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Is Man Happy in Todays World-A discussion.

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krish44

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In Neeya Naana of 24th july , Women discussed whether Man is Happy in Todays world.

In only females program, women discussed the above subject.

Are men feeling pressurised by change in expectations of modern educated working women?

Some excerpts:

Women are more free to express their expectations from men

Media project men as romantic in Ads and serials.Women expect that in actual life

There are men who get driven to impotency due to stress and increased expectations of women.

Men are not able to consult anyone unlike women who openly confide such issues to others.

This impotency is more prevalent in IT and high pressure sectors.

Women suggest going on holidays with them as stress buster .lol

Men are even pressured even in sex act as they feel they cannot meet demands of women.

Men are unable to accept modern working women who are economic entities in their own right.

Modern man is facing a personal crisis.

How does he cope?

First friends circle can help.

When asked what you do not like in men and are angry with men

Points -Run down women

They are less hygienic.

Men crave for their own space home.

Men like to dominate over women.

Men do not have opinions and are mindless and do only what women want.

Men have no fixed ideas, principles and are unstable. They have many internal fears and have multiple plans to tackle any situation.

One feels pity for modern man who is nose led by others [read wife or relatives]

is man happy?

The guest a male diplomatically says that they are happy outside home.

Men should accept women who with new found freedom are scaling new heights.
 
According to me, no man is complete without a women and no women is complete without her man. It is inter related. However many o the points discussed above are far from true. A friend of mine who is a psychiatrist who also does a lot of counselling on stress busting once told me that women are better managers of stress. They show more temperament in handling a difficult situation with much ease than a man would do. In contrary man has much strong physique, his ability to apply mind is much better than the female counterpart and almost possess an independent thinking. They are quick in decision making which cannot be considered as mindless act.
 
Women expect their better half to be like handsome heroes (not the ones shown in a few recent

Tamil movies with unkempt hair and unshaven face!!) BUT be submissive and obey them. :hail:

Yeah! The expectations are more in women and men are unable to satisfy them. In fact, if I come

across smiling guys, I feel happy because only a few women are able to keep their hubbies happy! :lol:
 
The basic attitude of women are changing. When the older generations mAmis were unhappy with the

mAmAs, they used to say, 'Kasi, Rameswaram-nnu engayAnum kaN kANAmap pOyidalAm pOla irukku!'

where as women of today say,'appadiyE purushanai ERi midhikkalAm pOla irukku!' (Dialogue courtesy:

An earlier 'Neeyaa Naanaa' program) ;)
 
This problem exists in many households irrespective of whether women are housewives or working class...The women of today do not want to be ordered...What they say in case they do not work is that " I am a house wife by choice...Whenever I decide I can be a working woman...You have no right to interfere and take away my rights"....This is the fallout of families turning nuclear!
 
Most boys are brought up by mother in a protected environment.

When they go for studies work in a different city /country, they maintain the link with parents.

Otherwise they are free of responsibilities.

On marriage, they feel constrained and get stressed by home commitments in addition to office pressures in MNCs and IT companies.

Girls if they are also working, stress them inordinately as their expectations are sky high.

In the name of equality [as they are earning and economic entities] , they dictate terms for doing anything.

They dress making fashion statements , make boys take them on fancy holidays, expect romance with explicit acts in public places, use first names of boys in front of

extended families and do not respect them much [as they are sure that they are more competent and smart]. They would like to be treated as equals in every way.

Boys with upbringing in patriarchal set ups are unable to cope with this type of onslaught by girls.The gender equality desiring girls expectations drive many boys to

heavy drinking and smoke and extreme mental stress.

Then girls foisting their parents on boys claiming equality of treatment with boys parents, talking disparagingly of boys parents , relatives of boys have become common place.

All this is distorting life of most boys.They are unable to cope .

Many girls and boys are running to divorce courts claiming incompatibility and inability to have normal sex lives .These days men get blamed for sexual impotency

instead of girls which was normal in earlier days.

Boys have a strong temptation to seek pleasure outside in whichever way possible with friends becoming enablers.

Marriage has ceased to be an attractive proposition for boys.
 
krish44 said:
Most boys are brought up by mother in a protected environment.

When they go for studies work in a different city /country, they maintain the link with parents.

Otherwise they are free of responsibilities.

On marriage, they feel constrained and get stressed by home commitments in addition to office pressures in MNCs and IT companies.

