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Our girls can do it indeed

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Long long ago, Brahmins were one community who behaved like one community.
They lived a very simple life. Most of us were very poor or amongst the middle class.
There was no Godfather who could sponsor anything for the community. We lived on our own.
We were highly religious and God fearing.
‘Ella bharathaiyum swami thalaiyil pottu vidu. Avar parthupaar’ Similar statements were heard in almost all houses
We lived in places where there should be a good temple and a pond or river nearby. We needed this to do our trikaala sandhyavandanam chant Vishnu sahasranaamam and do all the rites specific for the community.
The earnings were very limited. Most of us lived on fixed monthly income working at Govt departments, courts, schools etc. But the work was over by 5 pm so that we could devote some valuable time for the temple visits , bhajans , deeparathanai , ardhachama poojai etc.,
The morning breakfast was predominantly pazhaya sadam with or without an oorukai.
In the afternoon also, it was a rice dominated lunch with a kozhambu or rasam with a kai or koottu.
The supper was also the residue of the afternoon lunch.
We see Idli or dosa or kozhakkattai only during festivals or when some special guests arrive at our house.
Every house looked quite similar. The perseverant father, the quiet mother, the respected grand parents and the obedient children. Every house had a lot of children. The boys were given more education than the girls. The girls barely completed class X. They were married away early so that the first delivery happens before the age of 20. By the time the ladies reach the age of 50 they would have already produced a dozen children with some of the children born having a premature death owing to epidemics like small pox , typhoid etc.,
Marriage is a long process. The horoscope has to match well. Dowry was not much compared to the non- Brahmins. Yet there were a lot of spending done, beyond the means. Brahacharanam boy cannot marry a Vadamall girl. Ashtasahasram Boy cannot marry a Brahacharanam boy. There was untouchability even within the Brahmins for marriages amongst sub sects.
The children studied in government schools and colleges only. Hence when there is a wedding or poonal or seemantham in the family , the entire family will go and attend the function and come back after a week. The children were very happy about it because they can avoid sitting on broken benches of the school for that much time. And the class teacher will not even press for a leave letter.
Then we started earning more money. Brahmins migrated from villages to Chennai, Bombay, Delhi , Calcutta. But the religiousness did not change. We managed to have bhaja sangams, bhakti sangams in Mumbai , Delhi and other places. We spent more time than others in thinking and chanting about God.
And therefore God also thought about us all the while. There is no doubt about His consideration for us.
That is the reason we still have something left in us.
But we do not remember when the deterioration started.
We started thanikudithanam on a large scale. Parents were shared by the sons . One month here and one month there. We started purchasing flats for saving on rent and earning on appreciation of property at the new place of work. We started investing in share market on a large scale. Some of us earned lacs of rupees before the Harshad Mehta episode. As money started coming in, the need also went up and as the need went up, we had more hunger for money.
Horoscope matching was preceded by the status (financial standings) search. Girls started taking up employment and the mother in law in the house had to look after the grand children. Private / convent education was the need of the day.
Here again, marriages were happening between Brahmin man and Brahmin woman only
We seldom heard about divorce in Brahmin families till the end of 80s. As girls began to learn more and more they have started to become arrogant and the first casuality was the mother in law who became an unwanted element in the family. Old age homes are a new gift to our community that this generation has given. There is no doubt that girls should become economically self dependent in this world. But our girls have started becoming independent from the Brahmin community as well. They have started marrying non Brahmins and this has gone large scale now a days. Brahmins have started eating non vegetarian food and drinking alcohol. Many of the young girls of today are earning more than a lac per month and they have every right to choose their life partner. They do it in style. They marry Chinese, American, etc., not to speak of Maharashtrians, Gujarathis and other Indian races.
I am particularly critical of our girls because the number of boys marrying non Brahmin girls is far less than the reverse.
The next in store for us is the living in relationships which is becoming common. Marriage itself is not required. You can stay with a boy or girl of your choice and have children too! Our girls can bring in more revolution by choosing to live with a muslim or Christian for a couple of years at one place and change the guy and the place after another term.
More shocking things can come to our community after that. A girl can live with another girl. Superlative idea. They can marry too. I was aware of this only when I heard that Martina Navratilova is going to marry a Russian beauty queen Julia Lemigova. This is possible in America. We shall bring it here also so that our girls can revolutionise the community completely.
 
