can i grow beard during my sister pregnant

[sureshb]

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my sister is pregnant, can i grow my beard and will it help in her child birth.
I need the wellness of my sister and child.
or only husbands should grow beard

 

[kunjuppu]

not sure if this is a trick question. i am quite sure you are sincere. otherwise i have a whole slew of answers which might give you a good guffaw!

i wish your sister a good and easy delivery.

not sure if you look good with a beard. maybe you should try a goattee? or just stick with the moustache.

 

[CLN]

Well, well, well! It is hight time that the 'dependence' of the wellbeing of a pregnant woman and the foetus she is carrying on the length of the beard of any person - be it the contributor of the sperm or some one else - is laid out plainly on the table, so to say! Who can resolve this urgent issue? While we are at it, it would also help to know what kind of misfortunes will befall any one not observing this practice.
.

 

[sangom]

my sister is pregnant, can i grow my beard and will it help in her child birth.
I need the wellness of my sister and child.
or only husbands should grow beard

The usual custom is for the husband to grow a beard. So if you now grow a beard it will cause unnecessary misunderstanding only, unless, you have some other family/caste practice to support your action.

As a better option, why not request your BIL to grow a beard?

 

[CLN]

Shri sureshb!

There is another thread called "Growing a beard" which has some information which may interest you.

 

[kunjuppu]

thank goodness there is indeed a 'tradition' to this beard this.

i agree with sangom, re you growing beard for your sil confinement. to put it plain, the paternity of the kid might come in discussion. you would want to avoid that sureshb.



btw, what about folks like me who have perpetual beards. i don't want my wife to see this thread, and get ideas about my supposed profligacy, though i should confess, it would be an enjoyable occupation

 

[Iyyarooraan]

Without meaning to offend any one and with heartfelt 'AshirvAdams' to the mother and the expected Arrival, I would request the brother not to sport the beard when the arrival takes place, for the child might get frightened and may see very few bearded faces later. With the permission of the readers, let me relate a joke in a Tamil Magazine. A mother was showing her son the marriage photo album relating every person. The child asked who is this person who is always with you in the photos. Mother patiently said it is your father. Child was stunned and could not resist asking "then who is this man in our house with the beard?". It was mother's turn to be stunned!. Have a good time. Humour and laughter is always good in killing egos.

 

[KRS]

Initially when I saw this thread, I thought this person must be joking!

But then, obviously this is a serious question, judging from the number of replies.

If this is tradition, why did this come about? Seems to me that it may be grounded in two reasons: 1. To discourage the man spending time with a barber at the time of birth, when his availability is necessary 2. To make the man unattractive, may be for obvious reasons. 3. Somehow there is a connection between the health and well being of the child to the shearing of the father's facial hair.

Any of you know what the tradition is and the reason for it? Sri Sangom sir seems to know a bit.

Interesting!

Regards,
KRS

 

[B.Krishnamurthy]

I think this custom is prevalent in all communities in Tamilnadu to grow beard as a sort of 'venduthal'.Elders in the family grow beard for the welfare of children.It could be,
if the child is unwell,may be for safe delivery of their daughters/dils.If there are no elderly members in the family,I think Shri.Suresh can grow beard after informing his sister's husband.My sambandhi had grown beard and after fulfillment went by mistake to Tirupathi for shaving his beard.There the barbers refused stating that the contract with TTD is only for shaving the head and there is no provision for shaving the beard.
As a compromise he agreed for shaving his head and additional amount as demanded for shaving the beard.On his return he felt that he should not have taken the vendulal of visiting Tirupathi.So I advice Shri.Suresh to visit a smaller temple after fulfillment of his wish.
I also suggest that he can pray to Goddess Karbha rashambika,visit the temple and offer 'Ghee' prasad to his sister and also to Lord Thayumanavar in Tiruchi that he will tie 'Vazai tar" after successful delivery.People in Tiruchi invariably follow this custom.
I pray Almighty God for safe delivery of his sister.

