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  1. #1
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    Angry Brahmin Girls Marrying (Attracted towards) NB Boys

    Dear All,
    These days I am seeing a huge change in the trend in which the Brahmin girls used to think and act. They are much interested towards NB boys and they want to marry them irrespective of any problems that occur from their parents side.

    Last week I was shocked as I get the news from my wife that my sister in law is going to marry a NB boy. She has fought with her parents and shouted them saying that I wont come and stand in front of you after this. Poor parents without any way to go they agreed and the Boys family has never rised any red flag on this and they are happy to accept the Brahmin girl and Brahmins as their sambhandi. I was shocked to hear this as she is jus finishing the college and I dont know how much courage these days people get. Her parents have given them a BE degree and with in a matter of second she ditched all of them.

    Poor father he is very orthodox and his roots are from Chidambaram who has seen 6 kala poojais of Lord Nataraja. He was pained to death and he was speechless while telling this info to me as his mootha mappilai.

    This girl is asking questions like this to his father
    You are seeing horoscope and doing my kalyanam in big range. Whats the probability that I wont come weeping again to you so better do in this way which I like

    I was shocked by this. I was not against love but this is too much going and doing a intercaste marriage is not a crime but its against our mythological things which is having roots from 1000 and 100 of years in india.

    This way our Brahmin community will get lost its identity as the offsprings of them will have the tag of Dravidians.

    I hope many people would have encountered the same and I just want the thread to have some useful discussion in regards of the following matter
    1.How come now a days Brahmin Girls are not interested towards our guys
    2.How come these girls are getting courage. On seeing these kind of girls, I am astonished on how our amma, patti, chithi and athai had lead a peaceful life without having much of conflicts and even though they have conflicts how they have digested those. Thatís the power of Brahmin women which is getting lost these days.


    Thanks,
    Ram
  2. #2
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    Dear Ram!

    You will be more shocked , with replies you get from here. So be prepared, and expect the very worst.

    May God bless you with a shock absorber heart.

    Good luck
    malgova.mango
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    Lets expect the worst if i am asking or fighting for a good causee

    Dear Sir/madam,
    I know i will get some harsh replies on this. But i cannot keep this thing in the mind. i just want to share and check the details of the ratio in which this is happenning. Lets fight for a good cause so that people will get change.

    If they are not listening, then lets GOD decide the fate and future of the people who are behaving like this.

    Thanks,
    Ram
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  6. #4
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    This problem of inter-caste and marriages in general in the community has been discussed in an earlier thread.

    http://www.tamilbrahmins.com/showthread.php?t=1267
    யாதும் ஊரே யாவரும் கேளிர்.

    நச்சினார்க்கினியன்.
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    Dear Sri rprasad79 Ji,

    This is a heart wrenching situation. Unfortunately our community in India will see more and more of this as we send our boys and girls to the same schools/colleges and more and more of our daughters go to work. We are placing opposite sexes together in an age when they are harmone driven - it is like placing the fuel next to the fire.

    As more and more of our children get high education, especially the girls, they think that they can live on their own. And so the usual reticense that comes with needing the family to get protected is eroded. And as parents nowadays we all want our children to be smart and independent and make their own decisions in their lives. But then sometimes that backfires. Last year alone, I have been invited to several weddings in India, involving intercaste unions. And this is a growing trend.

    I wrote some time ago that one way to stem the tide is to copy what the Jews who are similar to our community in numbers in USA have done. They encourage supervised dating of youngsters from the teenage years and they have built cutural halls where they can meet.

    We can perhaps do a similar thing.

    This issue will not just go away by just wishing it away. Unless our community takes some drastic steps, it will continue.

    In the meanwhile let me offer you and your in laws, my heartfelt solace. Hope things work out there.

    Pranams,
    KRS
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    Brahmin Girls Marrying (Attracted towards) NB.

    It is true that many Brahmin Girls marry boys from other Castes (and religions) nowadays. This trend started among the rich families first and now spreading to other strata of Brahmin families too. But I don't thing it has expanded to alarming proportions as some feel. When there is a change in the Social and economic values due to increase in earning capacity of girls these type of inter mixing take place. More economic independence among the employed girls is the primary reason for this change. But the attitude of Parents are also responsible for this situation. Parents who have primary responsibility to get proper match for their daughters when they attain eligibility to get married, postpone the same for some reason or other. When the boys and girls at marriageable age are left alone in far off places to mix without control, nature takes over the responsibility of the parents and tie them into wedlock. Many times this infatuation triggered by age, is mistaken for ( instant) love and has no religious, caste or community barriers. If these marriages are out of true love between the two, our Scriptures have nothing against them, and many of these marriages are also successful, but the children out of this wedlock are the worst sufferers. Our society is not ready to accept "asavarna Prathiloma" marriages yet.

