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Is this the independence that our elderly seek?

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This is a photo of a 87 year old woman cooking on her own..She manages all her activities on her own...Her name is Mrs Shila Ghosh...She is really independent...I do not want to discuss about her...But how many old women like her are still cooking or made to cook on their own without any support..What if something falls on her and she is unable to take care of herself...Really sad that we are allowing our elders to do these activities!


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Source:Facebook
 
Dear Ganesh,

The elderly persons don't 'seek' this sort of independence; they are forced to have it! :sad:
 
hi

there are 2 reasons for this....one is created by herself.....other is forced to do herself......there is beautiful sanskrit verse....

MATA RAKSHATI BALYE......PITA RAKSHATI KAUMARE....PATIHI RAKSHATI YAUVANE.....PUTRO RAKSHATI VAARDHAKYE....

NA STRI SWANTHARYAM ARHATI.....i know many ppl jump on me ....its okay....but reality hurts....
 
Raji Ram said:
Dear Ganesh,

The elderly persons don't 'seek' this sort of independence; they are forced to have it! :sad:
Click to expand...

One my sisters who is 90 yrs old, is residing in Chennai ,along with her daughter and grand son. She used to wake up daily by 5 a.m, after her routines wash the entrance, put kolam then prepare coffee for her self etc. She volunteers to assist her daughter in cooking. In the process she does a lot of work. When I visit her once in a week, her daughter used to complain to me.

After having an interaction with my sister, I could understand that the elders want to prove to themselves that they are still healthy and fit to take care of themselves.
Doctors also say that it is good to leave them in their own way.
Moreover, old people participating in house hold work, I believe, will help them to maintain their health of the body, mind and spirit. Only thing is that they old people should not be left to overstrain themselves.
Why should we have over apprehension that they are ill-treated?
Shall we not wish to take care of ourselves on our own at our old age or sit as a stumbling block on the shoulders of younger generation?

Is Shila Ghosh unhappy?
Did she complain to anybody of the treatment met out to her?

Why do we have this unnecessary apprehension?
It appears that she is one of the happiest self dependant lady.
 
The story of grand old lady Mrs Shila Ghosh is an inspiration for aged people who earn the sobriquet of "senile old people". She says that in the Gita it is written, "Work is life. Do your work, never think of the result.” This has been her source of mental strength.Mrs Shila Ghose says that she wanted to earn her living with respect and lead a peaceful life, even by earning a pittance. But all the media coverage, instead of helping her, created havoc in her life. Please read full account of her interview in the following web-link:
http://www.newsgram.com/why-87-year-old-shila-ghosh-doesnt-want-media-attention/

Brahmanyan,
Bangalore.
 
yesmohan said:
One my sisters who is 90 yrs old, is residing in Chennai ,along with her daughter and grand son. She used to wake up daily by 5 a.m, after her routines wash the entrance, put kolam then prepare coffee for her self etc. She volunteers to assist her daughter in cooking. In the process she does a lot of work. When I visit her once in a week, her daughter used to complain to me.

After having an interaction with my sister, I could understand that the elders want to prove to themselves that they are still healthy and fit to take care of themselves.
Doctors also say that it is good to leave them in their own way.
Moreover, old people participating in house hold work, I believe, will help them to maintain their health of the body, mind and spirit. Only thing is that they old people should not be left to overstrain themselves.
Why should we have over apprehension that they are ill-treated?
Shall we not wish to take care of ourselves on our own at our old age or sit as a stumbling block on the shoulders of younger generation?

Is Shila Ghosh unhappy?
Did she complain to anybody of the treatment met out to her?

Why do we have this unnecessary apprehension?
It appears that she is one of the happiest self dependant lady.
Click to expand...

Dear Sri Mohan,

Wonderful comments. I feel very happy to read about the daily routine of your nonagenarian sister.
As we advance in age nothing gives us more pleasure than taking care of ourselves without much dependance on others.
Regards,

Brahmanyan,
Bangalore.
 
I will have to agree with yesmohan ji and Brahmanyan sir.

I do not find anything wrong about an elderly person being active and independent.

Very few people realize that dependency on others borders loss of self respect and self esteem.