 

[Raghy]

my sister is pregnant, can i grow my beard and will it help in her child birth.
I need the wellness of my sister and child.
or only husbands should grow beard

Sri.Suresh Sir,

Greetings. I wish your sister all the very best. Kindly maintain all the necessasary medical chek-ups and try to get nutrious diet for your sister. Exercise for your sister is also essential.

About your beard - yes, in all likelyhood, your growing a beard will help your sister provided you inform your sister beforehand the purpose of your beard.

The whole thing is psychological. Your desire and eagerness for your sister's wellbeing will boost your sister's psychological strength. Not only during pregnancy but also during anyother time, support and well wishes of the near and dear is a psychological booster.

You are on the right track. You do have a nice gesture.

Cheers!

 

[ambes]

If U have been growing the beard for style ,It can no way affect ur sister. Wishing her a safe delivery.

 

[sangom]

Initially when I saw this thread, I thought this person must be joking!

But then, obviously this is a serious question, judging from the number of replies.

If this is tradition, why did this come about? Seems to me that it may be grounded in two reasons: 1. To discourage the man spending time with a barber at the time of birth, when his availability is necessary 2. To make the man unattractive, may be for obvious reasons. 3. Somehow there is a connection between the health and well being of the child to the shearing of the father's facial hair.

Any of you know what the tradition is and the reason for it? Sri Sangom sir seems to know a bit.

Interesting!

Regards,
KRS

Dear Shri KRS,

To the best of my knowledge this custom (of husband growing a beard during the wife's pregnancy) has no basis in the Dharmasastras. It was, however, observed by the more orthodox families generally during the last one or two months of the pregnancy. It appears to me that this might have been more as a constant reminder to the husband about the delicate health of the pregnant wife and the need for him to adopt "brahmacharyam" temporarily, for obvious reasons. Indirectly, therefore, this voluntarily imposed self-control on the part of the husband was thought to facilitate safe delivery too. (We have been somewhat euphemistic in such matters traditionally; instead of plainly saying "don't disturb your wife with all your sexual demands and jeopardise her health", this was a signal, that's what I guess.)

It is exactly for the same reason that a girl's brother (younger or elder) or even father growing a beard during pregnancy of sister/daughter will not be an acceptable gesture. If the brother or father are very concerned about the woman, they can make any other of the hundreds of "vendutals" available instead of encroaching on what is proper for the husband to do in the case of pregnancy. For example the brother/father can make a "venduthal" to perform "angapradakshinam" of some temple.

 

[sravna]

Dear Shri KRS,

To the best of my knowledge this custom (of husband growing a beard during the wife's pregnancy) has no basis in the Dharmasastras. It was, however, observed by the more orthodox families generally during the last one or two months of the pregnancy. It appears to me that this might have been more as a constant reminder to the husband about the delicate health of the pregnant wife and the need for him to adopt "brahmacharyam" temporarily, for obvious reasons. Indirectly, therefore, this voluntarily imposed self-control on the part of the husband was thought to facilitate safe delivery too. (We have been somewhat euphemistic in such matters traditionally; instead of plainly saying "don't disturb your wife with all your sexual demands and jeopardise her health", this was a signal, that's what I guess.)

It is exactly for the same reason that a girl's brother (younger or elder) or even father growing a beard during pregnancy of sister/daughter will not be an acceptable gesture. If the brother or father are very concerned about the woman, they can make any other of the hundreds of "vendutals" available instead of encroaching on what is proper for the husband to do in the case of pregnancy. For example the brother/father can make a "venduthal" to perform "angapradakshinam" of some temple.

I agree with Shri. Sangom. This and other practices also are generally to impose self control. I would like to add that self control gives that extra power to the mind and what one wishes has a greater probability of happening. How this happens is a matter of big debate again.

 

[CLN]

sangom: It appears to me that this might have been more as a constant reminder to the husband about the delicate health of the pregnant wife and the need for him to adopt "brahmacharyam" temporarily, for obvious reasons. Indirectly, therefore, this voluntarily imposed self-control on the part of the husband was thought to facilitate safe delivery too.

