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Marraige Into an Orthodox Family

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Daksha Kumar

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Hello everyone,

My name is Dakshayini, I am not a Brahmin but my fiancé is, despite me not being a Brahmin our both families agreed and we are getting married in a couple of months, my fiancé's family are very orthodox & they asked me make a few adjustments to my life style, I also have some worries how to adjust to life into a new family in a bit different orthodox culture. I will try to list what I need to do and my concerns.

Firstly how a girl from a non Brahmin back ground find it living in a Brahmin house hold, my fiancé's family are very orthodox and I will be living with them after marriage. What will be the biggest differences for me.

1.Aftermarraige I will only be expected to madisar saree that is 24 hours a day.


I am worried how it will be possible having to wear a saree whole it will be heavy and moving around will be difficult, I would like to know how it feels and how can I make my self comfortable wearing a madisar whole day. I am29 years old and I am more accustomed to modern way of dressing and I will have to give up on that

2.I will have to pierce both sides of nostrils and wear large multi studded mookuthi on both noses.

Firstly I am worried about piercing in the first place because of the pain, also I worried about how will people look at me in this modern age. I think it will be embarrassing to wear Any body with experience please let me know.

3.I will also required wear 7 stone vaira thodu all the time, once again how is to wear vaira thodu all the time will it be heavy and will people look at me differently these days,

My concerns arise from the fact that being bought up in modern upbringing I have lot of concerns of transforming myself into a orthodox lady. I have my profession & going to work completely transformed I wonder how will people look at me at work. Also my I would feel odd when I am with my friends & family


Please be kind to give your opinions on the above


Thanks
 
Respected Daksha kumar,

In the marriage life, everything is based on our "ADJUSTMENT & ACCOMADABILITY".

When there are elders in the family, definitely, they will expect us to certain things, which we may or may not like; More than liking, we may not be comfortable with their suggestions and decisions.

1)wearing madisar :- 24 hours may be difficult. but, once, you start loving what you do, everything will be easy.
2)piercing nostrils both the sides... wearing both sides mookkuthi, actually i feel you will be adorable, if you do so. evrything has a meaning. please do not think for status sake , we are doing this.... (In the nostrils of devi kanyakumari, there is a superb mookkuththi which guides the ships and avoids ship wrecks !!!).. We are wearing mookuththi, so that no man will be able to look at us with an evil, bad notion...
3) wearing diamond studs in the ears..... if you think this is a weight, what will you do, when you conceive?

My dear daksha, wish you all the best for the best married life....

if you give little, you will be blessed more and more.....

 
Dear Madam,

What you say is unbelievable...99% of Tambrahms are not wearing madisar & are not piercing both noses...Are you marrying a priest?
Tambrahms have moved ahead of other communities in following a modern outlook & sporting fancy dresses...Also are the most tolerant towards others

Can you share your background....We do get lot of spams nowadays
 
Last edited:
Dear Madam,

What you say is unbelievable...99% of Tambrahms are not wearing madisar & are not piercing both noses...Are you marrying a priest?
Tambrahms have moved ahead of other communities in following a modern outlook & sporting fancy dresses...Also are the most tolerant towards others

Can you share your background....We do get lot of spams nowadays

Going by these posts , we can say brahmin boys are no longer ammanjis as characterized by the tamil movies. They seem to be the most popular choice among NB girls going for love and or intercaste marriages!
 
Dear Madam,

What you say is unbelievable...99% of Tambrahms are not wearing madisar & are not piercing both noses...Are you marrying a priest?
Tambrahms have moved ahead of other communities in following a modern outlook & sporting fancy dresses...Also are the most tolerant towards others

Can you share your background....We do get lot of spams nowadays


I also agree with you V gane ji, seems like a movie plot!!
 
