I am confused, irritated, restless.. whatever u can say. What has gone wrong..? Where did I miss..?
I do not know or understand. This ad-slogan on that hoarding has added fuel to my fire.
I am sharada, 55 years old. My husband venkatesh is around 60. We live in a 2 bedroom flat, that we bought around 25 years back. That time, it was a luxury for most people. We were upwardly mobile people. We are still riddled with the same flat and now it is a burden. We live here, because we have nowhere else to go. Frankly, we cannot afford anything more.
What irritated me, was my meeting with Parimalam, who was living next to me till 10 years back. She had then migrated to Triplicane. I never thought that parimalam would be so happy today. I always thought that parimalam is going to suffer in future for all her foolish actions and I would be happy, because I am intelligent and know to save myself.
I feel, that I have been defeated by her. I have really lost to her.
***
When I got married, that was around 30 years back, my husband was part of a large family. His family included his brothers, sisters, mother, father and also a large cousin's family which would keep visiting almost everyday, making it as if they all live together.
I never wanted to be part of a large family. I have only one life. I wanted to live it for myself. I asked my husband to get separated. I suggested that he give some money to his parents for their sustenance. He did not accept it. But I am not a girl to take things lying down. Our life became a struggle, almost daily, due to incompatibility between his parents and me. Finally, his parents decided to keep us separate. I ensured that my husband does not send more than few hundreds to his family every month.
I also started working. We bought this house. We did not have much contact with his parents. His parents managed to marry off their daughter and settle other sons in life. We used to visit them on occasions. Soon I had kids.
That was the time parimalam came into the next flat as a tenant. Her's was also a large family. Her husband, his parents, other brothers, sisters, cousins et al.. Similar to the family I entered.
But parimalam was a different character. She was a dumbo. She would speak very softly. She would not fight with anybody. She used to serve that large household, always smiling. So many uncles, aunts, cousins used to visit their house. She used to serve each one of them obediently.
I advised parimalam many times against her subservient approach. I advised her to go out and start a family of her own with her husband. She would never be able to save anything for herself or for her kids, if she squanders all her husband's money on his family. I suggested that she better break-off and live a life of her own. She will always smile and refuse to listen to my advice. I stopped advising her after sometime.
I stopped advising her because, she was also of help to me. I did not want that to get stopped. When my kids arrive from school, she used to be at home and take care of them lovingly, as she was next door.
If parimalam had not been there, I would not have been able to work. I would have had to come home early. My husband worked in a far-off place. So I utilised her, like her in-laws.
***
We lived our life royally with our kids. I had a son and daughter. Parimalam also had a son and daughter. We used to go every weekend to hotels, every month end for entertainment and every year-end to new places. Parimalam and her kids could not afford any of this.
Rarely they would go to hotels or entertainment. Even when they go, it would be a large gathering of people.
Parimalam's husband spent his money on not only his own family. He helped his distant cousins, uncles and aunts. He was squandering all his money. In-fact he earned more than my husband. But neither he nor parimalam were suave enough to save money for their future.
We invested in shares, stocks, mutual funds, band deposits, gold and land. These helped me to make my son an engineer and my daughter a doctor. We had to spend nearly 50 lacs on their college education alone. If that was possible, it is only because I did not take the burden of my husband's family.
Parimalam's son and daughter completed some courses from arts colleges. His son did B.Sc. chemistry and daughter did B.Com. They struggled a lot, even for this.
I sponsored my son for higher education abroad. He did MS there and got a job in Microsoft. My daughter went to UK and did higher education there.
Parimalam's son became some medical representative. Parimalam's daughter was working as a nursery school teacher, after her Bcom.
I used to lament about the foolishness of Parimalam. I used to compare her kids with mine and say that she has wasted her life and that of the life of her kids. She would listen to that also smilingly, but never react.
I pitied parimalam a lot.
***
My son married a girl from some other caste in US. We performed their marriage, much against our wishes. We could do nothing else. He and his wife settled there completely acquiring green card. In fact when my daugher-in-law was pregnant, and when my grandson was born, I and my husband offered to go to U.S. to help them.
My son did not want to 'trouble' us. He wanted to 'trouble' only his in-laws. Soon his in-laws migrated and settled in U.S. along with their daughter.
We married our daughter to another Indian doctor family in U.K. itself. She is well settled there. We talk to her over phone at times. She is busy in her daily work with her in-laws, kids and husband.
