Marraige Into an Orthodox Family
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  1. #1
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    Marraige Into an Orthodox Family


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    Hello everyone,

    My name is Dakshayini, I am not a Brahmin but my fiancÚ is, despite me not being a Brahmin our both families agreed and we are getting married in a couple of months, my fiancÚ's family are very orthodox & they asked me make a few adjustments to my life style, I also have some worries how to adjust to life into a new family in a bit different orthodox culture. I will try to list what I need to do and my concerns.

    Firstly how a girl from a non Brahmin back ground find it living in a Brahmin house hold, my fiancÚ's family are very orthodox and I will be living with them after marriage. What will be the biggest differences for me.

    1.Aftermarraige I will only be expected to madisar saree that is 24 hours a day.


    I am worried how it will be possible having to wear a saree whole it will be heavy and moving around will be difficult, I would like to know how it feels and how can I make my self comfortable wearing a madisar whole day. I am29 years old and I am more accustomed to modern way of dressing and I will have to give up on that

    2.I will have to pierce both sides of nostrils and wear large multi studded mookuthi on both noses.

    Firstly I am worried about piercing in the first place because of the pain, also I worried about how will people look at me in this modern age. I think it will be embarrassing to wear Any body with experience please let me know.

    3.I will also required wear 7 stone vaira thodu all the time, once again how is to wear vaira thodu all the time will it be heavy and will people look at me differently these days,

    My concerns arise from the fact that being bought up in modern upbringing I have lot of concerns of transforming myself into a orthodox lady. I have my profession & going to work completely transformed I wonder how will people look at me at work. Also my I would feel odd when I am with my friends & family


    Please be kind to give your opinions on the above


    Thanks
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    Respected Daksha kumar,

    In the marriage life, everything is based on our "ADJUSTMENT & ACCOMADABILITY".

    When there are elders in the family, definitely, they will expect us to certain things, which we may or may not like; More than liking, we may not be comfortable with their suggestions and decisions.

    1)wearing madisar :- 24 hours may be difficult. but, once, you start loving what you do, everything will be easy.
    2)piercing nostrils both the sides... wearing both sides mookkuthi, actually i feel you will be adorable, if you do so. evrything has a meaning. please do not think for status sake , we are doing this.... (In the nostrils of devi kanyakumari, there is a superb mookkuththi which guides the ships and avoids ship wrecks !!!).. We are wearing mookuththi, so that no man will be able to look at us with an evil, bad notion...
    3) wearing diamond studs in the ears..... if you think this is a weight, what will you do, when you conceive?

    My dear daksha, wish you all the best for the best married life....

    if you give little, you will be blessed more and more.....

    அரனே என்று தொழ
    அருமைகளை நிறைக்கும்
    அரனே! மனதில் உளனே !!
    அரணாய் அனைவரையும் கா !!
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    Quote Originally Posted by ramachandran girija View Post
    Respected Daksha kumar,

    In the marriage life, everything is based on our "ADJUSTMENT & ACCOMADABILITY".

    When there are elders in the family, definitely, they will expect us to certain things, which we may or may not like; More than liking, we may not be comfortable with their suggestions and decisions.

    1)wearing madisar :- 24 hours may be difficult. but, once, you start loving what you do, everything will be easy.
    2)piercing nostrils both the sides... wearing both sides mookkuthi, actually i feel you will be adorable, if you do so. evrything has a meaning. please do not think for status sake , we are doing this.... (In the nostrils of devi kanyakumari, there is a superb mookkuththi which guides the ships and avoids ship wrecks !!!).. We are wearing mookuththi, so that no man will be able to look at us with an evil, bad notion...
    3) wearing diamond studs in the ears..... if you think this is a weight, what will you do, when you conceive?

    My dear daksha, wish you all the best for the best married life....

    if you give little, you will be blessed more and more.....

    Thank you Girija for your advise, entering into a new culture and adopting new way of life was going to be difficult, so I was nervous and your comments have been really valuable.

    After our marriage my husband will get involved more with the temple which will make him in the future will make him a senior member of the priests at the temple, therefore it would be inappropriate for the wife not to be dressed in a traditional.

    In fact my future mother in law/ sisters in law do not dress according to the customs I mentioned.

    At the moment I do not even know how to wear a madisar, I asked my in laws can I practice now but they said a girl only must wear a madisar on a wedding day for the first time.

    Our marriage is only a few weeks away so It's going to be interesting
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    Quote Originally Posted by Daksha Kumar View Post
    Thank you Girija for your advise, entering into a new culture and adopting new way of life was going to be difficult, so I was nervous and your comments have been really valuable.

    After our marriage my husband will get involved more with the temple which will make him in the future will make him a senior member of the priests at the temple, therefore it would be inappropriate for the wife not to be dressed in a traditional.

    In fact my future mother in law/ sisters in law do not dress according to the customs I mentioned.

    At the moment I do not even know how to wear a madisar, I asked my in laws can I practice now but they said a girl only must wear a madisar on a wedding day for the first time.

