• Welcome to Tamil Brahmins forums.

    You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our Free Brahmin Community you will have access to post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!

    If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact contact us.

Present day parents of the girls

Status
Not open for further replies.
R

Ramacchandran

Guest
Of late I visited a popular matrimonysite and searching for brides. Few of the brides when filling up the form skipped the Drinking and smoking eating habits and this resulted in "The girl's side doesn't mind if the boy smokes, drinks and eats. But they take care in mentioning that the boy should work in USA/ Singapore / Europe with handsome salary. Of course I agree that the boys may drink and smoke in the country where they work! I am not denying that few brahmins consume alcohol, and in a Tasmac shop I had seen few native brahmins visit regularly and buy drinks for them or for their friends.

I feel instead of putting this openly they can put No drinks no smoke etc., and later stage they can exempt these words and say they have no objection if the would be son in law drinks and smokes if he is working in U.S.A.

I request our brahmin brothers to take care when filling up the forms.
 
hi ramachandran,
it is a shocking observation that you have brought forward here - the mindset of girl's parents !!

people have changed so much now and are mad about USA and foreign jobs that they do not even mind smoking and alcoholic grooms... really times and values have changed a lot !!

PS I donot have any relative of marriageable age, though
 
hi ramachandran,
it is a shocking observation that you have brought forward here - the mindset of girl's parents !!

people have changed so much now and are mad about USA and foreign jobs that they do not even mind smoking and alcoholic grooms... really times and values have changed a lot !!

PS I donot have any relative of marriageable age, though

Shri Hemanth,

Really I do not think our sastras prohibit drinking, and much less, smoking. A generation ago most tabras used snuff which is tobacco imbibed through the nose, without being lighted. In a jocular way it is the tobacco purified by the all-purifying agni, which is being used. As for intoxication, there is adequate evidence in rigveda to show that soma was an exhilarating drink and the priests used to imbibe it.

If you see our past history, potatos, tomatos, red chillies and many other items are adopted from time to time and we have no objection to these. Why show consternation about smoking, drinking or nv food? A good percentage of north Indian Brahmans already use all these and Tabras are also picking up.

Above all, is it not honesty that the girls inform at first itself that they have no objection to the groom drinking or smoking or eating nv food? Why should they limit their choice in a hypocritical way? We must realize that the traditional Brahmanic way of life no longer interests many, in particular young girls who want to enjoy the taste of freedom to its full. I am told that in BGL there are a number of hotels ("joints" is the slang, I hope my understanding is correct.) which cater to different tastes like homosexuals, lesbians and that smoking and drinking in such places by both girls and boys is very common. Considering the share of Tabras in IT sector, I will not be surprised if our boys and girls too are there.
 
sangom,

i am not condemning drinking or smoking by brahmins in particular....what ever caste or religion the groom is , to accept smoking and drinking groom is what is shocking, I said. I am just appalled at the current trend in matrimonials.....

parents are so much attunedd to / desperate to find NRI grooms that such vices, which may later on spoil marriage ( in tamil kudi kudiyai kedukkum) are also acceptable or left as no comments.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
sangom,

i am not condemning drinking or smoking by brahmins in particular....what ever caste or religion the groom is , to accept smoking and drinking groom is what is shocking, I said. I am just appalled at the current trend in matrimonials.....

parents are so much attunedd to / desperate to find NRI grooms that such vices, which may later on spoil marriage ( in tamil kudi kudiyai kedukkum) are also acceptable or left as no comments.

Shri Hemanth,

I agree that smoking, rather tobacco in any form, except as medicine, is addictive and harmful to humans. But drinking is not like that IMO. (You may get a feeling that I am defending my personal weakness in general terms; not so, I am an old Tabra brought up in a conservative, vaideeka family and, though my views on religion are not conformist, I have not had a chance to pick up the drinking habit!)

My grandfather himself a staunch Brahman vaideekan used to remark, with understanding, that the farm workers (in the then Travancore state where I was born and spent my childhood) need to drink a little coconut toddy in the evening so that they have a sound sleep at night and wake up fit for one more day's slogging in the hot sun or debilitating rains. Similarly many of my forefathers granted the need for "kaLLu" for the working population.

