I am totally new to this community and i am not very sure whether i am on the right track posting this...
I am in need of a guidance may be a solution and again i am not sure whether this is a right place or thr??
if not anybody can guide me on the right path..
I am just married and it has been 5 months..
And we have lived just for a month may be as he is in US and actually i joined him after our 15 days of married life just three weeks before..And currently i am in a situation where he wants divorce and hates me just because of a love affair which he is adamant that he will continue though that girl is married and has a kid..
I need a solution.I dont to spoil my married life and i just want him to get back to me from his illusion and spell..
Please guide me if any vrathams and chanting of slogans i can do..
I am in a total frustated mood and just spoiling my life in US just like that without any holdings..
Please help me..
Thankyou...
My heartfelt sympathies to you! It is really atrocious and outrageous for a man already in love with a married woman to voluntarily and deliberately and willingly marry another innocent woman and uproot her from her familiar family, relatives, friends, city and country to another strange environment and then to express his unilateral decision to seek divorce!
Some clarifications are required:
1. Is it an arranged marriage and do you have any acquaintance with your husband prior to marriage?
2. Has your marriage been consummated at all? (Very important for legal reasons and also for assessment of his character)
3. How much are you personally desirous of continuing the relationship with your husband - do you think he will be a good, loving, caring, understanding and supporting husband and that you will be able to bond with him emotionally with full trust and faith and that he will respect the marriage with 100% integrity (if only you are able to pull him out of the honey-trap of the other woman)?
4. How long is their relationship going on? Had it started even earlier to that woman's marriage and is continuing still even after her marriage? Or, has this affair started only after the woman's marriage? In case you agree to the divorce with your husband, are the two having any plans to settle down together as a married couple or will they continue their clandestine affair status quo?
5. Has he treated you with verbal, physical, emotional abuse wantonly?
6. What is the nature of his relationship with his family (- his parents, siblings (if any) and other relatives) and friends?
7. How long is he in the US and on what status - nature of visa, green card holder or US citizen?
8. Do you really believe that if he returns to India the affair will end and that he will not start another?
9. What are you afraid of - living with him like an unwanted total stranger in the same house or getting a divorce and facing family, social criticism?
10. Do you have any support structure in the US?
11. How can this problem be resolved -
(a) head-on catching the bull by the horns and raising it to the notice of both sets of parents and demanding just and fair treatment or
(b) being a docile Bharat nari taking all the indignities, injustice and disrespect with accepted resignation to fate and praying for Divine intervention?
Since you have already indicated your option to Q.11 as (b), why did you arrive at this option? Is it because of one/more of the following constraints:
1. Family honor, respect to parents' desires and wanting to behave in the idealistic image of the Hindu woman?
2. Low estimate about yourself -your age, beauty quotient, family background?
3. Social status and peer pressure: Desire to be in the US to get "social high" vis-a-vis your other family members or friends of similar background?
4. Economic dependence and insecurity: Not professionally qualified to take up employment and be economically independent?
5. Attitude of your parents: Your parents financially and emotionally may not be supportive enough to take you back and consider a second marriage, if necessary?
6. Responsibility to younger siblings as the eldest daughter: Do you have other sisters of marriageable age and do you believe that their wedding prospects may be affected in case you agree to the divorce?
Please, Priya, you need not offer any answers to me or this forum. The above points have been raised only for you to consider the different aspects of the issue and to help you in taking an informed decision.
Regardless of the above, I suggest that you should involve the parents on both the sides and appraise them of the prevailing situation at your end, in case they are kept in the dark till now.
Also, please start writing a diary or journal of the daily happenings in your life for documentation purposes. Record some conversations with your husband showing his indifference to your well-being and interests. This suggestion will be useful in many ways later.
Please realize that your position is not an unique case and that there are several women from India in other foreign countries with similar or worse problems. (Refer:
https://www.mea.gov.in/images/attach/Legal_provisions_in_foreign_countries.pdf and
http://www.thehindu.com/news/intern...ica-a-sea-of-broken-dreams/article3697211.ece). In my own extended family and friends circle, in the last five months we've got two such cases where the marriage has not been consummated until now and in one case it may be due to impotency/ love affair and in another case it is due to the dominance of the mother-in-law and any other factor still to be deciphered. In both the cases the girls happen to be the only child in the family and brought up in the traditional style in a protective environment with little exposure to current social fads, friends and films. The parents came to know about the non-consummation of marriage only accidentally as these are generally taboo topics not even to be raised with one's own mother and the girl was advised to adjust and live according to the likes and dislikes of the boy.
The parents of the boys are anxious for the marriage to continue .... but at what/whose cost? Negotiations and talks are going on still while the girls' emotions are torn apart and the future is kept in suspended animation!
The issues are very sensitive and have to be handled in a mature way.
If you believe in the use of spiritual energy for solving your problem, you may please check the threads in the GD forum for seeking help.
May the Divine bless you with a happy and satisfying marital life filled with love, joy, peace, harmony and abundance!
Lalitha
PS: Please excuse the long post!