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  1. #1
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    Cry Praying for early end


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    My mother in law is 2 yrs short of becoming a centurian.Two months back she fell down from cot & fractured the left hip. The orthopedist is of the view that even though operation is the best cure, she is unfit for the same. She is now on traction, and completely bed-ridden. I've engaged a part-time ayah to attend to her in morning & evening. Till her fracture, she was absolutely ok, and attended to her requirements all by herself. Now she's unable to compromise about her physical condition. We (my wife & I) feel terribly for her condition, but cannot do much. Also my wife had a fracture in her right shoulder, and was operated some months back. She's not back to normal still. Seeing my m-i-law's physical suffering & mental agony, we're praying for her early end. Is there any mantra or japa which we can recite daily - apart from praying silently to God - which can alleviate her sufferings by bringing an early end to her? Which God or Devata should we pray in such situations? What sloka? Please help.
  2. #2
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    We cant pray to make anyone live or to make anyone die.

    I can understand as a care giver this can take a severe toll on your mental well being.

    When we are stressed and pushed to the limits thoughts shift to death of self or others.

    The primary concern here is you cant manage..so best is to shift your MIL to a hospice nursing home.

    It is not selfish of you to wish her death and neither is it noble for you to wish her death as to alleviate her suffering...its totally understandable becos you CANT cope anymore.

    Believe me..shift her fast to a nursing home before depression gets to you and you start wishing death for yourself...risk of depression for care givers is very very high.

    Who knows by her being in a nursing home and you visit her often might actually be beneficial for her and you too.

    So dont wish for anyones death..just take actions to help yourself first here and then your MIL.
    Last edited by renuka; 24-08-2017 at 08:53 AM.
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  4. #3
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    I feel sorry for your mil's condition and suffering and wish for this trauma should end on a positive note. Kindly do not wish for anyone's death, as the spark of life in our near and dear ones is something that never returns to the same form again.

    It is but one life we have. Let us bring peace and happiness to all around us.

    Peace.

    TCK
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  6. #4
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    Quote Originally Posted by renuka View Post
    We cant pray to make anyone live or to make anyone die.

    I can understand as a care giver this can take a severe toll on your mental well being.

    When we are stressed and pushed to the limits thoughts shift to death of self or others.

    The primary concern here is you cant manage..so best is to shift your MIL to a hospice nursing home.

    It is not selfish of you to wish her death and neither is it noble for you to wish her death as to alleviate her suffering...its totally understandable becos you CANT cope anymore.

    Believe me..shift her fast to a nursing home before depression gets to you and you start wishing death for yourself...risk of depression for care givers is very very high.

    Who knows by her being in a nursing home and you visit her often might actually be beneficial for her and you too.


    So dont wish for anyones death..just take actions to help yourself first here and then your MIL.


    Great advice.
  7. All views expressed by the Members and Moderators here are that of the individuals only and do not reflect the official policy or view of the TamilBrahmins.com Website.
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  8. #5
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    Quote Originally Posted by venkateswaranrn View Post
    My mother in law is 2 yrs short of becoming a centurian.Two months back she fell down from cot & fractured the left hip. The orthopedist is of the view that even though operation is the best cure, she is unfit for the same. She is now on traction, and completely bed-ridden. I've engaged a part-time ayah to attend to her in morning & evening. Till her fracture, she was absolutely ok, and attended to her requirements all by herself. Now she's unable to compromise about her physical condition. We (my wife & I) feel terribly for her condition, but cannot do much. Also my wife had a fracture in her right shoulder, and was operated some months back. She's not back to normal still. Seeing my m-i-law's physical suffering & mental agony, we're praying for her early end. Is there any mantra or japa which we can recite daily - apart from praying silently to God - which can alleviate her sufferings by bringing an early end to her? Which God or Devata should we pray in such situations? What sloka? Please help.


    I sympathize with your situation.
    Nothing you or anyone else can really do anything better than what you are doing. Hospice is a good alternative if you can find one.
    Things will take its own time.
    Be brave, good wishes for you.
    Last edited by prasad1; 25-08-2017 at 04:05 PM.
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  10. #6
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    Dear Sri M Venkateswaran

    Instead of getting over-emotional and praying for the early death of your disabled bed-ridden mother-in-law, please try to be realistic and see what can be done practically. Death will certainly come - in due course to us all, your mother-in-law, yourself, and your wife included.