Dear Madam,

What you say is unbelievable...99% of Tambrahms are not wearing madisar & are not piercing both noses...Are you marrying a priest?
Tambrahms have moved ahead of other communities in following a modern outlook & sporting fancy dresses...Also are the most tolerant towards others

Can you share your background....We do get lot of spams nowadays

Hi thank you for the response, you are correct , but as you mentioned Tamil Brahmins are Indeed advanced, but my fiancé family are but different.

If you want to know my background , I am from Chennai and I work as a Structural Engineer. Ours is a typical modern day family, I am 2nd in a family of 3.

I met my husband who used to work as a legal consultant, but he stopped working and has indeed become a full time administrator at a temple there family has been associated with.

That's the main reason I also have accept these changes.

As you mentioned they are very tolerant & they were very happy to accept me to the family.
 
Dear Madam,

What you say is unbelievable...99% of Tambrahms are not wearing madisar & are not piercing both noses...Are you marrying a priest?
Tambrahms have moved ahead of other communities in following a modern outlook & sporting fancy dresses...Also are the most tolerant towards others

Can you share your background....We do get lot of spams nowadays

Hi you are right, they are indeed advanced these days and happy to accept me into their family.

By profession I am a structural engineer, I am from chennai had a typical modern day up bringing

I met my husband while he was a legal consultant with our company. Although he has given up now, and has taken charge of temple which traditionally administered by his family.

That is the reason I will also have to the changes to my attaire, because they feel it won't be right for me to dress in a non traditional way.

Thanks
 
I also agree with you V gane ji, seems like a movie plot!!

Not sure what makes you think like that, please see my previous reply & there are mitigating circumstances.

I would be grateful if you can contribute by helping me with the queries I raised
 
Hello everyone,
My name is Dakshayini, I am not a Brahmin but my fiancé is, despite me not being a Brahmin our both families agreed and we are getting married in a couple of months, my fiancé's family are very orthodox & they asked me make a few adjustments to my life style, I also have some worries how to adjust to life into a new family in a bit different orthodox culture. I will try to list what I need to do and my concerns.
Firstly how a girl from a non Brahmin back ground find it living in a Brahmin house hold, my fiancé's family are very orthodox and I will be living with them after marriage. What will be the biggest differences for me.
1.Aftermarraige I will only be expected to madisar saree that is 24 hours a day.
I am worried how it will be possible having to wear a saree whole it will be heavy and moving around will be difficult, I would like to know how it feels and how can I make my self comfortable wearing a madisar whole day. I am29 years old and I am more accustomed to modern way of dressing and I will have to give up on that
2.I will have to pierce both sides of nostrils and wear large multi studded mookuthi on both noses.
Firstly I am worried about piercing in the first place because of the pain, also I worried about how will people look at me in this modern age. I think it will be embarrassing to wear Any body with experience please let me know.
3.I will also required wear 7 stone vaira thodu all the time, once again how is to wear vaira thodu all the time will it be heavy and will people look at me differently these days,
My concerns arise from the fact that being bought up in modern upbringing I have lot of concerns of transforming myself into a orthodox lady. I have my profession & going to work completely transformed I wonder how will people look at me at work. Also my I would feel odd when I am with my friends & family
Please be kind to give your opinions on the above Thanks

Hi Daksha,

I too have a doubt that you are a troll here trying to have some fun at the expense of members here. But it does not matter. I answer your post:

1. The fact that the family into which you are going to make an entry is an orthodox one is not a new sudden realization for you. You knew it and yet decided to go for the marriage. Perhaps you liked the boy so much that you were willing to take a plunge.

Living in a brahmin household is not a very tough ordeal as you apprehend. Brahmins are largely harmless creatures. They won't even kill a rat caught in a rat-trap. They will carefully take it far and let it loose hoping that it's homing instincts are poor at that distance. They won't use a swat to kill a mosquito: they would rather use a net or apply odomos all over their body. So you need not worry about the new atmosphere at all. If anything it is going to be an overdose of sAtvic values and you may feel bored. I hope your fiance lives up your expectations to live the life of a young couple with verve and spice. LOL.

