• Welcome to Tamil Brahmins forums.

    You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our Free Brahmin Community you will have access to post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today!

    If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact contact us.

In lighter vain!

Status
Not open for further replies.
L

lotus_quartz

Guest
DISCLAIMER CLAUSE:

THE FOLLOWING SECTION MAY CONTAIN OBJECTIONABLE MATERIAL. THE AUTHOR DOES NOT CLAIM COPYRIGHT TO IT. YOU ARE FREE TO MAKE AS MANY REPRODUCTIONS AS YOU DESIRE.


A gang of bank robbers raid one branch.
Robber: All males, raise hands, all girls, on the carpet on all fours and watchman-bolt the main door!
A girl: Hey, is it bank robbery or routine Board of Directors meeting?
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Mummy Papa

DISCLAIMER CLAUSE:

THE FOLLOWING SECTION MAY CONTAIN OBJECTIONABLE MATERIAL. THE AUTHOR DOES NOT CLAIM COPYRIGHT TO IT. YOU ARE FREE TO MAKE AS MANY REPRODUCTIONS AS YOU DESIRE.


Indian Boy: I have 3 brothers and three sisters. How many do you have?

American Boy: I do not have brothers and sisters. However, from my first mom, I have 3 dads and from my first dad, I have 4 moms.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Courage

DISCLAIMER CLAUSE:

THE FOLLOWING SECTION MAY CONTAIN OBJECTIONABLE MATERIAL. THE AUTHOR DOES NOT CLAIM COPYRIGHT TO IT. YOU ARE FREE TO MAKE AS MANY REPRODUCTIONS AS YOU DESIRE.


Teacher asks: Define courage.

Bright Boy: Courage is not absence of fear, but going ahead in spite of fear.

Extra bright Boy:
Courage is what makes a man with bad case of diarrhea going ahead with huge fart!
 
Last edited by a moderator:
[FONT=&quot]One day little Johnny came up to his father and asked, "Dad, where did I come from?"

Dad squirmed a bit, but thought it was time his son knew the facts of life. So, Dad told his son how the expression of love resulted in the beginning of life, how life developed and finally how a child was born. As Dad told the story, his son's eyes got wider and wider.

When Dad was finished, his son said, "Wow, that's really neat. That sure beats what Billy told me.

"What did Billy say?" asked Dad.

"Billy said that he came from Philadelphia." [/FONT]
 
Rationalist at Heaven

A Rationalist dies & reaches the pearly gates. Outside the gate there is a notice board which suggests that each person will get his own apartment for his stay there along with a companion. The facilities at the apartment and the kind of companion would depend on the persons net pavam/punyam.

While his 'account' was being reconciled, the rationalist expressed a desire to go around & see the apartments of few persons. The guard relented adding that he couldn't see more than 3. So the rationalist chooses - Nehru, Pope & EVR ofcourse.

They set off to the pope's apartment - It is a complete apartment with all fan, AC, cot, chair but no electronic gadgets , room heater & sees no companion. The guard replies that the pope had lied once & as a punishment he had to endure the cold & as per his own wish he didn't get any companion.

Next is Nehru - Nehru's apartment is a dungen with a single lamp no fan, no AC, no room heater, broken cot & broken chairs. Nehru is tantalisingly seated in a broken chair and a witch is hanging from the ceiling. The guard says that this is what nehru deserved for whatever he did.

Last is EVR - To the rationalist's delight, EVRs apartment is the most modern with fan, ac, room heater, all electronic gadgets, mobile (iphone if you must know) etc.. etc... The rationalist is delighted & rushes to greet EVR when he sees a beautiful actress, say Sridevi, coming out of one of the rooms.
The rationalist has a beaming smile and looks up to the guard & says "Surely Periyar should have done so many right things to get such an award"... The guard replies "Award my foot !!!! This is Sri Devi's punishment" !!!!!
 
Last edited by a moderator:
An old man sitting on a park bench is seen turning pages of text book on C ++.

A young man passes along and asks: Hey you, old man! You think you can learn C++ at your age?

Sure, why not! Replied the old man. I heard that in Heaven every one speaks in C++.

That's cool! Said the youngman. But suppose you happen to land in Hell?

I am prepared for that, replied the old man. I already know COBOL!
 
Pakis

a) Do you know what Paki National Airline - PIA - stands for ?

"Please Inform Allah" (as soon as flight takes off)

b) Indian & Paki regiments are engaged in a fierce gun battle. The indian side is spearheaded by a Sardar regiment.

Even after numerous rounds of fire, no material advantage is gained by either side either in terms of advancement or inflicting casualties.

So the Sardar's hatch a plan.

Hiding in the bunkers one of the Sardars shouts out

Sardar : "Chengez Khan"

Paki side : Gets up saying "Hazir hoon" (present sir types)

Boom..he's gone

Sardar : "Ayub Khan"

Paki side : "Hazir hoon"

Boom...he's done

Sardar : "Pervez Musharaf"

Paki side : "Hazir hoon"

Boom...he's gone

Pakis soon learn about this plan & decide to try it themselves

Paki side : "Balwinder Singh"

Sardars : No Response

Pakis wait

Sardars : "Abey Balwinder Singh ko kisne bulaya ?" (who called balwinder ?)