Girls if they are also working, stress them inordinately as their expectations are sky high.

In the name of equality [as they are earning and economic entities] , they dictate terms for doing anything.

They dress making fashion statements , make boys take them on fancy holidays, expect romance with explicit acts in public places, use first names of boys in front of

extended families and do not respect them much [as they are sure that they are more competent and smart]. They would like to be treated as equals in every way.

Boys with upbringing in patriarchal set ups are unable to cope with this type of onslaught by girls.The gender equality desiring girls expectations drive many boys to

heavy drinking and smoke and extreme mental stress.

Then girls foisting their parents on boys claiming equality of treatment with boys parents, talking disparagingly of boys parents , relatives of boys have become common place.

All this is distorting life of most boys.They are unable to cope .

Many girls and boys are running to divorce courts claiming incompatibility and inability to have normal sex lives .These days men get blamed for sexual impotency

instead of girls which was normal in earlier days.

Boys have a strong temptation to seek pleasure outside in whichever way possible with friends becoming enablers.

Marriage has ceased to be an attractive proposition for boys.
Click to expand...

You have assessed the situation quite well...I can now relate why our boys are getting impotent by the day! Westernization is the root cause of this! If we respect family traditions and values our children (girls & boys) too will follow suit..If we hesitate to take care of our parents (I am not mentioning boy's parents intentionally) then what sort of culture are we nurturing?..With so much being spent by parents on girl's education and if there is a need let the girl's parents also be given shelter but not at the cost of boy's parents..I have known families where daughter's elderly parents are kept at arm's distance in next street while boy's parents are staying with them with no bitterness...When there is a need there is help available round the clock!
 
hi

they are happy outside home.


may be correct....happines can't measure....its feeling.....somebody's happiness is sombody's sorrow....
 
Would you be happy if you could buy a "servant", a "sex worker", a "nanny" and does not get paid, OR an equal partner, who demands that you contribute physically and financially?

Happiness is in accepting the reality. If you expect to be treated as a "King" those days are gone. So for a man it is new reality.
 
Its a problem mainly in India I feel.

Women have been subjugated in the past and mothers are bringing up daughters in a defensive way.

Every mother paints a picture that an In Law would behave like an Outlaw and all females become defensive and hostile in their own marriage.

Also success is only measured on the material scale and people are not really happy with anything cos all they want to do is show off to others..for them happiness lies in making another jealous.

As long as happiness is measured on such scales..no human would be happy.

In my stint in India as a student..I over all found Indian females extremely materialistic.

Even the rich ones still want more and more.

Recently I met an Indian citizen here who holds a high post in a medical related company...from TN.

He was complaining to me that Indian men are losing the reins to be in charge of home.

He said now women too are earning and men are not looked up upon anymore as the provider of the home.

He asked me how is the scene in Msia..I said both husband and wife share their earnings for the betterment of the home and both have say and work as a team.

He then said "there..you see..you have a say too..you are not totally dependent on husband..that role of the man deciding is gone"

I told him in that case...ask your wife to stop working and then you decide everything for her.

He said "but she earns well...why should she stop working"

I said see..if a woman earns well ...you are glad but at the same time you want her to be submissive as if she is dependent only on you..you should learn to see a spouse as an equal partner.

Then he said but these days women in India save all their money and spend for their own parents and a family and expect husband to use his earnings for running the house.

I said.."Why you complaining? I thought you wanted a wife to depend on you financially? So let her spend her money and be dependent on you financially?LOL

Its strange that someone so highly educated still wanted a working wife to earn well but yet only let him have full say in finance just becos he is male.

In a way I do not entirely blame indian females for being so defensive with their husbands!
 
Renukaji

What you say about mothers indoctrinating their daughters to be defensive{ IMHO it is offensive] from day 1 because of what they have gone through and make their daughters to distance

themselves from in laws is correct

If the daughters are earning, they expect her to support her parents [ preferably only them excluding boys parents] . They feel in laws are hindrances in this.Hence this promotion of hostility.

The attempt is to manipulate son in law thru daughter and enjoy the income of son in law.Son in law income runs the couples home and girls income is quietly used to support her parents or converted into jewellery for her]

Most educated daughters try to go a foreign soil as one of the means to increase the distance from boys parents. Then they would call only her parents abroad for

support if necessary.The india resident types would like to place themselves very close to girls parents.