In the cold countries, the alcohol not only helps to combat the cold outside, it also probably helps in digestion and absorption of nutrients by the body. And, even in Kerala I have found two entirely contrasting scenarios. In some areas of Thrissur (I am talking of the seventies decade when I used to tour Kerala as part of my work.) - called "Anthikkad" most families used to sit around, at night, and drink, men, women and children. they had their dinner thereafter and this was the tradition for them. But you won't find any drunkard there. But some Tamilian (I am sorry to make this reference, but that was how the local people felt) coming and drinking in a toddy shop will, more often than not, create a public scene, and after coming to his lodging, vomit and create another scene. Palghat was a contrast with maximum number of people spoiling the hotel beds and all. What I am trying to say is that alcohol is by itself not bad and in the western countries, perhaps, it serves a salutary objective; so, there seems to be basically nothing immoral in girls' parties making it clear that they have no objection to it if the groom drinks.

Your statement "parents are so much attunedd to / desperate to find NRI grooms that such vices" is IMO a slightly twisted version of the truth; girls' parents are eager to find NRI grooms settled / capable of settling in the West, even if those grooms have drinking or smoking habits, is the truth. And, my feeling is that - at least among Tabras - it has become a status symbol to have their sons and daughters abroad and the parents visiting them often, finally settling down there, etc. The number of times a parent has gone abroad is talked about as a qualification. I have seen Tabra old men and women excellently adjusted to the western culture - men wearing bermudas/short pants, women with cropped hair, skirts, and taking nv and drinking in hotels/restaurants, etc. How these people present themselves when they visit home country, I don't know.
 
Is it not surprising that the Tamil Brahmins who have such strong feelings against Smoking, do not display the same when it comes to Chewing of Pan and Tobacco? I was shocked when in one of the Veda Sabhas a Vedic pandit recited a Ganapadam with tobacco in his mouth. He was a senior man who headed a Vedic patashala. Of course he was very good. I found the most of the pandits chewed Tobacco.

We also had the same ambivalent attitude toward snuff. My father used to warn one of the sasthirigal "Oy. Poojai pannumpothu, podi podappatathu."

According to historians the Brahmins were the exclusive users of Opium.
 
Last edited:
The Tamil Brahmin community has been changing according to the times especially regarding marriages.

1. 150 Years back - My grand father's time - They looked at only house and landed property called சொத்து. The boy's education did not matter.

2. 100 years back- My father's time - They started looking at both education and சொத்து. His employment was not a main criterion because he could still live on his சொத்து and not take any employment.

3. 50 year's back - My time - They realized that you could earn a lot by employment and accumulate சொத்து. Preference was for employment in Government, Civil services, then Banks, LIC, Public sector. Boys in the private sector were not preferred because as it was said " the company could close down any time." Army and business was frowned upon.

Then people preferred boys with a transferable job rather then a permanent one in Bombay, Kolkata or other places. Many people came back from U.S after completing M.S because the parents did not want their son to settle down in U.S. You could not also get girls because the parents of girls did not want their daughter to go to U.S.

Then about religious preferences, very few people wanted their daughters to be married into religious families. Even there if you mention Devi Upasana people literally ran. This is true today also.

So we find that the community has been continuously adapting according to the times. Some people were ahead of times and some behind times. Some made it. Some missed the bus.

I am surprised when someone posts about our community's inability to change. We survived because we accepted changes and changed.

Most of the Brahmins in the lower middle class are there today because their ancestors missed the bus.

Viewed in light of the above the present conditions are not surprising. But because of the tremendous changes in India and the world in the last 50 years, there are more options.

But then Conformists would prefer to conform. The present conformism is to look for a groom in U.S.

Funny thing about Tamil Brahmins is that they want a boy with clean habits. There is no definition of Clean habits. If you go by book scratching of head, putting the finger in the nose and such things are bad habits. But not so in our terminology. :D
 
I know a couple from North India, a love marriage Brahmin and Non Brahmin since both are in same field, they married ignoring all advices. For first two years in U.S it was OK. But after two years she got a pay hike 150% and moved 1500 Kms away from their home. She managed for couple of years. They got a child who was a cancer patient. They both admitted The child in the hospital and forgot about him. One fine day the boy also died. Now they are carefree. No burdens! They drink a lot, even when they visit Chennai, they stay in five star hotel, get a boose and tour!
They have money in millions but no peace. Whenever they fear for god they Visit Samayapuram, Srirangam and tour South India for a month and throw money to all the temples. But I am sure one day they feel loneliness and will feel sorry for their activities.
This western culture may suit only to the westerner people and not to us. If the Parents of brides and grooms seek spouses for their ward they should not out community in their search. Since they say they are liberal, they should accept any man in U.S and not brahmins alone. Because they need only money they should highlight that any religion is acceptable.
 
