Marraige Into an Orthodox Family
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    Marraige Into an Orthodox Family


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    Hello everyone,

    My name is Dakshayini, I am not a Brahmin but my fiancÚ is, despite me not being a Brahmin our both families agreed and we are getting married in a couple of months, my fiancÚ's family are very orthodox & they asked me make a few adjustments to my life style, I also have some worries how to adjust to life into a new family in a bit different orthodox culture. I will try to list what I need to do and my concerns.

    Firstly how a girl from a non Brahmin back ground find it living in a Brahmin house hold, my fiancÚ's family are very orthodox and I will be living with them after marriage. What will be the biggest differences for me.

    1.Aftermarraige I will only be expected to madisar saree that is 24 hours a day.


    I am worried how it will be possible having to wear a saree whole it will be heavy and moving around will be difficult, I would like to know how it feels and how can I make my self comfortable wearing a madisar whole day. I am29 years old and I am more accustomed to modern way of dressing and I will have to give up on that

    2.I will have to pierce both sides of nostrils and wear large multi studded mookuthi on both noses.

    Firstly I am worried about piercing in the first place because of the pain, also I worried about how will people look at me in this modern age. I think it will be embarrassing to wear Any body with experience please let me know.

    3.I will also required wear 7 stone vaira thodu all the time, once again how is to wear vaira thodu all the time will it be heavy and will people look at me differently these days,

    My concerns arise from the fact that being bought up in modern upbringing I have lot of concerns of transforming myself into a orthodox lady. I have my profession & going to work completely transformed I wonder how will people look at me at work. Also my I would feel odd when I am with my friends & family


    Please be kind to give your opinions on the above


    Thanks
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    Respected Daksha kumar,

    In the marriage life, everything is based on our "ADJUSTMENT & ACCOMADABILITY".

    When there are elders in the family, definitely, they will expect us to certain things, which we may or may not like; More than liking, we may not be comfortable with their suggestions and decisions.

    1)wearing madisar :- 24 hours may be difficult. but, once, you start loving what you do, everything will be easy.
    2)piercing nostrils both the sides... wearing both sides mookkuthi, actually i feel you will be adorable, if you do so. evrything has a meaning. please do not think for status sake , we are doing this.... (In the nostrils of devi kanyakumari, there is a superb mookkuththi which guides the ships and avoids ship wrecks !!!).. We are wearing mookuththi, so that no man will be able to look at us with an evil, bad notion...
    3) wearing diamond studs in the ears..... if you think this is a weight, what will you do, when you conceive?

    My dear daksha, wish you all the best for the best married life....

    if you give little, you will be blessed more and more.....

    அரனே என்று தொழ
    அருமைகளை நிறைக்கும்
    அரனே! மனதில் உளனே !!
    அரணாய் அனைவரையும் கா !!
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    Dear Madam,

    What you say is unbelievable...99% of Tambrahms are not wearing madisar & are not piercing both noses...Are you marrying a priest?
    Tambrahms have moved ahead of other communities in following a modern outlook & sporting fancy dresses...Also are the most tolerant towards others

    Can you share your background....We do get lot of spams nowadays
    Last edited by vgane; 30-12-2016 at 09:17 AM.
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    Quote Originally Posted by vgane View Post
    Dear Madam,

    What you say is unbelievable...99% of Tambrahms are not wearing madisar & are not piercing both noses...Are you marrying a priest?
    Tambrahms have moved ahead of other communities in following a modern outlook & sporting fancy dresses...Also are the most tolerant towards others

    Can you share your background....We do get lot of spams nowadays
    Going by these posts , we can say brahmin boys are no longer ammanjis as characterized by the tamil movies. They seem to be the most popular choice among NB girls going for love and or intercaste marriages!
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    Quote Originally Posted by vgane View Post
    Dear Madam,

    What you say is unbelievable...99% of Tambrahms are not wearing madisar & are not piercing both noses...Are you marrying a priest?
    Tambrahms have moved ahead of other communities in following a modern outlook & sporting fancy dresses...Also are the most tolerant towards others

    Can you share your background....We do get lot of spams nowadays

    I also agree with you V gane ji, seems like a movie plot!!
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    Quote Originally Posted by vgane View Post
    Dear Madam,

    What you say is unbelievable...99% of Tambrahms are not wearing madisar & are not piercing both noses...Are you marrying a priest?
    Tambrahms have moved ahead of other communities in following a modern outlook & sporting fancy dresses...Also are the most tolerant towards others

    Can you share your background....We do get lot of spams nowadays
    Hi thank you for the response, you are correct , but as you mentioned Tamil Brahmins are Indeed advanced, but my fiancÚ family are but different.