    Our marriage is only a few weeks away so It's going to be interesting
    definitely daksha, my dear, wish you all the best in your new married life.... May goddess bagavathy shower you with hr choicest blessings and bless you with everything you desire !!!
    அரனே என்று தொழ
    அருமைகளை நிறைக்கும்
    அரனே! மனதில் உளனே !!
    அரணாய் அனைவரையும் கா !!
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    Quote Originally Posted by ramachandran girija View Post

    3) wearing diamond studs in the ears..... if you think this is a weight, what will you do, when you conceive?


    Ear studs can be heavy on the ear cos it pulls down the soft tissue.

    BTW carrying a child for 40 weeks does not feel heavy at all...(from personal experience).

    The body adapts to a fetus growing in utero by changes in body structure esp the spine to handle the fetus..centre of gravity too changes..so a mother does not feel as if she is carrying any weight.

    People usually link carrying of a fetus is almost like carrying a stone tied to the waist for 9 months...it is NOT.

    Reason is cos stone is external and sudden adaptation to an external source of weight is different from gradual adaptation to an internal source of weight.

    Walking around with a 1kg stone for 9 months would be exhausting but walking around with a fetus weighing 4kg in the final month is not exhausting. A fetus grows gradually..giving the body of the mother time to adapt.



    God designed the human body fairly well to adapt to natural changes.

    But the ear studs..most of us were not like Karna to be born with ear studs..so a heavy ear stud can actually cause pain.
    Last edited by renuka; 05-01-2017 at 08:15 AM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by renuka View Post
    Ear studs can be heavy on the ear cos it pulls down the soft tissue.

    BTW carrying a child for 40 weeks does not feel heavy at all...(from personal experience).

    The body adapts to a fetus growing in utero by changes in body structure esp the spine to handle the fetus..centre of gravity too changes..so a mother does not feel as if she is carrying any weight.

    People usually link carrying of a fetus is almost like carrying a stone tied to the waist for 9 months...it is NOT.

    Reason is cos stone is external and sudden adaptation to an external source of weight is different from gradual adaptation to an internal source of weight.

    Walking around with a 1kg stone for 9 months would be exhausting but walking around with a fetus weighing 4kg in the final month is not exhausting. A fetus grows gradually..giving the body of the mother time to adapt.



    God designed the human body fairly well to adapt to natural changes.

    But the ear studs..most of us were not like Karna to be born with ear studs..so a heavy ear stud can actually cause pain.
    After your post I will stop pitying pregnant women because of the weight they carry inside the body.I am educated now that its actually not difficult.
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    Quote Originally Posted by krish44 View Post
    After your post I will stop pitying pregnant women because of the weight they carry inside the body.I am educated now that its actually not difficult.
    Actually, Krish Sir, the last two months of pregnancy are the most difficult.

    My doctor dad used to say that a woman in advance pregnancy looks like PiLLaiyAr and walks like a duck!
    Renu is an exception in many aspects!

    P.S: I was 'vAndheeying' for nearly eight months and was on a mild medication, to avoid any embarrassment while going out!
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    Dear Madam,

    What you say is unbelievable...99% of Tambrahms are not wearing madisar & are not piercing both noses...Are you marrying a priest?
    Tambrahms have moved ahead of other communities in following a modern outlook & sporting fancy dresses...Also are the most tolerant towards others

    Can you share your background....We do get lot of spams nowadays
    Last edited by vgane; 30-12-2016 at 09:17 AM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by vgane View Post
    Dear Madam,

    What you say is unbelievable...99% of Tambrahms are not wearing madisar & are not piercing both noses...Are you marrying a priest?
    Tambrahms have moved ahead of other communities in following a modern outlook & sporting fancy dresses...Also are the most tolerant towards others

    Can you share your background....We do get lot of spams nowadays

    I also agree with you V gane ji, seems like a movie plot!!
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    Quote Originally Posted by vgane View Post
    Dear Madam,

    What you say is unbelievable...99% of Tambrahms are not wearing madisar & are not piercing both noses...Are you marrying a priest?
    Tambrahms have moved ahead of other communities in following a modern outlook & sporting fancy dresses...Also are the most tolerant towards others

    Can you share your background....We do get lot of spams nowadays
    Hi thank you for the response, you are correct , but as you mentioned Tamil Brahmins are Indeed advanced, but my fiancÚ family are but different.

    If you want to know my background , I am from Chennai and I work as a Structural Engineer. Ours is a typical modern day family, I am 2nd in a family of 3.

    I met my husband who used to work as a legal consultant, but he stopped working and has indeed become a full time administrator at a temple there family has been associated with.

    That's the main reason I also have accept these changes.

    As you mentioned they are very tolerant & they were very happy to accept me to the family.
  20. All views expressed by the Members and Moderators here are that of the individuals only and do not reflect the official policy or view of the TamilBrahmins.com Website.
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