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Travails of a Tambram Wedding

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Lalit

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Stumbled upon this old write-up!


[h=1]Travails of a Tambram Wedding[/h]By Kishore V Ramsubramonian -



It’s been years since I attended a tambram wedding, so when I got an opportunity to attend, it was too tempting to refuse given my curiosity to study the evolution of this phenomenon over the years. Any effort to find a marriage hall among the melee of the street vendors amidst a crowded alleyway in West Mambalam (in Chennai) on a Saturday evening is the next easiest thing after the proverbial needle in a haystack. A broken down auto rickshaw in the subway, a stubborn buffalo in the middle of the road, the carefree old women who cross the road as though it is the backyard of their houses and a TASMAC shop by the side were only that much more helpful.
Before we realised anything we were in front of kasi halwa, a white and yellow (lime) sevai (tambram noodles), two different chutneys (sauces), bonda and a cup of coffee. They quickly disappeared as fast as they appeared as we moved into the auditorium to the glitz and glamour of the attendees and the hosts. The ladies were busy adjusting their pallus and pleats and the length of the necklaces to accentuate the openings of their designer tops and blouses. The young girls were displaying the dazzling zari of pattu pavadais (silk gowns) . The men were mere shadows of their opposite gender quietly curtseying to whoever the spouse introduced them to or furtively glancing the openings of the designer tops.
(engagement) and the exchanges of suits and boots were quickly rounded up and the suited and booted groom with decked up bride were receiving the guests and smiling for the kodak moments with each of them. Girlfriends of yesteryears are all now mamis with multiple tires around waistlines. The music troop was busy balancing the sounds of the deafening orchestra that drowned the out of place voice of the vocalist who was singing more to himself in the middle of cacophony. The nadaswaram was upping the ante of this group with their untimely interludes. The loud shrills of a young girl frustrated by the friction caused by the overdone zari of her dress was an unexpected accompaniment. The fusion of the rumali roti, chole, bhirinji (pulav rice), bisibela, rasam and curd rice with a few sweet meats was quite representative of the heterogenous crowd that assembled there. Outside the dining hall, there were cut fruits and molten vanilla ice cream that resembled the idli maavu (batter) than ice cream, so much so, the ice cream spade that is used to carve it out was left there unattended like an adopted child in a pedigreed family.​
The next day morning breakfast was heavy with idlis, pongal bereft of ghee, oothappam, vadai, sambar, white and kara (red) chutney, sakkarai pongal and coffee. After loading ourselves with the week’s quota of sugars we headed to the kasi yatrai and oonjal. The functions are now entirely hijacked by the photographers and videographers and the priest and the hapless elders just play along to their whims and fancies. An air conditioned hall closed with homam smoke and other toxic emissions by the biological beings within and around it, the discordant notes played by the nadaswaram and the rampant rumblings of the ghetti melam of thavil, in the pandemonium there with all the ingredients in the breakfast are a perfect recipe for a migraine. So before they all could conspire such an effect on me I slowly sneaked out to catch some fresh air.
“Aangirasa, Barhaspathya, Bharadwaja, thrayaarsheya…” the rishis and the clan were being invoked; “….mahadeva sharmanaha naptre..” the pedigree was being read out; “….mahavishnu swaroopaya…” the kanyadanam (the handover of the bride) was going on. The sister-in-law of the bride takes charge of the situation and leads the bride with her arakku pudavai (red solemnising saree) to don her in the traditional madisaar way and brings her back for the mangalsutra. “Kanyam kanaka sampannam, kanakaabharana bhooshitaam daasyami vishnave tubhyam brahmaloka jigeeshaya”. “I present you with my virgin daughter enriched by gold and adorned by golden jewels and ornaments (whether negotiated or by my own volition) to you O Vishnu who is in front of me as the bridegroom, in return for a seat in Bhramaloka”. The burden is handed over duly. Tears flow and flowers throw. Hands shake and legs ache. Fruit cocktails are served which are more froth and less fluids. A frail hand touches my shoulder as I turn back.
“Aren’t you Kishore? Don’t you remember me? N S Subramanya Iyer’s house in Karamanai?”….the old man was trying his best to impress me with his credentials. His eyes which are now deep into the sockets were twinkling at the find of a treasure. I was trying my best to recollect the exact location of his house and my memories associated with it. I could then vaguely remember the pride in which those eyes used to watch me as I recite the kramam in sri rudram on pradosham days. For no apparent reason tears were flowing down the old man’s eyes as I kept holding his hands. A wedding is also a time travel into the past and an unravel of its glory for many.
The lunch was too early after such a heavy breakfast. It was once again a fusion of savuth indyun ishtyle. There were kosambaris and also different pachadis and panchamruthams. The kaaLan was without its characteristic sourness and pepper. The usili was more of paruppu (dal) and less of beans. The solid ingredients in the payasam had nicely sedimented down to display their refusal to combine with the liquid. The fluttering drapery of the dining table shamelessly exposed a stray oothappam from the morning, lying beneath it on the floor like a lonely full moon on a starless firmament. We quickly finished the rituals of the feast and tried to catch the washbasin before it starts to overflow due to the blocked drains. A sweet pan and the return favour bag were to be grabbed on the way out as we once again stood out for a few kodak moments with the tired and contended young couple. Wishing them all the very best we slowly withdrew from the scene and into our car for an early siesta
Marriages of tambrams have hardly evolved except for the fusion in the food and music and the designer tops of the ladies. The rest of the travails remain the same, with an exception of an occasional frail hand on the shoulder and the eyes that reminisce the olden days and melt down. The buffalo and the old ladies had long gone, so was that auto rickshaw that was towed to the nearest mechanic shop and the TASMAC shop closed from the long and punishing sales that lasted very late into the night and the crowds who relished that hard fought potion were still in their deep slumber induced by it. The return trip was relatively smooth and relaxingly lonely in overloaded car burdened by the additional loads in the bellies of its passengers.
Image courtesy: http://www.momentville.com/AparnaAndSundar2011/tam_bram_wedding_rituals
the above link is also a good guide about the rituals for starters


