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Consent.

renuka

Well-known member
I was just wondering...is the element of Consent missing in a Hindu marriage ceremony?

Cos no one asks the bride and groom at the final moment if they consent to the marriage.

Here its compulsory for us to register our marriages.

During registration we would be asked.." do you so and so hereby accept so and so to be your lawfully wedded husband/wife?"

Then when we reply " I do"...
The registrar of marriages then says " By the power vested in me by the state..I now pronounce you husband and wife"


Somehow it felt nice that the woman or a man is asked her/his consent first even though witnesses are present... in my case my dad and father in law were the 2 witnesses.

Why isnt this present in a Hindu marriage?
In Abrahamic marriages even after the father gives away the bride..the consent is still sought.


May be I am not aware of a consent ritual in a Hindu marriage but if its not there..why dont it be introduced?
 
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Dear Renu,

Your worry about 'concent' is true only for illiterates and poor Hindus.

Educated girls have a lot of conditions to be fulfilled by the would-be-partner!

You can hear sob stories from many parents, who want to get their daughters married!

This is very true in Tambrahm community.
 
Rajiji,
You are talking about the conditions set by the bride, and you are right, they are many.
But Renukaji is talking about formal consent in the Hindu marriage. Yes there is no consent. But I am sure in the marriage mantras it is somewhere there.

But remember the marriages were performed when the bride was a child, so a consent would not be legal.
 
Dear Renu,

Your worry about 'concent' is true only for illiterates and poor Hindus.

Educated girls have a lot of conditions to be fulfilled by the would-be-partner!

You can hear sob stories from many parents, who want to get their daughters married!

This is very true in Tambrahm community.

Dear RR ji..

Prasad ji got my point...there is no legal consent as far as I know...this could only make sense if the Hindu marriage system started off as child marriages or the bride was a child cos Manu smirti sanctions a 24 yr old male to marry an 8 yr old girl..
So surely only her fathers consent is needed.


I feel formal consent should be introduced in Hindu marriages..if my son ends marrying a Hindu I feel I would introduce it in the ritual.
 
In india also the registrar asks for consent of boy and girl before registering a marriage with witnesses.He also checks the age of

boy and girl. A notice of one month has to be given during which objections if any are received

This is for marriages not performed with religious ceremony of either boy or girl ie love marriages normally without consent of

parents.

For normal marriages with religious ceremony, proof of marriage -wedding card,photo are good enough for

registration.Registration is mandatory for all marriages
 
Dear RR ji..

Prasad ji got my point...there is no legal consent as far as I know...this could only make sense if the Hindu marriage system started off as child marriages or the bride was a child cos Manu smirti sanctions a 24 yr old male to marry an 8 yr old girl..
So surely only her fathers consent is needed.


I feel formal consent should be introduced in Hindu marriages..if my son ends marrying a Hindu I feel I would introduce it in the ritual.
hi

if it happen with malay muslim gal?....then consent with mulla..lol
 
Dear Renu,

I DID get your point! :)

In educated circle, NO marriage takes place without girl's concent, though not mandatory

in Hindu marriages. NO educated girl will agree to "show-her-neck" to any random guy

of her parents choice! In fact, many parents panic, if their daughter 'asks' them to find her mate!

Recently, with great difficulty, one lawyer girl's parents could find a suitable match for her.

Within six months of marriage, she is back with her parents, for some petty reason!

Poor parents :Cry: !!

That is the present day scenario.
 
hi

if it happen with malay muslim gal?....then consent with mulla..lol

Then its will be Qubool Hain cos in Msia to marry a muslim conversion is compulsory by the law.
In Islamic marriages consent is asked from both bride and groom..they have to say Qubool.

You see...I really dont know what lies ahead in the future...for now all I know that I am sure if my son marries he will marry a woman cos he is straight.
 
Dear Renu,

I DID get your point! :)

In educated circle, NO marriage takes place without girl's concent, though not mandatory

in Hindu marriages. NO educated girl will agree to "show-her-neck" to any random guy

of her parents choice! In fact, many parents panic, if their daughter 'asks' them to find her mate!

Recently, with great difficulty, one lawyer girl's parents could find a suitable match for her.

Within six months of marriage, she is back with her parents, for some petty reason!

Poor parents :Cry: !!

That is the present day scenario.

LOL! 6 months for petty reasons?

If I complain a word of my husband to my parents...I will get the scolding!LOL

Parents would say "stop complaining...learn how to behave and be a good wife"

My dad especially....if I am caught eating alone and havent served my husband food(becos he is not hungry) my dad will scold me saying "how can you eat without serving husband first"

So if I am very hungry when I go to my dads house..I usually tell my dad first that I had already asked husband and he doesnt want to eat...otherwise I can never eat in peace cos my dad would be nagging me...but my Father In Law is practical ..he says whoever is hungry they can eat first.
 
Dear Renu,

Recently, I got a forward in WhatsApp and could not stop laughing out loud!

A newly wedded girl walks a few steps with her husband and comes rushing back.

She hugs her dad and cries. He consoles her and advises her to accompany her husband.

She repeats this three times and when she rushes back the fourth time, her dad slaps her!!

And..... she runs away, holding her husband's hand. :bolt:
 
I was just wondering...is the element of Consent missing in a Hindu marriage ceremony?

Cos no one asks the bride and groom at the final moment if they consent to the marriage.

Here its compulsory for us to register our marriages.

During registration we would be asked.." do you so and so hereby accept so and so to be your lawfully wedded husband/wife?"

Then when we reply " I do"...
The registrar of marriages then says " By the power vested in me by the state..I now pronounce you husband and wife"


Somehow it felt nice that the woman or a man is asked her/his consent first even though witnesses are present... in my case my dad and father in law were the 2 witnesses.

Why isnt this present in a Hindu marriage?
In Abrahamic marriages even after the father gives away the bride..the consent is still sought.


May be I am not aware of a consent ritual in a Hindu marriage but if its not there..why dont it be introduced?

Is CONSENT a ritual or law in Abrahamic Religions? If it is a law, then there wouldn’t be any split. But in reality, have we not come across marriage becomes a fun, especially in the West?
 
My BIL, an advocate by profession says,

"Before the registration of their marriage, modern couples fix the date of divorce"!!
 
I feel formal consent should be introduced in Hindu marriages..if my son ends marrying a Hindu I feel I would introduce it in the ritual.


Do you really believe that every couple who marry understand the significance of all mantras, that the priest chants during the marriage?

I did not, maybe others did.

Secondly, even if you get the consent there is no guarantee that the marriage will be successful.
At that moment you can ask any couple to say anything in a language that they probably do not even understand.
You may have the satisfaction that the boy and the girl did give "consent".

The marriage registration is not a Hindu marriage ritual, it is a government requirement. Then again not all marriages get registered.

Marriage rituals, Marriage acts are all a show for the society and create pressure on the couple to make marriage a go. Animals do not marry, but some birds mate for life, some other creatures eat their mate (Black widow spider).
 
Dear Prasad Sir,

Now a days, priests translate the mantrās in Tamil, in Tambrahm wedding ceremonies.

Even then the divorce rate is on the increase!
 
'Concent' before wedding does NOT assure concent for ever!

When co-existence becomes intolerable, couples opt for divorce!

What saddens me is, the youngsters divorce for petty reasons! :sad:
 
'Concent' before wedding does NOT assure concent for ever!

When co-existence becomes intolerable, couples opt for divorce!

What saddens me is, the youngsters divorce for petty reasons! :sad:


Yes, Divorces are sad. reasons are various. Some may seem petty to a bystander but are a major issue to one of the partners in the marriage.
 

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