Virginity Is Overrated

Janaki Jambunathan said:

It doesn’t make you a bad person but it doesn’t make you a hero either
Parents, please get over it. Virginity is an overrated virtue. Literally nobody cares. And those that do need to be ignored. Young women have been having a lot of pre-marital sex and from whatIhear they plan to continue. Your job is to tell them to slip on a condom. Your job is to tell them they can say no at any point in the evening. Your job is to love and protect them when things go wrong. Because when you slut shame your own daughters then you have to accept that everyone else will feel free to do it too.

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It is a problem, if identified , to be dealt with the parents with all the delicacies, by psychological counselling; again it is a difficult proposition to do by parents themselves.

Having a pack of condoms, and giving one or two along with the pocket money, is a strategy by parents exposed to western culture.

JJ ji such a post in TB forum.

Our community strongly believes in certain values in girls -being a virgin until marriage irrespective of the age of the girl.

How many of our boys would accept anything else?

times have changed . with that there has to be liberal thinking on some women related issues.

sometimes affairs do not work out . only the women end up with stigma. men get way scot free. no way one can check virginity of men.lol

It is an unequal world.

Several centuries back there were virginity belts. Should they stage a come back.

The mindset of parents perhaps need to change to accept new realities

Virginity does not exists!

Before that lets define virginity.

Virginity means a state of purity.


When we are born we lose the purity of each function in our body.

The lungs that had never taken a breath...takes the first breath at birth..the bay cries..his lungs are "virgin" no more.It has been touched by air.

Next when he drinks milk..his mouth is virgin no more..milk has made entry into his GI system.

Then he excretes fecal matter and urine..again a "virgin" no more..

His eyes have started to see..his ears have started to hear the external world..his skin has started to feel.....a visual,auditory and tactile "virgin' no more.

His nose has started to smell....never it has smelt before..a olfactory "virgin" no more.

Then he learns to grasp objects with his hands..the hands that never held anything is a "virgin" no more.

When he learns to walk..the legs that never took a step before is a "virgin" no more.

Finally why when a person grows up and uses his organs of reproduction..he/she is a "virgin" no more.

So at every step in our life we have lost the "virginity" of all our Karmendriyas(organs of sense)..so why so much fuss made for the loss of 'virginity" of the organ of reproduction?


So think about it..no one is even born a virgin cos the kidneys start functioning in -utero and the fetus drinks the amniotic fluid and urinates and drinks it again.

So the GI system is not even "virgin" at birth.

Therefore virginity technically does NOT exists!

Someone claims virginity technically does not exist confusing the issues

Another unnecessarily brings in the dogs who have nothing to do with the subject.

There appears to be no mature response to an existing issue and many are not ready to come to terms with it.

Sexual freedom for women is here to stay.

Society has to come to terms with it .

It is a losing war for the traditionally minded

When there is economic freedom for working women, other freedoms cannot be far away.

Marriage as an institution could be under threat -specially the arranged kind by parents.

If any attempt is made to curb the trend by culture police and they invade the private space of women , it will be a disaster.

Society will evolve to give more space to women to pick and choose partners for a relationship.

if some relationships in this process do not work out , then it is bad luck and the women would have learnt thru experience how to choose better next time.

This happens in arranged marriages also. They fail many times and these days many women go in for divorce and are ready for a new relationship with a better

person.

Though "virginity" is much talked about, I don't think there is any clear definition or explanation about it. In olden days, if a girl had sexual relations with any male, there were chances of her getting pregnant and an unmarried but pregnant girl was a huge problem for the family, community and society at large. Today, the fear of such unwanted pregnancy is completely gone. Girls get into marriage at a very late age. Due to all these causes, pre-marital sex is becoming common, I feel, even amongst Tabra girls and tabra boys perhaps have no option but to accept such girls.

What can the tabra community (i.e., parents of young girls) do to prevent this and will they be ready for it?

Is there any similar notion about "pure bachelorhood" to be present among tabra boys?

