I looked at him enviously.
Gopi was the only guy left out in my group. Now he is also getting married.
His wedding invitation card looked simple. I congratulated him from my lips. I made some customary enquiry on the bride. It seems she is working in some software company. It is an arranged marriage.
I turned the card sideways and upside down. I wanted to ask him somehow, how he was able to freeze on his girl. I could not freeze on one, for all these years.
I am nearing 35 now. Last 6-7 years, I have been searching for my girl. I could not land on one.
I have tried in my own ways. My parents also have been trying through their own ways. But nothing seems to be finalizing. I have not been able to land on my dream girl.
In the last five years, almost everyone in my age group, somehow landed on their partners, except me.
Every time I see a wedding invitation card, I really get irritated deep inside my heart. But, I cannot show it out. I put a façade of smile, sweet-talk and send them out.
*********
Gopi was still sitting before me, all smiles. I am his Project Manager. 5 years senior to him. I earn almost double his salary. Gopi is a kid in every way compared to me. He is getting married. I am not.
Gopi was waiting for my response to move out of my cabin. I did not signal him. I wanted to ask him some intimate questions. I wanted to understand the method by which he decided on his girl.
I wanted to ask atleast one or two leading questions, so that I get some insight. I have talked to so many people in my age group, in my friends list, about this. I don't have any convincing answer, till now.
I have never tried talking to such young people. Today I wanted to, very desperately.
********
I made a quick re-cap on the events of past 6 years in my mind.
I look handsome. I have a good educational background. I earn very well. I am from a middle-class family. My sister is already married.
Then whey I have not been able to land on my dream girl.? It is not that the girls rejected me.
The truth is I have been rejecting many girls, as I could not find my match. Till this date, I have not been able to meet a girl, with whom I could think of my remaining life together.
My first attempt was six years back.
My parents showed me a photograph of a girl. She looked nice. I did not know what to expect. I nodded my head in agreement to see her.
We met in a traditional scenario in her house. I wanted to talk to her alone. When we met alone, she was not coming out forthwith. I also did not feel any excitement on seeing her. I asked her some stupid questions. She gave one line answers. She was blushing, smiling but not talking.
When I came back, I thought about it a lot. I need a girl who has to be bold. I have to get excited in her presence. This girl is docile. I refused her.
My parents thought it was a good alliance. I steadfastly rejected the alliance.
**********
After that I rejected few girls on the photograph itself. Their photographs were not that exciting.
And one day I really found a girl's photograph exciting me. I immediately okayed it. My parents were elated.
This time I told my parents, that I would like to meet the girl alone outside, decide and then go for the traditional style of meeting. They agreed.
When I met her in a hotel, I was shocked. She was similar the girl in the photo. But, not the same. I could understand that she is the girl in the photo. But she looked different in 3 dimension.
The excitement that her 2 dimensional photograph created was absent in her 3 dimensional figure.
********
Many more alliances passed and then I happened to meet a girl in one of the marriages that I attended. She looked pretty and attracted me a lot.
I prayed to God, that she should not be already married. In fact she was not. She also happened to be the daughter of one of our distant relatives.
As soon as I showed that girl to my mother, she became extremely happy. Soon the families met, as already I have seen her.
I talked to her alone for few minutes during our meeting. She answered boldly, but politely. She also asked some questions to me. I answered her.
I thought for all the hardships I have undergone, God has given me an intelligent and beautiful girl. Our betrothal was fixed for the next month. I got her mobile phone number and started chatting with her.
*********
In the course of chatting, I found that the girl and I had opposite view points on everything in life. From simple things like yoga/exercises, colors, numbers to social and political systems of our life.
She thought yoga is great. I thought Gym and aerobics are better. She thought Blue is cool. I thought orange is better. She thought living with parents is good. I thought living alone is great.
She thought friends are a small part of our life, and we do not need to involve them in every decision that we make. I thought involving everybody in our decision making, so that we can make an informed decision is the right approach.
I showed even her photograph to twenty people. 15 people said she is a good match for me. 2 people said she was too lean for me.2 people said she lacks a good figure. One person said, as we age, she may look much better than me and hence in the long run, I need to be careful.
But then I decided to go ahead. See, I always make informed decisions. But this girl told me that making such informed decisions are a stupidity.
After a month of chatting, I figured out, we will not be able to cope together. I called my parents and told them of my decision.
They cursed me like anything. The bride's side also cursed me like anything. But then, I thought it is better to suffer now than later.
********
After a gap of several months, my parents re-started their match-making. I also started looking out seriously, if I could find a good date myself.
That time a girl had joined our office. She looked exciting, talked boldly and politely and as we conversed, I understood we think the same way.
I started moving more closely with her. One day I proposed her. She accepted my proposal happily, but wanted me to talk to her parents after sometime. We were in love!!!!