Paki side : "Mein" (me)

Boom !!!!!!
 
[FONT=&quot]A 90-year-old man was having his annual checkup. The[/FONT][FONT=&quot] doctor asked him how he was feeling.[/FONT][FONT=&quot]"I've never been better," the old man replied. "I've[/FONT][FONT=&quot] got an eighteen-year- old bride who's pregnant &[/FONT][FONT=&quot] delivered a child. What is your opinion about that,[/FONT][FONT=&quot] Doc?" the old man asked.[/FONT][FONT=&quot]The doctor thought for a moment, then says, "Well, let[/FONT][FONT=&quot] me tell you a story. I know a guy who is an hunter. He [/FONT][FONT=&quot]never misses a season for hunting. But, one day he's in[/FONT][FONT=&quot] a bit of a hurry and he accidentally grabs his[/FONT][FONT=&quot] umbrella instead of his gun. The doctor continued, "So[/FONT][FONT=&quot] he's walking in the woods near a creek,and suddenly he[/FONT][FONT=&quot] spots a lion in some brush in front of him. He raises[/FONT][FONT=&quot] up his umbrella, points it at the lion and squeezes [/FONT][FONT=&quot]the handle. BAM! The lion drops dead in front of him."[/FONT][FONT=&quot]"That's impossible!" said the old man in disbelief. [/FONT][FONT=&quot]Someone else must have shot that lion.".....[/FONT][FONT=&quot]"Exactly" Said the Doc. "I hope now you understand!"[/FONT]
 
Last edited by a moderator:
[FONT=&quot]A man wants to celebrate his wife's [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] Birthday by throwing a party. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] So he goes to order a birthday cake. The [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] salesman asks him what [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] message he wants to put on the cake. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] Well he thinks for a while and says: let's [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] put, [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] "you are not getting older! You are getting [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] better". [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] The salesman asks "how do you want me to [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] put it?" [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] The man says, Well put [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] "You are not getting older", at the top and [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] "You are getting better" at the bottom. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] The real fun didn't start until the cake [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] was opened the entire party watched the message [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] decorated on the [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] cake: [/FONT]

[FONT=&quot] "You are not getting older at the top, [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] You are getting better at the bottom". [/FONT]
 
sir - A HUSBAND & WIFE APPLIED FOR DIVORCE. THE JUDGE CAME TO FINAL STAGE OF HEARING. BEFORE GRANTING DIVORCE, HE WANTED TO COME TO A CONLUSION ABOUT THE FATE OF THE SON OF THE COUPLE. SO HE ASKED THE SON - 'DEAR BOY! WILL YOU STAY WITH YOUR MOTHER OR FATHER?'

SON - NO! I WILL NOT STAY WITH MY MOTHER. SHE WILL BEAT ME. MY FATHER ALSO BEATS ME . SO I DO NOT WANT TO STAY WITH MY FATHER ALSO.

JUDGE - THEN WITH WHOM YOU WANT TO STAY??

SON - I WILL STAY WITH THE INDIAN CRICKET TEAM. THEY WILL NOT BEAT ANYBODY IN THE WORLD!!!!!

(JOKE TOLD TO ME BY My SENIOR OFFICER ONE Mr. SANKAR ALMOST 12-13 YRS. AGO! IT STILL HOLDS GOOD!!)
 
[FONT=&quot]This piece has been withdrawn in deference to a friend's tip. Watch out for better joke....[/FONT][FONT=&quot] [/FONT]
 
Last edited by a moderator:
'Bar Bar Dekho'

A man enters a bar & orders a large whisky for himself. As he takes a sip, he pulls out his wallet & peeps into it. Then he proceeds to finish his drink.

Then he orders his second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth................

Interestingly the bartender notices that before starting & after ending each round the man pulls out his wallet & peeps into it.

Pouring his next drink, the bartender curious, asks him : "Man what do you look into our wallet ? "

The man shows what he is looking into his wallet. It is a photograph of a woman.

The bartender looks puzzled & so the man explains : "Look mate this the photograph of my wife....moment she appears to be beautiful, i know that i have reached the end of my drinking session" !!!!!
 
Withdrawn from public view.Thanks.[FONT=&quot]
[/FONT]
 
Last edited by a moderator:
BSNL


[FONT=&quot]A man sees in the street two workers performing the following procedure: The first one is digging a ditch, and the second one, a few feet behind is covering the ditch with the sand that was just dug out.

After watching them for a while he could not resist his curiosity and he went to ask them what they are doing and what was the goal in their work.

'This is very simple, mister' said one of the workers. 'We are from BSNL and usually we are a team of three: One digs, the other puts communication cable into the ditch and the third one covers it. Unfortunately, the guy who puts the cables into the ditch is sick today, so we are doing the best we can.'[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]ANGDAI[/FONT]

[FONT=&quot]Jab angrai Leti ho to mera Dum Nikal jata hai

Jab angrai Leti ho to mera Dum Nikal jata hai

are! Kambakhat Deodorant Lagane mein tera kya jata hai .[/FONT]
 
QUESTION : WHAT IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BHARATHAN,BROTHER OF LORD RAMA & Mr. KARUNANIDHI?

