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How to control Anger.

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Brahmanyan

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Of late people are facing the effects of losing temper often resulting in spurt of Anger. The main reason is the non fulfillment of expected results in their aspirations. The modern way of life is losing contact with family happiness, when both husband and wife rush to make money leaving their children to the care of paid caretakers, where they could not bring their close relatives to take care of their children. This problem is more accute in the case of families living abroad.

Without the warmth of parental care, children have to face physical and psychological loneliness culminating in depression and anger. Most of the schools have employed councellors to advise such children and parents. This problem is new to us, belonging to older generation. I have seen many parents facing such situation approach elderly people for their guidance. I am writing this post to elicit members views on this subject.
Brahmanyan
Bangalore.
 
Good topic Sir.

Anger control is need of the hour. A moment of anger could spoil rest of your life. Meditation and adoption of yogic kriyas could be helpful to a great extent. Many of your daily routines like prayers and Sandhya vandanam had a great role to play in one's character formation. Due to fast modern Life most of us have forgotten these practices.

There is a lot of role of parents in upbringing a child to a useful citizen for the society. The problems mentioned in your OP are really hurdles on this path. A child at a younger age doesn't really get the warmth of parental or Grand parantal love and affection which is surely affecting his or her mind development.
 
Dear Shri Brahmanyan,

People are in general not able to control their emotions. They have become more greedy, more envious, more prone to anger and so on. Their negative emotions are being stoked every day and the positive emotions are being stifled and not able to come to the fore. We need to change at the very fundamental level trying to methodically promote and inculcate good values and trying to discourage values that feed negativity.

It takes time but it is imperative that we do it or else self destruction will happen.
 
Its becos life these days has become more complicated.

I personally do not feel the human of yesteryears were able to control emotions better than current era humans..its just that the situation is more pressurizing now.

If we were to resurrect yesteryear humans and transplant them into current times for all we know they would react the same or even commit suicide.


Partly to blame for inability to control emotions of any kind ..

1) Longer working hours
2)Traffic congestion
3)Work pressure
4)Competition to reach the top
5)Money being measure of success
6)Keeping up with the Kardashians
7)Holier than Thou..believe me ..people even compete as who is holier..who holds better Poojas etc.


Even fetuses are not spared..everyone wants to have a superkid.
We have mothers placing ear phones and music/chantings/shlokas placed on their pregnant abdomens hoping the fetus will imbibe the so called positivity of the music.

Why subject a growing fetus to all these?
How do we know the sound waves does not iritate the fetus?

But nope!..everyone wants a super kids..stressing up even babies.


Actually the more we try to exert control over anger or any other emotions.. the more we suppress and pent up emotions wreck havoc on mind and body.

The best is just treat emotions as instruments in life that could be conducive at times and non conducive at times..accept that we are entitled to use emotions but try to analyse a situation and work out a plan that is customized to our personal needs and not try to modify life to fit into what all others are doing.


I have seen young kids wake up at 4am just to travel long distance to get to a "prestigious" school far away from home when equally good schools are just next door and child does not have to be sleep deprived.

Then overloading kids with activity just to keep up with pressure from society.

Then people over spending to go on over seas holidays just to keep up with others..financial strain leads to anger.

Best is just tune off from pressures from society..ask ourselves what we need and what we want..if we can live true to ourselves , emotions become our slave.

If pressure from society matters..then we become a slave of our emotions.
 
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I have seen young kids wake up at 4am just to travel long distance to get to a "prestigious" school far away from home when equally good schools are just next door and child does not have to be sleep deprived.

Then overloading kids with activity just to keep up with pressure from society.

Then people over spending to go on over seas holidays just to keep up with others..financial strain leads to anger.

Yes. Doctor,

True words, this is what is worrying me. I am more concerned about the younger generation. Having watched my school going young grand daughters,I give my observations here under:

Most of the good schools are situated in far away places or neighbouring villages in about 15 kms distance, in Bangalore. The old good schools are over crowded. After travelling on awfully bad roads in School buses for an hour or so, the kids become dog tired. Let me not include the load of school books they have to carry ! Now a days children studying in socalled international schools are asked to copy questions from "websites" and write answers as homework. Unbelievable ! When they return home none of the parents or relatives to receive them to give company. In big cities like Bangalore, fearing personal safety, kids cannot go out to play without elders.
All these add up pressure to the kids like "pressure cooker" and burst out one day, when they could not bear any more. Some times, fall into tantrum, act stubborn and even break things etc...
As you have rightly said, I won't consider these as psychological problems, these are practical problems created by copying our living to modern society.
The question is what is the remidy for this ?