Then about religious preferences, very few people wanted their daughters to be married into religious families. Even there if you mention Devi Upasana people literally ran. This is true today also.

In my personal knowledge I can count about 6 or 7 families in which some (male) member did "Devi upaasana" or Sree Chakra Upaasana or some similar Tantric methods and all the families have faced tremendous difficulties in each generation; it is not that all the family members suffer equally but unusual troubles plague many of them. In only one case the upaasaka himself suffered; he went mad and died in that condition, uncured. That is why perhaps people generally do not like to have marriage connections with such families. To some extent this dislike is seen for families which are devotees of certain godmen, guruji, iskcon, etc., also.
I am surprised when someone posts about our community's inability to change. We survived because we accepted changes and changed.
I sincerely feel that it is not a question of "not wanting to change" or "not ready to change" but an avowed principle that they will not admit that they are willing/ready for changes, which is troubling many of our Tabras, because they feel highly insecure that "our culture, our very identity and existence as Tabras" will be at stake if they openly so admit.
 
Tamil Brahmins are not a homogeneous community. The changes in the community was never accepted by every one. About 200 years back when English education was introduced not all people took to it. In fact it is the poor Brahmins who took to it more than the middle class and richer Brahmins. My great Grand father was a Landlord, revenue official and money lender all rolled into one. He did not bother to educate his only son. Whereas his sister who was poor, educated her son who became a lawyer and then the Divan of Travancore. So my great grand father missed the bus at that time.

Even later there were two groups which were opposed to English education. The Rich who were confident of their money and status. and the orthodox who thought it is against Brahminism. Both these groups missed the opportunity. Later the rich understood the situation and started sending their children to English schools. The Orthodoxy continued their beliefs.

Earlier it was only the minority of Tamil Brahmins who realized the value of English education. They changed and became prosperous.

Slowly over a period of time, the majority of Tamil Brahmins changed and took advantage of English education.

But still there was/is a minority of Tamil Brahmins who refuse to accept changes. They were/are the worst sufferers.

The choice is very clear. If you hold the old Brahminical values dear to you, the you accept a simple life, which was what was envisaged for the Brahmins by our seers.

If you do not like to be poor and want to be rich then change your values.

Of course there have been/will be Brahmins who still uphold the old Brahminical vales and are also rich. I can imagine a number of posts about that. But they were/are rare exceptions. Every one is not Janaka Maharaja.

This is a dilemma which has been faced by Tamil Brahmins and Brahmins in general for centuries.
 
Sri.Ramaccandran Sir,

Greetings. It is very strange to see you judging on the life of couples living overseas (Intercaste married or otherwise) based on one example; that too, it does not seem to be a thorough analysis.

There is something called 'drinking in moderation'. (I may not say the same about smoking; I kicked that habit after many years of smoking..fortunately, I was not a heavy smoker, there was no damage to speak about). I have not become a bad person due to my casual drinking (I possibly, I am bad..irrespective of drinking or not).

There is no point in complaining about the parents of the brides. (There may be parents of the brides who would be very cross with me....as the parent of the groom, for our son not choosing to marry their daughter). Blame can fall on both sides; but, is there a blame to start with?

I reckon, in our community, this is an interesting period; our boys (and girls) are required to compete to get a partner! Just imagine the next two generations, off-springs of these competotors....won't that be exciting?

Cheers!
 
Every one in India hopes that Brahmins are with good character and respect them. But few, you can say 10 percent are rich or very rich and under the cover of the caste prefers to claim that they are more spiritual. One side they do very big Yagas in their houses, Places of work, Temples etc., and create an image that they are the pillars of the community and offer a handsome dakshina to the prohits and cloths etc. when the same prohit visit some other place and offer a comment, "Eswaran Ennai antha manithanidam kaiyendha vachchuttan. Ellam ennuduya karma!"