Some 10 years back, parimalam and her family migrated to Triplicane. I gradually lost touch with her.
***
My husband is retired and I have stopped working. Everyday we get up and see the walls all around. We have not painted them for long. We keep them as a reminder of our busy life.
We look at the ceiling, floors and walls and keep reminiscing those days we spent with our kids. Sometimes, I nudge my husband to go for a walk to temple or park. Many a times my husband keeps fiddling with his computer on various social networking sites and forums. I also do it vehemently at times. We keep writing to people whom we knew nothing about or whom we care nothing about.
There is this huge emptiness that we try to drive away by putting up a facade of rigorous work that we need to do and consoling ourselves that it is the order of the day. But it is not going away.
We keep watching television serials one after another. When I see serials, which depict the daughter-in-law breaking the house, I go mad. My husband would start comparing me with that character mentally and would not talk to me for long time. He has no other go. He thinks I am the person who disturbed his happiness. He does not understand that, but for me, his family would have made him a pauper.
We don't visit anybody. We never had any great relationship with people. My husband's parents died sometime back. We don’t keep in regular touch with people on my side or his side. So it is very difficult to start it again. We live alone.
We are financially safe. After all the money we spent on our kids, we have just enough to make us survive for another 15-20 years. Hope we will die before that.
This was the time, I met parimalam, in parthasarathy temple in triplicane.
***
Parimalam looked same. She has not changed. I have changed a lot. I have really become old. She passionately held my hands and we talked for a long time.
She took me to her house in triplicane. I was surprised to find such a big house. If I remember, when she entered triplicane, it was a small house.
She told me "This is his uncle's house. We bought it from him. My husband helped his son, when uncle was in trouble. Now uncle and son are doing well in their business. So they sold this house to us at a very cheap rate."
I asked "Which uncle is this.?"
She says "Raju uncle.. u would be knowing.. His son used to be in our house most of the time. He used to come late in the night after his evening college, as our house was nearby and would eat at our home."
I asked "How is ur son and daughter.. What are they doing..?"
She says "My son was a medical representative.. But this sundaram u know, he helped my son to study MSc chemistry in Mumbai. Then my son did PhD in IIT Delhi. He is a lecturer in IIT now and also doing his post-doctoral research. My daughter, was working in nursery school. Our Moorthy, u know, he took her under him and she did C.A with his help. Now she is practising as an auditor along with her husband in Mumbai. In fact u did not come to her marriage."
I said "Yeah.. I remember.. some problem was there at home at that time of ur daughter's marriage.." and then I asked " who is this sundaram and moorthy.. I don’t remember.."
She says "Sundaram is this fair thin chap, u remember, got involved in an accident and required several lacs for treatment. My father-in-law pledged his properties including our jewels and gave it to him. God's grace he recovered. He became a scientist in BARC. He is very fond of us. In fact he spent all the money, for my son's education. Otherwise, it is not possible for us. And moorthy is our neighbor. U also know him"
I asked "Which moorthy.. the one who used to live in our ground floor. Why should he help u..?"
She says "Yes. Help means what.. no reason. I have not helped him in anything except once when his wife was not well, I made them eat in our home for a month. That is all. It is all god's grace."
I asked "Are u alone with ur husband..?
She says "No.. Our son is with us. I and my husband have taken over the role of my in-laws. I have so many visitors everyday. I do not want to trouble my daughter-in-law with all the work. I spend very little time outside. I have no time really. U please come with ur husband again without fail. My husband will be very happy to see u people".
I could see that she is hard pressed for time. I pitied her for having to work, even at this age.
**
I returned from her home. As I neared my home, my mood changed. I felt that Parimalam is lot happier than me.
How..?
Where did I go wrong..? I had scored over parimalam in every aspect of life. I am intelligent. Parimalam was foolish. I worked. Parimalam was house-wife. I planned. Parimalam did not plan. I made my kids professionals. Parimalam did not do anything. Her kids became professionals by themselves. I had a house. Parimalam did not have any. By luck, she has got a house now.
And somehow she seems to be happier than me.
She did not make the investments that I made. She did not spend the kind of money that I spent on my kids. What did she invest in, that she is happy today..?
That was the time, I saw that ad slogan on a hoarding " WE INVEST IN PEOPLE".
This irritated me a lot. It sounds highly foolish, idiotic and stupid. Is there any such thing as investing in people..?