Brahmanyan
Bangalore.
 
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Good topic Sir.

Anger control is need of the hour. A moment of anger could spoil rest of your life. Meditation and adoption of yogic kriyas could be helpful to a great extent. Many of your daily routines like prayers and Sandhya vandanam had a great role to play in one's character formation. Due to fast modern Life most of us have forgotten these practices.

There is a lot of role of parents in upbringing a child to a useful citizen for the society. The problems mentioned in your OP are really hurdles on this path. A child at a younger age doesn't really get the warmth of parental or Grand parantal love and affection which is surely affecting his or her mind development.

Dear Sri Ganesh,
Yes, Anger control is a must.
I appreciate your suggestions. I am more interested in the future generation. As you may be aware, It is not easy to convince or train the modern children to learn meditation or do Sandhyavandanam. Perhaps they may listen to their teachers in School, if they take these as lessons.Or the parents themselves involve in these activities.
Brahmanyan
Bangalore.
 
I gave a few tips to be tension free in a thread in Chit Chat forum. It is mostly for retired persons.

It is always better to get expert advise and hence this C n P from

''
Anger management: 10 tips to tame your temper - Mayo Clinic''

Anger management: 10 tips to tame your temper

Keeping your temper in check can be challenging. Use simple anger management tips — from taking a timeout to using "I" statements —

to stay in control.

By Mayo Clinic Staff


Do you fume when someone cuts you off in traffic? Does your blood pressure rocket when your child refuses to cooperate? Anger is

a normal and even healthy emotion — but it's important to deal with it in a positive way. Uncontrolled anger can take a toll on both your

health and your relationships.


Ready to get your anger under control? Start by considering these 10 anger management tips.

1. Think before you speak

In the heat of the moment, it's easy to say something you'll later regret. Take a few moments to collect your thoughts before saying

anything — and allow others involved in the situation to do the same.

2. Once you're calm, express your anger

As soon as you're thinking clearly, express your frustration in an assertive but nonconfrontational way. State your concerns and needs

clearly and directly, without hurting others or trying to control them.

3. Get some exercise

Physical activity can help reduce stress that can cause you to become angry. If you feel your anger escalating, go for a brisk walk or run,

or spend some time doing other enjoyable physical activities.

Continued............
 
4. Take a timeout

Timeouts aren't just for kids. Give yourself short breaks during times of the day that tend to be stressful. A few moments of quiet

time might help you feel better prepared to handle what's ahead without getting irritated or angry.

5. Identify possible solutions

Instead of focusing on what made you mad, work on resolving the issue at hand. Does your child's messy room drive you crazy?

Close the door. Is your partner late for dinner every night? Schedule meals later in the evening — or agree to eat on your own a

few times a week. Remind yourself that anger won't fix anything and might only make it worse.

6. Stick with 'I' statements

To avoid criticizing or placing blame — which might only increase tension — use "I" statements to describe the problem. Be

respectful and specific. For example, say, "I'm upset that you left the table without offering to help with the dishes" instead of

"You never do any housework."


7. Don't hold a grudge

Forgiveness is a powerful tool. If you allow anger and other negative feelings to crowd out positive feelings, you might find

yourself swallowed up by your own bitterness or sense of injustice. But if you can forgive someone who angered you, you

might both learn from the situation and strengthen your relationship.

Continued ............
 
8. Use humor to release tension

Lightening up can help diffuse tension. Use humor to help you face what's making you angry and, possibly, any unrealistic

expectations you have for how things should go. Avoid sarcasm, though — it can hurt feelings and make things worse.

9. Practice relaxation skills

When your temper flares, put relaxation skills to work. Practice deep-breathing exercises, imagine a relaxing scene, or repeat

a calming word or phrase, such as "Take it easy." You might also listen to music, write in a journal or do a few yoga poses —

whatever it takes to encourage relaxation.


10. Know when to seek help

Learning to control anger is a challenge for everyone at times. Seek help for anger issues if your anger seems out of control,

causes you to do things you regret or hurts those around you.