In cases of bed ridden patients who need others to tend to their personal needs initially many of such patients land in a depression cos the feel of depending on others robs away self respect and self esteem.

Most of us humans still want to ability to do as much as we can for ourselves till our last breath.

It is much better seeing an elderly person being independent than to see a trouble causing oldie who causes fights at home and find faults with other.

I myself personally know people who are in their late 80's and staying alone and still fit enough to be self dependent.
 
We are in a inter dependant world.

No self respect or self esteem is lost if the dependancy is paid for and one can accept ones limitations and accept it as given for any age.

It would be stupid to stress oneself doing with great difficulty and risk of injury what some others can do easily.It is wiser to leave every item of work to those who can

do them best if one can get them readily . This IMHO sensible way to live.

Let me assure, though I live away from my children, I do not ever have the intent to change the status irrespective of my age.Yet I would find paid service for everything which I

find difficult or distasteful.I prefer using common sense instead of having excessive pride in doing most things myself alone in comparison with giving it to others who

IMHO do it better than me. Age gives one wisdom to accept oneself as one is with some positive and many negatives. So we might live longer because of this.
 
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I think the problem is not about independence. It is about the self esteem and a sense of belonging. My mother who is 86 years old feels bad on those days on which she does not have anywork to do in the kitchen. My wife understands her need and has allotted the work of washing the utensils in the wash basin. It is a carefully thought out and mutually agreed arrangement. Carefully thought out by my wife because it does not involve the need for any strong memory, nor any sense of proportion(all these suffer with advancing age). The matter had been discussed over several sessions and agreed upon mutually by them. What was involved was not only the need for some work for the elder but also her sensitivity to the nature of work. The arrangement works well. Still on those days on which there are no utensils to wash my mother feel miserable. It is the need to feel that she belong to this household where she also contributes value to day to day living. When her DIL looks to her for the help with utensils, she feels important and the self esteem gets a boost. This may look like manipulation. But it is also a very meaningful solution to a tough problem.

My mother gets up in the morning at 6. After her usual bath etc., she makes a garland of the tulsi she had bought home the previous night. Then she spends sometime praying at home and then taking the garland in a bag leaves for the nearby temple. She has her small circle of friends in the temple--all old women of her age group and with similar interests. She spends one hour in the temple. Gets back home and joins the breakfast with us. clears the utensils and then writes Ram Ram in a note book. ( she has a tie up with someone in the temple to whom she gives the completed Ram ram books and gets fresh ones to write on. And the supply appears to be inexhaustible. LOL) Then she watches her favourite serials in the TV for an hour. Takes a nap. Reads Dinamalar to know the latest news and then a cup of coffee. Then she is ready for her evening session in the temple. On the way back she comes with her load of Tulsi for the next day's garland. After that until it is night fall she reads Bhagavad Gita and watches another serial in the TV. Whenever it is utensil cleaning in the kitchen, making vadaam for the family, preparing murukku, cheedai etc., for the children she takes command.

At 86 she manages all this by herself.
 
Dear friends,

It is good to have physical work even at the super senior age! :thumb:

But, it hurts when I see the photo of the octogenarian lady being helped by some unknown guy to cross the road!

Will any of you leave your mother in a similar situation?

P.S: My mom was active till her 9oth birthday but we siblings NEVER let her be all alone by herself! :nono:
 
Raji Ram said:
Dear Prof. M S K Sir,

I would never like my parents or Ram's parents to have 'this' kind of independence and tenacity!
Click to expand...


My knowledge is extremely limited (and may be more pedantic- ஏட்டு சுரைக்காய் கறிக்கு உதவாது (as I visit my mother for a couple of weeks each year). My comments were more for the independence for elders (I do not know what makes elders happy - so I searched around and found an article). I respect the sentiments of you and others. After reading this article what makes older people happy
http://newoldage.blogs.nytimes.com/2014/02/11/what-makes-older-people-happy/?_r=0

This article seems to agree with the inclination expressed here (two points are highlighted)

1) We know very well what Mel would really enjoy: a weeklong visit with us and our children, with lots of time spent eating out in comfortable restaurants where he doesn’t have to strain to follow the conversation. But that is hard to engineer, since we all live far away.

