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  1. #171
    Rajan1978 is offline Newbie
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    Hello Ram
    I agree with you that brahmin girls are getting married to NB boys arranged by love. Success rate is 5%. Percentage of failure 95%. I completely understand feelings of your FIL.

    In my family circles, I can confirm that we are looking for a girl for those 12 boys. All 12 boys have completed education well and working and earning decently to take care of family and their parents. These boys are very caring, orthodox and modern to the need of situation, well read.

    Yet when we approach girl's parents, their demands are always 100% more than what each of these boys are at present financially. On this expectation from parents of girls, keep them waiting to find a so called very well settled boys, make the girls frustrated and our brahmin girls explore options to find out the way out. Parents of girls start discussing marriage plan when girl start going to first year of college so the situation are exactly the way you have described. In the process, visit any matrimony site and ratio of girls available to boys is 33 to 100!!. Worst scenario.

    Rather than blaming girls in our community, Parents should be educated to opt for a reasonable boy based on family and cultural values and his ability to lead a decent family life and not only concentrate on financial background. I am sure this would lead to a quicker decision and we can provide the girls in our community the necessary comfort our girls need biologically and morally.

    Good luck to all these 12 wonderful boys......
  2. #172
    pannvalan's Avatar
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    Dear Rajan,

    1. Girls of the present times want to play an equal role in choosing their future life-
    partner. But, they do not know how to go about it exactly.
    2. In order to assert themselves, the girls goad their parents to put so many
    counter-demands to the boys' parents. These are sometimes astonishing and
    shocking.
    3. In so called elite families, marriages are fixed between the social status and
    income of the boy and that of the girl. Thus, it is no longer a marriage of minds.
    4. The urban girls have become so calculative and selfish that they put so many
    conditions to the boy beforehand and remain stubborn in their stance. In this,
    I don't want to blame the young girls alone. Their parents who boast that they
    have brought up their daughter like a boy (male) with total independence are to
    share the blame too.

    I do not support the old hypothesis that the boys' side must have an upper hand
    in marriage affairs. My only wish is both the boys and girls and their respective relatives must behave sensibly and conduct themselves with decency and decorum.

    Is that a big dream?
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  4. #173
    Rajan1978 is offline Newbie
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    Dear Mr. Pannvalan

    Agree with you that old hypothesis that boys side should not have upper hand and there should be equal understanding from both sides.

    What I am experiencing that girls side is having upper hand and showing high handedness in dealing with parents of boys....

    I have no issue at all about girls coming up on their own, checking facts beforehand or expressing out their ambition or expections well in advance. I appreciate the way brahmin communitiy as a whole in this regard.

    However, when it comes to marriage old hypothesis which you are referring to for boys side is now being transfered to girls side.

    I can only wish your dream comes true!
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  6. #174
    s007bala's Avatar
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    Brahmin girls are very progressive minded.So,the curiosity of non-brahmin boys.Especially in TN girls know Brahmin men are being subjected to persecution and are in no position to safeguard them from verbal teasing,pinching in buses,generally with deliberate coaching of Kazhagams over the years,brahmins being ridiculed.No brahmana is any longer proud of his heritage and contributions.Truly a disgusting state of affairs in TN.I really empathise with the girls.

    sb
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  8. #175
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    Dear Bala,

    Your inference is not correct. Brahmin girls of TN do not marry boys of other communities, only to avoid marrying a Brahmin boy. They just get attracted to a person of their choice, regardless of his caste and other identities.

    It is also true that many brahmin girls (may be less than 10&#37 prefer to be independent and they think one way of establishing their independence is to marry a boy from another caste. This thinking of theirs mostly ruins their personal life forever.

    But, before wisdom dawns on them, everything is over. How pitiable!
    Last edited by pannvalan; 15-01-2009 at 09:11 AM.
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  10. #176
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    Thank you Shri pannvalan,i shall certainly strive to change my inference from your inference.In all probability,a minority of girls get married to non-brahmin men.And maybe we are making too much hullaballoo over much ado nuthin!!!

    sb
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  12. #177
    s007bala's Avatar
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    Mula-Dhara Reason is Moola :)

    Why Brahmins girls go for non-brahmin as Mates

    sb

    Steve Moxon (Author of The Woman Racket: The new science explaining how the sexes relate at work, at play and in society. Extracts/info at www.imprint-academic.com/moxon)

    From The Sunday Times
    January 18, 2009

    Wealthy men give women more orgasms
    Jonathan Leake, Science and Environment Editor
    Scientists have found that the pleasure women get from making love is
    directly linked to the size of their partner's bank balance.

