The Punjabification of TamBrahm weddings: Sangeets and lehengas in the land of Sambh

When a group of 60-somethings pick gold-rimmed sherwanis over veshtis, when the banana leaf is replaced by an edible naan bowl and when Karan Johar’s latest is chosen over a MS Subbulakshmi classic – do you laugh at the changing face of a the TamBrahm wedding or cry over spilt payasam?

Correct that. Phirni, not Payasam. (And it wasn’t even an inter-community wedding)


Lo and Behold, maamas and maamis. The Punjabification of the TamBrahm wedding is now nearly complete. Gone are the days when scent of authentic south Indian cuisine and rose water rented the air at these wedding. Along with the success of Dilwale, and the need for the Brahmin community to act cool, feel fancy and pretend to be progressive, came the Paneer Butter Masala in the pandhi (the meal seating), relegating the Sambhar to a kiosk in the corner meant only for the old people.
We could give the Nichayatartham a miss, but there is nothing as uncool as not having a Mehendi. If we are a bit classy, we will have some whiskey along with it too.


Bearing witness to the Mehendi are lehengas dominating over silk sarees - or a silk saree refashioned into one. A resigned 70-year-old looks on, wondering what an edamame bajji fried in olive oil is. A small, no frills pre wedding function is now a mammoth socialising event.
Whether the bride trade coconuts playfully at Nalangu or not, there has to be the well-rehearsed ‘surprise’ Sangeet. Worse, Sangeets are now Sangeethams. Bright pink, purple and blue lights with smoke and fireworks that almost match the glitter on a dancing classmate’s garish lipstick.

Picture Courtesy: Wedding Sutra

After half-an-hour of choreographed dancing to the latest Bollywood hits and one Tamil song for old times’ sake, viewers are equally exhausted. There are thank-yous going around for cooperation after 10 days of rehearsals (Skype to the rescue if the participants are spread across the globe).
Where is the simplicity, asks an angry old man, who is promptly lured to the stage with the promise of filter coffee at the end of a dance session to Honey Singh’s latest.
Wedding days are a horrific intermingling of panchagachams and jodhpuris. But is that a 9 yards I spy? A traditional madisaar? Are those banana leaves with rice on them? Was the last 7 days of cocktail parties and mehendis and deconstructed curd rice just a heady, psychedelic show of throwing money around? Oh heavens. The muhurthanaal brings the wedding back to its natural form. Order has been restored.
Wait. The reception invite came with a box of dry fruits and a poster of a bride in a palanquin. What's a South Indian wedding anymore? What lies ahead, Idiyappam with a mirch ka salan?http://www.thenewsminute.com/articl...ding-sangeets-and-lehangas-land-sambhar-45346

In the next century our men will come in a space shuttle ...May be we will have space marriages too...TB will just be for identity..But it will be diluted beyond recognition!

hi

more and more GUJARATIFICATION OF TAMBRAM weddings are happening in USA....

This is just evolution, and survival of the fittest, no?

A recent suggest colorful environment makes people more happy and cheerful. That way I think, Punjabis must be the happiest persons in world as they always wear colorful attires. Wedding is the most important occasion in ones life and they will leave no stone unturned to make it as colorful as they can. Unlike in TB wedding where only Ladies put on colorful saries and the Mamas and other gents prefers to be in whites, Punjabis puts on their traditional kurtas, colorful head gears and of course who can forget the Bhangra band... Perhaps that colorful life may be the reason behind their life seems so happy. If that's true I don't find any thing wrong in our people also adopts some modes of happiness from Punbjabis..... Its era of Globalization.. mind it!!

i got invited to a recent wedding in chennai. both sides tambrams.

three parties prior to wedding - one disco with open bar, one sangeet and one mehndi.

wedding evening reception carnatic music. with all the usual paraphernalia like oonjal, kasi yathrai, nalangu also present.

kunjuppu said:

i got invited to a recent wedding in chennai. both sides tambrams.

three parties prior to wedding - one disco with open bar, one sangeet and one mehndi.

wedding evening reception carnatic music. with all the usual paraphernalia like oonjal, kasi yathrai, nalangu also present.

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TBs are not known to be very demonstrative of emotions, whether it is a happy occasion or a sad occasion. They always observe restraint traditionally. In a marriage the maxiumum they allowed themselves was a kutchery which is listened to and enjoyed. In a death, it was a glum faced silence. In the case of other communities in TN it was always very demonstrative. If it was a marriage it was a lot of pomp and show and if it was a death it was a lot of chest beating and loud oppaari and the funeral procession was one of dancing and flowing alcohol. This was the tradition. I am just stating a fact. There is nothing good or bad about it nor great or trivial about it. I am not judgmental about it. But times are changing. Traditional restraint is gone. So we have lot of money spent on mehndi, Lehenga, three piece suit or Sherwani specially stitched,liquour, dancing and singing and a wild party.

Is the change for good or bad?