Coming to your specific queries:

1) You will have to persuade your inlaws that wearing a madisar to office is too much of a disruption -- worse than the demonetization for the country-- in office and may invite the wrath of your management. If you are in the profession of teaching, you may not have even that problem. You can happily go to your work place wearing madisar. Some of your students may be keen to know how to wear the madisar from you. I know women lecturers coming in madisar to teach in Universities where I have studied. And a madisar is not going to be heavy at all. A normal 6 yards polyester saree can be worn in madisar mode and if you go to temples in Chennai, you will find many young ladies coming in that kind of a madisar mode. You can learn from them. So weight or comfort is not an issue here. Moreover madisar looks really beautiful when worn by a young woman. Your husband will sure enjoy looking at you in madisar just as all brahmin with refined tastes do.

2) If you have made up your mind about the necessity to wear mookkuththi in both nostrils, then it can be done in a painless way. These days the man who comes to pierce applies an anaesthetic gel first to make you lose sensation at the spot and then fires a small pellet from a small gun like impliment. So in a flash your piercing is done panlessly. The mookkuththi has its own beauty when worn on both nostrils. It can really make a few heads turn. Try it.

3) A 1 carrot Vairathodu (two thodus put together) is not at all heavy. You can wear it lightly on your ear lobes. You will enjoy it as it will add to your beauty. Try this too.

So your misapprehensions need not hold you back from this marriage. Marry the brahmin boy and enjoy your life. All the best.
 
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Hi Daksha,

I too have a doubt that you are a troll here trying to have some fun at the expense of members here. But it does not matter. I answer your post:

1. The fact that the family into which you are going to make an entry is an orthodox one is not a new sudden realization for you. You knew it and yet decided to go for the marriage. Perhaps you liked the boy so much that you were willing to take a plunge.

Living in a brahmin household is not a very tough ordeal as you apprehend. Brahmins are largely harmless creatures. They won't even kill a rat caught in a rat-trap. They will carefully take it far and let it loose hoping that it's homing instincts are poor at that distance. They won't use a swat to kill a mosquito: they would rather use a net or apply odomos all over their body. So you need not worry about the new atmosphere at all. If anything it is going to be an overdose of sAtvic values and you may feel bored. I hope your fiance lives up your expectations to live the life of a young couple with verve and spice. LOL.

Coming to your specific queries:

1) You will have to persuade your inlaws that wearing a madisar to office is too much of a disruption -- worse than the demonetization for the country-- in office and may invite the wrath of your management. If you are in the profession of teaching, you may not have even that problem. You can happily go to your work place wearing madisar. Some of your students may be keen to know how to wear the madisar from you. I know women lecturers coming in madisar to teach in Universities where I have studied. And a madisar is not going to be heavy at all. A normal 6 yards polyester saree can be worn in madisar mode and if you go to temples in Chennai, you will find many young ladies coming in that kind of a madisar mode. You can learn from them. So weight or comfort is not an issue here. Moreover madisar looks really beautiful when worn by a young woman. Your husband will sure enjoy looking at you in madisar just as all brahmin with refined tastes do.

2) If you have made up your mind about the necessity to wear mookkuththi in both nostrils, then it can be done in a painless way. These days the man who comes to pierce applies an anaesthetic gel first to make you lose sensation at the spot and then fires a small pellet from a small gun like impliment. So in a flash your piercing is done panlessly. The mookkuththi has its own beauty when worn on both nostrils. It can really make a few heads turn. Try it.

3) A 1 carrot Vairathodu (two thodus put together) is not at all heavy. You can wear it lightly on your ear lobes. You will enjoy it as it will add to your beauty. Try this too.

So your misapprehensions need not hold you back from this marriage. Marry the brahmin boy and enjoy your life. All the best.

good one, appreciate your efforts, Vaagmi ji..
 