Yes, it appears that this is more like it. In fact, the societal setup in Hindu households has been having a built-in protection for a pregnant woman in the practice of the woman spending the last few months of pregnancy, the actual delivery time and the first few months after delivery, in her mother's house, where she could feel more free to take on light household activities and satisfy her 'pica' (i.e., pregnancy-related food cravings). It was also a natural way to prevent the husband (knowing man's psychology) from causing unintended harm to the wife. Still, as there was actually no real ban on the husband visiting his in-laws, the beard-growing avatar, reminding the husband constantly and continuously what his obligations were has been very wisely adopted!

All that is fast vanishing nowadays. What with the growing trend and tendency for families to become nuclear and with the real status of the 'woman' slowly changing from 'property' (i,e., a thing) to a 'partner' (i.e., a person) - despite her having been notionally called "sahadharmini" for ages ! - and advancement in medical facilities and procedures, such symbolic practices like "beard-growing" seem to be becoming less and less relevant. Are they not?

 

[kunjuppu]

i am truly amazed at the replies to what i thought was a frivolent post. so much erudition and thinking here. i am certainly the proverbial pygmy, standing tall on the shoulders of the the titans of knowledge here, and thus able to see afar.

back to reality now.

today pregnancy is considered a healthy and normal rite of passage, which till now, only the female human can experience. that makes them special but not an invalid.

it is normal for women to go to work till the last day of delivery. they get up and walk almost immediately after delivery. in the west where i live, it is common for the parents, if they come to help at all, to stay no more than a week. all this makes the woman, and her partner self reliant.

it is important the the lady has the right care on standby during delivery. the timing here is often so critical that seconds differentiate between a healthy baby to a damaged or (heaven forbid) a dead one. i have personally witnessed two sorrows created by twisted umblical cords on the neck of the baby.

over and above it, it is i think, important to keep the pregnant lady happy. a cheerful pregnancy, i think, brings out a happy baby as it is familiar with the concept of joy right from the womb. this is my personal take and not proved by science

it is often said, that in third world countries, we have women who deliver the baby in the morning, and back in the fields in the afternoon. may not be true, but definitely an ode to the resiliency of the womenfolk.

in this case, since i have a beard, i personally see nothing special in someone offering to grow one. ofcourse, if someone could come up with a formula to grow hair on my bald head, i would jump on it immediately.

once again, wishing suresh's sister a safe and healthy delivery, regardless of whether the brother wishes to don a beard or go beardless !!

 

[CLN]

kunjuppu: it is often said, that in third world countries, we have women who deliver the baby in the morning, and back in the fields in the afternoon. may not be true, but definitely an ode to the resiliency of the womenfolk.

Dear Sir,

Certainly it is not untrue! I can recall an anecdote from my memory to prove it!

This is based on a news item which appeared some 30 years ago, in 'The Nation', a popular local tabloid in Kenya. In that country, there is a public examination called CPE (Certificate of Primary Education) which students sit for after completing 7 grades of primary education. As admissions are done in Grade I at 7+ there, a student appearing for CPE was likely to be about 14 or so. The news bit was about how a girl, even while writing the examination, got labour pains, was rushed to a maternity hospital where she delivered a healthy baby quickly, returned to the examination centre and completed the examination, the exam authorities being kind enough to allow her some extra time, to compensate for the time lost!

Some readers are certain to wonder how a girl barely 14 could be pregnant in a country not following Sanatana Dharma! It is due to a different reason altogether. It is believed among many African tribes, I am given to understand, that the primary role of a 'female' is to be able to bear a child; i.e., 'reproductability' is a must for women to be able to get married and settle down in life. The onus of proving her ability to bear a child is on every girl as soon as her body becomes ready biologically. So, it is a society-approved practice envisaged in the mores of most tribes in Africa that she cohabits with a suitable boy and gets pregnant at the earliest . My understanding is that the child born out of this union would be brought up by the girl's parents, until she marries years later and settles down, when her first-born would be re-united to her. I am not sure whether the same boy who made her pregnant in the first place would automatically marry her, or, she has the choice to choose another man.

I appeal to members who might be having more knowledge on the sociology of African tribes to critically scan what I have written and record their comments.