In kerala side thengai pal will be given after rasam saadam.For this samayal use all which are bought from provision shop. we do not use the provisions which we are using daily. The remainig portion of the newly bought provisions will be used for daily use.On the previous day or even before to the sumangali prarthanai one must take gingilly oil shihakai powder vaasanai podi manjal podi and kumkum to the houses of all ladies who are participating,They must be requested to have oil bath with this and come to partake of food with wearing 9 yards saree. If you are having sufficient place in your house you may request them to come to your house and take oil bath in your house. for which you have to get their 9 yards saree and inner garments on the previous day itself and you have to pour water after sunset ,spin and it must be spread in the upstairs to dry.Also you must have more than one bath room or it will be very late to have all participants to take oil bath in your house. also you must have enough space to spread the wet clothes for all the participants. The border (thalapu) should not face south.The daughters in law are not allowed to sit as pondugal because of same gothram. This may vary with aathu palakkam and ooru palakkam Washing of brass vessals and trays and kuthu vilakku and gas stove will be there on the previous night.On the morning of the day wash the entrance of the house and draw maavu kolam kalyana kolam and put semman and place mango leaf bunches on the main door. The eldest sumangali person of that house is the kartha. the kartha and her daughter in laws will not take oil bath. The kartha wil take snaanam. and then only the 9 yards saree and a blouse bit 2. 3. will be drenched in water facing east after having applied manjal podi , kumkumam and a drop of oil shikakai powder and spin to dry and then spread it to make it dry with thalaipu not facing south.in the auspicous time that is after seeing gowri panchangam. in the auspicious time put a palagai request the sister or boys/girls father's sister to sit on the palagai give her kumkumam and place oil on her head and sumangali pondugalaga varikkavum.let us name the place where we are going to place the saree as pudavai kalam. put a square maavu kolan on the floor over that put a palagai and put mavu kolam on that. In front of that put a mavu kolam to place the nuni elai; on both sides of the pudavai kalam put maavu kolam for 2 nuni elais beside for elais facing north or east or west.Fold the dry saree or kosuvi so that the pallu comes on the top . the corner of the same should not face south.fold the blouse and keep it above the saree. then keep the following. one medium size or big size mirror. on one tray place 100 betels, more kali pakku, urundai manjal in plenty, banana fruits about 12 in nos and flowers.10 yards of thodutha pushpam malli or kadambam and roses, in another tray put maruthani, nalangu mavu, sukku vellam, put gold chain or other gold ornaments above the saree.place a brass kudam filled with water and elaikai powder. some family will put dry ginger powder also. one sombu paanakam with cardamom powder and one sombu neer mor with curry leaves and coriander leaves salt and kadugu thaalippu. family custom will differ here also.2 coconuts pasted with manjal powder.keep the pavadai thundu and ravikai thundu for the kanya pen should also placed here.dakshinai coins to be given to these pondugal.with betel and betel nut glass bangles, manjal kumkum eyetex; maruthani mirror and comb.on the kolam in front of the pudavai kalam put double nuni elai (after washing all the nuni elais with water) one overlapping the other as you are doing for sratham. elai nuni should not face south. On other mavu kolams place 1 nuni elai and drinking water.Start before or after rahu kalam. When the ladies arrive, give them turmeric powder and water to wash their legs and apply turmeric powder and come.Then give them chandanam kumkumam flowers and ask them to sit or stand as per family custom near the nuni elais..Offer all items of menu to the pudavai kalam first and then serve to all clockwise without ending in south direction. Show doopam and deepam to pudavai kalam first and then to all clockwise without ending in south direction.after taking oil bath before starting taking food in the nuni elai these pondugal should not take any food or water or coffee. Because they should not pass urine or hoding urine in the bladder which will irritate them .so before applying oil on their head they have to take milk or fruits as now a days all are having diabetus. The conducting person now should take in the hand manjal akshadai,flowers, manjal podi,chandanam, kumkumam and a uthirini of water sprinkle below the pallu of the saree in the pudavai kalasam and (in mind) pay respects to all the deceased members of the 4. family by calling their names and also tell arindava ariyathava therindava theriyathva ellorum sapida varungal enru alaikka vendum then tell if there is any fault or deficient forgive me and help me and bless us in the coming marriage or poonal pour the akshadai and flowers and chandanam and kumkumam on the kalasa pudavai do pradhakshina namaskaram facing the pudavai.Do neivedhyam to the swamy (pudavai) eleai with broken coconut banana fruits and thamboolam. Then camphor karpoora arathi to swamy elai and then to all pondugal. In some families no kalpoora