the metro cities you hardly see younger people in Indian clothes. Girls and ladies crowd bars, dance halls, and clubs.
It is not like it used to be 50 years ago. Is it good or bad? we will never know but society moves on. You can not stop the march of time. Once you let the genie out of the bottle you can not put the genie back in the bottle.
Here we hardly wear Indian clothes too but married women dancing in front of other men is still a No No unless its a Bharatnatyam performance.

Here a woman drinking alcohol is not too accepted by society even though some drink ..Islamic influence of alcohol being forbidden still prevails.
 

prasad1

Gold Member
Gold Member
I am going to state a bitter truth.
Do you know the reason why we do not have successful Tamil Brahmin women? It is because of Tamil Brahmin society, mainly men, and their archaic rules. They have chained the women to the yoke of raising
children and upholding culture, more importantly, their three meals.
 

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