As we were enjoying our days of love, one day I observed her eating pattern. She was eating less of chilly and spices. I used to enjoy chilly and spices a lot.
She explained that she had Jaundice when she was five years old. From that time, she was on a food of less chilly, oil and spices and had grown up in the same way.
This upset me a lot. I am a guy who dabbles in chilly, oil and spices. I advised her to change her food habits. But she was not willing. She thought it is a silly matter to discuss food habits.
I explained her the need of having similar tastes. She told me to change my food habits. But then, my food habit is a healthy one. Hers was the result of a problem.
When I insisted, she told me that doctors have advised her that if she does not avoid chilly and spices, she may get jaundice once again and in that event, her liver will get totally spoiled.
That put me off. I called off my 'love'. God saved me from a girl, who could have her liver failed anytime.
*********
In fact I ran into several girls after that. One girl, whom I okayed to my parents was so adamant that she refused to come with me to a movie. She wanted me to take her Dad's permission. I felt silly taking permission from a dad to take his daughter to a movie. I refused to proceed with that girl.
There was also a girl I refused, as she foolishly told me that talking on cell phones for long time is a health hazard.
My parents had given me only one week's time to understand the girl. So I tried talking to her 4-6 hours a day. She did not understand it. She told me that talking long hours on cell phone is a health hazard.
I did not want to marry a girl, who is not ready to even spare 4-6 hours a day for me.
*********
As all these thoughts were running inside my mind, Gopi's voice brought me to this world.
"Sir.. Can I leave..?" - he asked.
"Yes.. yes.." - I said. I summoned all the courage and asked that question "Gopi, have u talked to the girl. Is she a good match for you..?"
Gopi smiled back.
"Sir.. I have seen her couple of times now. She is a polio patient. But she has fought her life and succeeded. As for matching with me is concerned, this is arranged marriage Sir.." - Gopi said.
"So what, if it is arranged marriage..?" - I asked.
"Sir. People should come into arranged marriage, after understanding it completely. In arranged marriage, both the bride and groom have to accept each other with all their short-comings. There is no promise for a match. The only promise that we make is that we will not leave each other under any circumstance, in front of the sacred fire. So we need to adjust and modify ourselves according to our partners, learn to give and take and live. That is all. Is it not Sir..?" - he said.
I dumbly nodded my head.
-TBT
Gopi was the only guy left out in my group. Now he is also getting married.
His wedding invitation card looked simple. I congratulated him from my lips. I made some customary enquiry on the bride. It seems she is working in some software company. It is an arranged marriage.
I turned the card sideways and upside down. I wanted to ask him somehow, how he was able to freeze on his girl. I could not freeze on one, for all these years.
I am nearing 35 now. Last 6-7 years, I have been searching for my girl. I could not land on one.
I have tried in my own ways. My parents also have been trying through their own ways. But nothing seems to be finalizing. I have not been able to land on my dream girl.
In the last five years, almost everyone in my age group, somehow landed on their partners, except me.
Every time I see a wedding invitation card, I really get irritated deep inside my heart. But, I cannot show it out. I put a façade of smile, sweet-talk and send them out.
*********
Gopi was still sitting before me, all smiles. I am his Project Manager. 5 years senior to him. I earn almost double his salary. Gopi is a kid in every way compared to me. He is getting married. I am not.
Gopi was waiting for my response to move out of my cabin. I did not signal him. I wanted to ask him some intimate questions. I wanted to understand the method by which he decided on his girl.
I wanted to ask atleast one or two leading questions, so that I get some insight. I have talked to so many people in my age group, in my friends list, about this. I don't have any convincing answer, till now.
I have never tried talking to such young people. Today I wanted to, very desperately.
********
I made a quick re-cap on the events of past 6 years in my mind.
I look handsome. I have a good educational background. I earn very well. I am from a middle-class family. My sister is already married.
Then whey I have not been able to land on my dream girl.? It is not that the girls rejected me.
The truth is I have been rejecting many girls, as I could not find my match. Till this date, I have not been able to meet a girl, with whom I could think of my remaining life together.
My first attempt was six years back.
My parents showed me a photograph of a girl. She looked nice. I did not know what to expect. I nodded my head in agreement to see her.
We met in a traditional scenario in her house. I wanted to talk to her alone. When we met alone, she was not coming out forthwith. I also did not feel any excitement on seeing her. I asked her some stupid questions. She gave one line answers. She was blushing, smiling but not talking.
When I came back, I thought about it a lot. I need a girl who has to be bold. I have to get excited in her presence. This girl is docile. I refused her.
My parents thought it was a good alliance. I steadfastly rejected the alliance.