harathy. Then offer one uthirni of water from pancha pathram first to the swamy elai and then to each pondugal on their right hand. they have to drink this all in 5. the same time. then saapaadu can start. after meals is over for all the sumangalis pour one uthirini of water first to swami elai and then to all and they have to take in the same time. nobody should get up half way through.move the pudavai kalam to north. After the meals the ladies should br given neer mor, paanakam, sukku vellam. then smear haldi on their legs and put nalangu on their legs,offer flowers chandanam kumkumam.give them thamboolam and chunnam. keep in a plate the gifts=for each betel pakku banana dhakshinai, blouse bit co conut with husk gundu manjal,comb ,mirror, glass bangles,eyetex,maruthani, give this on their pallu (pudavai thalapu)Give manjal akshadai on their hand do namaskaram and ask them to bless.you. give the dhaavani to the kanya pon who will be your grand daughter. The kartha and the other daughter in law of that house will share the swamy elai meals.These pondugals should not take food at that night. they can take fruits and milk.In the evening in an auspicious time the daughter of that family or sister in law will wear the pudavai and then after sometime it will be placed on the palakai. only on the next day the pudavai will be given to the daughter of the family or to some poor class people according to the family custom. If the daughter is not wearing 9 yards daily that 9 yards may be taken by the daughter in law or sister in law and a 6 yards saree will be given to the daughter.In some family this pudavai is kept in the loft in a mud pot and in the next time when they are doing this the old one from loft will be used by the daughter and the new one will go to the loft with the mud pot. In the evening in an auspicious time the daughter of the kartha or the sister in law member of that family must do like this and also male members after taking bath should do as written above, decorate both the mirror and saree and M I L "S photo with thodutha pushpam and in some families they are putting marapachi in front of the mirror, , Sumangali Prarthana, . This is a ritual seeking the blessings of women of the family who are no more; something akin to the nandi sradham, only there are no vedic rituals or mantras in this ritual. It is purely a ladies’ function. In most families this function is performed during important events like marriage, upanayanam etc, while in some families it is performed every year. It is believed that performing this puja will satisfy the unfulfilled yearnings of all the girls and ladies who have passed away at young age and they would in turn bless the family. It is common practice to conduct the Sumangali Prarthana before the marriage if the daughter is getting married and after the new daughter-in-law comes home if the son is getting married. This function is not performed on Tuesdays or Saturdays.Usually, 7 ladies and 2 young girls (preferably below the age of 10) are invited to participate in the function, partake the feast and receive thamboolam. There is no objection for near relatives of the hostess to participate. Now a days many people do with 7 (6+1) or (5+2) ladies as it has become difficult to get together the 9 ladies to sit for the function. Usually only sumangalis are only invited for the purpose though I have heard that there are exceptions to this rule. Different families follow different customs. The ladies who sit for the puja represent all the women of the family who are no more alive. Since there is no explicit avahanam through manthrams of any pithrus, ladies generally accept the invitation. This function is very akin to the nandi sradham performed prior to the upanayanam in many respects. While nandi sradham is presided over and conducted by the purohitha of the family and the kartha is a gent; this function is presided over by the elderly lady members of the family. Usually the kartha is a sumangali from the family. The gifts to the ladies vary among families and also depend on the financial status of the kartha, very similar to the nandi sradham. The menu for the feast is also very similar. Though no vedic rituals are performed, Sumangali Prarthana is considered to be a very important and sacred function and all the preparations are done with a great deal of Shradha and Bhakthi. This is one function where the gents of the family are excluded from the rituals. They are asked to enter the hall only after initial puja is offered to do namaskarams and seek the blessings. Otherwise, they can stick around to offer any help around or in the kitchen and then await call for lunch, when the ladies have been fed and seen off. The consent and convenience of all the prospective participants would have been obtained in advance and there would always be a few standbys for any unexpected dropouts. In the olden days, the preparations for the function had to start the previous evening. Armed with a bucket of oil and packets of turmeric powder, kumkum, flowers, betel leaves and nuts, and shikakai powder, we would go to all the invitees’ houses and invite them giving a measure of oil and the other things we carried. The items were for the lady’s bath and adornment the next day. I am not sure if the custom is being followed anywhere today. Perhaps, these days one would have to carry, shampoo