-TBT
I do not know or understand. This ad-slogan on that hoarding has added fuel to my fire.
I am sharada, 55 years old. My husband venkatesh is around 60. We live in a 2 bedroom flat, that we bought around 25 years back. That time, it was a luxury for most people. We were upwardly mobile people. We are still riddled with the same flat and now it is a burden. We live here, because we have nowhere else to go. Frankly, we cannot afford anything more.
What irritated me, was my meeting with Parimalam, who was living next to me till 10 years back. She had then migrated to Triplicane. I never thought that parimalam would be so happy today. I always thought that parimalam is going to suffer in future for all her foolish actions and I would be happy, because I am intelligent and know to save myself.
I feel, that I have been defeated by her. I have really lost to her.
***
When I got married, that was around 30 years back, my husband was part of a large family. His family included his brothers, sisters, mother, father and also a large cousin's family which would keep visiting almost everyday, making it as if they all live together.
I never wanted to be part of a large family. I have only one life. I wanted to live it for myself. I asked my husband to get separated. I suggested that he give some money to his parents for their sustenance. He did not accept it. But I am not a girl to take things lying down. Our life became a struggle, almost daily, due to incompatibility between his parents and me. Finally, his parents decided to keep us separate. I ensured that my husband does not send more than few hundreds to his family every month.
I also started working. We bought this house. We did not have much contact with his parents. His parents managed to marry off their daughter and settle other sons in life. We used to visit them on occasions. Soon I had kids.
That was the time parimalam came into the next flat as a tenant. Her's was also a large family. Her husband, his parents, other brothers, sisters, cousins et al.. Similar to the family I entered.
But parimalam was a different character. She was a dumbo. She would speak very softly. She would not fight with anybody. She used to serve that large household, always smiling. So many uncles, aunts, cousins used to visit their house. She used to serve each one of them obediently.
I advised parimalam many times against her subservient approach. I advised her to go out and start a family of her own with her husband. She would never be able to save anything for herself or for her kids, if she squanders all her husband's money on his family. I suggested that she better break-off and live a life of her own. She will always smile and refuse to listen to my advice. I stopped advising her after sometime.
I stopped advising her because, she was also of help to me. I did not want that to get stopped. When my kids arrive from school, she used to be at home and take care of them lovingly, as she was next door.
If parimalam had not been there, I would not have been able to work. I would have had to come home early. My husband worked in a far-off place. So I utilised her, like her in-laws.
***
We lived our life royally with our kids. I had a son and daughter. Parimalam also had a son and daughter. We used to go every weekend to hotels, every month end for entertainment and every year-end to new places. Parimalam and her kids could not afford any of this.
Rarely they would go to hotels or entertainment. Even when they go, it would be a large gathering of people.
Parimalam's husband spent his money on not only his own family. He helped his distant cousins, uncles and aunts. He was squandering all his money. In-fact he earned more than my husband. But neither he nor parimalam were suave enough to save money for their future.
We invested in shares, stocks, mutual funds, band deposits, gold and land. These helped me to make my son an engineer and my daughter a doctor. We had to spend nearly 50 lacs on their college education alone. If that was possible, it is only because I did not take the burden of my husband's family.
Parimalam's son and daughter completed some courses from arts colleges. His son did B.Sc. chemistry and daughter did B.Com. They struggled a lot, even for this.
I sponsored my son for higher education abroad. He did MS there and got a job in Microsoft. My daughter went to UK and did higher education there.
Parimalam's son became some medical representative. Parimalam's daughter was working as a nursery school teacher, after her Bcom.
I used to lament about the foolishness of Parimalam. I used to compare her kids with mine and say that she has wasted her life and that of the life of her kids. She would listen to that also smilingly, but never react.
I pitied parimalam a lot.
***
My son married a girl from some other caste in US. We performed their marriage, much against our wishes. We could do nothing else. He and his wife settled there completely acquiring green card. In fact when my daugher-in-law was pregnant, and when my grandson was born, I and my husband offered to go to U.S. to help them.
My son did not want to 'trouble' us. He wanted to 'trouble' only his in-laws. Soon his in-laws migrated and settled in U.S. along with their daughter.
We married our daughter to another Indian doctor family in U.K. itself. She is well settled there. We talk to her over phone at times. She is busy in her daily work with her in-laws, kids and husband.
