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Are you made to feel 'small'?

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JR

New member
I BELIEVE that no one can make :nono:

anyone else feel SMALL unless :sad:

that person agrees to feel SMALL. :pout:
That is incorrect, imo. Not everybody is of the same constitution, some of us (especially me) are sensitive and others might know this weakness and can play on our emotions in front of others. This is called 'making one feel small'. Besides, even if we try to portray a facade of emotional strength, the be-littler usually has 'chamchas' that label us 'headstrong'. This has happened to me before. The entire African race was made to feel small in so many ways, that's why there was a 'civil war' to set things right.
 

prasad1

Well-known member
The op is correct. There are people who will make you feel small, irrespective of your inner strength. You can come back at them or leave it at that. Being strong you overcome your emotions, but sometimes in your weak moment it hits you hard.
Like JRji said that in a group where the bully has their "chamchas", it is better to walk away. Later you might get a chance to get back at them.
 

indianassault

Active member
Prasad SIr,

By OP you mean,is it JR or Daniel? I think the original quote is from a MAN and so please understand whom he is talkingabout. ( He sould have been married for so long before writing so ). LOL
 

renuka

Well-known member
That is incorrect, imo. Not everybody is of the same constitution, some of us (especially me) are sensitive and others might know this weakness and can play on our emotions in front of others. This is called 'making one feel small'. Besides, even if we try to portray a facade of emotional strength, the be-littler usually has 'chamchas' that label us 'headstrong'. This has happened to me before. The entire African race was made to feel small in so many ways, that's why there was a 'civil war' to set things right.

Dear JR,

I dont remember feeling small ever but I have been in many situations where some expected me to feel small.

I did not feel small but I felt "what the hell am I doing here? It must be some bad luck that I have to hear this"
The word is uncomfortable but I would not say I felt small ever.

So I just kept reminding myself that some people need to make others feel small in order for them to feel good..so its basically their problem and not mine.

So that way I have never felt small or even big for that matter.

Size only matters for Godzilla!LOL
 

krish44

Well-known member
Small is a matter of feeling.

One can feel as big as one would like to be.

It is just a matter of one upmanship.

It takes only a little bit of self belief

of course , if anyone would like to be oneself and wants to be accepted as one is , it is a liitle difficult sometimes

that requires a lot of self acceptance
 

Visalakshi Ramani

Well-known member
"I am the all auspicious Sivam!"

Believe in this with all your heart.

Nothing and nobody can ever make you

feel small or unimportant.

You will remain like the middle pendulum of Newton's Cradle.

You may be banged from both sides - but you will never flare up to return the bang.
 

Visalakshi Ramani

Well-known member
Two of my nephews taught me a good thing when they were mere kids.

The elder one would taunt the younger one who in turn :boink:

would just hold his palm facing his elder brother. :hand:

He never replied nor shouted back nor attacked him nor lost his temper.

So one day I asked him what he was doing.

He said, "I am just reflecting whatever he said to me"

How do you like it??? :first:

It reminded me of the story of Buddha who just returned all the unkind

Gaaliyan to the speaker with as much composure as this little kid! :clap2:
 

renuka

Well-known member
Dear JR,

There is a strategy that I learnt a few years back..that is to play dumb when someone is trying to scold us or trying to make us feel bad.

I will give you an example.

Ok I am GP by profession..so when there is a complication or a doubt I have to refer the case to a specialist.

So once I had to refer a case of a pregnant lady to a specialist becos when I did the ultrasound I found the amniotic fluid to be rather on the lower side of normal.

So I referred her to the government hospital and I dont know why the specialist there got mad with me for referring the case.

She phoned me up and was saying "why did you even send a normal case? didnt you even know this"

So I thought Ok lets play dumb.

You see the reason I referred is becos the fluid looked lesser than normal..so I wanted to be sure it was normal and let the specialist decide that for the well being of the patient.

I dont mind being wrong as long the patient is safe.

So since the specialist was scolding me..I did this.

I told her "Really? So it normal? O' Thank God! I was not sure that is why I referred the case to you..I am so thankful that you took the trouble to call me for this..how I wish other doctors were as interactive as you"

The specialist then said "Excuse me! dont you know what I am trying to tell you? Why did you even need to refer such cases..dont you have enough knowledge?'

Then I replied "No ..I dont have enough knowledge..that is why I sent her to you becos I know you know more than me..I am only a GP but you are a specialist..thank god for you that my patient is fine now"

She put the phone down.

She could not get thru me!LOL


I knew that she wanted to scold me and make me feel bad and expected a reaction from me but I acted like some dumbo bimbo on the phone giggling as I spoke instead and never gave a chance to her to feel as if her message got across!LOL
 
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krish44

Well-known member
renukaji
You have also mastered the trick of playing dumb.

I have done that successfully for a lifetime.

Whenever I want someone to do anything for me, I follow this route.

I hand the job/work/problem to be resolved over to someone who thinks he is better than me and forget about it

Most around me have become very responsible because of this attitude.

most times people to whom I have entrusted work like this have performed better than me.

whole world is a resource. it requires a dumb brain like mine to put it to work for my welfare.lol
 
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renuka

Well-known member
renukaji
You have also mastered the trick of playing dumb.

