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Child's play

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It is but natural for any society to deviate from the past. But one has to check whether such a deviation is for good, especially the way the children are growing. Let us take our own Indian society for example.

Just 50 years back joint family was the most common system of families.
A vast majority of the people lived in villages or small towns.
Now it is rare to see a joint family system and most middle class families live in cities with the upper middle class even going overseas.

In the past, children used to go to school at the age of 6 or 7. Now many children are put to school right at the age of 2 ½ years. And yet the older generation could do any arithmetic calculation in their mind (manakkanakku). Now children use calculators even for simple calculations. I see children who cannot even give the answer for 50+40 without using calculators.

Older generation was visiting people. It was then post, then to e-mail and now social networking. That is good. But what happens to grammar and vocabulary. Social networking site users have their own language rule where ‘for’ is 4 and ‘to’ is 2 and ‘the’ is ‘da’ and the list goes on. I wonder whether these people can write in chaste language.

Family time in yester years was a joint task in the house or a visit together to the temple, etc. Now family time, if you can term it so, is watching T.V. Children are sunk into video games or cell phones. We may talk to each other. But do we share? We may see each other but do we understand?

Food habits is another area. Children prefer junk food. I was pained to see children not being able to identify bitter guard in a T.V. show.

I am intentionally skipping issues like teenage behavior, party culture, sex before marriage, living together, etc.

Where did we go wrong?
Pursuit of material objectives?
Competition and associated pressures?
And would we ever come back to the real networking?

I am not pessimistic but I have my fears. Members may like to share their views.
 
Dear Haridasa,

For me I am glad that there is the internet as online friends are cheaper to maintain.
You do not have to visit them and they do not have to visit you.
If they get married we just sent them an e-card no need to waste money buying gifts! LOL

Even as a child if I were eating I would be reading something.
All of us would sit at the dinner table reading some book.
No one spoke while eating.

So now when I eat dinner..I watch TV.
Timings are different from husband cos I reach home much later.
So he eats dinner watching TV on his own.

With regards to joint family..I am glad no one really does that anymore.
In most joint families..everyone is just sweeping everything under the carpet.
Men think they rule the house and elders also give enough trouble as they age cos they think they have become God.

Everyone needs to know that aging does not translate to wisdom.
Anyone can still be immature even at his dying bed.
Senility and Infancy is almost the same.
So no big deal!

Next about language used online.
Hey at least people are still using some words like 2 , 4 etc..
Mostly these days people use Smileys!!

BTW how many of us actually use a pen to write these days?
Very soon handwriting will something of the past.
All of us are typing,typing and typing.

We did not really go wrong anywhere.
Era is different and God knows one day we might go back to square one.

BTW why did you leave out premarital sex ,party culture etc?

That's the most important to get most views on any thread!!LOL

It attracts everyone from the Holier than Thou sorts to the Unholiest of the lot.

So do not worry too much of anything.
Time come in Yugas..so don't hope too much for Sathya Yuga so soon.
Do you really want to be like an angel with a harp jumping from cloud to cloud?Ha Ha Ha..I am sure no one wants that!!

So enjoy being bad when we can cos Yugas repeat themselves..remember Albert Einstein said :World War 4 will be fought with sticks and stones.
 
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Hello hari sir ,Such a meaningful OP,yes its sensitive too.after reading your OP it was my nostalgic feel ,I feel light heart ,more smiling face .Sir I lived in joint family both father ,FIL .we were 19 people along with my paternal grand parents ,aunties ,uncles ,cousins. I still keep telling my kids we used to have Arumugan -milkwala ,bring his cow give us 5 liters in morning ,3lts in evening,I have seen 15 liters cooker only . My mom has a nick name as ANNAPURANI ,she is the firs DIL,there were harmony every where.we enjoyed each and every day.we were taught a well behaved life to live.I recollect my friend saying its like a function house.In my FIL place my hubby is the last son ( 3) we are 14 people.But I feel acceptance ,adjustments ,are getting lesser now days ,gender not imply,.Sir iam waiting for your views.
 
I was discussing with my mum yesterday about joint family system and she told me that in most joint families the DIL's do not tolerate each other and certain elder brothers and elder DIL might be just over glorified.