This is Madoona's Mood -? reflects the mood of genration next

When I move a certain way
I feel an ache I'd kept at bay
A hairline break that's taking hold
A metal that I thought was gold
And pure so sure I'd struck a vein
I wanted you to feel the same
So when you did ignite a spark
Rescue me from all this dark
See our hearts are intertwined
Then I'm free, free of mine
I'm falling free
And see our hearts are intertwined
And then I'm free, I'm free of mine
Deep and pure our hearts align
And then I'm free, I'm free of mine
When I raise a certain wing
And crawl beneath that growing thing
It throws a shadow over time
And keeps yours falling next to mine
Your days were meant to fly and do
I fall and fold mine into you
And what you take is just enough
And what you give is what I love
And when you lift you raise the sail
And then I'm free, free to fail
I'm falling free
Deep and pure our hearts align
And then I'm free, I'm free of mine
When I let loose the need to know
Then we're both free, we're free to go
When I lose a certain claim
That tries to know and needs to blame
Whatever river runs aground
It turns my head and washes down
The face of God that stands above
Pouring over Hope and Love
That all of might, and life, and limb
Could turn around and love again
When I let loose the need to know
Then we're both free, free to go
I'm falling free
I'm falling
I'm falling
I'm falling free
I'm falling
I'm falling
I'm falling free
Deep and pure our hearts align
And then I'm free, I'm free of mine
When I let loose the need to know
Then we're both free, we're free to go
Deep and pure our hearts align
And then I'm free, I'm free of mine
I let loose the need to know
Then we're both free, we're free to go

Songwriters
MADONNA, . / ORBIT, WILLIAM / MAYER, LAURIE / HENRY, JOE

hi

now a days...many realities due to internet technology.....நம்மில் பலரும் உண்மை ஏற்று கொள்ள மனம்

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உள்ளதால் கற்பு இல்லாதவர்கள் தான்....இது தான் காலத்தின் கட்டாயம்...

krish44 said:

Someone claims virginity technically does not exist confusing the issues

Another unnecessarily brings in the dogs who have nothing to do with the subject.

There appears to be no mature response to an existing issue and many are not ready to come to terms with it.

.

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dear Krish ji,

Both my response and RR ji's respond are valid.

RR ji has firm views on chastity.

For some Virginity is like Dharma or even more than Dharma cos when Dharma declines it can be reinstated by any Avatar but virginity can not be reinstated for both males and females.


Now coming to my point of view..technically virginity does not exist..so its not really a problem.Sex is a birth right of everyone..along the cascade of time cultural conditioning viewed women as a commodity and a male wanted to make sure that his property is only handed down to his off springs and that forced females to remain virgins till marriage cos back then only maternity was a certainty..paternity?? God knows!LOL


But frankly speaking virgin or not makes no difference cos having sex in my opinion is not a sin..its just a desire.
Some like it premarital..some like it marital and some like it extra marital..its their choice.

And the thought that a female is at the losing end needs to change.

Mostly its guys who cry that a girl ditched them..girls just move on and marry someone else their parents choose.

Its the male's ego that still want to think that females are at a losing end.

Just like most males think that a female never forgets the male she had sex first with..ask any female..some of them cant remember the names of their ex boyfriends.

I am not saying its immoral..all I am saying is its their choice.

But whatever said and done..safe sex needs to be advocated at all times...premarital..marital or extra marital.

tbs said:

hi

now a fays...many realities due to internet technology.....

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Aaj Ke Nari - are liberated - Economically independant - They choose and donot beg! Sex on demand! They know their "Sex Hygine" & after Morning Pill when they did not protect them in the night!

It reflects the changing moods of the behemoth - society.

Polygamy, polyandry, polygyny, one to one; and now pattern reversal !?

More so, the institution of marriage is being separated from the physical act of love-making; and it is happening amongst both the sexes.

renuka said:

dear Krish ji,

Both my response and RR ji's respond are valid.

RR ji has firm views on chastity.

For some Virginity is like Dharma or even more than Dharma cos when Dharma declines it can be reinstated by any Avatar but virginity can not be reinstated for both males and females.


Now coming to my point of view..technically virginity does not exist..so its not really a problem.Sex is a birth right of everyone..along the cascade of time cultural conditioning viewed women as a commodity and a male wanted to make sure that his property is only handed down to his off springs and that forced females to remain virgins till marriage cos back then only maternity was a certainty..paternity?? God knows!LOL


But frankly speaking virgin or not makes no difference cos having sex in my opinion is not a sin..its just a desire.
Some like it premarital..some like it marital and some like it extra marital..its their choice.

And the thought that a female is at the losing end needs to change.

Mostly its guys who cry that a girl ditched them..girls just move on and marry someone else their parents choose.

Its the male's ego that still want to think that females are at a losing end.