    They found that the wealthier a man is, the more frequently his partner
    has orgasms.

    "Women's orgasm frequency increases with the income of their partner,"
    said Dr Thomas Pollet, the Newcastle University psychologist behind the
    research.

    He believes the phenomenon is an "evolutionary adaptation" that is
    hard-wired into women, driving them to select men on the basis of their
    perceived quality.

    The study is certain to prove controversial, suggesting that women are
    inherently programmed to be gold-diggers.
    However, it fits into a wider body of research known as evolutionary
    psychology which suggests that both men and women are genetically
    predisposed to ruthlessly exploit each other to achieve the best chances
    of survival for their genes.

    The female orgasm is the focus of much research because it appears to
    have no reproductive purpose. Women can become pregnant whatever their
    pleasure levels.

    Pollet, and Professor Daniel Nettle, his co-author, believed, however,
    that the female orgasm is an evolutionary adaptation that drives women
    to choose and retain high-quality partners.

    He and Nettle tested that idea using data gathered in one of the world's
    biggest lifestyle studies. The Chinese Health and Family Life Survey
    targeted 5,000 people across China for in-depth interviews about their
    personal lives, including questions about their sex lives, income and
    other factors. Among these were 1,534 women with male partners whose
    data was the basis for the study.

    They found that 121 of these women always had orgasms during sex, while
    408 more had them "often". Another 762 "sometimes" orgasmed while 243
    had them rarely or never. Such figures are similar to those for western
    countries.

    There were of course, several factors involved in such differences but,
    said Pollet, money was one of the main ones.

    He said: "Increasing partner income had a highly positive effect on
    women's self-reported frequency of orgasm. More desirable mates cause
    women to experience more orgasms."

    This is not an effect limited to Chinese women. Previous research in
    Germany and America has looked at attributes such as body symmetry and
    attractiveness, finding that these are also linked with orgasm
    frequency. Money, however, seems even more important.

    David Buss, professor of psychology at the University of Texas, Austin,
    who raised this question in his book The Evolution of Desire believes
    female orgasms have several possible purposes.

    "They could promote emotional bonding with a high-quality male or they
    could serve as a signal that women are highly sexually satisfied, and
    hence unlikely to seek sex with other men," he said. "What those orgasms
    are saying is 'I'm extremely loyal, so you should invest in me and my
    children'."
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  14. #178
    ilango is offline Newbie
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    1. pl do not generalise that all brahmin girls are like Ram's SIL
    2. If the father in law practiced his brahmnic ways and values to his daughter, then there is no need to regret now.
    3. Ask him to analyse his actions - including getting/demanding dhakshinas for his duties as apriest
    4. He was the one to expose the daughter to world outside Chidhambaram, did he choose the right place for his child?
    5. If you still want to maintain the same tradition, then this poor girl should have married to BB when she was 12 or 13?
    6. Mr Ram do not blame the girl or the father - you are also part of the problem - did you ever guide this girl?
    7. You guys are worst than indian muslims - when it suits go and hide behind the tradition.
    8. There is a possibility that the boy and his future generation might be better than you.
    9. Look at what is happening with our BB and BG's once they are overseas - eating meat, even beef, drinking alcohol, night club, smoking etc..etc.., no vadanams done in the morning or evening. Pop cut, ticket pottu, maamees and thalee - does not suit with the costume.
    10. I understand the parent's feelings - time will heal. Lord Siva never let anyone down. 11. All the way through father would have been praying for a good boy for his lovely young daughter, forgot to mention kulam and Gothrams.
    10. My heart felt wishes to the girl and the family

    Kind regards
    Ilango
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  16. #179
    s007bala's Avatar
    s007bala is offline Banned Achievements:
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    Shri Illango

    >>You guys are worst than indian muslims - when it suits go and hide behind the tradition.<<

    I assume you are not Tamil Brahmin or are you one?If you are not one of us,plz enlighten me as to,where you come from?To compare us with Islam,is blasphemy for some conservative atmas.Very provocative indeed.Even though personally i am not provoked,as i love Shirdi Sai Baba.

    sb
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  18. #180
    prabhakaran123 is offline Junior Member
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    recently convention of brahmins all over india speaking various languages was called for. The great gaisal guruji, who runs a ved patashala, calededbhavan ws the convenor. The convention was attended by prominent branhmin leaders from all the parts of india.

    This issue of Brahmin girls marrying non brahmin boys was thrashed out
    and resoluton passed by more than 3 lakhs persons who attendedthe meeting
    that this tendency is detrimental to the societ5y hence should not be encouraged.
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