Long back there was a story I don't know how many of you read that. A sanyasi was discussing with his disciples an important issue on Vedas. At that time there were several people waiting for his darshan and blessings. A sishya approached Guru and said, a rich man arrived for his darshan. The Guru immediatly broke the discourse and went in to a room and spoke with that man for an hour and came back after sending him. A student asked Guru "When all the person are waiting for his speech why he offered special darshan to the particular man." The Sanyasi ,replied "We have no rice for tomorrow. we need that provision for our food and that necessity made me to break my speech."
So the money makes many things and not culture. Before money power all are flying dry leaves. Money will buy anything in the world.

If one offer money a team of prohits will conduct yagnobhaveetha tharanam to a boy of inter caste marriages. Brahmin and christian couple, Brahmin and others etc.

I personally visited those ceremonies and after the ceremony over in the bus stand asked the prohit whether he was aware that the boy for whom poonal was offered is born to so and so. He replied "Yes, I know. But he offered my team Rs6500."

If you have money power you can twist Vedas too, that will be supported by our own community people.
 
I know a couple from North India, a love marriage Brahmin and Non Brahmin since both are in same field, they married ignoring all advices. For first two years in U.S it was OK. But after two years she got a pay hike 150% and moved 1500 Kms away from their home. She managed for couple of years. They got a child who was a cancer patient. They both admitted The child in the hospital and forgot about him. One fine day the boy also died. Now they are carefree. No burdens! They drink a lot, even when they visit Chennai, they stay in five star hotel, get a boose and tour!
They have money in millions but no peace. Whenever they fear for god they Visit Samayapuram, Srirangam and tour South India for a month and throw money to all the temples. But I am sure one day they feel loneliness and will feel sorry for their activities.
This western culture may suit only to the westerner people and not to us. If the Parents of brides and grooms seek spouses for their ward they should not out community in their search. Since they say they are liberal, they should accept any man in U.S and not brahmins alone. Because they need only money they should highlight that any religion is acceptable.

i know more than a dozen intercaste couples, very happily married, able to meet the challenges of daily life, and who consider marrying their spouse was the best thing that happened to them.

i would not generalize one couple's experience and assume that all ic marriages are bound to mistery. misery is not a monopoly of i.c. marriages. all of us married within the community probably can tell stories of atrocities within tambram marriages, which have been kept quiet under the guise of 'maanam'.
 
Every one in India hopes that Brahmins are with good character and respect them. But few, you can say 10 percent are rich or very rich and under the cover of the caste prefers to claim that they are more spiritual. One side they do very big Yagas in their houses, Places of work, Temples etc., and create an image that they are the pillars of the community and offer a handsome dakshina to the prohits and cloths etc. when the same prohit visit some other place and offer a comment, "Eswaran Ennai antha manithanidam kaiyendha vachchuttan. Ellam ennuduya karma!"

Long back there was a story I don't know how many of you read that. A sanyasi was discussing with his disciples an important issue on Vedas. At that time there were several people waiting for his darshan and blessings. A sishya approached Guru and said, a rich man arrived for his darshan. The Guru immediatly broke the discourse and went in to a room and spoke with that man for an hour and came back after sending him. A student asked Guru "When all the person are waiting for his speech why he offered special darshan to the particular man." The Sanyasi ,replied "We have no rice for tomorrow. we need that provision for our food and that necessity made me to break my speech."
So the money makes many things and not culture. Before money power all are flying dry leaves. Money will buy anything in the world.

If one offer money a team of prohits will conduct yagnobhaveetha tharanam to a boy of inter caste marriages. Brahmin and christian couple, Brahmin and others etc.

I personally visited those ceremonies and after the ceremony over in the bus stand asked the prohit whether he was aware that the boy for whom poonal was offered is born to so and so. He replied "Yes, I know. But he offered my team Rs6500."

If you have money power you can twist Vedas too, that will be supported by our own community people.
This is probably what has been happening for many centuries but more so now than ever before
 
i think most of them have jumped the gun by talking about what is wrong about brahmins smoking, drinking, eating NV etc as soon as this topic started...

i see that ramachandran has mentioned about the trend of all parents (not just brahmin) parents to start with... later on he has just mentioned about brahmins and drinking habit...

so whether it is brahmin or not, i feel it is shocking that parents of bride are ok for grooms with the above habits......
 