In india the girls approach is if you love me , love my parents.So the boy is forced to make a choice feeling guilty about own parents.

Next , the boys get squeezed economically so that his support to his parents is made difficult.

I see this happening in many TB homes.

The boy is stressed mentally and financially.

Besides the financial priorities such as fancy clothes, foreign holidays , partying on weekends mostly on credit cards with less accent on traditional savings is distorting living.

Most boys burn out fast.
 
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Marriage is slowly ceasing to be an attractive proposition with all these issues cropping up post marriage.

I suppose temporary liaison or live ins with option of drop out could add to happiness.

In most developed countries like sweden ,norway or some european countries, better live in models are in place.

But state gives them social security enabling this.

In india except metros like mumbai or bangalore, live ins are less so far.

TBs are still conservative believing in sanctity of marriage at least outwardly.

So one generation of boys have options of choosing to running away from marriage or suffering it with its issues
 
krish44 said:
Marriage is slowly ceasing to be an attractive proposition with all these issues cropping up post marriage.

I suppose temporary liaison or live The with option of drop out could add to happiness.

In most developed countries like sweden ,norway or some european countries, better live in models are in place.

But state gives them social security enabling this.

In india except metros like mumbai or bangalore, live ins are less so far.

TBs are still conservative believing in sanctity of marriage at least outwardly.

So one generation of boys have options of choosing to running away from marriage or suffering it with its issues
Click to expand...
The Nordic tribes populating Norway and Sweden are known for their very low fecundity or fertility. Indians have very high fertility rate. So the comparison is flawed.
 
Vaagmi said:
The Nordic tribes populating Norway and Sweden are known for their very low fecundity or fertility. Indians have very high fertility rate. So the comparison is flawed.
Click to expand...
Assuming what you say is correct, What is the way out?

Keep believing in marriage grappling with all issues post marriage in india

Or head for nordic countries and find an aboriginal there.

The asian receptionist in the hotel in norway I stayed during a visit opted for a norwageian woman ,who sponsored his stay there..lol
 
krish44 said:
Assuming what you say is correct, What is the way out?

Keep believing in marriage grappling with all issues post marriage in india

Or head for nordic countries and find an aboriginal there.

The asian receptionist in the hotel in norway I stayed during a visit opted for a norwageian woman ,who sponsored his stay there..lol
Click to expand...
Krishna,
Anecdotes are just anecdotes and that includes your receptionist at Norway . My point is just that live ins are not a solution for our society as sickles will be out frequently a la Ramkumar of swathi fame.
 
Well said, Vaagmi Sir! :)
Live-ins is NOT a solution because the kids, if produced, will suffer a lot! :ballchain:

I guess Krish Sir has a hidden wish to be born again in India, when live-ins will be wide spread! ;)
 
According to an estimate every third tenant in bangalore is in a live in working in IT or MNCs . MOst landlords are more interested in rents and not in personal lives of

tenants.

In social sites patronised by youngsters, the most common query is which hotel will accept live in couple for trips in chennai or bangalore?

It is a social phenomenon few can ignore.

Most youngsters are hesitant to get into arranged marriages.

Live ins and love marriage is a minimum to be accepted in their social circles.

It is not a matter of my personal wish.

If only you would look around, you will definitely come across many -including tamil brahmin girls outside tamilnadu in relationships with boys.

In tamilnadu , they do not flaunt their boyfriends. Thats the only difference.
 
My observation is Chennai stays more conservative. It is about 10-20 years behind other major cities, in the social sphere.
The Indian courts are more progressive than average Chennaiite (at least the people I know).
It was same when TN was dry, it did not mean that people were not consuming alcohol.
 
prasad1 said:
My observation is Chennai stays more conservative. It is about 10-20 years behind other major cities, in the social sphere.
The Indian courts are more progressive than average Chennaiite (at least the people I know).
It was same when TN was dry, it did not mean that people were not consuming alcohol.
Click to expand...
hi

genrally tamil nadu more conservative when compare our own neighbor states...
 
krish44 said:
............. Live ins and love marriage is a minimum to be accepted in their social circles.

It is not a matter of my personal wish.
Click to expand...
Dear Krish Sir,

I was just kidding you because this topic appears in Chit Chat; no offence intended! :)

When money is the main criteria, who will bother about the tenants living in their house! :lol:
 
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