She also felt that there will be too much stress in such households cos mostly people are putting up a show of tolerance.
 
Mr. Haridasa, I sympathize with your views, though I think the joint family ship has long sailed and is not coming back any time soon. Tongue in cheek comment: I think the women in joint families just could not take it any more. :)

I do feel about the loss of family time. There is an ad which comes in TV here which shows a family enjoying together time with the Dad watching TV, Mom staring at a laptop and the two kids playing with a tablet and game machine. The ad promises that each member of the family can watch their own personalized TV channel all at the same time. That is what goes by the name of progress.

I think it is up to each individual family to make their own choices. For example I have told my son that just because his friends have got Facebook accounts (by falsifying their age), he is not allowed to get one as well. However I did sponsor his Gmail account by providing a credit card number. It is KaliYuga after all as Mrs. Renuka said.
 
One more thing in a joint family one has to be well dressed all the while.

No one can be walking around with some sexy lingerie(for the female) or boxers(for the male) around the house at night when the kids are asleep.

So better stay on our own..walking around nude also is possible!LOL
 
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hi hari garu,
i agree with u....now a days ..just we are just sakshi...we can't do much as parent anymore....either we have to digest or

adjust with present scenerio.....really confused....what to do?....
 
hi hari garu,
i agree with u....now a days ..just we are just sakshi...we can't do much as parent anymore....either we have to digest or

adjust with present scenerio.....really confused....what to do?....

Adjustment has been the way of life since creation.
As Indians we are now wearing western clothes too..using made in USA lap tops too...list can go on.

We adapt well to time,place and person.
So why worry too much for anything.

These days I see many people worrying for things that have not even occurred.

Relax guys..do not worry too much.

The earth still turns around the sun and the sun still shines!
 
hi hari garu,
just one more thing ...i have to add....the new trend SLEEPOVER term among young teens especially in USA....im just curious...

teenagers sleepovers very peculiar to our culture/system.....i feel sad sometimes that i never had chance SLEEPOVER in

my teenage......pakkathu aathile sleepover....LOL
 
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Dear Harida,
Nice post and would be loved by the ones who were part of the JF culture. Our childhood was spent in our ancestors house in the village and everytime thre used to be abt 15 people, some chitti, some athai, etc. Even noe my uncles son & daughter call their mom "Manni" as she was the first DIL in the hose and became Manni for all from farmers to sweepers.

But as written by Biswa, JF has lived its life and cannot be brought back. JF are made only if Women can adjust .. ot it will not last even a day.

Yes dinner and eating times were of a fun time now there is no dinner time. When i used to scold my daughter for reading at the dinner table whe the food is on the plate, she used to throw the book and eat. Now my son without saying anything picks up the plate and walks off to some where in front of TV or computer and eat there!!!

Food is left on the dining table and any body feeling hungry can have the food and go... old parents find it better to watch whatever is shown in the TV to them by the grands - remote controlled--It is also wise for them to keep quite and not interfere in routine jagada's in the house , least they should be packed off to some Home!!

Totally agree with Renuka maam's words:

"So enjoy being bad when we can cos Yugas repeat themselves..remember Albert Einstein said :World War 4 will be fought with sticks and stones.
 
It attracts everyone from the Holier than Thou sorts to the Unholiest of the lot.

Renuka ma'am, everything you said is correct. But I demand to know who you think is the Unholiest of the lot? I thought we were all Holier than thou! LOL
 
Renuka ma'am, everything you said is correct. But I demand to know who you think is the Unholiest of the lot? I thought we were all Holier than thou! LOL

Hey Biswa,

Ok I can not name others cos it is not fair to anyone but you see I will still answer your question.

There is something called the Yada Yada(Whenever,Whenever) and Tada Tada (Then ever,Then ever) syndrome.

So sometimes I am Holy and sometimes I am Unholiest of the lot!

But I do not have the Holier than Thou feeling.
 
I am glad to see a variety of comments from our members. (There is also a variety in addressing me!)

Dr.Narayani: I envy you. It is nice to be a child in a joint family. You don’t have to do any work but can have good fun.