Last edited by a moderator:
i know more than a dozen intercaste couples, very happily married, able to meet the challenges of daily life, and who consider marrying their spouse was the best thing that happened to them.

i would not generalize one couple's experience and assume that all ic marriages are bound to mistery. misery is not a monopoly of i.c. marriages. all of us married within the community probably can tell stories of atrocities within tambram marriages, which have been kept quiet under the guise of 'maanam'.

I must recount two cases of 100% tabras. Both are no more now. Had they lived, they would be in their 80's or 90's now. The widow of one is still alive, about the other I am not sure. In both cases the fathers became very rich as compared to the average tabras around them. One was a government officer with chances to make money by way of bribes, the other was in business. Both moved in the so-called "high society" and picked up the drinking habit. They felt as high society people, they should initiate their sons to drink and be modern. Result? Both father-son pairs became addicted, used to drink sitting together at home in public view. In one case the (only) son committed suicide by hanging, leaving his wife and daughters, while, in the other case the son died (possibly of cirrhosis). The father of the suicide case reformed into an "orthodox" tabra and died at an advanced age. He could provide enough and more for his widowed dil and grand daughters. In the other case I think the son died before marriage; father also died later after becoming very old.

Thus, such disaster can befall any one.
 
i think most of them have jumped the gun by talking about what is wrong about brahmins smoking, drinking, eating NV etc as soon as this topic started...

i see that ramachandran has mentioned about the trend of all parents (not just brahmin) parents to start with... later on he has just mentioned about brahmins and drinking habit...

so whether it is brahmin or not, i feel it is shocking that parents of bride are ok for grooms with the above habits......

hemanth,

any habit, under control is much easier to accept. one can partake of liquor in a civilized atmosphere and it can be a great conversational ice breaker. nobody should chug whiskey like the way they do in our movies. in fact, outside of tamil nadu, i have not seen drunks behave the way they do, though barroom fights can erupt instantaneously.

better a hubby who may drink and eat meat, and be kind and considerate, than a self righteous pompous ass who has a tendency for verbal abuse, if not physical.
 
i think most of them have jumped the gun by talking about what is wrong about brahmins smoking, drinking, eating NV etc as soon as this topic started...

i see that ramachandran has mentioned about the trend of all parents (not just brahmin) parents to start with... later on he has just mentioned about brahmins and drinking habit...

so whether it is brahmin or not, i feel it is shocking that parents of bride are ok for grooms with the above habits......

Shri Hemanth,

I reproduce below the OP by Shri Ramacchandran:
Present day parents of the girls

Of late I visited a popular matrimonysite and searching for brides. Few of the brides when filling up the form skipped the Drinking and smoking eating habits and this resulted in "The girl's side doesn't mind if the boy smokes, drinks and eats. But they take care in mentioning that the boy should work in USA/ Singapore / Europe with handsome salary. Of course I agree that the boys may drink and smoke in the country where they work! I am not denying that few brahmins consume alcohol, and in a Tasmac shop I had seen few native brahmins visit regularly and buy drinks for them or for their friends.

I feel instead of putting this openly they can put No drinks no smoke etc., and later stage they can exempt these words and say they have no objection if the would be son in law drinks and smokes if he is working in U.S.A.

I request our brahmin brothers to take care when filling up the forms.​


You will kindly observe that Shri Ramacchandran was searching the site for brides - obviously Tabra brides. And his concern does not appear to me to be about people in general but only tabras, because he signs off with a request to Brahmin brothers. Even if, for argument's sake, it is conceded that the OP dealt with girls in general - of all castes and creeds - and their parents, is it not appropriate that we limit our comments to tabras only in this TBF? Can we say, for example, that Christians should not drink or Muslims should not use tobacco (drinking is prohibited by Islam)?

So, my humble submission is that no one jumped the gun, but they aimed properly.
 
i think most of them have jumped the gun by talking about what is wrong about brahmins smoking, drinking, eating NV etc as soon as this topic started...

i see that ramachandran has mentioned about the trend of all parents (not just brahmin) parents to start with... later on he has just mentioned about brahmins and drinking habit...

so whether it is brahmin or not, i feel it is shocking that parents of bride are ok for grooms with the above habits......