Vaagmiji! Salute you for creating a positive pull for the points which were raised in the forum more from a lampooning perspective!!
 
Hi Daksha,

I too have a doubt that you are a troll here trying to have some fun at the expense of members here. But it does not matter. I answer your post:

1. The fact that the family into which you are going to make an entry is an orthodox one is not a new sudden realization for you. You knew it and yet decided to go for the marriage. Perhaps you liked the boy so much that you were willing to take a plunge.

Living in a brahmin household is not a very tough ordeal as you apprehend. Brahmins are largely harmless creatures. They won't even kill a rat caught in a rat-trap. They will carefully take it far and let it loose hoping that it's homing instincts are poor at that distance. They won't use a swat to kill a mosquito: they would rather use a net or apply odomos all over their body. So you need not worry about the new atmosphere at all. If anything it is going to be an overdose of sAtvic values and you may feel bored. I hope your fiance lives up your expectations to live the life of a young couple with verve and spice. LOL.

Coming to your specific queries:

1) You will have to persuade your inlaws that wearing a madisar to office is too much of a disruption -- worse than the demonetization for the country-- in office and may invite the wrath of your management. If you are in the profession of teaching, you may not have even that problem. You can happily go to your work place wearing madisar. Some of your students may be keen to know how to wear the madisar from you. I know women lecturers coming in madisar to teach in Universities where I have studied. And a madisar is not going to be heavy at all. A normal 6 yards polyester saree can be worn in madisar mode and if you go to temples in Chennai, you will find many young ladies coming in that kind of a madisar mode. You can learn from them. So weight or comfort is not an issue here. Moreover madisar looks really beautiful when worn by a young woman. Your husband will sure enjoy looking at you in madisar just as all brahmin with refined tastes do.

2) If you have made up your mind about the necessity to wear mookkuththi in both nostrils, then it can be done in a painless way. These days the man who comes to pierce applies an anaesthetic gel first to make you lose sensation at the spot and then fires a small pellet from a small gun like impliment. So in a flash your piercing is done panlessly. The mookkuththi has its own beauty when worn on both nostrils. It can really make a few heads turn. Try it.

3) A 1 carrot Vairathodu (two thodus put together) is not at all heavy. You can wear it lightly on your ear lobes. You will enjoy it as it will add to your beauty. Try this too.

So your misapprehensions need not hold you back from this marriage. Marry the brahmin boy and enjoy your life. All the best.

Thanks for your humble response, it is very helpful , I will answer you soon.
 
Daksha Ji,

As everything is fair in love and war, I think you should also ask for appropriate reciprocation from your fiance. In particular he should be dressed in age old brahmin attire. Specifically, no pants or shirts (anything which is stitched). He should wear pancha, veshti, dhoti with bare upper body prominently displaying the sacred thread. No wearing leather sandals or shoes. He should go barefoot or wear paduka made from wood. All electronic gadgets / cell phones should be banned from the house. Should never eat food outside the house, particularly food cooked by those with unknown antecedents. Also he should either shave his head and keep a shikha/kudmi or keep long hair and beard.

If you are going to be a rishi patni, you should make sure that you are marrying a proper orthodox rishi.
 
Dear Madam,

What you say is unbelievable...99% of Tambrahms are not wearing madisar & are not piercing both noses...Are you marrying a priest?
Tambrahms have moved ahead of other communities in following a modern outlook & sporting fancy dresses...Also are the most tolerant towards others

Can you share your background....We do get lot of spams nowadays[/QUOTE]


hi

i agreed....may be OP is spam....who knows?....just provoking the in the name BRAHMIN CULTURE...
 
Respected Daksha kumar,

In the marriage life, everything is based on our "ADJUSTMENT & ACCOMADABILITY".

When there are elders in the family, definitely, they will expect us to certain things, which we may or may not like; More than liking, we may not be comfortable with their suggestions and decisions.