    If you want to know my background , I am from Chennai and I work as a Structural Engineer. Ours is a typical modern day family, I am 2nd in a family of 3.

    I met my husband who used to work as a legal consultant, but he stopped working and has indeed become a full time administrator at a temple there family has been associated with.

    That's the main reason I also have accept these changes.

    As you mentioned they are very tolerant & they were very happy to accept me to the family.
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    Quote Originally Posted by vgane View Post
    Dear Madam,

    What you say is unbelievable...99% of Tambrahms are not wearing madisar & are not piercing both noses...Are you marrying a priest?
    Tambrahms have moved ahead of other communities in following a modern outlook & sporting fancy dresses...Also are the most tolerant towards others

    Can you share your background....We do get lot of spams nowadays
    Hi you are right, they are indeed advanced these days and happy to accept me into their family.

    By profession I am a structural engineer, I am from chennai had a typical modern day up bringing

    I met my husband while he was a legal consultant with our company. Although he has given up now, and has taken charge of temple which traditionally administered by his family.

    That is the reason I will also have to the changes to my attaire, because they feel it won't be right for me to dress in a non traditional way.

    Thanks
  13. All views expressed by the Members and Moderators here are that of the individuals only and do not reflect the official policy or view of the TamilBrahmins.com Website.
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    Quote Originally Posted by GANESH65 View Post
    I also agree with you V gane ji, seems like a movie plot!!
    Not sure what makes you think like that, please see my previous reply & there are mitigating circumstances.

    I would be grateful if you can contribute by helping me with the queries I raised
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    Quote Originally Posted by Daksha Kumar View Post
    Hello everyone,
    My name is Dakshayini, I am not a Brahmin but my fiancÚ is, despite me not being a Brahmin our both families agreed and we are getting married in a couple of months, my fiancÚ's family are very orthodox & they asked me make a few adjustments to my life style, I also have some worries how to adjust to life into a new family in a bit different orthodox culture. I will try to list what I need to do and my concerns.
    Firstly how a girl from a non Brahmin back ground find it living in a Brahmin house hold, my fiancÚ's family are very orthodox and I will be living with them after marriage. What will be the biggest differences for me.
    1.Aftermarraige I will only be expected to madisar saree that is 24 hours a day.
    I am worried how it will be possible having to wear a saree whole it will be heavy and moving around will be difficult, I would like to know how it feels and how can I make my self comfortable wearing a madisar whole day. I am29 years old and I am more accustomed to modern way of dressing and I will have to give up on that
    2.I will have to pierce both sides of nostrils and wear large multi studded mookuthi on both noses.
    Firstly I am worried about piercing in the first place because of the pain, also I worried about how will people look at me in this modern age. I think it will be embarrassing to wear Any body with experience please let me know.
    3.I will also required wear 7 stone vaira thodu all the time, once again how is to wear vaira thodu all the time will it be heavy and will people look at me differently these days,
    My concerns arise from the fact that being bought up in modern upbringing I have lot of concerns of transforming myself into a orthodox lady. I have my profession & going to work completely transformed I wonder how will people look at me at work. Also my I would feel odd when I am with my friends & family
    Please be kind to give your opinions on the above Thanks
    Hi Daksha,

    I too have a doubt that you are a troll here trying to have some fun at the expense of members here. But it does not matter. I answer your post:

    1. The fact that the family into which you are going to make an entry is an orthodox one is not a new sudden realization for you. You knew it and yet decided to go for the marriage. Perhaps you liked the boy so much that you were willing to take a plunge.

    Living in a brahmin household is not a very tough ordeal as you apprehend. Brahmins are largely harmless creatures. They won't even kill a rat caught in a rat-trap. They will carefully take it far and let it loose hoping that it's homing instincts are poor at that distance. They won't use a swat to kill a mosquito: they would rather use a net or apply odomos all over their body. So you need not worry about the new atmosphere at all. If anything it is going to be an overdose of sAtvic values and you may feel bored. I hope your fiance lives up your expectations to live the life of a young couple with verve and spice. LOL.