Before saying anything else, let me say that I am not saying drinkers are not good people and that is the one thing that decides if a person is good or not. I further do not claim that non drinkers are in anyway better people than drinkers.
When the famous chineese travellers visited the kingdom of Harshavardhana they seem to have remarked that except for people in the margins no one here drinked. Not drinking is extolled as a virtue in India and this concept has influenced other countries including arabia, where prophet later made it a mandatory practice.
There are people here that would say that the vedic rishis used to drink and buddha and mahavira suddenly invented such concepts. Let us park that discussion and concentrate on what is right or wrong.

Though this is bound to be out of topic I offer the following reasons why we should not drink.

1. Chandogya upanishad clearly says that food we eat affects our mind.

2. If we accept that statement and also consider some symptoms of drinking on a person- more anger than usual, less steady, less in control we can see that if we are willing to accept that, apart from physical manifested properties of food,there are properties that cannot be seen by the normal sense organs, then we can say that there must be something so unspiritual about this food called intoxicants which causes such a destability to the mind. Its origin is known from what it does to the mind though certain aspects of this food cannot be seen.

3. In general families and societies with drinking have higher prevalence of lust, extra marital relations.

4. The argument can be that slow drinking does not affect the person. It may be true in case of many individuals but it is not true in case of others. In Bhagwat Gita it is said that the enlightened people practice code of conduct for others to follow, even if it is not needed for them. Even if we go by the assumption that slow drinking does no bad to others, the individual has to consider what his habits can do to influence the society in general.

5. I have attended many parties with drink served. But not in a single one of them, have I not seen many people who blabber and talk nonsense. In sober times their behavior is much different and I just wonder that as society is slowly becoming free, with people being excused if they do anything, what kind of things they may have started doing, after a glass of drink. After the incident mind is capable of making up a hundred adjustments and invent a hundred logic to explain one's own behavior. But I see that the overall life pattern of regular drinkers would have been much different over the years had they abstained.

People may say that they know non drinkers with hundreds of faults which many drinkers dont have. Let us not waste our time in futile comparisons and let us look at what could have happened to a non drinker had he taken upto drinking. There is also a concern for morality and show children and others the right way of living, even if these little things like abstinence do not make us great.

Note: I have quoted some scriptures and a bit of history , I can very well give citations if needed. I was very hurt by nonsensical statements to the effect that I dont have back up for my statements. The statement to the effect that arabic might have been influenced by India's ideas is just an inference because arabians themselves have acknowledged India's noble influence on them. It may or may not pertain to a specific habit that is anybody's guess.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
sangom,
IMO, I felt that Ramachandran has mentioned about the general trend in matrimonysites and hence it just did not limit to Tabras specifically.

yeah, though in his closing line, he is talking about brahmin brothers....

In his good earnest, he has brought this request to brides' parents. But most of the post here in TBF is all about what is wrong with smoking, drinking, eating NV and blah blah blah as soon as someone starts a topic on brahmin lifestyle....

I ask what is wrong about be a teetotaller ? Why should people smoke or drink whether they are brahmins, christians or Muslims or any religion. I look at it as a health hazard rather than just related to religion !! And also a character modifier as seen most live examples.....

So I felt that the actual intent of the post should not be lost in the tarkam of why brahmins should not drink , smoke etc...
 
Last edited by a moderator:
hemanth,

better a hubby who may drink and eat meat, and be kind and considerate, than a self righteous pompous ass who has a tendency for verbal abuse, if not physical.

i think any kind of atrocities in marriage is bad... nothing can be held better over the other....nothing can be glorified over the other as u said above.....

i dont think that a person, who drinks and eats will necessarily be kind and considerate... he can be wild as well...

and at the same time all those who dont eat meat / drink are all not women bashers behind closed doors.... arguments can be twisted in any way...

according to the vedas, rajasic and tamasic gunas develop with the type of food we eat... that is what i have written in my posts here
 
sangom,
IMO, I felt that Ramachandran has mentioned about the general trend in matrimonysites and hence it just did not limit to Tabras specifically.

yeah, though in his closing line, he is talking about brahmin brothers....

In his good earnest, he has brought this request to brides' parents. But most of the post here in TBF is all about what is wrong with smoking, drinking, eating NV and blah blah blah as soon as someone starts a topic on brahmin lifestyle....