Source:
''Anger management: 10 tips to tame your temper - Mayo Clinic''
 
Yes. Doctor,

True words, this is what is worrying me. I am more concerned about the younger generation. Having watched my school going young grand daughters,I give my observations here under:

Most of the good schools are situated in far away places or neighbouring villages in about 15 kms distance, in Bangalore. The old good schools are over crowded. After travelling on awfully bad roads in School buses for an hour or so, the kids become dog tired. Let me not include the load of school books they have to carry ! Now a days children studying in socalled international schools are asked to copy questions from "websites" and write answers as homework. Unbelievable ! When they return home none of the parents or relatives to receive them to give company. In big cities like Bangalore, fearing personal safety, kids cannot go out to play without elders.
All these add up pressure to the kids like "pressure cooker" and burst out one day, when they could not bear any more. Some times, fall into tantrum, act stubborn and even break things etc...
As you have rightly said, I won't consider these as psychological problems, these are practical problems created by copying our living to modern society.
The question is what is the remidy for this ?

Brahmanyan
Bangalore.

Yes Sir...children these days are under very high pressure and even resort to breaking things as you said.

I agree with you that its best not to call it psychological problems and stigmatize the child but at the same time we have to address the issue.


From my experience..I can safely say we have to try to understand from the child point of view.

Best is for us to hear them out on how much they can cope and what they really want.

Also we should refrain from " lecturing" them on how they should be and not be.

To a great extent a mind under stress does not want to hear lectures..a stressed mind just wants to be heard and accepted.

Initially we will only get rejection from a stressed child but after they feel we are not judging or lecturing them..then they open up and are willing to imbibe advise.


Takes time but entirely possible at the same time be ready for handling stress ourselves.

At all times we have to be loving and understanding..not easy too but possible again.
 
Yes Sir...children these days are under very high pressure and even resort to breaking things as you said.

I agree with you that its best not to call it psychological problems and stigmatize the child but at the same time we have to address the issue.


From my experience..I can safely say we have to try to understand from the child point of view.

Best is for us to hear them out on how much they can cope and what they really want.

Also we should refrain from " lecturing" them on how they should be and not be.

To a great extent a mind under stress does not want to hear lectures..a stressed mind just wants to be heard and accepted.

Initially we will only get rejection from a stressed child but after they feel we are not judging or lecturing them..then they open up and are willing to imbibe advise.


Takes time but entirely possible at the same time be ready for handling stress ourselves.

At all times we have to be loving and understanding..not easy too but possible again.

Doctor,
That's a wonderful approach to help to bring back mentally agitated children to sanity. The present day crop of kids are well informed and try to be independent in their thinking. They resent prompting by elders, leave alone pointing their faults. How ever as you have told the parents should have the patience to hear their point of view and sort out the reasons for the stress. It is my view
since children spend better part of the day in schools, it would be better the teachers also take interest in their wards and help them to come out of stress and tension by proper action, before they gather into high pressure. For this the schools should initiate training the teachers to handle properly the kids at the time of need.


Brahmanyan
Bangalore.
 
Doctor,
That's a wonderful approach to help to bring back mentally agitated children to sanity. The present day crop of kids are well informed and try to be independent in their thinking. They resent prompting by elders, leave alone pointing their faults. How ever as you have told the parents should have the patience to hear their point of view and sort out the reasons for the stress. It is my view
since children spend better part of the day in schools, it would be better the teachers also take interest in their wards and help them to come out of stress and tension by proper action, before they gather into high pressure. For this the schools should initiate training the teachers to handle properly the kids at the time of need.


Brahmanyan
Bangalore.

Dear Sir,

A teacher too is overloaded with work in school these days.

Schools are no more interested in being the knowledge provider..schools are only interested in statistics to boost admission.

All they focus is results and a childs mental state is seldom taken into consideration.

Also a teacher would find it hard to play the role of a psychologist in a school environment.

A school should hire a psychologist to deal with student counselling.

A psychologist is not a psychiatrist but a trained proffesional to handle stress, anxiety and depression.

By having a psychologist in school it would ease the burden of teachers too.

These days even out here we have cases where teachers themselves face immense pressure from school, ministry, parents..students..and they start lashing out at students in class.

I think we humans have forgotten to slow down and not be too results oriented..we are too compartmentalized..we forget to be holistic.
 
This is an interesting topic.

I want to highlight just one facet of this problem viz. bullying in the class and its nasty effect on children.

In European countries there is concerted efforts made to address this problem,

In UK Schools send their teaching staff for special training in this area and issue certificates.

And parents look for such schools where teachers are trained to handle this problem.

There is even on line training. Please visit this site:

https://www.ncb.org.uk/about-us/our-specialist-networks/anti-bullying-alliance

Children generally undergo tremendous amount of stress in the class room for various reasons such as:

1. inability to cope with sheer volume and load of work. Each child has its own pace and when a demand comes to move faster the child feels stressed out.