1)wearing madisar :- 24 hours may be difficult. but, once, you start loving what you do, everything will be easy.
2)piercing nostrils both the sides... wearing both sides mookkuthi, actually i feel you will be adorable, if you do so. evrything has a meaning. please do not think for status sake , we are doing this.... (In the nostrils of devi kanyakumari, there is a superb mookkuththi which guides the ships and avoids ship wrecks !!!).. We are wearing mookuththi, so that no man will be able to look at us with an evil, bad notion...
3) wearing diamond studs in the ears..... if you think this is a weight, what will you do, when you conceive?

My dear daksha, wish you all the best for the best married life....

if you give little, you will be blessed more and more.....


Thank you Girija for your advise, entering into a new culture and adopting new way of life was going to be difficult, so I was nervous and your comments have been really valuable.

After our marriage my husband will get involved more with the temple which will make him in the future will make him a senior member of the priests at the temple, therefore it would be inappropriate for the wife not to be dressed in a traditional.

In fact my future mother in law/ sisters in law do not dress according to the customs I mentioned.

At the moment I do not even know how to wear a madisar, I asked my in laws can I practice now but they said a girl only must wear a madisar on a wedding day for the first time.

Our marriage is only a few weeks away so It's going to be interesting
 
Hi Daksha,

I too have a doubt that you are a troll here trying to have some fun at the expense of members here. But it does not matter. I answer your post:

1. The fact that the family into which you are going to make an entry is an orthodox one is not a new sudden realization for you. You knew it and yet decided to go for the marriage. Perhaps you liked the boy so much that you were willing to take a plunge.

Living in a brahmin household is not a very tough ordeal as you apprehend. Brahmins are largely harmless creatures. They won't even kill a rat caught in a rat-trap. They will carefully take it far and let it loose hoping that it's homing instincts are poor at that distance. They won't use a swat to kill a mosquito: they would rather use a net or apply odomos all over their body. So you need not worry about the new atmosphere at all. If anything it is going to be an overdose of sAtvic values and you may feel bored. I hope your fiance lives up your expectations to live the life of a young couple with verve and spice. LOL.

Coming to your specific queries:

1) You will have to persuade your inlaws that wearing a madisar to office is too much of a disruption -- worse than the demonetization for the country-- in office and may invite the wrath of your management. If you are in the profession of teaching, you may not have even that problem. You can happily go to your work place wearing madisar. Some of your students may be keen to know how to wear the madisar from you. I know women lecturers coming in madisar to teach in Universities where I have studied. And a madisar is not going to be heavy at all. A normal 6 yards polyester saree can be worn in madisar mode and if you go to temples in Chennai, you will find many young ladies coming in that kind of a madisar mode. You can learn from them. So weight or comfort is not an issue here. Moreover madisar looks really beautiful when worn by a young woman. Your husband will sure enjoy looking at you in madisar just as all brahmin with refined tastes do.

2) If you have made up your mind about the necessity to wear mookkuththi in both nostrils, then it can be done in a painless way. These days the man who comes to pierce applies an anaesthetic gel first to make you lose sensation at the spot and then fires a small pellet from a small gun like impliment. So in a flash your piercing is done panlessly. The mookkuththi has its own beauty when worn on both nostrils. It can really make a few heads turn. Try it.

3) A 1 carrot Vairathodu (two thodus put together) is not at all heavy. You can wear it lightly on your ear lobes. You will enjoy it as it will add to your beauty. Try this too.

So your misapprehensions need not hold you back from this marriage. Marry the brahmin boy and enjoy your life. All the best.

Thank You, Vaagmi your response is much appreciated

Firstly I was not aware that I will have to change my attire to traditional until a couple of months back although I knew my fiancé for a long time, that was once it was decided that he will be becoming a priest full time at the temple. Like you say I might have had reservations about getting into a relation ship If I had known this a few years ago but know I value the person he is more than any cultural obstacles which I might face.