Is the above post highlighting the changes undergone by brahmins or is it just blaming the girls for all evils?

Until recently I also had a very bad impression about brahmin girls in relation to their attitudes, marrying outside of caste etc.
But I have been forced to look at the circumstances which lead girls to reject our culture and our boys in favour of non-brahmin boys. It is not only the girls' fault.

I have interviewed several girls who have married TB and other girls who are yet to be married.

Almost all girls said that a typical brahmin boy is not able to stand up and behave like a man. he is still very much in the clutches of his parents some or most of whom are still not reconciled to the modern tamil brahmin girl, her education, need for independence and respect, her earning ability etc. As the older women generation cannot reconcile with this they go and hold on tradition as a means of belittling the girl. For example the girl may be working at a high position in the office but in the home she is still treated in the old-fashioned way. She is not consulted in big financial decisions although she is expected to take on financial commitments. This happens if the boy has a sister who is getting married. The DIL is expected to chip in financially but has no say or opinion on any of the decisions.
Treatment of the girl's parents by her in-laws- This is something that really rankles with the girls. Her in-laws still treat her parents with the olden day attitude still remaining. Complaints are made about the size of the utensils bought for her by her parents even though the girl may be earning a high salary! Of course the girl is expected to assist with all domestic chores after a tiring job whereas the husband comes home with her and sits on the sofa and demands coffee !

Before blaming the girls let us first do some soul searching of ourselves and see if we can come to the present times and change our expectations.
 
I tend to agree with post #2.

Regarding post #1, it more or less sounds a lament of the "good old days" when menfolk were the boses and ruled with an iron fist sweeping away women and their wishes as if swatting away a fly.
 
balakji

you have nicely described how brahmin families have lived over the years

only in the last two paragraphs you have engaged in brahmin girl bashing as these are recent experiences for some brahmin families where economically independant girls

are setting terms to their family and inlaws regarding the choice of their mates and living with inlaws.

most families are unable to come to terms with new liberated educated career oriented brahmin girls exercising their choice of mate and deciding what kind of life they

would like to lead after marriage.

when their aspirations are not met in marriage ,they are prepared to call it quits and break up.

castes , religion ,horoscopes do not make much difference to them

they want a relationship based on mutual love, equality of sexes,mutual respect.

if brahmin community cannot fulfill their needs , so be it . they will be free birds and fly to a faraway land with person of their choice where they will get what they aspire for'

our TB boys can follow the strict rules set by their mothers following community rules and stay single. lol



l
 
hi....many facts r well said. nowadays parents hv no control over their daughters. they think daughters know everything and so the girls become arrogant and adamany. in my family i wanted my athai's grand-daughter to b my dauhter-in-law and contacted my cousin, to my surprise he told that her daughter is not willing to come out of mumbai so he cant proceed. he has no control over his family/daughter.because she is an earning member.and till date she is unmarried at the age 0f 30.one day our girls may run a joint family by themselves. God save brahmins!!!
 
I understand that the world over, there is a new movement known as MGTOW (Men Going Their Own Way)! And, to the best of my knowledge this is a backlash of the Feminism movement which is growing very powerfully, intensely and rapidly, so much so, that, of late, even a few erstwhile feminists have realized the folly of overgrown feminism and have turned anti-feminists!

The OP and its poster, balak, may be able to see that we brahmins were most eager to make as much money as possible and it has been so probably right from ancient times! For example, Viswamitra, in order to cow down Harischandra, asked for so much gold that the poor king failed to provide it and had to surrender his kingdom to the Rishi!

Our deterioration was also caused by our great greed for money. However, I am sure this statement will invite many counters all of which will be like என் அப்பா குதிருக்குள் இல்லை! (eṉ appā kutirukkuḷ illai! = My father is not inside the haystack!).