I have done that successfully for a lifetime.

Whenever I want someone to do anything for me, I follow this route.

I hand the job/work/problem to be resolved over to someone who thinks he is better than me and forget about it

Most around me have become very responsible because of this attitude.

most times people to whom I have entrusted work like this have performed better than me.

whole world is a resource. it requires a dumb brain like mine to put it to work for my welfare.lol
Dear Krish ji,

I only play dumb when someone is trying to act smart with me.

Otherwise I dont play that dumb!LOL
 

krish44

Well-known member
Dear renukaji
I know....

You might have an acceptance issue.

You have to be actually dumb to be taken as one.

I exhibit my ignorance and foolishness which can qualify for dumb status.lol
 

JR

New member
Very, very nice suggestions, Visalakshi ji and Renuka ji.

My strategy is to 'cut them out' altogether :). Like not making phone calls to them, not taking their calls, for 'sometime'. In my situations, it ends up breaking the relationship but who cares? I don't want such people in my life anyways... you could say my number of friends here must be very limited then, very, very true, I only have 1 friend! But even she speaks the 'truth' too plainly at times. Like in 2013 Dec she was once visiting me and she told me "I look fat" couple of times.. I was pizzed off. I thought it is not plain decent to call someone fat, nomatter how well you know him or her. But she also was a chubby person for that matter. I felt like saying, "You are fat too" but did not do that for some reason.. my tongue felt tied! But I took that anger upon myself, exercised and lost 18 kg. So in my case, I think I'm kinda like the boy Smt. Visalakshi ji depicted, who said, he was 'reflecting' on what was told to him!

Renuka, playing dumb is so hard (on yourself). Why couldn't you have simply said, "I felt the amniotic fluid was less". Anyway, your decision as a doctor to send away the patient to a specialist was very wise indeed. So why should you let someone represent you in poor light? But that said, I have to admit, even I play dumb many, many times. Like when it comes to the mistakes of others I never fight. But reach for the quickest way out, like a peace treaty. Many people in situations where they are wronged would rather argue and fight, but not me! I am the good samaritan 'who always understands'!! But I have noticed that indicating your dissatisfaction under such circumstances makes you get noticed, so you won't be treated the same way again. Therefore I am working on this skill.. to get more assertive.
 
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renuka

Well-known member
Dear renukaji
I know....

You might have an acceptance issue.

You have to be actually dumb to be taken as one.

I exhibit my ignorance and foolishness which can qualify for dumb status.lol
dear Krish ji,

I do not have acceptance issues at all.

If you are dumb..I am dumber!LOL
 

renuka

Well-known member
Renuka, playing dumb is so hard (on yourself). Why couldn't you have simply said, "I felt the amniotic fluid was less". Anyway, your decision as a doctor to send away the patient to a specialist was very wise indeed. So why should you let someone represent you in poor light? But that said, I have to admit, even I play dumb many, many times. Like when it comes to the mistakes of others I never fight. But reach for the quickest way out, like a peace treaty. Many people in situations where they are wronged would rather argue and fight, but not me! I am the good samaritan 'who always understands'!! But I have noticed that indicating your dissatisfaction under such circumstances makes you get noticed, so you won't be treated the same way again. Therefore I am working on this skill.. to get more assertive.
Dear JR,

You have no idea how some specialist can be when dealing with another doctor that too with a GP.

Once I had referred a case to the hospital..a very regular patient of mine who suddenly had a very bad attack of asthma for the 1st time ever!

The hospital surprisingly diagnosed her a having TB.

Then the hospital asked me to start TB treatment which they provided.

Deep down inside I doubted the diagnosis and sure enough my patient started having severe side effects towards the medication.I also felt the patient did not display signs of TB.

So I referred her to another consultant for a 2nd opinion and he said that we should follow the 1st diagnosis at the hospital becos the sputum test of the slide was positive!(so much for a 2nd opinion)

Then I sent the patient back to the 1st hospital and stated my reasons why I feel its not TB and to my surprise the consultant called me up and fired me.

She asked me "You are only a GP! I am a TB specialist who studied in Englad..do you think that you can be actually smarter than me in this field?"

I told her that 'Its not a matter of who is smarter but this patient has been under my care for years and to me she never seemed the type who would display TB at all..I still feel some error happened somewhere cos the X ray is normal..and blood parameters are normal and only the slide of positive..but even though the slide being positive is enough for TB diagnosis but I still have a feeling may be some error happened in the slide reading becos she is getting severe side effects to all medication..it just seems to be there is no TB bacteria for the medications to act on..hence severe reactions to it"

That was it..she got real mad with me and told the patient that I am not a good doctor and I must be not keen to treat a TB patient becos there is not much profit one makes when just carrying out treatment supplied by the hospital.

But thank god my patient knew that I am not the type who thinks of money only.

Then the case was referred to another specialist where the specialist thought of re checking the slide.

Then it was found out that the technician who read the slide read it wrongly and the patient never had TB to start with!

The patient did not sue the hospital becos the patient was a staunch buddhist who did not want to cause harm for anyone.

So after that incident..even though I was right..yet I had to endure all the insults by other doctors..so I decided that I will play dumb with them the next time without jeopradizing the patient.
 
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