Change is often neither good nor bad. It is inevitable.

dear vaagmi, biswa,

i dont know if change is good, bad or even inevitable (for the type of change that we are witnessing).

my own dream change, is a simple marriage, ie 2-3 hours of base ceremony without any paraphernalia (which appear outgrowth of child marriages eg oonjal or maalai maatral or nalangu). a lunch & disperse.

the money saved should be spent on some good deeds like education or medical bills for the needy of our own community.

guaranteed that this type of marriage will be talked about for decades to come.

we appear to be going the wrong way in spending the money we earn. in the case i mentioned, and in the past few tambram weddings in chennai, i estimate atleast a crore spent if not more (sum total including jewellery, airfare, hotel accommodation), all because the self made fathers of the bride wanted to impress people.

Those who have lot of money , time , energy and resources can indulge in these sort of activities and nothing wrong . The problem comes only when people borrow money to indulge in these sort of activities just to show off and screw their next phase of life . A relative of mine lavishly spent for 2 of his daughter's marriage by borrowing money in the late 80s and is yet to recover from that financial mess and added to that was he lost the relationship and friendship of those whom he borrowed money and was unable to repay them . Worst of all his 2 daughters are right now in a very miserable condition ( financially + their personal life is bad ) and they attribute it to the curse their father incurred by borrowing money heavily for their marriage and not repaying the same .

So in essence : If you have lot of money , time ,energy , resources by all means enjoy and celebrate but when you do not have money , do not waste it for 1 day show off and ruin the future of yourself as well as your children . Laugh and Celebrate - the world will laugh and celebrate with you . Weep and be in distress and you will have to weep and suffer in silence alone .

kunjuppu said:

i got invited to a recent wedding in chennai. both sides tambrams.

three parties prior to wedding - one disco with open bar, one sangeet and one mehndi.

wedding evening reception carnatic music. with all the usual paraphernalia like oonjal, kasi yathrai, nalangu also present.

Click to expand...

Probably then can serve non veg and drugs too...I do not think 95% of TB's have so much of money that they can spend their life earnings on such lavish extravagance! Majority are still struggling to give good education to their wards and getting their children married!

A South Indian wedding is still the best..its very calm and soft and out here at least in Msia..no alcohol.

Punjabi weddings can get loud...I can't stand loud weddings.

vgane said:

Probably then can serve non veg and drugs too...I do not think 95% of TB's have so much of money that they can spend their life earnings on such lavish extravagance! Majority are still struggling to give good education to their wards and getting their children married!

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I have attended few weddings like this. You would be surprised at the extravaganza of these TamBram weddings.

prasad1 said:

I have attended few weddings like this. You would be surprised at the extravaganza of these TamBram weddings.

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I have never witnessed a single Tambrahm wedding where alcohol or meat is served...Even the few rich weddings were I went it was taboo...May be you are in company of the neo rich ultra modern gentry..

vgane said:

Probably then can serve non veg and drugs too...I do not think 95% of TB's have so much of money that they can spend their life earnings on such lavish extravagance! Majority are still struggling to give good education to their wards and getting their children married!

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Drugs and Non veg in a TB wedding, is too much for asking. Don't possible for another 100 years to come..

vgane said:

I have never witnessed a single Tambrahm wedding where alcohol or meat is served...Even the few rich weddings were I went it was taboo...May be you are in company of the neo rich ultra modern gentry..

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Sorry I did not say that they had NV and alcohol, but the money aspect.

As some member has mentioned above Till date, our marriages are done in the conservative manner only. Some aspects have been added by the people conducting marriages , when it is ith different sub-castes. We should not grudge as long as thetraditiol aspects are adopted. Lot of things , I always think that any changes we see these days are only with the initiative/ consent of the women folk of both sides. You should remember ----When the Recepion was started to perform prior to marriage must have been approved by the Women & that is why it has not been commented upon ?
My wish is this :- our traditional Muhurtha Saappadu may be restricted to minimum & the menu may be mixed varieties , as we have seen that Tastes have changed & thus can avoid huge wastage of Muhurta saapadu .

GANESH65 said:

Drugs and Non veg in a TB wedding, is too much for asking. Don't possible for another 100 years to come..

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hi

no need...its happening ...may not be in TB TO TB WEDDINGS.....all IC/IR MARRIAGES....these are very common norm...

i think the food that is served is more in line with the wishes of the couple or maybe the wishes of the families. i cannot imagine, that this is done solely to please one party, especially in this day and age.

i can only observe, that we are increasingly eclectic in our practices. i have seen the most vedic of our weddings conducted by arya samaj person here in toronto. bereft of all paraphernalias like oonjal,maalai matral & nalangu, it is conducted in a professorial style, with the 'priest' narrating the events per an agenda.

the basics are the same as us with saptapadi as the main event, not mangalsutra. start to finish, in less than 2 hours. the bride and groom arrive to the dais on their own, the parents sit across each other, away from the bride/groom. even tying thali, the groom does it on his own, without the father 'giving away' the daughter, and no one to do 'pin thaali' knots.

on another topic, recently i attended a punjabi funeral. very simple and done in 1/2 hour with the prayers, with none of the pathos or breastbeating found in our tradition. everyone including the women and the men and children, dressed in simple white. contrast that with another tambram funeral two days ago, our women coming with old clothes, the men unshaved and contrasted that with the white mourners, who were modestly but soberly dressed.

i guess it takes all sorts to make up this increasingly multicultural societies.