2) The implications? The things we enjoy aren’t necessarily what will make our older parents or relatives happy. The point isn’t to rip them from their routines and get them to try something new because you think that’s good for them. Like my father-in-law, they may much prefer to do the things they do ordinarily with us at their side.
 
Raji Ram said:
Dear Ganesh,

The elderly persons don't 'seek' this sort of independence; they are forced to have it! :sad:
Click to expand...

Dear Raji Madam,

I really feel sorry that the elderly women are forced to do household activities..That's why I wrote this snippet
 
yesmohan said:
Leaving alone and allowing the seniors to look after themselves..... are entirely two different concepts.
Click to expand...
By seeing those two photos posted in the OP, I conclude that the super senior is 'allowed' to take care of herself

because she is left alone! :sad:
 
Dear Prof MSK Sir,

Long back I wrote in forum that I felt sad to see super seniors drive their cars and fetch huge bags of groceries from the market in

the U S of A. Prof. Nara wrote back that those super seniors LIKE to have that kind of freedom and don't wish to depend on anyone!
But in India, the son / daughter is supposed to keep their parents as comfortable as possible without physical strain! :ballchain:
 
My first visit to the U S of A gave me lot of new experiences.

This is what I felt about the American super seniors living there.

Source: ஓ அமெரிக்கா!

பெற்றோர்…

தந்தை தாய் இருவரையும் தம் வீட்டில் காப்பது
தன் கடமை என்று எண்ண இங்கே எவருமில்லை!

ஏன்? இந்தியாவிலும் இப்போது இப்படித்தானே! – என்று
என் மனம் எண்ணத் தவறவில்லை!

“மே” மாதம் ” Mother’s day ” ; “ஜூன்” மாதம் ” Father’s day “
வருஷத்தில் இரு நாட்கள் பெற்றோரை நினைக்கின்றார்!

“பொக்கே” (Bouquet) கொடுத்து அவர்களின்
பொக்கை வாய்ச் சிரிப்பைப் பார்க்கின்றார்!

முதியோர் எல்லோரும் தாம் கடையில் வாங்கியதைப்
பொதியாகச் சுமப்பது கண்டு மனம் கலங்கியது! – சென்னையிலும்

காலைப் பாலும், “ரேஷனும்” வாங்கப் பெரியோரை அனுப்பி
வேலை வாங்குவது கண்டு வருந்தியது நினைவில் நிழலாடியது!
Click to expand...
 
Raji Ram said:
Dear friends,

It is good to have physical work even at the super senior age! :thumb:

But, it hurts when I see the photo of the octogenarian lady being helped by some unknown guy to cross the road!

Will any of you leave your mother in a similar situation?

P.S: My mom was active till her 9oth birthday but we siblings NEVER let her be all alone by herself! :nono:
Click to expand...


dear RR ji,

What is wrong if an unknown person helps us?

I was shopping alone in the mall a few weeks back and young boy aged some 15 the most helped me to open a door to get to the car park.
The boy actually ran from a distance to help me.

I did not think that he is an unknown boy.

Help is help..when we look at the pic of the elderly lady being helped by a man..we can always think that God helps people in many ways.

Why label the person helping as known and unknown and make the person a total outsider when he is willing enough to help?
 
When I am old..if I am still healthy..I would like freedom and not have people to smother me too much.

Not being allowed to be free is a stress by itself.

I see out here many elderly Chinese ladies in their 80's meet up for breakfast..go shopping for groceries..then they even plan tours to China in a group with their tour guides..all oldies and not children.

These oldies Chinese ladies do Tai-Chi and Line Dancing in the mornings in the park near by.

Then when they go home they tend to their grandkids.

They are just simple people not super rich ones.
 
renuka said:
When I am old..if I am still healthy..I would like freedom and not have people to smother me too much.

Not being allowed to be free is a stress by itself.

I see out here many elderly Chinese ladies in their 80's meet up for breakfast..go shopping for groceries..then they even plan tours to China in a group with their tour guides..all oldies and not children.

These oldies Chinese ladies do Tai-Chi and Line Dancing in the mornings in the park near by.

Then when they go home they tend to their grandkids.

They are just simple people not super rich ones.
Click to expand...
That is THE point, dear Renu! ;)
 
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