2. an unhappy home--can be because of parents frequently quarelling or some one being continuously sick taking treatment.

3. A poor quality teacher. A teacher should be able to teach the child the subject in such a way that the concepts as well as the processes - more importantly the concepts- are understood by the child. This requires a special kind of skill/awareness and all teachers, unfortunately, do not come with this skill. In today's situation a teacher is just another employee who works for a salary. Dedication is generally absent and the standards are largely set by the certificates obtained. This kind of a stress can play havoc with the child because performance is always measured by comparison in our system of education. We give marks.

4. There may a bully or two in the class and the child may be under pressure from them. This kind of pressure is peculiar in that this problem is generally never brought to the attention of the teacher or even parents and the child suffers silently.

This problem requires special treatment at the school by the management. I do not know whether in India there is awareness of this menace.

5. There can be peculiar physical problems with the child like incontinence(poor control over the bladder). This can make a child an object of fun. Can be very hard for the child if the teachers do not show understanding.

Parents, relatives at home and teachers have to be supportive and that is the solution.

Some thoughts.
 
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Anger is also a sattvic quality, no?

After all some of the rishis had legendary anger and used to curse people left and right if they were displeased.
 
Ha ha ha.

Understand the higher purpose the rishis anger had. If even I can bring anyone's anger under control in max 10 min and permanently, can't the great rishis control their own anger? Think, think,think
 
Understand the higher purpose the rishis anger had. If even I can bring anyone's anger under control in max 10 min and permanently, can't the great rishis control their own anger? Think, think,think

Here we go again!

Oye..
You cant delete anyones anger permenantly.
Anger is one of a humans emotion that could even be life saving at times.

Sravna..the only reason why anyones anger goes away in 10 mins in front of you is becos no ones anger can last so long.

Anger is a very short lasting emotion.

So dont think you can exert control on anyone.

God Himself lets anger exists for us humans..so why do you think you can stop anger.

Anger is Anger..it has a purpose in existence..there is no higher purpose or lower purpose ..its just an emotion.
 
This is a kind of bullying in the reputed school in our area.

A chubby kid from a sAsthrigaL's family was taunted by another rich kid - both in I standard! This chubby kid was kicked

by that rich kid and he went to report to the teacher, showing a blood clot on his calf muscle. Do you know the reaction from

that teacher? She showed her calf muscle with a black spot which she got by a kick from the same kid!

Teachers are terrorized by some kids, now a days. And......... if she takes a cane and punish, there will be a hue and cry

at the parents teachers association!
 
Understand the higher purpose the rishis anger had. If even I can bring anyone's anger under control in max 10 min and permanently, can't the great rishis control their own anger? Think, think,think

One of my relatives used to be very short tempered. Used to be shouting 24x7. I worked on that person and now rarely gets angry. All the enemies of the mind whether in excess or deficient can be brought to a balanced state.
 
One of my relatives used to be very short tempered. Used to be shouting 24x7. I worked on that person and now rarely gets angry. All the enemies of the mind whether in excess or deficient can be brought to a balanced state.

Yes..brought to a steady state only to be tilted into action again if there are provoking situations both intrinsic or extrensic.

Many who claim they have controlled their emotions actually havent been exposed to situations that could provoke them.

Also NO ONE can control our anger for us..its only SELF that elevates or degrades SELF and certainly SRAVNA has no role in it.
 
Anger is also a sattvic quality, no?

After all some of the rishis had legendary anger and used to curse people left and right if they were displeased.

Anger can be classified into two kinds.

To lose oneself to the emotion and become a slave of all consuming anger. In this state usually a person becomes destructive. He is in a mood to destroy everything including himself.

To know that there is a provocation to get angry and so getting angry and remaining in control of oneself and direct the controlled anger towards a constructive purpose by expressing it is the second type. Usually sAttvi people are in the second category while the rajasic and tamasic people are in the first mentioned category.

sAttvic rishis never destroyed unless that was the only solution in that given situation. Even there the anger was the controlled anger category expressed deliberately for a purpose. They never lost themselves to anger.
 
Anger can be classified into two kinds.

To lose oneself to the emotion and become a slave of all consuming anger. In this state usually a person becomes destructive. He is in a mood to destroy everything including himself.

To know that there is a provocation to get angry and so getting angry and remaining in control of oneself and direct the controlled anger towards a constructive purpose by expressing it is the second type. Usually sAttvi people are in the second category while the rajasic and tamasic people are in the first mentioned category.

sAttvic rishis never destroyed unless that was the only solution in that given situation. Even there the anger was the controlled anger category expressed deliberately for a purpose. They never lost themselves to anger.