 
Nice .Thanks.

The writer has a hang up about designer tops that ladies wear.lol

He appears to be a foodie describing in great detail the fare doled out.

Weddings have become a tamasha for all except for those getting married who are in a trance and in a world of their own.

I am hoping some would be bold enough to reduce the fanfare and make it simple involving only close ones and make it a memorable experience
 
Weddings have become a tamasha for all except for those getting married who are in a trance and in a world of their own.

I am hoping some would be bold enough to reduce the fanfare and make it simple involving only close ones and make it a memorable experience

This is an occasion for celebration for the family...Also a chance to meet our relatives....As it stands number of marriages have reduced drastically...If we make this very close door affairs we will soon forget our marriage traditions...However excessive opulence in weddings to be avoided
 
One can maintain traditions without burning money on non essentials . If there is surplus money , it can be given to the couple getting married to set yup their homes.

They will be thankful for that.paying marriage contractors, engaging big halls and illuminating them and passing on the costs to parents of girls is immoral.Most girls try

to escape from traditional families only for that reason.
 
Nice .Thanks.

The writer has a hang up about designer tops that ladies wear.lol

He appears to be a foodie describing in great detail the fare doled out.

Weddings have become a tamasha for all except for those getting married who are in a trance and in a world of their own.

I am hoping some would be bold enough to reduce the fanfare and make it simple involving only close ones and make it a memorable experience

Nothing doing. Whether you gulp it or not you are sure to be served with variety of morning breakfast followed by some soft drinks (No hard/hot drinks) and then immediately with a heavy lunch, most of the serves going waste and to the dust bin. You know this is the occasion for the bride's parents to show their money power to all those who visited the marriage. You have not mentioned about Thambulam bag or packet along with some religeous books containing once you heard stothrams but never to be looked upon by the guests.


2011-01-24-Sangeetha-and-Viveks-Wedding-434-880x586.jpg
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In the name of tradition, mAmAs lifting the bride and groom has entered the agenda! :D

Seeing the first couple in picture above, I pity those mAmAs!! :(
 
A relative of mine did a lavish wedding for his daughter just to show off and it was all just borrowed money ( from many relatives , friends and money lenders ) and he remained in debts even after retirement .Luckily one of his sister who was unmarried paid of his major debts especially those taken with money lenders and she could only pay the principal to the friends and relatives with her accumulated savings and because of that this relative of mine was boycotted by most of his friends and family members and he lost all the respect and worst of all his daughers lead a very wretched life now and they claim that their marriage resulted in receiving more curses than blessings because of the money borrowed by their father which was not fully repaid .
 
I do not know what a girls father gains by inviting almost unknown persons for wedding and putting up a show.At a recent finalisation of wedding in our extended family [

A cousins son] , I had suggested to both girls and boys parties to have small numbers, the boy side increased their numbers to 200 from 75 and girls side not to be outdone

made their sides numbers 800.They also booked a hall with size two times the requirement.I have decided not to attend the wedding .When half the country is in

drought, poverty and hunger leading to suicides , it is immoral to do such lavish weddings. Both parties are not very well off. Just misplaced priorities..
 