    Coming to your specific queries:

    1) You will have to persuade your inlaws that wearing a madisar to office is too much of a disruption -- worse than the demonetization for the country-- in office and may invite the wrath of your management. If you are in the profession of teaching, you may not have even that problem. You can happily go to your work place wearing madisar. Some of your students may be keen to know how to wear the madisar from you. I know women lecturers coming in madisar to teach in Universities where I have studied. And a madisar is not going to be heavy at all. A normal 6 yards polyester saree can be worn in madisar mode and if you go to temples in Chennai, you will find many young ladies coming in that kind of a madisar mode. You can learn from them. So weight or comfort is not an issue here. Moreover madisar looks really beautiful when worn by a young woman. Your husband will sure enjoy looking at you in madisar just as all brahmin with refined tastes do.

    2) If you have made up your mind about the necessity to wear mookkuththi in both nostrils, then it can be done in a painless way. These days the man who comes to pierce applies an anaesthetic gel first to make you lose sensation at the spot and then fires a small pellet from a small gun like impliment. So in a flash your piercing is done panlessly. The mookkuththi has its own beauty when worn on both nostrils. It can really make a few heads turn. Try it.

    3) A 1 carrot Vairathodu (two thodus put together) is not at all heavy. You can wear it lightly on your ear lobes. You will enjoy it as it will add to your beauty. Try this too.

    So your misapprehensions need not hold you back from this marriage. Marry the brahmin boy and enjoy your life. All the best.
    Last edited by Vaagmi; 30-12-2016 at 12:41 PM.
    Giving someone a piece of your soul is better than giving a piece of your heart. Because souls are eternal. --Helen Boswell
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vaagmi View Post
    Hi Daksha,

    I too have a doubt that you are a troll here trying to have some fun at the expense of members here. But it does not matter. I answer your post:

    1. The fact that the family into which you are going to make an entry is an orthodox one is not a new sudden realization for you. You knew it and yet decided to go for the marriage. Perhaps you liked the boy so much that you were willing to take a plunge.

    Living in a brahmin household is not a very tough ordeal as you apprehend. Brahmins are largely harmless creatures. They won't even kill a rat caught in a rat-trap. They will carefully take it far and let it loose hoping that it's homing instincts are poor at that distance. They won't use a swat to kill a mosquito: they would rather use a net or apply odomos all over their body. So you need not worry about the new atmosphere at all. If anything it is going to be an overdose of sAtvic values and you may feel bored. I hope your fiance lives up your expectations to live the life of a young couple with verve and spice. LOL.

    Coming to your specific queries:

    1) You will have to persuade your inlaws that wearing a madisar to office is too much of a disruption -- worse than the demonetization for the country-- in office and may invite the wrath of your management. If you are in the profession of teaching, you may not have even that problem. You can happily go to your work place wearing madisar. Some of your students may be keen to know how to wear the madisar from you. I know women lecturers coming in madisar to teach in Universities where I have studied. And a madisar is not going to be heavy at all. A normal 6 yards polyester saree can be worn in madisar mode and if you go to temples in Chennai, you will find many young ladies coming in that kind of a madisar mode. You can learn from them. So weight or comfort is not an issue here. Moreover madisar looks really beautiful when worn by a young woman. Your husband will sure enjoy looking at you in madisar just as all brahmin with refined tastes do.

    2) If you have made up your mind about the necessity to wear mookkuththi in both nostrils, then it can be done in a painless way. These days the man who comes to pierce applies an anaesthetic gel first to make you lose sensation at the spot and then fires a small pellet from a small gun like impliment. So in a flash your piercing is done panlessly. The mookkuththi has its own beauty when worn on both nostrils. It can really make a few heads turn. Try it.

    3) A 1 carrot Vairathodu (two thodus put together) is not at all heavy. You can wear it lightly on your ear lobes. You will enjoy it as it will add to your beauty. Try this too.

    So your misapprehensions need not hold you back from this marriage. Marry the brahmin boy and enjoy your life. All the best.
    good one, appreciate your efforts, Vaagmi ji..
  19. All views expressed by the Members and Moderators here are that of the individuals only and do not reflect the official policy or view of the TamilBrahmins.com Website.
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