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  1. #1
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    Bullying at work places


    0 Not allowed!
    Let me share these points, from my own experiences.

    1. Never show outwardly that you are afraid of him (the bully). But, take
    care not to rub him on the wrong side.

    2. Do not react, even if provoked.

    3. Develop rapport/intimacy with someone whom that bully respects or
    is afraid of (caution: that someone should not become an evil force
    himself).

    4. As Mr. Hariharan told, all persons who try to bully others suffer from
    low esteem and a feeling of insecurity. They must have been ill-treated
    in a different setting or context and received deep scars. Reach out
    to them voluntarily.Try to ameliorate and assuage their wounded feelings
    by developing friendship with them and provide the much needed warmth
    and comfort. Here also, tread cautiously. The stigma attached to the bully
    should not stick on to you.

    5. Sharing some positive experiences and by giving small, inexpensive gifts
    on important occasions - new year, birthday etc. - will win anybody's heart
    and will work wonders.

    6. Keep some trustworthy people - one or two preferable - informed of
    progress or development at each stage.

    7. If you can, keep check to that bully indirectly, without you getting
    exposed or caught under any circumstances. (This is a last resort and
    not parallel to other steps described above).
    Last edited by pannvalan; 24-05-2009 at 08:46 PM.
  2. #2
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    0 Not allowed!
    Be bold give back.
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  4. #3
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    Communication process as all would've known could be a) passive b) assertive or
    c) aggressive.

    An average person with GOD's given 6 senses can well understand the motives of the other person and

    more often the advise given is " Dhustarai kandal dhoora vilagu !"( in tamil ).. for a passive person who takes the kicking all the time !

    An assertive person , however may explicitly tell the bully on his face that he is not at all impressed by his pranks and should be brave enough in giving the bully clear signs that on continuation of the irritating behaviour , he WILL report the matter to the superiors / law makers .. ( Should be a moderate brave heart !)

    An aggressive person will react by giving back a blow first and then talk --( Following the path of tamil film hero's ) ... but on being an aggressive person , you should have packed suit cases as you may be forced to switch jobs quite often !!
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  6. #4
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    Sir, I admire and appreciate your advise. Can I seek a help from you. My son who has just got into a job at chennai is being bullied and unable to cope up with. Therefore he performs not well and emotionally suffers. Will you be able to pour your suggestions on him and enable him to come out of his shackes. We will be much grateful. Kind Regards Dr Sundaram
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  8. #5
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    Dear drsdm, I think ur son must be more positive. Let him open out & be assertive. Bullying is a very relative term.It could be just light joking to get closer to him.Let him not get offended for every small thing and find fault. Ask him to get out of the Shell, not to be reserved ,talk to others, join them in convesations and fun, ignore small comments and be a man. Those whom he thinks r bullying him would ultimately be his good friends
    Last edited by ambes; 22-09-2009 at 09:58 AM.
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  10. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by drsdm23 View Post
    Sir, I admire and appreciate your advise. Can I seek a help from you. My son who has just got into a job at chennai is being bullied and unable to cope up with. Therefore he performs not well and emotionally suffers. Will you be able to pour your suggestions on him and enable him to come out of his shackes. We will be much grateful. Kind Regards Dr Sundaram
    My second son had similar problems almost four years back. It was his first job and I sent him mainly to learn something inspite of low salaries in a financial services sector job. Since most of the fellow staff were also getting low salaries,. Due to low salary,the fellow staff were from slums practically. My son was not interested in the job and the financial sector field.

    Within few months I withdrew him and he managed a job on his own. He was working very hard in the job including holidays and sundays. After few months, he wanted to pursue further studies and he managed to join NUS, Singapore for higher studies. He finished the course successfully, got a temporary job in an MNC in Singapore and got Permanent residence status also at Singapore. Few months back his contract was over and was terminated. However he is very enthusiastic and is confident of managing himself.

    I suggest you consult a Psychologist cum HR consultant and assess his mind. May be change of job or change of place or change of field will help him get out of the problem

    Since I am in Chennai, I don't mind meeting him and helping him get out of his problems.

    All the best
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  12. #7
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    Dear Dr.sundaram,

    i Will be more than delighted to offer help !

    Please ask him to participate in the forum ( this thread ) to enable us to identify what really bugs him !

    Try and be optimistic , sometimes it's worth dealing with situations / confrontations , smartly , rather than avoiding it !

    Let him begin narrating incidents at workplace and we all can jointly chart an action plan of " How to get rid of such elements !"

    Quote Originally Posted by drsdm23 View Post
    Sir, I admire and appreciate your advise. Can I seek a help from you. My son who has just got into a job at chennai is being bullied and unable to cope up with. Therefore he performs not well and emotionally suffers. Will you be able to pour your suggestions on him and enable him to come out of his shackes. We will be much grateful. Kind Regards Dr Sundaram
  13. All views expressed by the Members and Moderators here are that of the individuals only and do not reflect the official policy or view of the TamilBrahmins.com Website.
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  14. #8
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    thank you. He works in night and sleeps most of time in day and he hardly gets time to cometo browsing.. He shuns some stranger to confide with his problems and does not open up. He has to be befriended thro some way and then mostly starts sharing after securing confidence level. On one to one basis he is very intellgent and smart. But he shudders in group and tend to wthdraw. By the by are you in Chennai.
    Kind Regards
    Sundaram
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  16. #9
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    Dear Mr. Sundaram.
    I had sent u a pvt. message. I am in Chennai. I suppose ur son is working in a BPO.
    Kindly try to find him a day time job. I have found that many who work in the night and spend sleeping in the day are a depressed lot.this children r found withdrawn and easily get irritated. This is from experience as i run a ladies hostel in chennai Mandaveli with 100 girls. In fact nowadays I do not admit night shift lodgers.
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  18. #10
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    0 Not allowed!
    Fear within attracts your nemesis without.

    A bully needs someone to bully.

    Remove fear at the cosmic level of your consciousness. You will pass him by (note difference).
  19. All views expressed by the Members and Moderators here are that of the individuals only and do not reflect the official policy or view of the TamilBrahmins.com Website.
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