Thane family downsizes wedding, Parel engineer gives 40% salary for farmers


http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/...0-salary-for-farmers/articleshow/50978839.cms


MUMBAI: The country's commercial capital does have a heart, after all. Responding to the plight of the state's distressed farmers, the Vadkes from Thane downsized their daughter's wedding and donated Rs 6 lakh to two villages in Jalna and Nanded. Besides, a railway engineer from Parel, Biman Biswas, has been donating almost 40% of his salary every month to farmers who live more than 700 km away.

The Vadke family is one example of how, despite their comfortable life, people from the city are responding to the severe drought in the state.

Vivek Vadke (59) a chemical engineer has set an example for others to follow, by cutting down expenses on his daughter's wedding and donating the amount to two drought-affected villages in Marathwada. This region is the most-affected area in the state, with just 8% water stocks remaining.

The family has donated to Padali village in Jalna and Dapshed village in Nanded.

Vivek and his wife Vasanti have always been very active socially and connected with the Gram Vikas wing of the Rashtriya Swayamsevak Sangh. They decided to not spend money on decorations and other unimportant things and saved Rs 6 lakh, which was then donated to two villages. The money will be used to desilt and widen rivers that run along these villages so that they are ready to accommodate more water during the monsoon.


"We were quite aware of the situation in the state and did not want to spend money on things that are not too important like decorations," said Vivek. Their daughter, Jaai, a bio-informatics graduate, married Tejas, a fighter pilot on December 24 after which the sum was personally handed over to the villagers.

"After visiting the villages, we realized that the best way to use the money would be to help deepen and widen the water resources in these villages to increase their capacity for the monsoon," said Vadke.

As for Biman Biswas, a senior section engineer working with the Central Railway, he has been donating almost 40% of his salary to support at least 10 farmers and their families in Marathwada. His philanthropy started out with supporting two farmers. When he realized that his donations were saving families, he increased the number of people he would reach.

"All my leaves were used to travel to villages in Yavatmal and Beed. The issue of farmer suicide is beyond drought, fair prices, cultivation practices are all related," said Biswas, who is due to retire in six months and will be spending his post-retirement time to work with farmers.

Biswas was very emotional while talking about his experience with the farmers and their families. He said that Rs 5,000 is all that it takes to keep a farmer from committing suicide. "It's a matter of small donations and we can save them. More and more people should start adopting families of farmers who are in need."
 
Dear friends, what is written in 3 and 4 , that is what now a days sensible , experienced Brahmins prefer. We all vouch that Marriage should be restricted . to the close relatives close friends who are part of both families (Boy:s & Girl's parents should meet & decide mutually & fix a mini Hall which would suffice for a decent & enjoyable , get-together like. Let the Solemn marriage go on & all can pay attention to Vadhyar chanting Mantras &we can literall to listen to the mantras & enjoy the Divine sanskrit words & happily enjoy with one another in the small area. There is no chance for strange faces to pay attention to? The families coming to T.N.from U.S would not only &definitely welcome & would happily participate & really Enjoy limited number of close relatives & would propagate, because in U.S our Son/ daughter;s marriages are celebrated with hardly 50 to 100 persons,depending on the contacts they have in that country.
On this Topic, I feel very happy that the veterans who have given their thoughts are for austre marriage. I am sure that the left over Veterans would take the lead & strenghthen
the idea & allow the same to reach its logical end . Please ensure that this most important Topic is allowed to move on POSITIVE way .In that case, by God;s Grace , we the participants could feel proud as it would pave way for All Brahmins to follow,whether well-to-do or not ?

Sicerely,

A.Srinivasan ( Rishikesan )
mins to follow, either well-to-do or not ?
 
Cont;------I would like to inform you fellow Members of this Forum that i have come to Florida/ Cape canaveral for 6 months to be with my Daughter Sow Rama/ Mr Kannan Engineer, Nasa area. & I felt like writing on the Topic in the calm atmosphere of Ocean front/ calm Beach. the atmosphere is fine for clear thoughts & recouping better health. I consider all in the Forum as friends& hence venture to share some good things
A.Srinivasan
 
In the name of tradition, mAmAs lifting the bride and groom has entered the agenda! :D

Seeing the first couple in picture above, I pity those mAmAs!! :(

Mami whom do you refer in the first picture? Bridegroom,who himself looks like a mama,or real mamas standing around him.
 
Are you not scared by seeing that bride with a wide open mouth, pushing a huge laddu into her better-half's mouth, T B S Sir? :fear:
 
Are you not scared by seeing that bride with a wide open mouth, pushing a huge laddu into her better-half's mouth, T B S Sir? :fear:
hi madam,

bride with a wide open mouth...even bride is okay/......but what about topless mama?..lol
 
attachment.php


There is no Kolai veri...Just the fear of the bride that her decorated fingers will be chopped off!
hi

not like that...she thinks that she push laddu to his mouth ..she just give warning to him that he should not OPEN his mouth

to his mother about her....
 
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