So how virtous is that?
Rishis not losing themselves to anger but cursing others and causing loss to others?


There is no such thing as Sattva or Rajas or Tamas anger..anger is just anger.

Just like E.Coli found in humans..there is no Sattva or Rajas or Tamas E.Coli...only E.Coli.

BTW extreme destruction can only be done in a cool calculated and calm state.

An angry man never wins a war.
 
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1) So how virtous is that?Rishis not losing themselves to anger but cursing others and causing loss to others?

2) There is no such thing as Sattva or Rajas or Tamas anger..its just anger.

3) Just like E.Coli found in excretory products of humans..there is no Sattva or Rajas or Tamas E.Coli.

4) BTW extreme destruction can only be done in a cool calculated and calm state.

5) An angry man never wins a war.

Numbers for convenience of reference:

1. A sAtvic person has two options when provoked. He can take a gun and shoot the provocateur down and go ultimately to the electric chair. That is destruction of the cause as well as the self. The other option is to direct the anger to catch him and punish him so that he dreads committing it again.

A rishi in similar circumstances reprimands and curses the provocateur to take the next 5 janmas as a worm and struggle or become a despicable E.Coli and colonise the excreta and commit more sins. Usually rishis chose this second route because they were sAtvic. In rare instances rishis had also destroyed where the provocation was extreme and the provocateur deserved it.

2. Anger is just anger--an emotional upheaval. But the substrate which experiences the emotion can be a sAtvic or rajasic or a tamasic mind.

3. When the mind is in the grip of rajo guna, the person immediately jumps to E.Coli without understanding that we are not discussing just anger but the state of the substrate which undergoes the experience. To repeat, there is no sattva, rajas or tamo E.Coli. There is no satva, rajo or Tamo guna anger either.

4. In other words extreme destruction can be caused only by a deliberate action of a sAtvic person. It can be done in a flash by a Rajo or Tamasic mind lost to anger. That is the difference between the Rishis and others.

5. Wars are fought by people with predominently rajasic mind set. Sir Winston Churchill had to be brought in as Prime Minister when Poland was about to be gobbled up by Nazi Germany.
 
Numbers for convenience of reference:

1. A sAtvic person has two options when provoked. He can take a gun and shoot the provocateur down and go ultimately to the electric chair. That is destruction of the cause as well as the self. The other option is to direct the anger to catch him and punish him so that he dreads committing it again.

A rishi in similar circumstances reprimands and curses the provocateur to take the next 5 janmas as a worm and struggle or become a despicable E.Coli and colonise the excreta and commit more sins. Usually rishis chose this second route because they were sAtvic. In rare instances rishis had also destroyed where the provocation was extreme and the provocateur deserved it.

2. Anger is just anger--an emotional upheaval. But the substrate which experiences the emotion can be a sAtvic or rajasic or a tamasic mind.

3. When the mind is in the grip of rajo guna, the person immediately jumps to E.Coli without understanding that we are not discussing just anger but the state of the substrate which undergoes the experience. To repeat, there is no sattva, rajas or tamo E.Coli. There is no satva, rajo or Tamo guna anger either.

4. In other words extreme destruction can be caused only by a deliberate action of a sAtvic person. It can be done in a flash by a Rajo or Tamasic mind lost to anger. That is the difference between the Rishis and others.

5. Wars are fought by people with predominently rajasic mind set. Sir Winston Churchill had to be brought in as Prime Minister when Poland was about to be gobbled up by Nazi Germany.


When the mind is in the grip of unreality it divides and rules and believes it has reached an exalted state.

The rational mind knows there are no such states but merely a perception of self esteem that cant place itself on firm grounds.

War can be fought by anyone.
Revenge drove Dronacharya to war till he lost his head due to emotional attachment to his sons well being.

It was extreme break down of a person ..this reaction would have been the same for anyone else too..mostly he failed to look for evidence when he heard his son is dead.

Even if he trusted Yudhistira still he should have let sense of judgment prevail..after all it was a war..you cant trust mama or machans!

When revenge is thy motive..viveka goes into hiding.

As I mentioned earlier in another thread..Sattva or Rajas or Tamas as just instruments..its like a fork,spoon and knife..when we are done with the dish called life..we are supposed to put it down and not hold on to it when there is no more food.

The mind that is fearful of what lies beyond can never let go.

BTW E.Coli is not despicable.
Every organism has it rightful place in existence.
Be it from a single cell to multicellular.
 
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