Just like most males think that a female never forgets the male she had sex first with..ask any female..some of them cant remember the names of their ex boyfriends.

I am not saying its immoral..all I am saying is its their choice.

But whatever said and done..safe sex needs to be advocated at all times...premarital..marital or extra marital.

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.

Remembering the person [girl or boy] with whom one had a relationship depends on what one has gone thru in the relationship.

One night stands , one normally forgets ,those which are prolonged relationship. leave their marks and bruises.

those who leave women with children are the worst off . the women either have to be single parents or give up the child. so it is an unequal relationship.women suffer more.

if a relationship ends finally in marriage it legitimises the relationship .

In broken relationships ,both suffer . for men it is ego hurt minimally, for women our society does not take it kindly if it is known ,though women may not care much

and might think it is good riddance.

of course safe sex is a must. but sometimes there are accidents when one can get hurt.

No one can deny it is choice for both . morality becomes an issue more with parents and the larger society than those who have or walk out of affairs.

If those having an affair thought of morality ,they might not be having affairs.lol

Janaki Jambunathan said:

Aaj Ke Nari - are liberated - Economically independant - They choose and donot beg! Sex on demand! They know their "Sex Hygine" & after Morning Pill when they did not protect them in the night!

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Aaj ke men also have less guilt feelings when they have affairs with economically independant women.

They know it is relationship of almost equals.

They also feel less bad walking out of relationships which do not work out I presume. or Am I imagining ?

In many cases parents come to the rescue and get the boy/girl married off through conventional methods.

What a display of depravity!

It is as if, in a relationship, it is just that the bodies are in a relationship and not the minds or the individuals.

It is as if, a woman is ready and tumescent 24x7 and all that is needed is for a handsome male to come and take her. People can not get more stupid.

A woman is an individual and any attempt to treat her as just a bundle of sinews through which blood flows influenced by the hormones is blatant male chauvinism. Being a virgin is a conscious choice of a woman and it is not just by accident. Or just because of parents, religion or society alone. When a man touches a woman without her consent he violates the respect she herself has for her body and self. And a woman worth her salt will react violently to that kind of an advance.

So depraved men and women in this forum!! chastity and virginity are choices. There can be stupid and immature women who may not have this in their value system. But that is an exception. The majority of women consider walking out on her in a relationship as an affront to her femininity and self respect. And takes time to recover from the trauma. Chastity and virginity are for such women only. There are women who change men like they change their kameez. They are at a different level and that level is the level of depraved miserables.

Money and economic independence has nothing to do with this. Come to my village with all your money and wealth and try to talk nonsense to a young woman agricultural labourer and see the result. It will be revealing to you.

And those men who are educated and have character should feel ashamed of their views on virginity and chastity as expressed here. Education and experience has not helped you evolve at all. Pity.

I am from Tirunelvely. We do not waste time beating around bush. We come straight to the point. We would like to come straight to the song proper keeping the manodharmam to the minimum. LOL.

Post # 15.

Sir, I have a query - why should anyone who does not see virginity as a virtue, or even less, a status in existence, need to be depraved individuals? I would fain accept an explanation if it holds good to the reasoning of changeless times!

Let me side with the conservatives on this one.

I see young girls in the pinnacle of Western civilization having a tough time finding a mate and getting married. These are not TB girls or even Indian girls, they are regular Caucasian girls.

My diagnosis of the problem is that the boys have become clever. They know that girls are available for flings or short-term relationships. Since the physical needs of the male are being satisfied easily, there is no need to commit to long-term relationships.

I think the system of dating in the Indian context is better, because at least implicitly the guy has to commit to marriage before the gal allows any hanky panky.

Just like most males think that a female never forgets the male she had sex first with..ask any female..some of them cant remember the names of their ex boyfriends

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Shekhar Suman was doing a comedy show few years back on one of the Indian TV Channels and had this joke to say :

The Newly wed couple enter the bedroom for the first night and the bride is very shy and the husband asks her that she has to be frank and tell him whether she had any affairs with anyone before or not and she keeps silent . He again asks her and she keeps silent . He gets very irriated and shouts " Please open your mouth and say something and I promise you that I will not do anything and will forget about it " .
The wife shouts back " Please give me some time as I need some time to count properly and give you an exact figure as to how many men I have had affairs with " .The husband faints down LOL

I see young girls in the pinnacle of Western civilization having a tough time finding a mate and getting married. These are not TB girls or even Indian girls, they are regular Caucasian girls.