Dr.Renuka: I agree with you partly. (By the way, you are the only one so far to address all the issues raised in the OP; others largely confined themselves to only the joint family issue). It is true that many issues are driven under the carpet in a joint family. But isn’t life “forgive and forget”? We brush aside some issues for the overall common good.

tbs gaaru: I think sleep over exists in Indian system for a long time – as you say, pakkathaaththil, maadiyaaththil, ….

biswa & manoharkumar:
You are 100% correct (though my knowledge is 3[SUP]rd[/SUP] hand since this TB does not have experience of joint family) that women were the pivot of a joint family. We drove women to work and they could not continue with what they were doing earlier. The result: nuclear family.

I am concerned about kids not spending time with family and being with gadgets.

My concern is not what the world war IV would be fought with. It is rather about why there should be another world war at all.
 
Mr. Haridasa, to your last point, I don't think there will even be a World War III even before coming to IV. Thankfully civilization has progressed in the last 100 years to understand our past mistakes. At the risk of making a cavalier sounding comment, I will say that the only people interested in starting war live in the Middle East and in Texas and even they are learning better.

That said, if there is a World War, it may well be fought using smart phones, gadgets, computers and maximum drone airplanes. There is in fact such a war being waged now by US, Israel and China.

I would not be surprised if the President of the US has an iPhone app with the proverbial big red button.
 
I was discussing with my mum yesterday about joint family system and she told me that in most joint families the DIL's do not tolerate each other and certain elder brothers and elder DIL might be just over glorified.

She also felt that there will be too much stress in such households cos mostly people are putting up a show of tolerance.

One doesn't have to be 'elder brother or elder DIL' to get glorified. In some house holds the opposite can be true too. I know one family eagerly waited to glorify the future younger DIL!

Cheers!
 
One more thing in a joint family one has to be well dressed all the while.

No one can be walking around with some sexy lingerie(for the female) or boxers(for the male) around the house at night when the kids are asleep.

So better stay on our own..walking around nude also is possible!LOL

Sowbagyavathy Renuka, Greetings.

The whole thing is cute only when done while in the joint family.Complete privacy takes away the thrill factor altogether! Been there, done that.. done all of that!

Actually our children are proposing a joint family. I haven't worked out the pros and cons yet. In my opionion, if there is enough 'elbow room' for everyone, joint families can work very well. But most JFs seldom think about this 'elbow room' factor.

Cheers!
 
hi hari garu,
just one more thing ...i have to add....the new trend SLEEPOVER term among young teens especially in USA....im just curious...

teenagers sleepovers very peculiar to our culture/system.....i feel sad sometimes that i never had chance SLEEPOVER in

my teenage......pakkathu aathile sleepover....LOL

Sri.tbs, Greetings.

Fortunately for the youngsters in our street at that time, 'sleep over' for the boys was quite possible. There was an empty house, quite a large one too. In the summer times we boys used to sleep there after listening to late night songs or after watching late night shows... remember those days when the smog was not too much and less mosquitoes? We used to sleep on the open terrace. In the later years 'sleep over for the girls' was possible too. There was this huge house ( now empty) housing just one widow and her daughters. Really nice lady ( she was only few years elder than me. Passed away recently). Girls could staty there for a 'sleep over'. When I visited the village in 2010, this widow came to the village too; I slept over couple of times just for talking about old times ( we knew she was on borrowed time even then).

But when I was young, my most favoured 'sleep over' place was the smasanam. No one bothered me there! So pleasant! It was just great.

Cheers!
 
Sowbagyavathy Renuka,

...attracts everyone from the Holier than Thou sorts to the Unholiest of the lot.

I nominate myself as the holiest of the unholy in this lot! ( No one else would nominate; so, self nomination! Try everything to stay in a race!).

Cheers!
 
Sowbagyavathy Renuka,



I nominate myself as the holiest of the unholy in this lot! ( No one else would nominate; so, self nomination! Try everything to stay in a race!).

Cheers!

Frankly speaking I wanted to name you only!!LOL

But you see off late I have become legally aware, so without anyone's consent I can not nominate anyone cos I might be sued for making a public statement! Ha Ha Ha.

BTW I knew you would nominate yourself too..I was jut waiting for you to say so.

Raghy Vazhga!
 
