thank you so much annA. you have provided a lot of comfort and strength to my overthinking.@Govindh Those are high words. I gave my suggestions, because i can relate to what you're going through. There is a point in life, where we need to stand back and think for ourselves, over who we are and what our identity is. If we can figure this out, you get a clarity wherein you can blossom to your full potential. Unfortunately, many of us, start with something, slog years in it and later realize we're not meant for it. Be it career or spirituality its the same. TIME/kaalam(in tamil) is the real god. If i had removed some doubt of yours, i'm happy. Who knows what lurks around the corner, you may turn into an Acharya yourself, or one of your descendants might become big contributors to Dharma. I, you or anyone of us may not be around that time to witness it, but its because we've sown the seed today, someones gonna reap its benefit tmrw.
Take for example: those monumental temples, you find in India, do you think, the people of those times would have lived to see their hardwork materialize into the structure we see today. Nope, many have died mid way. Some 2-3 generations of people have worked on it. Of course, some were made to work forcefully, but there are also others who worked voluntarily, otherwise you would'nt be seeing this beauty. Now what sort of an attitude is that to keep working continously with passion without caring about the results, it still is amusing that such people existed, peak of Krishnas Karma Yoga principle. Hence, this spiritualtiy and rituals are an investment, not just for the present but for the future, future of your coming generations.
Go onto become a great doctor, even become the Surgeon general there, but never forget ur Dharma. That is all that matters. We are just tiny specks in this mighty universe. Dont break your head over such trivial stuff. There are many issues where we can go and break heads, not this, never give up or give in, stay balanced like Lord Ram. Have fun. Cheers!!!
I guess I will always be opposed by certain groups of orthodoxy but I truly understand where they are coming from. I hope God leads me to realizing my potential in a way that it benefits us and this creation in whichever small or large way that I can.
Is there a whatsapp number or other mode of messaging that I may connect to you with for further questions/discussions?