The world has changed a lot, and, along with that, our greed has made us educate our girls also as highly as possible and send them for every possible type of employment, and some of them earn huge salaries which the boys find difficult to achieve, in most cases. Neither we, the parents, nor the boys themselves stipulate that the bride should be not working; before marriage all of us, including the boys themselves, dream of the Double income for the household, the material comforts which it can command, how we will have a "march" over some of our close relatives/neighbours, etc., and get lost in those dreams. The results come to haunt the doers after some years; as you sow, so you reap!

I foresee that the MGTOW movement will gain increased following as time passes and then perhaps more women may have rethinking about feminism, woman's individuality and so on. But this will take one or two generations more. Till then it is wise for we brahmin males not to crib about the ascendency of the DIL, neglect of the in-laws, etc.
 
in india there there is only TBs going MGTMW[men going their moms way] only .lol

these mindless fellows deserve what is happening to them.

what prevented TB boys getting better educated and becoming better achievers.

what prevented them from setting terms to girls of other communities in addition to TB girls..

it is not harmful to be earn more using ones education and skills and aspiring for a better life.

it is absolutely wrong to suggest girls should not be educated to the highest level or not be employed with good salaries .

if boys are idiots , should girls match them in idiocy.?

ugh how disgusting is this mindset of some.

they deserve to be condemned.
 
I dont know why education is being linked to greed etc. Is education not a basic human right? Has anybody heard of the girl called Malala? Should it be denied / Can it be denied to women of any caste?

Of course nowadays women are not doormats. I think this applies to most Indian women. No doubt this leads to conflicts at home and possibly divorces. But the answer is not denial of education.
 
I dont know why education is being linked to greed etc. Is education not a basic human right? Has anybody heard of the girl called Malala? Should it be denied / Can it be denied to women of any caste?

Of course nowadays women are not doormats. I think this applies to most Indian women. No doubt this leads to conflicts at home and possibly divorces. But the answer is not denial of education.

The dire predictions of the world if women are educated, only applies to TB in Tamil Nadu. World has been educating their women and nothing bad has happened. Yes the Men dominated world has come to an end (it happened 35 years ago for me).
 
Ha ha, good one Mr. Prasad. I think all males should expect the end of male domination by the time of their marriage. The old idea of females being first their father's property and then their husband's and finally their son's needs to be reversed.

Now men are first their mother's property, then their wife's and finally their daughter's!
 
.
More shocking things can come to our community after that. A girl can live with another girl. Superlative idea. They can marry too. I was aware of this only when I heard that Martina Navratilova is going to marry a Russian beauty queen Julia Lemigova. This is possible in America. We shall bring it here also so that our girls can revolutionise the community completely.

Dear sir,

Homosexuality of the Lesbian kind is NOT a trend or a new culture.

No straight person becomes a homosexual over night.

Its just different sexual orientation...some humans are wired differently in their sexual preference.

Same with gay men..they are just gay..thats all..its not trend or a new culture. It has been there since humans walked this earth..its just that now people are more open to it and we read about it every where.

Its not a new lifestyle that straight person will adopt.

Homosexual people in orthodox community might just be acting out their fantasies in a silent manner.
 
hi....many facts r well said. nowadays parents hv no control over their daughters. they think daughters know everything and so the girls become arrogant and adamany. in my family i wanted my athai's grand-daughter to b my dauhter-in-law and contacted my cousin, to my surprise he told that her daughter is not willing to come out of mumbai so he cant proceed. he has no control over his family/daughter.because she is an earning member.and till date she is unmarried at the age 0f 30.one day our girls may run a joint family by themselves. God save brahmins!!!

dear sir,

May be they were just being polite by using the do not want to come out of Mumbai excuse.

May be the girl had a her own preferences and her parents respected her preference.

When a girl says No everyone says she is arrogant but when a man says No no one says he is arrogant.

Men seldom can take NO for an answer.

Looking for a bride is not as easy as buying vegetables from the market.
 
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dear sir,

May be they were just being polite by using the do not want to come out of Mumbai excuse.

May be the girl had a her own preferences and her parents respected her preference.