Sowbagyavathy Renuka,

But you see off late I have become legally aware, so without anyone's consent I can not nominate anyone cos I might be sued for making a public statement!

The legal aspect is a good one!:) Not only you, most members in this forum became aware of the legal possibility! :(

Cheers!
 
Sri.tbs, Greetings.

Fortunately for the youngsters in our street at that time, 'sleep over' for the boys was quite possible. There was an empty house, quite a large one too. In the summer times we boys used to sleep there after listening to late night songs or after watching late night shows... remember those days when the smog was not too much and less mosquitoes? We used to sleep on the open terrace. In the later years 'sleep over for the girls' was possible too. There was this huge house ( now empty) housing just one widow and her daughters. Really nice lady ( she was only few years elder than me. Passed away recently). Girls could staty there for a 'sleep over'. When I visited the village in 2010, this widow came to the village too; I slept over couple of times just for talking about old times ( we knew she was on borrowed time even then).

But when I was young, my most favoured 'sleep over' place was the smasanam. No one bothered me there! So pleasant! It was just great.

Cheers!
hi Raghy sir,
now a days sleepover is different from olden days....in hostel we boys used to sleep together....on school vacation ...we used to sleep

as cousins together....now a days SLEEPOVER is entirely different...you know very well...lol
 
Hello hari sir to your post 13, sir we were taught to all domestic works, we were brought up in strict way cum affection always coated. Right from cleaning ,house keeping ,kitchen work,fine arts music ,dance ,slogam session ,so on and so forth. those days work train make me very fast in present days.waiting for your views,
 
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Hello hari sir to your post 13, sir we were taught to all domestic works, we were brought up in strict way cum affection always coated. Right from cleaning ,house keeping ,kitchen work,fine arts music ,dance ,slogam session ,so on and so forth. those days work train make me very fast in present days.waiting for your views,

Dear Dr Narayani,

When I read this I can imagine what a good obedient girl you would have been.
I remember my parents were a little strict but not too much but I still never listened to them much.

Most of the while I was busy studying and my mum used to tell me to tidy up my room cos I never used to make my bed and also all my books will be lying around the floor and I would sit in the middle of the mess and studying.

My mum would be screaming "how on earth can you sit and study in a messy room?How will your mind work"

I would tell my mum 'I am looking at the book and not the messiness around me" and I did very well in all exams.

On the other hand both my brothers were very neat and tidy.

My elder brother would make his bed so well and toss a coin on it to see if it made an impression.

If there was an impression he would remake his bed till the coin left no impression.

I spent most of my time studying and playing with my dog in the evening.

My brothers were neat and tidy but they would not spend too much time studying and when their results were not that great my father would get mad with them and once my father wanted to slap my brother for his poor results and I saved my brother by jumping on my fathers back and told my brother to run!!LOL

I was some 14 years old then.My father had to try to get me off his back and in that process my brother managed to escape.

But at work and at my own home I am very neat.
 
Ref post 14 by biswa:
Neither do I expect/want another world war. That is why I mentioned "another" and not "world war IV". World needs peace.


Ref. post 17 by Raghy:
Your favourite sleep over place was smasaanam? Really courageous. I am not surprised that you say that no one bothered you. But going by what you describe about yourself in this forum, I wonder whether other "inmates" were bothered by you!:suspicious:

Ref. post 22 by Dr.Narayani:
I was under the impression that in a joint family system there is only fun for children. It seems that you had fun with work (or work as fun?). It must have been interesting for you. You are really lucky. We need to learn to live with others. If we have to make some compromises, so be it. Isn't it what makes us humans?
 
I was discussing with my mum yesterday about joint family system and she told me that in most joint families the DIL's do not tolerate each other and certain elder brothers and elder DIL might be just over glorified.

She also felt that there will be too much stress in such households cos mostly people are putting up a show of tolerance.
dear renuka ji !
in joint family as you said the DILs were like cold war era USA and USSR .there were behind scene illicit contact and not revealed for family prestige. even a good member of the family will be branded bad for getting away from the joint family system.there were no frank talks and only yes masters.the eldest person judgement will be final whether it is good or bad.one man 's sacrifice will be fruit to all other lazy people.
 
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