**********
After that I rejected few girls on the photograph itself. Their photographs were not that exciting.
And one day I really found a girl's photograph exciting me. I immediately okayed it. My parents were elated.
This time I told my parents, that I would like to meet the girl alone outside, decide and then go for the traditional style of meeting. They agreed.
When I met her in a hotel, I was shocked. She was similar the girl in the photo. But, not the same. I could understand that she is the girl in the photo. But she looked different in 3 dimension.
The excitement that her 2 dimensional photograph created was absent in her 3 dimensional figure.
********
Many more alliances passed and then I happened to meet a girl in one of the marriages that I attended. She looked pretty and attracted me a lot.
I prayed to God, that she should not be already married. In fact she was not. She also happened to be the daughter of one of our distant relatives.
As soon as I showed that girl to my mother, she became extremely happy. Soon the families met, as already I have seen her.
I talked to her alone for few minutes during our meeting. She answered boldly, but politely. She also asked some questions to me. I answered her.
I thought for all the hardships I have undergone, God has given me an intelligent and beautiful girl. Our betrothal was fixed for the next month. I got her mobile phone number and started chatting with her.
*********
In the course of chatting, I found that the girl and I had opposite view points on everything in life. From simple things like yoga/exercises, colors, numbers to social and political systems of our life.
She thought yoga is great. I thought Gym and aerobics are better. She thought Blue is cool. I thought orange is better. She thought living with parents is good. I thought living alone is great.
She thought friends are a small part of our life, and we do not need to involve them in every decision that we make. I thought involving everybody in our decision making, so that we can make an informed decision is the right approach.
I showed even her photograph to twenty people. 15 people said she is a good match for me. 2 people said she was too lean for me.2 people said she lacks a good figure. One person said, as we age, she may look much better than me and hence in the long run, I need to be careful.
But then I decided to go ahead. See, I always make informed decisions. But this girl told me that making such informed decisions are a stupidity.
After a month of chatting, I figured out, we will not be able to cope together. I called my parents and told them of my decision.
They cursed me like anything. The bride's side also cursed me like anything. But then, I thought it is better to suffer now than later.
********
After a gap of several months, my parents re-started their match-making. I also started looking out seriously, if I could find a good date myself.
That time a girl had joined our office. She looked exciting, talked boldly and politely and as we conversed, I understood we think the same way.
I started moving more closely with her. One day I proposed her. She accepted my proposal happily, but wanted me to talk to her parents after sometime. We were in love!!!!
As we were enjoying our days of love, one day I observed her eating pattern. She was eating less of chilly and spices. I used to enjoy chilly and spices a lot.
She explained that she had Jaundice when she was five years old. From that time, she was on a food of less chilly, oil and spices and had grown up in the same way.
This upset me a lot. I am a guy who dabbles in chilly, oil and spices. I advised her to change her food habits. But she was not willing. She thought it is a silly matter to discuss food habits.
I explained her the need of having similar tastes. She told me to change my food habits. But then, my food habit is a healthy one. Hers was the result of a problem.
When I insisted, she told me that doctors have advised her that if she does not avoid chilly and spices, she may get jaundice once again and in that event, her liver will get totally spoiled.
That put me off. I called off my 'love'. God saved me from a girl, who could have her liver failed anytime.
*********
In fact I ran into several girls after that. One girl, whom I okayed to my parents was so adamant that she refused to come with me to a movie. She wanted me to take her Dad's permission. I felt silly taking permission from a dad to take his daughter to a movie. I refused to proceed with that girl.
There was also a girl I refused, as she foolishly told me that talking on cell phones for long time is a health hazard.
My parents had given me only one week's time to understand the girl. So I tried talking to her 4-6 hours a day. She did not understand it. She told me that talking long hours on cell phone is a health hazard.
I did not want to marry a girl, who is not ready to even spare 4-6 hours a day for me.
*********
As all these thoughts were running inside my mind, Gopi's voice brought me to this world.
"Sir.. Can I leave..?" - he asked.
"Yes.. yes.." - I said. I summoned all the courage and asked that question "Gopi, have u talked to the girl. Is she a good match for you..?"
Gopi smiled back.
"Sir.. I have seen her couple of times now. She is a polio patient. But she has fought her life and succeeded. As for matching with me is concerned, this is arranged marriage Sir.." - Gopi said.
"So what, if it is arranged marriage..?" - I asked.
"Sir. People should come into arranged marriage, after understanding it completely. In arranged marriage, both the bride and groom have to accept each other with all their short-comings. There is no promise for a match. The only promise that we make is that we will not leave each other under any circumstance, in front of the sacred fire. So we need to adjust and modify ourselves according to our partners, learn to give and take and live. That is all. Is it not Sir..?" - he said.
I dumbly nodded my head.
-TBT
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