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Yes many are very desperate for a permanent relationship and getting frustrated that no men is interested in a long term commitment .

biswa said:

Let me side with the conservatives on this one.

I see young girls in the pinnacle of Western civilization having a tough time finding a mate and getting married. These are not TB girls or even Indian girls, they are regular Caucasian girls.

My diagnosis of the problem is that the boys have become clever. They know that girls are available for flings or short-term relationships. Since the physical needs of the male are being satisfied easily, there is no need to commit to long-term relationships.

I think the system of dating in the Indian context is better, because at least implicitly the guy has to commit to marriage before the gal allows any hanky panky.

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hi

i like this word...hanky panky...lol

TBS garu, just trying to be respectful of the polite company. LOL.

BTW is quite hard for anyone to know if a female is a virgin or not..presence or absence of the expected hemorraghe when a certain appendage is torn is not 100% indicative of the status of virginity.


I remember once I had a patient who was not a virgin and was getting married to another guy..she was scared if her husband would find out..so I gave her tips..I told her its actually hard for any male to prove if a girl is a virgin or not..cos the dimensions of the female organ does not change much when there has been no childbirth and a period of abstinence makes the organ back to its previous form..its simple logic..what we do not use shrinks in size.(everyone take note!)

Then I told her to also do Kegel's exercise to give herself a good tone and during the first night to contract the organ maximum so that no intercourse would be possible.

Then drag this on for at least 2 days and fake some pain too and your husband will be 100% convinced that he got a virgin!LOL

The girl took my advice and is a happy mother of 2 today.

So you see..its all simple tricks..one just needs to do Kegels contraction while having intercourse to create an impossible to conquer atmosphere for the male.

Now people read not only Thiruneelakanda Nayanar Puranam but also "Getting Married" by Bernard Shaw and are influnced by the later - than the moral and religious ideas about sex and marriage of the former!

The stupidity is only apparent: the service was really only an honest attempt to make the best of a commercial contract of property and slavery by subjecting it to some religious restraint and elevating it by some touch of poetry. But the actual result is that when two people are under the influence of the most violent, most insane, most delusive, and most transient of passions, they are required to swear that they will remain in that excited, abnormal, and exhausting condition continuously until death do them part. And though of course nobody expects them to do anything so impossible and so unwholesome, yet the law that regulates their relations, and the public opinion that regulates that law, is actually founded on the assumption that the marriage vow is not only feasible but beautiful and holy, and that if they are false to it, they deserve no sympathy and no relief

http://www.brainpickings.org/2013/07/26/george-bernard-shaw-on-marriage/

biswa said:

My diagnosis of the problem is that the boys have become clever. They know that girls are available for flings or short-term relationships. Since the physical needs of the male are being satisfied easily, there is no need to commit to long-term relationships.

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LOL! Again from the male point of view..its as if only the male's physical needs are being satisfied.Women are mostly thought to be just the "provider of sex" for the male.Males forget that she is a player too.

A female too has physical needs and there are times where males are just pawns in her game when she has a view to a kill.

Not all females desire long term relationships..some prefer the friends with benefits scenario too.

So males..do not think that only a male needs to be satisfied.

Just use logic..the female is the one who is genetically programmed to deliver children..so wont she naturally have a higher sex drive than males?

Its just that its so well camouflaged becos of cultural conditioning to boost the male's ego that this fact has been forced to remain unnoticed.

BTW read this..from the Mahabharat:

From the Mahabharata
Anusasana Parva, Section XXXVIII

Women never regard so highly even articles of enjoyments in abundance or ornaments or other possessions of an agreeable kind as they do the companionship of persons of the opposite sex.

Clipped

They are exceedingly restless, for they always hanker after new companions.

Clipped

Their disposition is such that they are incapable of being restrained when bent upon transgression. Verily, women are like the words uttered by the wise. Fire is never satiated with fuel. Ocean can never be filled with the waters that rivers bring unto it. Similarly women are never satiated with men.

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I do not view this as an insult to females..cos its directly hinting about the sex drive.

Its only natural that the fire of a females sex drive is always burning becos she has to bring forth progeny for continuation of species.

So males..you are not really KING!LOL

No body could find fault either with the attitude of the girl or the sincerity of the professional ethics of the physician; but the girl should be faithfulness to the partner in her life, till she lives with him.