Mookuthi I will be getting my piercing done this Friday, but as I know they will not be using a gun, they will indeed use a needle to pierce, because the wound must heal in time so that the larger mookuthis can be worn in time for the wedding. I think they will put in 2 single diamond stud & once the large multi stone studs are ready I will have to start wearing them from the wedding day.

Vaira Thodu, once again I have never worn one but they do look stunning & beautiful. One concern I had is what will happen to the year lobe will they start to expand ?? I thing the each stud they are looking will be around 1.25 cm in diameter & each will be around 5 grams in weight.

Further I am more than happy to change my attire & looks, it will be tough initially for a person who spent all her life in Chennai.

As far as my profession is concerned I will leaving the job because I will have to move with my husband to Karaikal, so on that front I will not have any problems (I wanted to continue with the job for sometime but decided against it because financially we are secure from both sides of the families so leaving the job is not going to be a financial burden on us).

So my main concern was having to wear all them all the time & how to face outsiders and how will they react
 
Kilo kilo vaa kaadhilE poo ....... :clap2:

No orthodox family will force a NB daughter-in-law to wear madisAr 24 x 7 x 365.25 or force to wear nose studs on both sides.

But, forcing to wear a diamond stud is at least believable because it is a status symbol for orthodox brahmins!
pride.png


BTW, I believe that newly wed girls only make the rules of the household now a days. :thumb:
 
Kilo kilo vaa kaadhilE poo .......

No orthodox family will force a NB daughter-in-law to wear madisAr 24 x 7 x 365.25 or force to wear nose studs on both sides.

But, forcing to wear a diamond stud is at least believable because it is a status symbol for orthodox brahmins!


BTW, I believe that newly wed girls only make the rules of the household now a days.

Well not sure why do you think like that, I would not say forcing but they were expecting it from me and I agreed to it, ithought that was a reasonable thing to expect from me given the circumstances. I would appreciate if you could give me some guidance how to handle my transformation. Thanks
 
madurai-culture3.jpg


Wow! MadisAr saree + long plait with kunjalam + jadavalai + jimikkis ( with ear studs) + addigai decorating the neck
+ dozens of matching bangles!! :clap2:

How nice it will be if this is made as uniform in an office! :love:
 
Thank you Girija for your advise, entering into a new culture and adopting new way of life was going to be difficult, so I was nervous and your comments have been really valuable.

After our marriage my husband will get involved more with the temple which will make him in the future will make him a senior member of the priests at the temple, therefore it would be inappropriate for the wife not to be dressed in a traditional.

In fact my future mother in law/ sisters in law do not dress according to the customs I mentioned.

At the moment I do not even know how to wear a madisar, I asked my in laws can I practice now but they said a girl only must wear a madisar on a wedding day for the first time.

Our marriage is only a few weeks away so It's going to be interesting

definitely daksha, my dear, wish you all the best in your new married life.... May goddess bagavathy shower you with hr choicest blessings and bless you with everything you desire !!!
 
madurai-culture3.jpg


Wow! MadisAr saree + long plait with kunjalam + jadavalai + jimikkis ( with ear studs) + addigai decorating the neck
+ dozens of matching bangles!! :clap2:

How nice it will be if this is made as uniform in an office! :love:

oh yes, rjai ji, i too adore this traditional, highly becoming, magnificent uniform !!!!
 
madurai-culture3.jpg


Wow! MadisAr saree + long plait with kunjalam + jadavalai + jimikkis ( with ear studs) + addigai decorating the neck
+ dozens of matching bangles!! :clap2:

How nice it will be if this is made as uniform in an office! :love:

work will come to a grinding halt and time lines will go awry. LOL.
 
madurai-culture3.jpg


Wow! MadisAr saree + long plait with kunjalam + jadavalai + jimikkis ( with ear studs) + addigai decorating the neck
+ dozens of matching bangles!! :clap2:

How nice it will be if this is made as uniform in an office! :love:

hi

is sridevi from MEENDUM KOKILA?....
 
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