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The Mama Types!!! - Anand Kumar

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anandkumarrs

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My Close Encounters with Mamas - Ver:2

In the routine life of any Tambrahm human being, one cannot escape encounters with the ubiquitous Tambrahm mamas. In my last 40 years or so, en (noda) counters with mamas have been very many. At home sometimes but mostly in social functions like marriages or common gatherings like Avani Avittam, Sastha Preethi,… The important lesson I have learnt is “When with mamas, do as the mamas do!!” Life is then good. Otherwise,…


Based on my interactions, most of the mamas can be classified as under:


1. Question Killer: Like serial killers, these mamas have the ability to almost kill you with their serial questions. When you see them, its’ almost like interrogation. Kelvi kette saagadippaa intha mamas. Sample this:
Mama: Hello – Eppo vandhai?
You: Ippo thaan vanthen, mama.
Mama: Eppadi vandhai??
You: Carla thaan vanthen.
Mama: Athe car thane, illa puthusu vaanginiya?
You: The same car
Mama: Enna, Wife varaliyo?
You: Illa, varalai.
Mama: Enna Veetukku Vellilayo???
You:????


You then force Nature to call you and slip out.


You: Mama, Konjam toilet varaikkum poyitu varen.
Mama: No. 1 or No. 2???
You: (to yourself) – Vidave maattaar polarukku intha manushan!!!


2. Perfection personified mama: For these mamas, everything needs to be perfect. Nothing short of that. Your living in this planet is a waste if you don’t do things with utmost perfection. If you get caught with this type in some occasion, the next day you will have to attend some HR course to boost your self-confidence. Because in 1 hour he will find 100 faults in everything you do and shatter your ego and self-confidence. Something like:


Mama: Ennada veshtiya ippadiya kettarathu???
11 o’ clock ku poojai, Nee baatukku 11.05 kku varaye??
,…,…


3. Rules and Compliance Mama: For this mama, everything has to be followed as per the set procedure/rule. If there’s any deviation, in front of everybody he will pull you down that too with his gambeera Maharajapuram Santhanam type voice ensuring that everybody in the vicinity comes to know what you did. They can also be labelled as Maanatha vaangarathukune porantha mamas. Something like this:


Mama: Ennappa elaya eppadi podaruthunnu kooda theriyaatha? Antha nuni intha pakkam varanam!!!
And if you decide to help and do some service and volunteer to serve food, there is an order by which the different dishes have to be served. If you happen to serve some item ahead against the set order you will have to listen to archanai from the Rules mama. Pachadi, kichadi kku apparam. Similarly where to serve on the elai is important. Yenda yaar unakku padipichurukka?? Uppilitatathu left side corner la varum, Right side la velambathe! Obviously you don’t want to tell him – Ellam vayathukulla poi apparam veliyila ore cornerukku thaane mama porathu???




4. Over smart, padutharathukune porantha mama: These mamas are deadly. They are born to torture you. Sample these:


Mama: Yei, how are you, Enna therinjutha?
You: (you are obviously unable to place him. But if you tell him the truth you will be subjected to a mouthful. So you lie) – Yes, yes, Nanna therinchuthe. How are you?
Mama: Appo naan aaru chollu!
You just mumble something and try to wriggle out. But he is in no mood to leave you.
Mama: Theriyalaiyaa? Naan cholli tharen. Onnoda paatta voda ammaiyoda chittappavoda shaddagaroda maaplaiyoda kollu peranakkum naan. Appa kitta kellu, naanga ellam oorula onna maanga adichu kalichurukkom!




Mama: Ennappa entha companyla work panra??
You: Mama, Godrej company
Mama: Evalavu Sambalam tharaan? Kanja pasangalache???
You:???


5. The Professional mama: These mamas wear pride on their sleeves having done professional courses like Engineering,.. that too in those days securing admission absolutely on merit when there were only few colleges. They loathe the present education system, lament on the decline in education standards and absence of meritocracy these days. So whenever you meet one of this type you will be subjected to a long lecture on how tough it was to get into engineering college those days and how he managed to get a job in Kirloskar company,…,.. When I happened to get into engineering college and met one such mama after my 2nd year, he almost took a test on Thermo dynamics, Machine design,.. all in the midst of a Seemandham function where we met!!!
Mama: Yei, nee electrical thaane, engineering?
You: Aamaam, mama. (You know what is coming. So you build the defence proactively). Aana mama naan pass panni 20 varusham aayaachu.
Mama: Aagatume. Naan paassagi 40 varshamachu. Innikkum naan thaan engaathula enna electrical velayum cheiven. Intha kaalathu pasangalukku oru fuse kooda poda theriyarathillai!


6. Ellam therinja mama: He is the know it all. Period. He has an opinion on everything and as per him that’s right. From weather in California to political climate in Calcutta, he knows everything.
Mama: Enakku appave theriyum, BJP UP la 300 seatukku mela win pannuvaannu. Innaiku naan cholren kettuko – 2020 varaikum Modi kittaka aarum vara mudiyathu, .Aamaam!
7. Angry Old mama: These mamas were Angry young men in their primes. They get angry over everything. On the Government, system, roads, politicians, people, relatives and what have you. Usually you will find them alone as generally people avoid a run-in with these types.
Mama: Intha Pakistan kooda enna pechu vendi kadakku?? Oru bomb pottu thara mattam aakida vendiyathu thaane! Atha vittututtu chumma CBM, talks, athu, ithunnu tayatha waste pannindu!
8. Munjaakirathai mama: This category of mamas are always over cautious about everything. So much so that one mama from this clan told me that he accepts friend requests on FB only after checking their Gothram!!! Sample this:
Mama: Yei, antha Samsung washing machine vaangave padathu.
You: Yen mama, ennachu??
Mama: Recenta avaa phone ellam pathindu eriyarathu nnu cholraa. In fact Korean company saathaname vaanga padathunnu naan cholren. Enthukku risk??


9. Advice Kadai mama: These mamas are always into advice some time solicited, most of the times unsolicited. From how to handle a bad boss at work to tackling inflation they provide free guidance to one and all. Stuff like:


Mama: Yei, intha America aasaiya vittudu! America poi antha Trump kitta maatindu muzhikarathukku ingeye Raja madiri irukalaam!


10. Fine Arts Mama: This kind of mamas are very interested in Music (read as Carnatic), Dance, Drama,.. and also like to show off their interest and knowledge in fine arts. Like:


Mama: Intha kaalathilayum kacheri panraa paaru! Antha kalathula Madura Mani Iyer Kalyani ragathai 2 manikoor pizhi pizhinnu pizhinju edupaar, theriyumo?
You: Mama, enakkum kalyanikum romba thooram.
Mama: Ilayaraja paattunna pidikumoliyo?? Janani, Janani,.. antha paattu Kalyani thaan.
You: (Mumbling to yourself) Onga ponnu Jananikku ethula interestunnu sollungo!!!


11. Cynical Mama: These mamas are all the time cynical and have a contempt for anything and everything in life. Few conversations with this type and you have to go on an anti-depression treatment soon.


Mama: Intha smart phone madiri oru useless sadanathai naan patthathe kidayathu! Eppo paaru athai ellarum nondeendu irukka! Porathathukku intha Whatsapp vera! Ellarukkum oru joliyum cheiya venda!
You: Illa Mama, phone kaila iruntha useful thaan.
Mama: Enna periya use? Nee Smarta iruntha onakku ethukku Smart phone???




And there are more. And if you are also a “mama” reading this, which one are you???
 
hi
all these are joining in one place.....either in kalyana katcheri or seetu kattu katcheri in any agraharam on oldendays ...
 
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