Some 10 years back, parimalam and her family migrated to Triplicane. I gradually lost touch with her.
***
My husband is retired and I have stopped working. Everyday we get up and see the walls all around. We have not painted them for long. We keep them as a reminder of our busy life.
We look at the ceiling, floors and walls and keep reminiscing those days we spent with our kids. Sometimes, I nudge my husband to go for a walk to temple or park. Many a times my husband keeps fiddling with his computer on various social networking sites and forums. I also do it vehemently at times. We keep writing to people whom we knew nothing about or whom we care nothing about.
There is this huge emptiness that we try to drive away by putting up a facade of rigorous work that we need to do and consoling ourselves that it is the order of the day. But it is not going away.
We keep watching television serials one after another. When I see serials, which depict the daughter-in-law breaking the house, I go mad. My husband would start comparing me with that character mentally and would not talk to me for long time. He has no other go. He thinks I am the person who disturbed his happiness. He does not understand that, but for me, his family would have made him a pauper.
We don't visit anybody. We never had any great relationship with people. My husband's parents died sometime back. We don’t keep in regular touch with people on my side or his side. So it is very difficult to start it again. We live alone.
We are financially safe. After all the money we spent on our kids, we have just enough to make us survive for another 15-20 years. Hope we will die before that.
This was the time, I met parimalam, in parthasarathy temple in triplicane.
***
Parimalam looked same. She has not changed. I have changed a lot. I have really become old. She passionately held my hands and we talked for a long time.
She took me to her house in triplicane. I was surprised to find such a big house. If I remember, when she entered triplicane, it was a small house.
She told me "This is his uncle's house. We bought it from him. My husband helped his son, when uncle was in trouble. Now uncle and son are doing well in their business. So they sold this house to us at a very cheap rate."
I asked "Which uncle is this.?"
She says "Raju uncle.. u would be knowing.. His son used to be in our house most of the time. He used to come late in the night after his evening college, as our house was nearby and would eat at our home."
I asked "How is ur son and daughter.. What are they doing..?"
She says "My son was a medical representative.. But this sundaram u know, he helped my son to study MSc chemistry in Mumbai. Then my son did PhD in IIT Delhi. He is a lecturer in IIT now and also doing his post-doctoral research. My daughter, was working in nursery school. Our Moorthy, u know, he took her under him and she did C.A with his help. Now she is practising as an auditor along with her husband in Mumbai. In fact u did not come to her marriage."
I said "Yeah.. I remember.. some problem was there at home at that time of ur daughter's marriage.." and then I asked " who is this sundaram and moorthy.. I don’t remember.."
She says "Sundaram is this fair thin chap, u remember, got involved in an accident and required several lacs for treatment. My father-in-law pledged his properties including our jewels and gave it to him. God's grace he recovered. He became a scientist in BARC. He is very fond of us. In fact he spent all the money, for my son's education. Otherwise, it is not possible for us. And moorthy is our neighbor. U also know him"
I asked "Which moorthy.. the one who used to live in our ground floor. Why should he help u..?"
She says "Yes. Help means what.. no reason. I have not helped him in anything except once when his wife was not well, I made them eat in our home for a month. That is all. It is all god's grace."
I asked "Are u alone with ur husband..?
She says "No.. Our son is with us. I and my husband have taken over the role of my in-laws. I have so many visitors everyday. I do not want to trouble my daughter-in-law with all the work. I spend very little time outside. I have no time really. U please come with ur husband again without fail. My husband will be very happy to see u people".
I could see that she is hard pressed for time. I pitied her for having to work, even at this age.
**
I returned from her home. As I neared my home, my mood changed. I felt that Parimalam is lot happier than me.
How..?
Where did I go wrong..? I had scored over parimalam in every aspect of life. I am intelligent. Parimalam was foolish. I worked. Parimalam was house-wife. I planned. Parimalam did not plan. I made my kids professionals. Parimalam did not do anything. Her kids became professionals by themselves. I had a house. Parimalam did not have any. By luck, she has got a house now.
And somehow she seems to be happier than me.
She did not make the investments that I made. She did not spend the kind of money that I spent on my kids. What did she invest in, that she is happy today..?
That was the time, I saw that ad slogan on a hoarding " WE INVEST IN PEOPLE".
This irritated me a lot. It sounds highly foolish, idiotic and stupid. Is there any such thing as investing in people..?
-TBT