When a girl says No everyone says she is arrogant but when a man says No no one says he is arrogant.

Men seldom can take NO for an answer.

Looking for a bride is not as easy as buying vegetables from the market.
madam R
thats why I have been advocating that girls should propose to whomsoever they want

it is easier that way .

it saves the boy and his parents from getting rebuffed by girl/her parents

also when some girls say No they really mean Yes.

It requires persistence . you have to keep asking until No become s first May be and then Yes

I know many girls who say to boys ' Po endru sonnal pohiradha, Thirumba ketkanum' lol
 
madam R
thats why I have been advocating that girls should propose to whomsoever they want

it is easier that way .

it saves the boy and his parents from getting rebuffed by girl/her parents

also when some girls say No they really mean Yes.

It requires persistence . you have to keep asking until No become s first May be and then Yes

I know many girls who say to boys ' Po endru sonnal pohiradha, Thirumba ketkanum' lol

Dear Krish ji,

A No is a No..why should that be a pseudo Yes?

In fact its this thinking that many men think when a girl says No she actually means Yes that has led to sexual assault.

BTW why cant anyone handle No for an answer?

After all ..that is how arrange marriages work isnt it?

Both boy and girls side can say No.

Its just that the male's side ego get bruised easily when a girl says no.

One has to be thick skinned and accept No for an answer at times.

Now coming to girls proposing to boys..that I dont like becos the chase should be done by the male and enjoying the chase is a different feel altogether.

Even though I had an arranged marriage I still told my husband before marriage that he should propose to me on his own.

I was at a shopping complex shopping for the wedding when I told him this and he went down on one knee and held my hand and asked me "would you marry me"

I said "yes"

So you see even in an arranged marriage there must be some romance.
 
Dear Krish ji,

A No is a No..why should that be a pseudo Yes?

In fact its this thinking that many men think when a girl says No she actually means Yes that has led to sexual assault.

BTW why cant anyone handle No for an answer?

After all ..that is how arrange marriages work isnt it?

Both boy and girls side can say No.

Its just that the male's side ego get bruised easily when a girl says no.

One has to be thick skinned and accept No for an answer at times.

Now coming to girls proposing to boys..that I dont like becos the chase should be done by the male and enjoying the chase is a different feel altogether.

Even though I had an arranged marriage I still told my husband before marriage that he should propose to me on his own.

I was at a shopping complex shopping for the wedding when I told him this and he went down on one knee and held my hand and asked me "would you marry me"

I said "yes"

So you see even in an arranged marriage there must be some romance.
renukaji
it is like this

most girls like to make sure that the boy really wants her.

they also like to play hard to get'

when a boy asks first ,she says No and takes time out. she gets time to think over whether to get into a relationship.

if the boy persists , she is tempted and would like to date him couple of times to decide whether he is good husband material

only third time boy becomes lucky. and gets accepted.lol

there is no shortage of romance in this method.only some forethought before acceptance.

you seem to think that as soon as a a boy hears No he would assault her. this is all crap'

Do you know how much they shiver in their pants before proposing ?. Some rehearse also in front of mirror

Most go thru the the cycle of proposing to more than one girl also sometimes simultaneously to have a back up in case of rejection by one. ..lol
 
Dear Mr. Balak 223,
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renukaji
it is like this

most girls like to make sure that the boy really wants her.

they also like to play hard to get'

when a boy asks first ,she says No and takes time out. she gets time to think over whether to get into a relationship.

if the boy persists , she is tempted and would like to date him couple of times to decide whether he is good husband material

only third time boy becomes lucky. and gets accepted.lol

there is no shortage of romance in this method.only some forethought before acceptance.

you seem to think that as soon as a a boy hears No he would assault her. this is all crap'

Do you know how much they shiver in their pants before proposing ?. Some rehearse also in front of mirror

Most go thru the the cycle of proposing to more than one girl also sometimes simultaneously to have a back up in case of rejection by one. ..lol

Dear Krish ji,

Well a person has to be honest..BTW proposing of the Lovvu kind does not happen over night..it takes time and by the response of a person..one can guess the intention and when love is in the air its felt..so what is there to be scared?