ANSWER: BHARATHAN CARRIED LORD RAMA'S CHAPPALS ON HIS HEAD. Mr. KARUNANIDHI IS HIMSELF BEING CARRIED BY OTHERS!!!
 
More Pakis

Q - What do you call one Pakistani on the Moon ?

A - Problem !

Q - What do you call all Pakistanis on the Moon ?

A - Problem solved !
 
Courtroom drama

A rationalist is being produced in the court amidst high drama.

As the commotion was increasing by the moment, Judge brings down his hammer on the table & says : "Order, Order"

"Oru Plate Mutton Biriyani Samiyov" pat came our rationalist's reply.
 
[FONT=&quot]This piece has been withdrawn in deference to a friend's tip. Watch out for better joke.... [/FONT][FONT=&quot][/FONT]
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Naan Autokkaran Autokkaran.........English version

I am autofellow autofellow
Four knowing route fellow
Justice having rate fellow
Good people mix fellow
Nice singing song fellow
Gandhi borning country fellow
Stick take means hunter fellow
Big people's relation fellow
Mercy having mind fellow da
I am all poor's relative fellow da
I am always poor people's relative fellow da

Achak means achak only; Gumuk means gumuk only
Achak means achak only; Gumuk means gumuk only


Town become big, population become big
Bus expecting, half age over
Life become hectic in time, exist in corner of street
Ada eye beat means love coming they telling
You hand clap means auto coming I telling
Front coming look, this three-wheel chariot
Good come and arrive, you trust and climb up
Mercy having mind fellow da
I am always poor people's relative fellow da
Achak means achak only; Gumuk means gumuk only
Achak means achak only; Gumuk means gumuk only

Mummy motherfolk, danger not leave
Heat or cyclone, never I never tell
There there hunger take means, many savoury
Measurement food is one time
For pregnancy I come free mummy
Your child also name one I keep mummy
Letter lacking person ada trusting us and coming
Address lacking street ada auto fellow knowing
Achak means achak only ; Gumuk means gumuk only
Achak means achak only ; Gumuk means gumuk only

 
Interesting, rings a socialistic bell..the poetry is obviously not meant for consumption by elite and intellectuals. Latinos worship Che Gevara, tamilians make do with auto wallah!
Gumuk gumuk, gumuk...., achak, achak, achak.......
 
Aur Batao syndrome

Guess we all r suffering frm it..

Conversation between 2 Friends:

Sw1---hello
SW2---hi

Sw1---hey h r u???
SW2---m fine!!! Wht abt u???

SW1---m fine too
SW2---cool

SW1---so howz life???
SW2--gud

SW1--hmmmm

SW1--aur batao? ( passing the ball to the other side)
SW2--hmmm everything as usual

SW2--so wht else???
SW1--nothing much

SW2--ok
SW2--aur batao? ( passing the ball to the other side)

And it goes on like this until they give up

Are u also having such conversation with ur frnds, then I guess u r also
suffering from aur batao syndrome It means ur life is all screwed up
following the usual monotonous routine.

Probably u need a change in ur life something which is
exciting,something which is adventurous, something which really makes u
feel gud

Correct????




yeh sab to thik hai

AUR BATAO....... ......... ......... ......... ......... ..
 
A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase one and enter it in the races. However at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in second!
The next day the local paper carried this headline:
PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS
The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The paper read:
PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The paper headline the next day read:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN
The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.00. Next day the headline read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.00
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey, lead it to the plains where it could run wild and free. Next day, the headline in the paper read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE
The Bishop was buried the next day.
 
Aur ?

"Aur batao" could be the syndrome of SWEs in project. In case of those unfortunate guys on the wooden seat, it stops with "Aur ?"

It actually boils down to the fact that not enough guys develop interests outside of work.

"Official Email-Pvt email (thru some proxysite)-Chat-some coding-coffee break-some more coding-loooong lunch-official email-pvt email-project meeting-gossip about who's next for onsite-some coding-pvt email-coffee break-offical email-claims-run to catch the office shuttle" - some routine this.

then towards the end of the project - working 23 hours a day - basically "sagara nerathulla sankara"

Point taken though.
 
That was hilarious! :thumb: - quite zapped my "Aur Batao" moments this afternoon.
A preacher wanted to raise money for his church and on being told that there was a fortune in horse racing, decided to purchase one and enter it in the races. However at the local auction, the going price for horses was so high that he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races. To his surprise, the donkey came in second!
The next day the local paper carried this headline:
PREACHER'S ASS SHOWS
The preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the race again, and this time it won. The paper read:
PREACHER'S ASS OUT IN FRONT
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the preacher not to enter the donkey in another race. The paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PREACHER'S ASS
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the preacher to get rid of the donkey. The preacher decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The paper headline the next day read:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN
The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey, so she sold it to a farmer for $10.00. Next day the headline read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.00
This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey, lead it to the plains where it could run wild and free. Next day, the headline in the paper read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE
The Bishop was buried the next day.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.

Latest ads

Back
Top