    In the interim, if she is in pain, give her analgesic treatment and tender loving care. Have the part-time maid turn her over to avoid bed-sores and muscle cramps. Have bed-pans at hand and teach her how to use them. Let her know she is wanted and that help is always at hand. Read to her, sing to her, talk to her every day. Pray with her. Recite her favourite sthrothrams in her hearing.

    If there is an affordable and easy-to-reach care-giving nursing home for Braahmana women near you, moving her there might be a workable choice. Or the home of a near or far relative whom you can trust and pay to attend to the patient's needs 24-hourly. And whose visiting hours are flexible.

    Meanwhile, I would strongly urge you and your wife to recite daily the following manthram, not for early death, but for your whole family's well-being:-

    mruthyun-jayaaya rudraaya neelakandaaya saambave
    amrutheshaaya sharvaaya mahaadevaaya the namaha

    S Narayanaswamy Iyer

    Post-script -- Even anti-Hindu Indians-hating Englishman Macaulay sang in "Horatio":-

    "And how can Man die better
    Than facing fearful odds...."
  11. All views expressed by the Members and Moderators here are that of the individuals only and do not reflect the official policy or view of the TamilBrahmins.com Website.
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  12. #7
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    hi
    death is not in our hand.....try some nursing home with private care...
    asato maa sadh gamayaa, tamaso maa jyotir
    gamayaa, mrityor maa amritham gamayaaa..
    om shanti, om shanti, om shanti...upanishad
  13. All views expressed by the Members and Moderators here are that of the individuals only and do not reflect the official policy or view of the TamilBrahmins.com Website.
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  14. #8
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    Dear Venkatesh Ji,

    Just a friendly reminder..the posts here are from well wishera but some even though they mean well ..they lack the intricate understanding of human emotions and depressive states.

    Its very normal for you to feel emotional or even over emotional..this is just part of being human and reaching out for help.

    There is no acute need for you to not identify with your emotions..you are even free to cry if you want to feel less stress.

    Do not let unexpected expectations from replies pressurize you.

    I am speaking to you as a proffesional here.

    Kindly try in small steps to get her into a good nursing home.

    It doesnt have to be just Brahmana nursing home cos why narrow down your chances of getting a nursing home?

    Please do that first.

    Feel free to respond to members here to divert your mind from stress a little.
  15. All views expressed by the Members and Moderators here are that of the individuals only and do not reflect the official policy or view of the TamilBrahmins.com Website.
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  16. #9
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    Sure, Sri M Venkateswaran. If your near-centurion mother-in-law does not mind being fed with beef extract, chicken essence, fish porridge, prawn pappadam, lamb chops, veal cuts, sea-food crackers, by all means take her to a Dalit, Christian, or Muslim nursing home. If she commits suicide through your following unsolicited evil advice, that is just too bad.

    S Narayanaswamy Iyer
  17. All views expressed by the Members and Moderators here are that of the individuals only and do not reflect the official policy or view of the TamilBrahmins.com Website.
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  18. #10
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    Quote Originally Posted by S Narayanaswamy Iyer View Post
    Sure, Sri M Venkateswaran. If your near-centurion mother-in-law does not mind being fed with beef extract, chicken essence, fish porridge, prawn pappadam, lamb chops, veal cuts, sea-food crackers, by all means take her to a Dalit, Christian, or Muslim nursing home. If she commits suicide through your following unsolicited evil advice, that is just too bad.

    S Narayanaswamy Iyer
    Hospitals and nursing homes have dietiticians and patient specific dietary requirements.

    Even in a Muslim country like Msia we get vegetarian diet at hospitals and nursing homes.
    Beef and mutton and pork are never served even to non veg patients of any religion.

    Mr Advocate.
    I feel you have no idea how a nursing home even in India is run.

    I dont see how my advice can be termed evil.
    I was the first person to respond to Venkatesh ji with the best of my capability..only then others joined in.

    My advice is purely professional taking into consideration Venkateshjis state of mind.
    He needs support ans not harsh words.


    Also try to be a little gentle in approach when dealing with people who are seeking help from members.

    You might feel you speak the truth..yes you could be speaking your brand of truth but just rephrase some words so even the bitter truth forms a fragrant garland of words..its good for everyone.

    Its not easy to change at a very advanced age but no harm trying.

    Best wishes..

    Your well wisher
    Last edited by renuka; 26-08-2017 at 03:56 PM.
  19. All views expressed by the Members and Moderators here are that of the individuals only and do not reflect the official policy or view of the TamilBrahmins.com Website.
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