No one asks a girl on the 1st date 'would you marry me or I love you"

Any guy who does this is nuts!

Who wants a marriage proposal on the 1st date?LOL

I see Tamil movies show the wrong technique to propose.

It seems as if even to ask a girl out for a date is seen as proposing!LOL

Asking out someone for a movie or lunch or dinner need to spell romance.

A friend can also ask out a friend.

So one has to know where the relationship is heading and only then one can propose to the next stage.

BTW I feel playing hard to get is not right.One should not play around with the feelings of another.
 
Dear Krish ji,

Well a person has to be honest..BTW proposing of the Lovvu kind does not happen over night..it takes time and by the response of a person..one can guess the intention and when love is in the air its felt..so what is there to be scared?

No one asks a girl on the 1st date 'would you marry me or I love you"

Any guy who does this is nuts!

Who wants a marriage proposal on the 1st date?LOL

I see Tamil movies show the wrong technique to propose.

It seems as if even to ask a girl out for a date is seen as proposing!LOL

Asking out someone for a movie or lunch or dinner need to spell romance.

A friend can also ask out a friend.

So one has to know where the relationship is heading and only then one can propose to the next stage.

BTW I feel playing hard to get is not right.One should not play around with the feelings of another.
Renukaji
This is indian love.

one is not rational and reason it out like you'

boys go only by the beauty and colour of the girl and some minor interactions like asking for time of the day and discussing the taste of homemade coffee and such

frivolous things before popping the question ' will you marry me'. otherwiise it is only dreaming about the girl and fantasizing

thats why most boys propose first and find out later depending on response.

if the girl immediately yes then it is only an easy conquest and boys run away from this type of girl later

if the girl plays hard to get ,interest is maintained for multiple rounds until yes. these are long lasting affairs

renuka , I have to educate you on these simple things . you are so smart yourself but so unwise that you do not know male psychology.lol
 
Dear Balak,

I tend to agree with your lament!

You have voiced concern about the deterioration of values and the community going down the drain! The pursuit of money, breakage of the joint families, girls education and employment, have caused the decline as per you!

What is the root cause of this decline..

As per my analysis, It is a combination of loss of family values, loss of spirituality, intermingling with other castes and lack of pride in our tradition, culture and values!

Had the girls been proud of their culture & values, they would not have deserted their community & going after so called greener pastures (majority are dejected even there, but it gets too late for any corrective action and then they suffer life long)

There is no one solution for this...

It requires a concerted effort by each one of us to take action to stem the tide!
 
Renukaji
This is indian love.

one is not rational and reason it out like you'

boys go only by the beauty and colour of the girl and some minor interactions like asking for time of the day and discussing the taste of homemade coffee and such

frivolous things before popping the question ' will you marry me'. otherwiise it is only dreaming about the girl and fantasizing

thats why most boys propose first and find out later depending on response.

if the girl immediately yes then it is only an easy conquest and boys run away from this type of girl later

if the girl plays hard to get ,interest is maintained for multiple rounds until yes. these are long lasting affairs

renuka , I have to educate you on these simple things . you are so smart yourself but so unwise that you do not know male psychology.lol


Hello Krish ji,

I was in India for 6 years..All males that chased us girls were from India..No one was proposing like in Tamil movies in college.

Even the most nerdy of all will also not propose right away.Some will confidently ask us girls "care to join me for tea today..where would you like to go?"

Its totally professional and causal...but these are guys who are in the same university...so they already know who is who in college.


I have hardly met any male that is portrayed in Tamil movies.

Something is wrong with the Movie directors.
 
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Hello Krish ji,

I was in India for 6 years..All males that chased us girls were from India..No one was proposing like in Tamil movies in college.

Even the most nerdy of all will also not propose right away.Some will confidently ask us girls "care to join me for tea today..where would you like to go?"

Its totally professional and causal...but these are guys who are in the same university...so they already know who is who in college.


I have hardly met any male that is portrayed in Tamil movies.