I ask what is wrong about be a teetotaller ? Why should people smoke or drink whether they are brahmins, christians or Muslims or any religion. I look at it as a health hazard rather than just related to religion !! And also a character modifier as seen most live examples.....

So I felt that the actual intent of the post should not be lost in the tarkam of why brahmins should not drink , smoke etc...
Shri Hemanth,

To me at least Shri Ramacchandran's lines -

"I feel instead of putting this openly they can put No drinks no smoke etc., and later stage they can exempt these words and say they have no objection if the would be son in law drinks and smokes if he is working in U.S.A.

I request our brahmin brothers to take care when filling up the forms. "

appeared to be somewhat not correct; also he is concerned with "
brahmin brothers".

The discussion has gone about why drinking should not be condemned at all costs (as for smoking I feel most people now have an opinion against it.) because just as you say, there is a widely prevalent feeling that it is addictive and it is a health hazard. I was trying to point out exactly that drinking does not turn out to be addictive when there is social consensus among people and is not considered a banned thing.

In all the ayurvedic preparations of the aasava and arishTa categories in ayurveda contain more alcohol than beer or even wine. And for generations, people have been using these aasva/arishTa twice or thrice a day without any one getting addicted; the more interesting fact is that AFAIK all these aasava/arishTa preparations taste sweet too because their base is molasses fermented alcohol. Hence, I feel if a few people get "addicted" to drinking, it should not be held against drinking itself per se, because there are salutary qualities also for it, if used in moderation.

Coming back to Shri Ramacchandran's suggestion, I feel it is more honest on the part of the girls to condone drinking and/or smoking grooms if their desire is to go abroad and settle down there permanently.
 
i think any kind of atrocities in marriage is bad... nothing can be held better over the other....nothing can be glorified over the other as u said above.....

i dont think that a person, who drinks and eats will necessarily be kind and considerate... he can be wild as well...

and at the same time all those who dont eat meat / drink are all not women bashers behind closed doors.... arguments can be twisted in any way...

according to the vedas, rajasic and tamasic gunas develop with the type of food we eat... that is what i have written in my posts here

Shri Hemanth,

In regard to satvic, raajasic, taamasic etc., foods and their ability to bring out perceptible personality changes, I feel there is no clear evidence except blind belief. Our staple idli/dosa, sambhar and other preparations using red chillies and tamarind are taamasic and raajasic, if my information is correct. And a Brahman is not supposed to eat anything which is more than two hours old after cooking. So almost the entire Tabras must be eating today "nishiddha" (prohibited, forbidden) food which is worse than even taamasic food; yet we nonchalantly boast of saatvic nature of Brahmans. Is this not clear proof that the food we eat has no effect on our personality but only on the gastro-intestinal tract?
 
sangom,

i agree with you re satvic raajsic etc attributes of food.

the chinese eat anything that moves. just about so for the europeans and rest of the world. we can sit on our kubai khanesque dome of ice and gab as much as we want about the superiority of our foods. after a while we even come to believe it.

while the rest of the world goes merrily away conquering sciences.

i am not saying that veggie food is bad. only that food has no intrinsic behavioural qualities. it is based on the human who consumes it.
 
ramacc, hemanth,

it is no surprise to me that parents of some girls today tend to ignore the food habits of the potential grooms for their daughters.

it is now more than 2 generations since we have been upwardly mobile, occupying boardrooms and govt secretary posts in new delhi. along with these jobs go a certain perks and i wish to say that a good percentage of tambrams have taken to alcohol and/or flesh with the zeal of the converted.

i also wish to say that almost all of these have been brought up with standard tambram values of those days ie poojais and punaskarams, which these next generation had no qualms to abandon, or exist side by side with their beer swigging chicken tikka palates.

personally, i wish to treat these as the private business of these guys & girls, and it is nobody's business but theirs. perhaps they infringe on the social arena, when they publicly announce in matrimonial ads about their liberal attitudes, causing hot burn to folks like ramacc or hemanth.

hopefully there are sufficient brides, grooms to satisfy the needs of the orthodox. like oil and water, these two better not mix.

in the process, we have further fragmented our community, which appears to go now into ever numerous sub division, till we have a sub sub sub caste for each individual tambram. :)
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Latest ads

Back
Top