sachets, moisturizing cream, lipstick and the like. We did not have that invitation round this time at our home as most of the participants were from the family and immediate family. All the participants are supposed to take an oil bath in the morning and come dressed in 9 yards saree only. There is no match to the beauty of the ladies all dressed in nine yards sarees and with no make up other than turmeric powder in their face and flowers in their hair, fresh from an oilbath.In memory of those souls who are no more with us, a new 9 yards saree and pavadai as offering (these two would be used by some members of the family after the puja) are kept in wooden trays, along with oil, betel leaves, flowers, turmeric, kumkum and neem leaves early in the morning and the blessings are sought. This has to be done by a member of the family before taking bath! In all our rituals, I have not some across another ritual which is done before taking bath. As I was staying at a neighboring house (not enough space for all invitees at home), my mother sent word for me at 5.30am. I sent back the messenger as I was yet to bathe. My mother sent the messenger back saying, “I want her to come here before taking bath”. It has been a long time since I myself conducted this ritual. When my astute and blessed mother-in-law was alive, she used to take care of these little things and I used to be busy in the kitchen.My mother made me offer the saree and pavadai with oil and other items to the elders (who are in heaven) and asked me to pray for their blessings for the family. This done, the saree had to be washed and dried before the actual function.In some families new dresses for all the girls and ladies of the family are bought and kept at the puja and later on used by the family members. Anyway, not all the dresses are washed prior to the function. Though the cooking for this function is usually done by the women in the family, the hired cook prepared the feast as all of us were quite tired after the poonool. An elaborate lunch (again samaradhanai vattam) was prepared includingParikkai pitla,Vazhakkai kariChakka kari,Pudalangai thoran,Payar thoran,Pachadi,Kichadi,Parippu,Rasam ThogayalPayasam.The menu also included three types of fruits, mango, jackfruit and banana. Vadai and Neiyappam were also prepared. It is a practice at home to make polis which was discontinued this time as no one was in a mood to have more sweets. When all the invited ladies arrive, they are received with kumkum, haldi, flowers and pachai (rouge!). This pachai is a paste made of kumkum and water and is applied on both sides of the cheek outside the earlobes. They are then taken to the function hall where a place has been marked for each one with two places for the deceased seniors at the head of the hall. The saree and pavadai meant for the deceased seniors are kept in the palakai along with some gold chain and flowers and betel leaves, neemleaves, turmeric and kumkum. Banana leaves are laid out for serving food at the place where the saree and pavadai are kept (this place is called pudavai kalam – meaning where pudavai or saree is kept) meant for the departed souls and also for all the invited participants, after having invoked the departed seniors. After all the items are served on the leaves, puja is done offering flowers, turmeric powder, kumkum betel leaves, neem leaves and water to the departed souls and all the invitees, by the eldest lady of the family .The other members of the family including male members offer puja and namaskarms at the pudavai kalam site only. Doopam and Deepam are offered at the place where elders are invoked, i.e., at the pudavai kalam and also to all the participating ladies by the eldest lady of the family. This is one of the functions where ladies are served first. After lunch, the ladies are given a special mixture called Chukkumanam (mixture of dried ginger and jaggery) as a digestive aid after the heavy meal. They are also given paanakam to drink. They are offered thamboolam, dakshina and mehendi. These days, people give more expensive gifts like sarees, bangles, and the like to the invited ladies. After the invited ladies are seen off, the other members of the family have their lunch. The food served at pudavai kalam ( the two places earmarked for the departed ) is partaken of by two ladies of the family.After lunch the saree and pavadai are given to some family members who have to wear them and replace them at the same place. In the night a pot of water is also kept near the pudavai kalam to quench the thirst of the heavenly visitors.In the olden days (during the time of my grandmother), the saree kept at the pudavai kalam was kept inside a trunk after the function and worn only after the next Sumangali Prarthana. The saree inside the box, kept after the previous Sumangali Prarthana was taken out on this occasion and worn by a member of the family. It so happened that sometimes the interval between two Sumangali Prarthanas was too long and by the time the saree was taken out it would have started wearing out. Hence after my grandmother passed away, the elders in the family decided to discontinue this practice of keeping the saree inside a box. Thus ended the grand finale to our big get together. All the guests started taking leave one by one from that evening with loads and loads of happy memories of the past few days.