Something is wrong with the Movie directors.
probably you were in wrong college or in company of uninterprising boring youngsters.all professional colleges are like that.they are all career minded

you have missed out a lot . I have spent a record 9 years in in normal degree [non engg], Engg. , PG and research in science faculty in three different institutions all over

india, so I can authoritatively tell you that boys propose after casually meeting girls , some marry also on that basis with good results.lol

the procedure I have outlined is practised meticulously by many youngsters
 
probably you were in wrong college or in company of uninterprising boring youngsters.all professional colleges are like that.they are all career minded

you have missed out a lot . I have spent a record 9 years in in normal degree [non engg], Engg. , PG and research in science faculty in three different institutions all over

india, so I can authoritatively tell you that boys propose after casually meeting girls , some marry also on that basis with good results.lol

the procedure I have outlined is practised meticulously by many youngsters


Nope..they were not boring.

Everyone took life easily and knew not to get too entangled with Lovvu..so marriage was not always on everyone's mind. First priority was studies becos courses like MBBS and Engineering have lots to study. Some were time pass relationships too!LOL

Some were sort of in Lovvu but not the brainless Lovvu..If it clicked well and good..if it did not..it was also fine ..no one went into depression or anything like that.People parted as friends.

No one was rushing into marriage. I feel its the Non professional colleges that die for Lovvu and think Lovvu is their whole life!LOL

Professional college students are cool and know how to play the game well.

I know a couple who were dating but broke up and each married another person..only to meet many years again working in the same hospital and both divorced their spouses and got married to each other finally!

So for some..its late decision to marry!LOL
 
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I beg to disagree with you. some in engg colleges also are in love cycles

I had a classmate in Engg college Who drank Tik 20 an item which is used for killing rats. when the girl he proposed to did not reciprocate.

when he came to say good bye to his classmates after consuming this slow poison , they found out and rushed him to hospital to get his stomach washed

he was saved and expelled from college for this heroic deed.

students are the same everywhere only in professional college they are more busy with classes and more prone to stress.also due to lack of choice [ campus life in engg college does

not give enough time to locate girls outside the college], they prefer inhouse girls

In my engg college, of the three girl class mates [we had only three in our batch of 26]I had , two married classmates , the third married her boss after joining job.

the basic feeling for mating is the same irrespective of the type of college . but there are other distractions like studies also .lol
 
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I beg to disagree with you

I had a classmate in Engg college Who drank Tik 20 an item which is used for killing rats. when the girl he proposed to did not reciprocate.

when he came to say good bye to his classmates after consuming this slow poison , they found out and rushed him to hospital to get his stomach washed

he was saved and expelled from college for this heroic deed.

students are the same everywhere only in professional college they are more busy with classes and more prone to stress.also due to lack of choice [ campus life in engg college does

not give enough time to locate girls outside the college], they prefer inhouse girls

In my engg college, of the three girl class mates [we had only three in our batch of 26]I had , two married classmates , the third married her boss after joining job.

the basic feeling for mating is the same irrespective of the type of college . but there are other distractions like studies alsp .lol


That way my University no one tried to commit suicide..for any break up maximum a person will feel sad for 1 week than after that the hunt for a new Lovvu will happen.

Most of those who get carried away by Lovvu and willing to die are mostly not of very high IQ.

That is why they succumb to intense emotions..partly they are not confident that they can get another person.

They dont get their priorities right.In college we are supposed to study ...studies is the cake..Lovvu is the icing. Its an added benefit but not really mandatory to die if it does not work out.


That is why I dont like reading undying love novels.

I prefer scandalous novels.

Undying love novels teaches you to die..scandalous novels teaches you to live.

One of my favorite TV show is Scandal where Kerry Washington is a high flying powerful African American woman professionally connected to the White House..and she is in a passionate affair with the US president(who is a white) and another powerful man also pursues her.

Some say this TV series is supposed to be the true life of one of the US presidents but I dont know who.

Its nice to see the powerful in a scandal!LOL

The best part is the Wife of the President knows everything but she does not react becos she desperately wants to be the 1st lady!






scandal.png
 
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