    This is a serious subject and I wish it is discussed by the learned members with equal seriousness.

    Regards,
    Brahmanyan.
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    Hello Ram,

    Your concern on this issue is understandable and to be debated in right sprits. I understand that you father in law is very religious. He has educated his daughters and might have sacrificed a lot. After her tech education, your father in law will start hunting for prospective grooms, negotiating varadakshnai, mandapam, nadhaswaram, cook, tuni, nahai, patram..........seer varisu........on a guarentee that her life will be happy ? Now as a matured 21 st centuary humans... see that if their love is not infatuation...talk to the boy on his future plans.....explain to your SIL on the praticle aspects, his and her adjustments.....
    With Best Wishes,
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  14. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by happyhindu View Post
    This is a very-very sensitive topic. Hope I don't offend anyone.

    Wud like to tell Ram that sometimes caste alone is not the driving factor. Recently a young man we know has been wallowing in suicidal depression and all sorts of those things because his folks did not accept his brahmin girlfriend. Reason: they want a wealthy sambandhi ("irrespective of caste" according to some elders) to pay for a lavish wedding ceremony, and i don't dare mention the horrible modernized system of "untold but expected" katnam (dowry) (otherwise maa status aimaiyedi, otherwise what will happen to our status) - sic.

    Even if they marry, am not sure the girl will be treated kindly by the guy's folks; atleast the first few years will be tuf for them. But then not all such marriages turn out failures. We knew a maharashtrian brahmin lady married to a muslim man with 2 fine daughters, one of them was my friend and they were a happy family. Ofcourse such cases are very-very rare (the kind one comes across once in a lifetime) but they exist nevertheless. In my family there are quite a few brahmin-nonbrahmin marriages - have realized that culture conflict cud mainly come from regional differences rather than caste. Strangely there have been divorces in same caste marriage cases but not in inter-caste marriages (perhaps they live more for 'proving to the world' that their doomsday predictions did not come true instead of asking themselves if they are truly happy).

    Do give your SIL an idea of the cultural differences and associated adjustment troubles that she will come across (gently with examples) - esp those that persist for a lifetime. But despite everything, if she does eventually marry the guy, hope no one ruins her marriage with interference of any sort.
    HappyHindu u r right... caste is not everything, but to preserve the culture caste is the agent. some old People as u mentioned look for some wealthy sambhandi and all will end up in trouble. This is really bad from their side also. infact i would blame them as they are over expecting and it is back firing them... hmm GOD can alone help.
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    Angry

    Sorry to interfere in this thread... May i Know y is that always women are pointed here?? Are brahmin guys not marrying NB gals... if you SIL is marrying a NB guy, now please dont point to most of the community gals on the same...

    i would like to comment on what u have said...

    Quote Originally Posted by rprasad79 View Post
    2.How come these girls are getting courage. On seeing these kind of girls, I am astonished on how our amma, patti, chithi and athai had lead a peaceful life without having much of conflicts and even though they have conflicts how they have digested those. That’s the power of Brahmin women which is getting lost these days.


    Thanks,
    Ram
    Do u think that we should always digest whatever is being done to us??? Now we are "Sold" to men as "slaves" by a marriage... please refrain from such comments ... if you want us to serve the way the older generation has served, i am sorry you have entered a wrong era...
    Thanks and Regards,
    Mythreye Krishnan
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  18. #10
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    Hi! Everyone ,
    A food for thought!
    While we need to depend on the FOOD ( Rice, wheat etc) which the so-called NB's
    sows , harvests and markets , while we need to depend on NB's to help cover up our bodies ,
    Is marrying a NB , a criminal act to be condemned ?? pl enlighten me !

    And the sacrifice that people are talking about done by them in Growing up their kids , doesn't all these come under the category of duties towards " My Family " ??

    I feel a Dad who has understood his daughter well enough throughout their lifetimes should not have any difficulty in seeing her happy !! and the daughter on the other hand wouldn't do anything against the interest of their parents ! - Logical ??
    Last edited by vijisesh; 04-04-2008 at 09:52 PM.
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